Kung allergic sya sa commitment, ako naman, allergic sa mga taong takot sa commitment. Ang hirap. Ang hirap hirap hirap hirap! Bukas na 'yong isinet nyang deadline. These past few days, hindi man lang sya nagparamdam. Ni hoy wala!

I'm starting to think na wala talaga syang pakialam kung magkabalikan man kami o hindi. Parang option lang ako sa kanya. Kapag nandyan, e di okay. Kung wala, e di okay pa rin. Hindi ganoon kaimportante. Pero iniisip ko rin na baka naman kasi gusto lang nya akon turuan ng leksyon. Maybe he wants me to feel like I won't be happy without him around and would hopefully come to my senses soon.

The latter, though irritating, seemed to be a sensible reason.

Kung itutuloy ko na sa pakikipaghiwalay, sayang naman 'yong mga pinaghirapan ko. Sayang na 'yong narating namin. Back to zero na naman. At saka paano ko malalaman kung magbabago nga sya when I wouldn't be around to witness that? I guess I should really make patience my ultimate virtue. Hintay lang. Tiwala lang.

Easier said than done.

Alas onse na pero balisa pa rin ako. Hindi ako makatulog. In less than an hour, kailangan ko nang ma-finalize ang desisyon ko. Stay or let go? I needed one month. He shortened it to more than a week. Kung 'yon ngang college course ko, sampung buwan kong pinag-isipan pero 'yong gusto pa rin ni toby 'yong nasunod, ano pa kaya 'to?

I need more time!

The shrill tone of my phone cut my thinking. Kent was calling... Agad kumabog ang dibdib ko. Kailangan na ba nya ng sagot ngayon?

"Hello?" Inilayo ko ang phone mula sa kaliwa kong tenga. Ang lakas ng sound ng bass galing sa kabilang linya. Ang ingay, wala akong maintindihan. "Kent?"

The call suddenly ended. And then I received a text message a few minutes later. Multimedia iyon, isang picture. He was wearing a smirk habang nakaakbay sa dalawang babae na parang panyo lang ang nakatapis sa katawan.

'Come here and get me before they take me home. ;)'

It took me five short and forced breaths to come up with a realization that I was already fuming mad. My knuckles were turning white because I was gripping the phone so tightly. Napamura ako ng ilang beses sa utak ko bago ako tuluyang bumangon at nagbihis.

Wala na akong pakialam kung magising sina tatay. Sobrang kumukulo ang dugo ko sa message nya. Nyeta! Nakuha pang mambabae! At nagbabanta pa sya ngayon? Oh I'd love to see his smug smile get wiped off when I strangle him.

Inaya ko si Toby para samahan ako kung nasaan man sya. It was a good thing na alam ni Gale kung nasaan ang magaling nyang kuya. Pagdating ko roon, nadatnan ko syang nakaupo sa bar, one girl was clinging on his neck while the other was massaging his thigh.

Toby told me to wait habang kinukuha nya si Kent. I guess he sensed na may tendency na gumawa ako ng gumawa ng eksena. And I would. Ingungudngod ko sila pare-pareho sa sahig.

Nang makuha nya na si Kent ay umuna ako sa parking lot. We got into his car and he gave Toby the key para ito ang mag-drive.

"Sure kang okay ka lang dito?" tanong sa 'kin ni Toby nang maihiga namin si Kent sa kama.

Tumango ako. I need to talk to him anyway and it's not like I can leave him like this. "Sorry sa abala ha."

Toby gave me a smile. "Ayos lang. Tawag ka na lang kapag may problema."

Inihatid ko si Toby hanggang sa labas ng bahay. He insisted na okay na syang mag-isa so I let him be. Binalikan ko si Kent sa kwarto. He was already sitting up when I got there. Tumayo sya at pasuray-suray na lumapit sa 'kin.

"Jazz..." Bigla syang yumakap sa 'kin. "I miss you."

"You're drunk," I pointed out at him as I tried to break free from his hug.

Tumawa sya. "I'm not drunk."

"You should sleep, Kent. We'll talk tomorrow."

"I'm not drunk," pag-uulit nya. He let go of me and cupped my face. "We could talk right now. It's already Saturday."

Pinanlisikan ko sya ng mata. "Wala ka sa huwisyong makipag-usap."

"I'm not drunk, Jazz. I'm just acting." Tuwama sya. "Come on. Come here, let's talk."

Hinila nya ako paupo sa gilid ng kama.

"Dapat hindi ka muna umuwi. Mukhang enjoy na enjoy ka pa kanina e," I said with spite.

Inakbayan nya 'ko. "Sinundo mo 'ko e. Mabuti na lang selosa ka."

I slapped his arm. "Akala mo nakakatuwa ka ha!"

Humalakhak lang sya. Nakakagago. He pulled me and kissed my cheek noisily. Pilit ko naman syang itinutulak. I let out a yelp when he pushed me down the bed. Masama pa rin ang tingin ko sa kanya when he leaned over.

"So what would it be?" he asked.

"Don't make me decide right now. Galit ako sa 'yo."

He wasn't listening. He dipped his head to shut my protests up. "You look so sexy when you're mad. Nakaka-turn on," he said with a groan as he bit my lower lip.

I pounded on his chest. "Get. Off. Me!"

With his one hand, he caught mine and raised them above my head. Then he kept on kissing me until I felt my knees and resolve melt. Nang mawalan na ako ng tuluyan ng lakas na pumalag, tumigil sya sa paghalik at tumitig sa 'kin.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. He let go of my hands and lay beside me. "These past few days have been hell for me. I wasn't used to not being around you anymore."

"It didn't look like you've suffered much," I scoffed.

"I can't show you I'm being miserable. Gusto kong gumawa ka ng desisyon nang hindi nakabase sa awa mo sa 'kin. But I really couldn't wait for another week."

"Tapos nasa club ka, nakikipaglampungan? How ironic."

"It was Gale's idea." Tumingin sya sa 'kin at ngumiti. "And look, it worked! I guess I'd have to buy her that dress she was asking for, tomorrow."

I should have known. Gale. How many times did she interfere with us? Hindi ko alam kung maiinis ako sa kanya dahil nakikialam sya o magpapasalamat dahil naayos nya 'yong problema.

"Hindi pa tayo okay so don't thank her yet," I told him.

"What kind of persuasion do you still need to take me back?" he asked, a hint of smile was playing on the corners of his lips.

"I just need to clear my head, Kent."

"Your head won't be clear while we're still like this. This worry won't leave you in peace if you'd let it overcome you. Para kang bumili ng magandang damit pero hindi mo sinusuot dahil natatakot kang hindi ito babagay sa 'yo." Humarap sya sa 'kin at nagpatuloy. "Don't let the dress wear you, Jazz."

"Wala akong naintindihan sa sinabi mo," naiiling kong sabi.

He chuckled. "What I'm saying is... don't be afraid. Whatever dress you wear, you'd still look beautiful if you exude a certain kind of confidence. In translation, kahit saang relasyon ka pumasok, you'll be okay as long as you trust your partner and yourself. So trust me. Trust yourself. Wear the dress. Own it. Make me yours like I make you mine." Lumapit sya at idinikit ang noo niya sa noo ko. "I'm not going anywhere, Jazz. But I don't want to be rushed into settling down either. So let's compromise."

"How?"

"Give me time to think about marriage. Seryoso kasi 'yon. Hindi mo dapat minamadali. Once you enter marriage, wala ka nang kawala."

"So may balak ka pang kumawala sa 'kin?" taas-kilay kong tanong.

"For now, wala. But who knows? I'm just asking you to enjoy the ride while we're not on our destination yet. We'll get there someday. Sa ngayon, let's just enjoy each other's company, hm?" He caressed the side of my face and kissed my nose.

"Sure. As long as there's no sexual enjoyment included." Napangisi ako nang sumimangot sya.

"Fine," he grunted. "But only if it only means going all the way. I could settle for less basta meron."

Nag-init ang pisngi ko sa sinabi nya. Lalo na nang siilin nya ako ng halik. His hands started roaming under my shirt. Yung hand-me-down ni kuya na Batman shirt. Napaka-feminine pala ng suot ko. Kindly note the sarcasm.

"I-I need to go home."

"No, you don't."

I caught his hand before it could unclasp my bra. "Kent, slow down," I said sternly.

"Sorry." He grinned. "I got carried away again."

He kissed my forehead then he snuggled against me.

"Take me home. Baka hinahanap na ako ng tatay ko."

"Ayoko nga. You'll sleep here."

I sighed. "Fine. But behave."

He nodded, smiling. I snuggled closer to him. I missed this badly. Yes, I think I could live without him but that life would surely be very miserable.

"Heart heart, Jazz."

I giggled at that. "You know that's very unbecoming of you, right?"

"So?"

Umiling ako. "Wala naman."

"What's your answer?"

I gave him two kisses.

When I woke up, he was still sleeping. Nakasubsob ang mukha nya sa leeg ko. I don't want to wake him up. Pumikit na lang ako para matulo ulit. Kaso saka naman sya nagising. He murmured good morning before sliding off the bed.

Dumiretso sya sa banyo para maghilamos. When he came back, nahiga ulit sya at yumakap.

"Kent, I need to go home."

"Sure, I'll take you home. Kumuha ka ng bihisan."

"Hinahanap na 'ko ni tatay." Ipinakita ko sa kanya ang message ng tatay ko. Hindi pa yata nasasabi ni Toby 'yong nangyari kagabi.

"I'll tell him you're here," he said. "Namiss ba 'ko ng tatay mo?"

I crinkled my nose at that. "That's highly unlikely."

He gave out a shrug and then turned his gaze at me. "E ikaw?"

Kumunot ang noo ko. "E ako, ano?"

"Didn't you miss me?" he asked.

"You already asked me that."

"Yeah but I want to ask again." Tiningnan nya ako ng mataman. "And this time, you have to say how much."

"To what? Feed your ego? Psh." Kumawala ako sa kanya. "May kasalanan ka sa 'kin kaya hindi kita pagbibigyan!" I stuck my tongue out at him saka ako dumiretso ng kusina para maghanap ng makakain. He followed a bit later. Inagaw nya sa 'kin 'yong isang pack ng oatmeal while lecturing me about the importance of eating heavy breakfast.

And he still wonders why I eat a lot? Sinasanay kasi nya ako. Ayan.

Later that day, we went back to my place so I could take a bath and change my clothes. Napataas na lang ang kilay ni tatay nang makita si Kent. Alam naman ng pamilya ko na cool-off kami for the past few days. They didn't ask. Ramdam nila. Tapos ngayon, okay na ulit kami.

Nakita ko pa ngang umiling si tatay kanina. Nakakapagtaka na hindi nya na kami pinakikialaman. Kung dati e konting mali lang, napupuna nya na, ngayon hindi. Parang hinahayaan na lang nya akong mag-decide.

Kent and I went on a date after. And I must say na mas enjoyable yung naging date namin. Maybe because I was more accepting of his green jokes and rude commentaries and the fact that I already told myself to learn how to wait. Seryoso naman sya sa 'kin kahit madalas na hindi halata.

The kisses, hugs and holding hands were back. At hindi lang kilig 'yong kasama. It's like he was assuring me that he's just here. That he will be here hanggat gusto kong nandyan sya.

Maybe Gale was right. Maybe in time, he'll be able to give his entire self to me, without restraints and inhibitions. Sa ngayon, makukuntento muna ako sa hand or arm. I don't know how invested he currently is to me. Pero sige na nga. Ang mahalaga, invested sya.

Hanggang kelan? 'Yon lang ang hindi ko sigurado. Pero kagaya nga ng sabi nya, enjoy the moment. Siguro kasi, kung palagi akong mag-wo-worry sa mangyayari sa hinaharap, hindi ko na ma-e-enjoy 'yong nasa kasalukuyan at kapag nangyari 'yon, kapag aalalahanin ko 'yong past, baka puro regret 'yong sumalubong sa 'kin.

Ang pangit no'n.

Inihatid nya ako sa bahay kinagabihan. He said that he'd have to attend to something early Sunday so susunduin nya na lang ako pagkatapos. I didn't mind. Mas maganda nga sigurong hindi kami 'yong palaging magkasama. Ang hirap kaya kapag sa isang tao lang umiikot ang mundo mo. Parang kapag nawala sila bigla, paano ka na?

So nagsimba kaming buong pamilya kinabukasan. It was like before, bago pa maging kami ni Toby. Magkasamang sumisimba ang mga pamilya namin. Akala mo extended family sa dami.

Pagkatapos ng misa, I checked on Kent kung tapos na sya doon sa gagawin nya raw ngayong araw. He told me to go to his place, which I readily did.

I was pleasantly surprised nang may makita akong puting tuta. Nakahiga ito sa isang miniature na kama. I think it was a few months old pero hindi na naman kailangan ng gatas. May dog food na nakapatong sa counter ng kusina. Kent was smiling at me.

"What is this?"

"A puppy."

"Alam ko. Pero bakit?"

He shrugged saka sya lumapit at inakbayan ako. He pulled me to the sleeping puppy. "I think it's a nice sort of practice for us."

I frowned at him. "For what?"

"Parenting?" nakangisi nyang sagot.

Napamulagat ako sa kanya. Parenting? Agad-agad? Hindi pa nga kasal, pagiging magulang na agad ang nasa isip nya? Yet at the same time, natuwa ako. It means that he's considering being a parent too. Nakakatuwa lang isipin na noong una, ang gusto ko lang naman ay mag-commit sya. Give me an assurance that this is for forever. To be binded by marriage. Ngayon, may bonus pa. Gusto rin nyang magkaanak. Parang naging buy one, take one ang dating.

"I think we should also get started with the lessons of baby-making, don't you think?" he winked at me.

"No. It's too early," patay malisya kong sagot.

"It's okay. We can do it later, kapag madilim na."

Natawa na lang ako. Kahit kelan talaga... Well, Kent is Kent. Hindi na yata sya magbabago and I don't want him to. He's just right for me that way.