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I was up at 4am writing this so you guys better appreciate it >:( jkjk I love writing at night, it's so peaceful. Anywayyy enjoy!!

"Tell me about her. Let's start off small, we've got all the time in the world right now," I whispered truthfully. I sat down on the ground in front of Jace. It was damp and the leaves were wet and sticky, however, that didn't matter to me.

"Hm, yeah okay," he nodded his head slightly as he agreed with my idea. He sniffed before moving his head up so our eyes met, "What do you want to know?"

I knew then that he was still cautious, wanting me to ask rather than him just tell me.

But it was okay. Like I said, we had all the time we could have wanted.

I thought carefully about what I said next. I knew next to nothing about any of this. "How did you guys meet?"

Perfect! A question that shouldn't unintentionally trigger anything, but would have hopefully warmed him up into talking freely, unguarded.

I saw his Adam's apple move as he swallowed prior to answering as his eyes sat fixated on the ground. The sadness disappeared from his eyes for a brief moment, "We met in kinder garden. She was the one who approached me. I was a really shy kid, so I would never had spoken to anyone, let alone a girl," Jace informed me, looking up and now at me. In that moment, it was like I could see the child within him with the way he stared at me. He was trying to convince me he was telling the truth - the way he was now contrasted completely with the way he told me he was as a kid.

"Really?"

"Yeah. She came up to me that day and asked if I wanted to be her best friend. I gave her the small, silent nod that I used to give everyone," he chuckled as he thought, "She was friends with everyone but she was my only friend."

"I can't imagine you being shy or quiet," I joked, bouncing off his surprisingly jokey mood.

Thankfully, he laughed along with me.

Initially, I was under the impression that it might have been weird listening to Jace tell me about the first girl he loved, but it wasn't.

"Uh, do you want me to carry on or..."

"Of course I do."

"Um okay. So, we were friends all through middle school and that's when she started getting bullied. That was almost a turning point for me," Jace admitted.

"I was this quiet boy who would sit by himself but when she told me these two guys were picking on her, I snapped and no one ever bothered either of us again. It's what made me into the man you know and love." A cheeky grin lit up his face and I couldn't help but match it.

"Oh yeah?"

He winked, I laughed.

He blew out a heavy breath, letting me know that joking time was over.

"And in high school, my Dad made a business deal with her Dad, so her Dad would be round our house a lot and she would tag along too. That's when I started catching feelings." He opened his mouth as if he was going to say something but stopped himself immediately after.

Tell me everything, I wanted to say. But I didn't need to say it.

I trusted him.

I waited as he swallowed and closed his eyes for a second, his striking blue eyes opening and meeting mine afterwards.

"I never felt like enough."

My heart, Jace, my heart.

If it wasn't broken already, it was now shattered into tiny little pieces.

Jace's fingers restlessly fidgeted with the rings on his fingers. I reached my hand out and took his hand in mine, stopping him.

I waited for him to continue, but after a moment too long of silence, I knew he wasn't going to.

"What-" I cleared my throat. "Why? What made you think that?"

I didn't want to be pushy, however, in order to deal with something and overcome it, those types of questions need to be asked.

"Because," he muttered with irritation colouring his tone. "Why was she hanging out with me when she had all of her other friends? All of her better friends. She was way above my league and everyone knew it... I knew it. Why do you think I kept leaving you? It had nothing to do with you, I- I'm just not good enough."

All I wanted to do was hold him in my arms and hug him till he knew how much he was worth.

How much he meant to me.

But he needed to get everything out and I was afraid of interrupting his rant resulting in him closing up again.

"But for some reason she loved me back." 

I closed my eyes momentarily, careful not to let any unshed tears fall as I worried my lip. I tried to hide it as best as I could. This wasn't about me.

I noticed how his own breath was shaky, "Everyone said we were made for each other; that we were the best couple. I honestly loved her so, so much."

Insecurities bubbled in the pit of my stomach.

You'll never be as good as she was.

Why not?

Like Jace just said, they were made for each other. She was his first love, you never forget them.

True, but-

You will never live up to her.

That's not true.

I took a deep, slow breath in-and-out. Lets not make this about me, okay?

When I looked up, it was then I felt the coldness and lack of Jace's hand in mine. Instead, he was frustratedly running it through his hair.

His hand ran over his face, "But it was my stupid insecurities that made it happen in the first place."

"What do you mean?" My voice came out quieter than normal.

Jace finally looked up at me and I acknowledged the tint of redness to his eyes. "The argument we had, it was because I got drunk and unnecessarily started ranting to her about why she spends time with me when she has better people around her than me. That's why she left... That's why it's my fault."

I stood up and held him in my arms as I saw a tear drop from his left eye first, followed by others. I held him close to me as he silently cried into my shoulder.

I had only ever seen him like this once before but it was my least favourite thing to watch.

I closed my eyes and felt a single tear roll down my cheek, "It's not your fault. It never has been and never will be."

Jace pushed back and I watched as his blue eyes looked over my face. He held my face in his hands and I leant into his touch. He used the pad of his thumb to wipe away any leftover tears.

"Baby. Why are you crying? Are you okay?"

Even when he was in pain, he was still checking on me.

What have I done to deserve someone like Jace in my life?

A lighthearted chuckle bubbled from my throat, "Why are you asking me? I should be asking the questions."

"I've gotta make sure my princess is alright." I couldn't help the smile that took over my face.

"But in all seriousness, you're not to blame, okay?" I had a feeling he hadn't listened to me the first time I said this, so I had to say it again.

His hands dropped from my face and played with my fingers instead. "Yeah, but if I-"

"Jace," I warned.

"hadn't have picked a stupid argument over nothing then she-" I put my hand over his mouth, it was the only way I could have shut him up.

"Jace, listen because this is the last time I'm going to say this: it was not your fault. Could you control who's car she got in?" I removed my hand from his mouth, allowing him to answer.

"Maybe if I wasn't-" My hand flew back onto his mouth as I shook my head.

"Simple yes or no answers, okay? Now, could you have had any control over the speed the person was driving at?"

He shook his head.

Good, I thought. We were getting somewhere.

"Could you control what roads they were driving on?"

He shook his head.

"So, if you couldn't control any of that, why is it your fault? It's not. The driver is but even then freak accidents happen."

It took him a moment before he nodded his head, agreeing with me. I relaxed, letting out a breath I wasn't aware I was holding.

Finally. Finally I had got through to him.

A tear escaped from his eye and ran over my hand that was holding his face. His eyes were on me as I wiped it away.

"Now let's make that the last tear from either of us, okay? We're going to celebrate your memories, turn them from something bad and back to good."

I released my hand from his face and sat in front of him. I saw his mind ticking as his body visually relaxed. "So, you were shy?"

-

We had spent hours talking, Jace telling me all the stories about the both of them together, good and bad. It was nice, refreshing almost. We only started walking back when it started raining.

We ran hand-in-hand down the path that took us to the graveyard, trying to get back to the house as quick as possible. We were both ended up completely soaked, but that didn't matter.

Now, we sat snuggled up together in bed and under a blanket. We were watching TV together as the warm heat his body radiated made me feel sleepy.
My head was rested on his shoulder. I was seconds away from falling asleep when his soft voice cut through the room.

He shifted so he was sitting with better posture than before, I followed and did the same.

I caught a glimpse of how he was playing with the end of one single curl that had escaped the bun my hair was in. He folded it between his finger and brushed it softly against my cheek, then his own. I bit back a smile that was threatening to show.

"You know how people say that you can't love someone else when you don't love yourself?" I silently nodded my head, intrigued by how this was going to go.

"Well, when I was with Mia, I didn't love myself. Hell, I didn't even like myself, and that's where all my silly little insecurities came from, isn't it?"

I leant forward and took note of the seriousness on his face. However, when he looked at me, that seriousness vanished. His eyes softened as he grinned at me, making butterflies erupt in my stomach.

"Yeah, it probably was." I rested my head back on his shoulder and  took a moment to think how to word what I wanted to say next, and when I worked that out, I spoke.

"When you see someone you hate or really dislike, you don't compliment them, do you? Or you don't think that they're a good person, right?"

"Right."

"So, if you disliked yourself, why would that treatment be any different. If anything, it would have been worse than you would have given out to the person you hated most because, we as humans, are too hard on our selves. We'll compliment something about someone else and then sit at home obsessing over it for hours because we hate it about ourselves. You see how that works? It's a really unhealthy cycle and you were once probably stuck in that. I was once stuck in that.

But you have to realise your self worth. You have to recognise that you are better than that and don't deserve to have that said about you by anyone, especially yourself." I sat up and looked at his gorgeous face. "Do you love yourself now?"

He held eye contact as he thought about it. He nodded his head as he played with my fingers, "Yes, I do." I leant forward and touched my lips against his, kissing him tenderly.

I broke the kiss, leaning back but keeping our heads touching. He looked at me intensely as I cupped his jaw in my hands. "I'm glad you do because, Jace Black, you mean the world to me." I stared at him for a few seconds longer before sitting back and leaning my head against his chest.

Jace held my hand and raised it, placing a kiss in the palm of my hand. "I love you, Ivy."

My body froze, waking me up completely. I didn't know whether it was the use of my real name or what came before it, but I was left speechless.

"And when I say that, I don't mean it in the way those three words are thrown around so easily nowadays. I mean that I'm in love with you. All of you. You don't have to say it back now, only when you're ready, but I just wanted you to know."

Denial. I was in denial. "You don't mean that."

"Oh but I do. With all my heart. Now sleep, I'm here for you, baby. We've had a long day."

And with those words ringing through my head, I fell asleep in his arms like I was where I was meant to be.

(A/N) Ugh my heart. I just had to end this chapter on a high note!! These two truly know how to play with my emotions...

But he said it!! About time if you ask me ahahha.

What Ivy said to Jace about insecurities is honestly so true. I need to take some notes from that myself lmao

Thank you for reading :)