TW: PTSD

Pony and Cathy were the first ones to leave. Two-Bit bummed out a few minutes later to go and get some more beer. Twenty minutes later, Steve made his way to Sodapop's old room-- the same room I stayed in after me and Johnny Cade got jumped-- and passed out. Darry finally said he was going to hit the hay, too, and told me I was more than welcome to stay as long as I wanted, but I told him I was about to head out, too. By that point, I couldn't stop yawning.

Sodapop walked me outside and we both just stood on the front porch for a little while. It was quiet and chilly, but Sodapop didn't seem to notice because he still didn't have a shirt on. I noticed how much skinnier he was now. He was skinny and toned. Still, Sodapop had a cigarette hanging out his mouth. I'd never seen him smoke so much before. Used to be, he'd only smoke if he was real anxious or if he was just trying to look cool.

"I'm glad you came tonight," he said after we'd stood on the porch for maybe five minute in silence.

I turned to him, smiling. "I am, too," I told him.

Without looking at me, he took my hand in his and laced our fingers together. I noticed him relax significantly. His shoulders slumped and he seemed so calm now. I hadn't realized just how tense he was.

"You okay?" I asked him.

He turned to me and nodded. He never broke out into a smile, but somehow I knew he was happy then. He was, at the very least, content in the moment.

"Yeah," he said, blowing smoke. "I'm great."

He finally let his mouth twitch up into a smile and I returned it lazily. I was so tired, but I couldn't make myself leave.

"You should stay," he said.

"I have to work tomorrow," I said, letting out an unnecessary pout.

"Please?" he said.

I couldn't say no. He wasn't really even begging, either.

"Alright," I said finally.

I let Sodapop finish his cigarette before we moved back inside and toward the room he and Ponyboy used to share.

Sodapop flipped on the light and shut the door. His duffle bag was still sitting on his bed. He dug through it until he found an old tshirt and his sweatpants and set them aside. He dug through it once more and pulled out another old shirt and some boxers. He handed those to me and I moved down the hall to get changed.

When I came back, Soda was standing back to the door and he was just in a pair of sweatpants.

"You alright?" I asked him. He turned to me but didn't look at me, as he was focused on his tags.

"They give these to you so they can identify your body if they find you."

I didn't reply. I didn't know what to say.

"I can't tell you how many guys are lost out there in the jungle, their tags just kinda hanging off their neck as they slowly die or are already dead."

"Soda..." I said.

"Sorry." Soda wiped his eyes with the heel of his hand and gave me a weak smile. "I get kinda weird when I'm tired."

"Let's lay down," I said.

"Alright, doll," he replied and we both crawled into his bed. I turned the light off and laid down. Soda pulled me into him, winding his arm tightly around my waist. He held me like he was afraid I was gonna go somewhere. His fingers trailed up under the shirt I was wearing and he lightly rubbed my back.

I was nearly asleep when he started talking again. "Can I tell you something?"

"Un-huh," I mumbled, hardly able to keep my eyes open at this point.

"The entire time I was in the army, from the minute I stepped foot into boot camp to the moment I got off the plane at the airport with Steve when Darry came to get us, all I thought about was you. I mean, of course I thought about my brothers, but you were on my mind all the time. You were the first person I thought of when I woke up and the last person I thought of when I went to bed.

"You kept me going. I knew I was going to come home to see Darry and Ponyboy again, but I hoped and prayed and wished and pleaded I'd come home to see you. I hoped you hadn't moved on and got married and forgot about me..."

"I'd never forget about you in a million years," I told him quietly, my heart beating rapidly.

"Who were you gonna marry?" he asked suddenly.

"This boy named Andy that I went to school with."

"Why didn't it work out?" he asked.

"Why are you all of a sudden asking about my ex-fiance?" I chuckled. "Jealous?"

Sodapop didn't reply. Not for a few minutes, at least. "Do you remember that night in the bed of Darry's truck? At the lot?"

"Which night?" I asked, trying to wrack my brains.

"The first night I was teaching you to drive..."

"Oh, yeah," I said. "You asked me if I'd ever been in love."

"Yeah," he said. "You didn't say who it was, but I knew who it was."

My heart skipped a beat. Soda knew all along that I'd been in love with him.

"Oh, I--"

"Shhh," he cooed. "It's fine. You don't have to explain yourself."

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" I asked him.

"Maybe because I was scared. I was in love with someone else and I didn't wanna break your heart."

"I knew you were in love. My heart wasn't broken. I guess I was sad that it wasn't me, but I understood and I respected you enough to never try and get in the way of you and Sandy."

"I could have had you all along," Soda whispered.

"You've always had me, Sodapop."

Soda didn't say anything. He leaned down and kissed my forehead and continued rubbing my back.

"Get some sleep, doll."

I did something really ballsy next. I leaned up and pressed a light kiss to Soda's lips. The kiss was over before he had time to react. I got comfy again and cuddled into him. I was so tired I fell immediately into a deep sleep.

It was sometime later, maybe three o'clock, when I woke up again. I was confused as to why I'd woken up then, considering how sleepy I'd been, but it didn't take long to take in the situation currently unfolding. I'd been woken up by Sodapop's screaming. I sat straight up like a board and flipped on the light next to me. When I turned to look at Sodapop, I saw he wasn't even awake.

I crawled next to him and tried to wake up him. I shook him and rubbed his face a little, but nothing seemed to be working. Whatever he was dreaming about was something awful.

"Soda!" I shouted, pushing him as hard as I could. I smacked his face lightly.

The door burst open and in ran Darry and Steve, both of them looking terrified out of their minds.

"What's going on?" said Darry.

"I don't know! I just woke up and he was screaming. He's having a nightmare of some kind. I--"

"Excuse me, doll," Steve said and I moved out of the way. Steve crawled up on the bed and grabbed Soda's arms. "Soda, buddy, it's me. It's Steve."

Sodapop let out a horrible scream before grabbing Steve's shoulders in retaliation. In one swift movement, Sodapop was straddling Steve with his hands around his neck. Soda was awake now, but he was in some kind of trance as he tried to attack his best friend. Darry quickly grabbed Sodapop in a way that made it impossible for him to fight back.

"Let go of me!" he screamed.

By now I had tears running down my face and I had no idea what to do. Steve moved toward Soda and grabbed his face.

"Hey, buddy, look at me. Look at me, it's Steve Randle. You know me. I'm your best friend. Darry's here. Candy's here. You're home, buddy. You're okay. Okay? See?"

Sodapop was calm now and stopped fighting against Darry. Soda's chest heaved and I could almost swear I saw his whole demeanor changed.

"He's okay, let him go," Steve said. Darry loosened his grip on Sodapop and Soda went limp in Darry's arms and he started sobbing.

Somewhere in between sobs, he managed to say sorry about five times. Darry helped him lay down on the bed once he was completely calm again. Soda fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. I took a deep breath and ran my fingers through his hair.

"Are you okay?" Steve asked.

I nodded. "Yeah. I'm alright. It just scared me. Will he be okay?"

Steve didn't answer right away. "He'll be alright. He saw a lot of shit, man. We both did. But Soda's taking this way harder than I am."

I nodded. "Thanks, buddy."

"Don't mention it. Darry and I will be close, okay? We'll come back in if it happens again."

I nodded. Steve gave me a hug and left. Darry gave me a small, reassuring smile and, reluctantly, he left, too. I turned back to Sodapop, who was now sleeping soundly, like the last ten or so minutes never happened. I ran my hand through his hair. His eyes fluttered slightly.

"Candy Cane?" he muttered.

"Yeah, it's me," I said. "Are you okay?" He gave me a tired smile and nodded.

"Can you turn off the light?"

"Yeah." I turned and shut the light off before wriggling back down into the sheets. I pulled Soda close to me and he laid his head against my chest like how I'd fallen asleep on him a few hours before. He wound his arms around me and our bodies somehow entangle naturally.

I couldn't believe how crazy this day had been. Before I could even think back on the events of the day before, I was falling asleep again.