Sodapop and I walked into the bowling alley hand in hand. It was such a juvenile kind of date, but we weren't into wine tasting or bar hopping, so bowling was our best option. We invited all our friends and, so far, only Ponyboy, Cathy, Steve, and Evie were coming. Tasha and Darry had adult stuff to do and Two-Bit couldn't find a sitter. I'd invited Hannah along, but she was being super dismissive and weird, saying she had something going on, but then wouldn't elaborate on what it was.

So, it was just the six of us bowling.

"Man, remember when we used to hit up drag races and now we're just bowling?" Steve complained, Evie in his lap. I took a sip of my Coke and grinned cheekily at Sodapop.

"We're getting old," said Soda.

"Hell, none of us have kids. What's stopping us?"

"Well, I'm trying to get my brother and sister, so doing illegal shit is not really high up on my agenda," I commented. Ponyboy came back from his bowl.

"You're up, Evie," he said and Evie got up off his lap to go and bowl.

"You guys," Steve said quickly, trying to bring us closer in so he could whisper. "I've been thinkin' about proposing," he said.

I glanced at Cathy and the two of us nearly squealed. Steve proposing was a huge deal. Even though he cared about Evie a lot, he wasn't one of those "settle down" kind of guys. The entire time we were growing up, Steve was always telling Sodapop and I that he wasn't interested in getting married.

"Are you serious?" Sodapop asked, his whole face lighting up.

"Dead. I've been looking at rings. There aren't many I've found that I think she'd like. But I think she's the one."

"This is huge for you," I said.

"I know. I don't know what came over me, but the other day I woke up next to her and all I could think of was how wonderful she was and how I'd never find anyone better than her and how I didn't wanna lose her... You think she'd say yes?"

Just then, Evie came back over.

"Your bowl, Candy," Evie grinned at me.

I turned to Steve and I couldn't help the goofy smile spread across my face.

"Absolutely," I said, then got up and walked over to our lane. I picked up my ball and rolled it toward the pins, knocking down all but three. I bowled again and got two more, then went to sit back down.

Once the round ended, we didn't move to start another one. We ordered a pizza and sat around eating and acting like teenagers again, blowing straw wrappers at each other and just being silly. I was having a good time with my friends. That was until he interrupted it.

"Candy?" the voice asked. I was so taken aback I thought I had imagined it. Everyone else at the table turned to see who it was, so I did the same. I almost choked on my pizza as I took in his appearance. Long, shaggy hair, old jeans and a dirty t-shirt, unshaven face... I couldn't believe Andy was standing there.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, my voice emotionless even though all I wanted to do was scream and start punching him.

"I, uh, just got back from Chicago a few days ago," he said, scratching the back of his head. "I came back to see you again."

"Well, you should go back to Chicago, then," I said and turned back to my friends, who were all silent and asking without speaking who this random man was. I got back to eating my pizza and tried to engage everyone back in conversation, but Andy interrupted again.

"Can I please talk to you?" Andrew asked.

Sodapop looked up at him. "What do you want?" he asked, trying to make himself sound bigger than he was. While Sodapop was really fit and muscular, Andrew was huge. He was maybe Darry's size or bigger, and that's not even an exaggeration. Even though Sodapop had never seen a picture of Andy, I thought maybe he knew exactly who he was.

"I just wanna talk to her. I wanna explain some things. Then y'all can get back to your party."

"I have nothing to say to you."

"Candice, please---"

"Hey, she said to leave her alone," said Ponyboy. Ponyboy, the smallest of the guys and hardly one to consider as intimidating, seemed to even make Andy uncomfortable. The three guys would have done anything to protect me or any other girl in our group.

I think it's important for me to say that Andrew McLennan isn't a bad guy. In fact, he's probably one of the better ones I've dated, after Sodapop, of course. But my desire to talk to him after how he ended things was at zero. I hadn't even thought of him once in the months I'd been with Sodapop Curtis. He was no longer part of my life and I didn't think he ever would be again. I wasn't about to let him back in. Not after how badly he hurt me. He left me after we'd lost our son. I'd been stabbed in the back before, but that was the biggest blow I'd ever taken.

Thanks to Soda, I had healed. But just having him there for those mere five minutes, I could feel the stitches start to come undone.

Andrew tried one final time. "Candice, I just want to apologize."

It was then that I turned to face him. I stood up, my petite figure a mere twig next to a tree trunk. But I wasn't scared.

"Andrew, what you did to me warrants no forgiveness."

"I don't expect you to forgive me. But I promised I would be back and I came back--"

"You never promised you'd come back," I said cooly, my dark brown eyes glaring into his grey ones. "You left without a word. You took all your shit and you took off. It was like you never existed."

He scrunched his eyebrows. "I did promise. I wrote a letter. I gave it to your dad..."

"Well, he never said anything," I said. "Not a word."

"I swear. I left him with a letter. I told him to give it to you."

"I never got anything. Not a single fucking hint."

He set his jaw. "Look, there's just been a misunderstanding. I just want to explain. Five minutes. That's all I'm asking."

I turned to look behind me at Sodapop, who had stood up with me. Steve, Evie, Cathy, and Ponyboy were looking at me expectantly. I turned back to Soda, asking him what he thought without really asking him.

"It's up to you," he said. I turned back to Andy.

"Five minutes. That's all you get."

He gave me a sad smile. I followed him over to a solitary part of the bowling alley so we could talk in private.

"What did you want to say?" I asked him.

"I just wanted to say I was sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me. In fact, I'd be surprised if you did. I shouldn't have left. But I hurt so bad and I needed to get out--"

"You needed to get out," I scoffed. "So you left your fiance to struggle on her own. I lost my son. I had postpartum depression. My dad died. I started telling everyone it was a mutual breakup because I was so heartbroken and I loved you so much I didn't want people to think you were a horrible person for leaving me like that.

"Do you know what it's like to bury your son and then your dad three months later and have to go through it alone? I had no one. I was lucky I found Hannah.

"You left and you didn't care."

He looked like I'd just stabbed him right in the heart with a blade. Good, I thought. He should feel half as bad as how I did. "I did care--" he tried.

"So why did you leave? Why did you leave me?"

"I-- I don't know. I was young and dumb... everything I saw reminded me of Sam. I was so heartbroken, I thought maybe I should leave for awhile."

"And then never come back?"

"I planned on coming back."

"Well, you're a little too late," I said. "I'm with someone else."

Andrew went quiet. He stared over at where my friends all sat. I looked over and found they were all looking at us.

"Does he make you happy?" Andrew asked, not looking at me.

"Yes," I said without hesitation.

"Happier than how I made you?"

I didn't know how to answer that. Andrew had made me really happy. I thought we were going to live a long life together. Raise a bunch of kids, live out in the country, grow old and raise grandkids... And that all ended when Sam died. Of course I loved Andrew. Maybe there was a small part of me that still loved him. But maybe it was more the memory of him and not actually him. He wasn't part of my life anymore. He'd made the decision to not be apart of it a long time ago. I wasn't going to let him ruin my life with Sodapop. I was finally happy again. I had finally found peace with my chaotic life.

"I know he's not going to break my heart like you did," I told him, looking him dead in the eyes.

"Look, I am really sorry, Candice. I am. I don't know how to prove that to you. I don't want to ruin what you have now. I didn't even mean to find you tonight. I just saw you sitting there and I couldn't help myself."

For some reason, I thought about my mother then. I thought about how, at the end of her life, I had forgiven her. Even though she chose alcohol over her own children, leaving me to raise two humans from the time I was about nine. I forgave her. Because it was less exhausting for me to forgive than to hold a grudge.

So I did the most ballsy thing I think I've ever done since: I forgave him.

"What?" Andrew asked.

"I'm only forgiving you because I don't want the weight of a grudge on my shoulders. I don't love you anymore. I no longer want you to be a part of my life. But I forgive you. I hope you find peace in your life, whatever that may be. But it's not going to have anything to do with me."

"Thank you, Candy. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yeah," I said. "You can never talk to me again."

Andy swallowed hard, then nodded.

"Okay."

I didn't even say goodbye to him. He didn't deserve one. I simply turned my back to him and walked back toward my friends. I wanted to cry, but I tried hard to keep a straight face. I sat back down next to Sodapop.

"You okay?" Cathy asked.

I nodded. "Yeah." I took a sip of my Coke. "Just settling old business."

'''

Sodapop and I said goodbye to our friends as we all parted ways in the parking lot. We headed over toward his car. When we got inside, I finally let myself break down. For no reason-- or at least no obvious reason to me, Sodapop started crying with me. We sat in his car and just cried for ten minutes until we both stopped and then started laughing at each other.

"I'm sorry," I said. "He brought back a lot of bad memories. Why were you crying?"

"I was afraid I'd lose you."

"You could never lose me," I said.

"You wouldn't ever leave me to talk him back?"

"Never," I said. "You're the last man I'm ever gonna be in love with. I don't ever wanna love someone else."

He smiled all teary-eyed at me. "Good. I don't ever wanna love someone else, either." He glanced at the empty parking lot, then at me. "Unless we have kids."

"I can't have kids," I said sadly.

"We'll adopt some."

"Nothing deters you."

"Nothing," he agreed. He finally started up the car. He held my hand the whole drive home.