okay, but can we appreciate how beautiful he is?

Tw// death/child loss

When I woke up, I was disoriented and confused on why I was naked. Then I remembered dinner and the long night I had with Soda.

"Shit," I muttered as I sat up in bed. My room was freezing. I found Soda's button up laying on the end of my bed and shrugged it on, then slid on a clean pair of underwear. Where is he? I asked myself before walking out of my room. That's when the smell of pancakes hit me and I heard my stomach growl. I buttoned up the shirt as I walked down the hallway toward the kitchen.

There at the stove, Soda stood in his t-shirt and boxers making breakfast. He turned when he heard me walk in and gave me a movie-star smile.

"Hey, doll," he greeted.

"Hi," I replied with a yawn. "When did you get up? I didn't hear you..."

"Just a little while ago." He looked me up and down. With anyone else, I would have felt self-conscious. "You look good," he said.

I grinned. "My hair is a mess."

"Your hair's always a mess. You always looked good in my clothes."

I blushed and tried to hide my smile. Soda turned off the stove and moved the pan to a cold burner to cool off before moving to me. He grabbed my hands and pulled them away from my face.

"Don't hide your smile. It's so beautiful, you deserve to show it off."

"Why are you so good to me?" I asked him. He gave me an incredulous look.

"Why wouldn't I be good to you?"

I shrugged. "I feel like I don't deserve how wonderful you are." He pulled me into him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and he hugged me tightly.

"Come eat breakfast. I made them with chocolate chips."

"Six years go by and you still know my favorite breakfast food." I couldn't help the wide smile spreading across my face.

"I remember every little thing about you. I never forgot you."

"I know." I frowned. "I have to get ready for work."

"What time do you go in?"

"Eight."

"You've got an hour. Or maybe you could call in," he winked, making me blush again.

"It's hard enough to pay rent and that's when I don't take any sick days. I don't work tomorrow because we're not open on Sundays. Stay again tonight and we'll just lay in bed all day tomorrow."

He gave me an approving look. "Sounds like a plan to me." It was my turn to pull him into me. I tugged him down by the collar of his shirt and gave him a firm kiss.

"Now how about some pancakes?"

"Yes, ma'am." He handed me a plate and I ate quickly before rushing to get ready. I pulled on a simple office-suitable outfit before quickly applying some mascara and a little bit of nude lipstick.

"I have to go now," I told him at seven-forty-three. "Make yourself at home. I'll be home at five."

"I have a job interview today. I'll come by at six if you want."

"Of course," I told him. "Good luck with that."

"And you have a good day at work." I left after one more kiss and hurried to work.

Halfway to work, it started snowing. "Ah, shit," I groaned. I pulled into the parking lot and hurried inside. I hadn't realized it was supposed to snow. I made a mental note to pack my car for winter-related emergencies.

At nine, Hannah walked in. Upon seeing me, her eyes lit up.

"Candy, you're glowing!" she exclaimed. "And you're smiling! What happened to you?"

I couldn't help the huge grin on my face. "Well, Sodapop came over last night and we had dinner and... we had a nice night..."

"Was he still there when you woke up?" she asked, half-serious and half-not.

I nodded. "Yeah. He made me breakfast."

"Ooooh." She clapped her hands together. She was like a sixteen-year-old girl talking about a high school crush. "Candice you have to marry him."

I blushed. "I can't marry him-- I mean, not yet... I don't even know if we're technically dating. We, you know, love each other and stuff, but he just got home and we just started doing this. I haven't seen the guy since we were teenagers and then all of a sudden we're making out on my couch and he's sleeping over... This is a lot."

"Oh, Candice, you've known each other since you were kids. And you said it yourself, you love each other. Why not?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I'm scared."

"Did you tell him this?"

I nodded. "Last night he told me he wanted to marry me."

"Candice, oh my god."

"Look, just calm down. I told him I wasn't ready. He took it well. I told him maybe someday, but not now."

"Oh, Candy."

"Oh, Hannah," I mocked.

Hannah sighed, turning to her paperwork. "Just let me know when the wedding is. I want to be the maid of honor."

I snorted humorously, then turned to start on all the work I had left to do. "You'd be my only bridesmaid," I chuckled.

At lunch, I contemplated going home, but I decided to just take my book into the breakroom for a little while. I was currently rereading a favorite of mine, The Great Gatsby. I read through lunch, then got right back to work.

I was able to finish up a lot of paperwork.

By five, I was ready to go home. I left five minutes early and got home right at five. I kicked off my shoes by the door, then changed into a pair of comfy pants and a t-shirt. I was itching to do some writing, so I went into my writing room for the first time in a few days.

And that's when I saw it.

At first, I thought I had left them on the desk by mistake, and but the more I thought about it, the more I knew that couldn't be it.

My composition notebooks, the ones I wrote everything that had been bothering me in, were sitting on my desk, out like someone had read them and then forgot to put them away.

My heart stopped in my chest.

Had Sodapop read them? I wasn't so much worried about the one I wrote during my GEDs to my English Professor than I was about the one I had written after my horrible breakup with Andy.

"Ah, no," I said. I grabbed the book where I had written down in pretty vivid detail the traumatizing events that occurred just a year and a half before.

Tears fell down my face as I read what I'd written.

"Oh my god, he read it. He knows."

What was I gonna do? I looked at the clock on the wall and saw it was going on five-thirty. He'd be here in about a half hour. I shoved the notebooks back into the desk drawer and left my writing room. I saw the disarray of my room and quickly busied myself with making the bed and I picked up the basket of clean laundry I had yet to fold.

I guess I hadn't heard Soda walk in because I jumped when someone's arms wrapped themselves around my waist. I shrugged out of his embrace, the turned to see his hurt expression.

"Sorry," I muttered, then turned back to my laundry.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Just... a long day at work."

"Oh. Do you want me to help?"

"No, it's okay."

"Do you want me to make dinner?"

"No."

"Candice--"

"I don't want you to do anything, okay? Just leave me be for awhile."

Sodapop frowned. He silently left the room, leaving me to finish my laundry on my own. I sniffled and quickly wiped the tears away. I shoved my clothes into my drawers and put my towels and other things away. I laid on my bed.

"Mommy!" a little boy squealed before jumping into my arms.

"He's saying his first words, Candice!"

"Andy?"

"Mommy!" the little boy screamed. He was suddenly ripped from my grasp and all I could do was scream.

"Sorry, Candy, I have to leave now," Andy said before he disappeared, too. I was left alone.

I woke up to the other side of my bed shifting. My eyes fluttered open to see Sodapop laying down next to me.

"Hey," he greeted. "You feel better?"

I nodded. "I'm sorry I snapped at you."

He pulled me into him.

"It's okay. I made dinner."

"I'm not in the mood to eat."

"What were you dreaming?"

"Huh?"

"You were mumbling 'no, no, no' a lot."

"Um... I had a dream about Andy... and about..."

I took in a shaky breath.

"Did you read my notebook?"

Sodapop didn't answer for a good minute or two.

"A little."

"How much?"

"I didn't mean to. I was just looking around and I found them. I'm sorry."

I sighed.

"Did you read about why Andy and I broke up?"

"No. I stopped a few pages in. I felt weird reading it."

I took in another deep breath.

"Andy and I dated for two years. He proposed a week after I found out I was pregnant. We planned on getting married before I had the baby, but the pregnancy was really hard on me and we decided to wait. I spent the whole nine months worrying about how I was going to be a mother. I wasn't ready. I didn't think I'd be a good mom.

"And then I had him, my son, in May of '70. And he was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I was so happy I cried. I can't remember the last time I cried like that. And then they took him to make sure he was healthy. They brought him back in later and said he was really sick. He probably wouldn't live past a week.

"And, sure enough, three days later, he passed."

"Candice..." Sodapop sighed. "I'm so sorry, doll."

"The pain was too much for Andy and I and we couldn't bring ourselves to even look at each other most of the time. We ended up calling off our wedding and, pretty soon, our whole relationship. I haven't talked to him since last February."

Soda pulled me into him. "I'm so sorry, baby girl."

I didn't have the strength to cry anymore.

"I'm sorry I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want to tell anyone. My dad and my friend Hannah are the only ones I ever told."

"It's okay. I wish you would have, but I understand why. And now I understand all the pain you're in. I can't imagine what it's like to go through that."

"But you've had your heart broken."

"Yeah, I have. I've had it broken a few times, but I survived. And so will you, doll."

"I sure hope so."

"It'll take you some time. And I'll give you all the time in the world if I have to. But I just hope you know that I'm always here. And my brothers are always here. And Steve and Two-Bit. And your friend Hannah. You have so many people that love and support you, Candice."

Tears brimmed my eyes once again. Soda wiped them away and he gave me a wide smile.

"I love you, Soda."

"I know. I love you, too." Soda brushed my hair back, tucking a few loose strands behind my ears. "For the record, you'd be a wonderful mom."

I blinked at him. "Really?"

"Yeah. And I'm not just saying that. I always watched you take care of Greg and Claire. You were so good to them. You reminded me a lot of my mom. You were hard on them when you needed to be, but you were always there."

I nuzzled into Soda more. "I miss them. I haven't seen them since their birthday four months ago. I'm trying to save up enough money to fly them out for Christmas."

"I'll help you."

"Soda, you don't have--"

"I know. But I want to. I miss those rugrats, too."

I smiled at him. "They've gotten so big. They're in high school now. Freshmen."

"Oh my god, really?"

I nodded. "Yeah, it's insane."

We talked into the night.

He told me how he got that job on the spot. He was so excited about it. I mostly let him babble on and I listened, but every so often I'd answer a question or chime in with an anecdote. I couldn't help but fall asleep when my eyelids became heavy.

"Just go to sleep, babe," Soda said.