tw// sad/death/ also drunk soda 

The grass brushed up against my jeans as I knelt in the yard. In front of me, the granite headstone was still shiny, as it was only a few years old.

Samuel Arnold Montgomery

B. May 18, 1972. D. May 21, 1972

"Well," I said, taking in a deep breath. "Yesterday would have been your second Christmas. You'll be two in May. I wish you were here, Sam. I know I didn't get too long with you on this planet, but I loved you more than life itself. And I'll continue to love you until the ends of the earth. I hope that wherever you are, you're happy and peaceful and healthy. I hope my parents are taking care of you."

I wipe the tears from my eyes. "I came here last Christmas because it would have been your first. My daddy came with me right before he died, but now he's in heaven or wherever with you." I think about my words next. "Say hi to my parents for me, okay? And Dallas and Johnny if you see them, too." I stand and look down at the headstone for another couple of minutes. "Okay. I'm going to go, but I'll be back to say hi on your birthday. Bye, baby."

I had Sam buried next to my mom. When my dad died, I had him buried here, too.

"Take care of my son," I tell the stones, and I turn to leave. That's when I notice Sodapop's car parked behind mine at the cemetery entrance. I see him walking toward me and I'm unsure of what to do.

"Hi, honey," he says as he reaches me. "I was heading to the grocery store when I saw your car."

"I just came to say Merry Christmas to my parents... and to Sam." Soda looks around me to the tiny grave next to where my parents are buried.

"It's so little," he notes, his voice low and sad. "I'm so sorry you had to lose him."

"He'd be almost two," I said. "This would have been his second Christmas."

Soda turned to Sam's grave. "I just want you to know that I'm taking care of your mom, little buddy." My heart swelled. He said 'little buddy' in that way that Darry used to do to him. "I bet he'd look just like you."

I smiled. "I miss him. I never thought I'd ever be a mother and then it was suddenly ripped from me before I could even process it. God is cruel."

Sodapop pulled me into him and kissed the top of my head. "I know he is."

"He's taken and taken and taken and I don't know what he's given."

"I know one thing he's given me..."

I looked up at him.

"He gave me you."

I hugged Sodapop tight. "I want to go say Merry Christmas to your parents, too."

Soda smiled. "Okay." We walked hand in hand across the cemetery to where the Curtis' were buried.

"Hey mom, hey dad," Soda greeted. "Merry Christmas."

Soda knelt down in front of the graves like I had with Sam's. Soda updated his parents on everything, like how he'd gone off to war and then came home and he and I were together and were about to move into our very own house.

"I miss you guys," he concluded finally. "So do Ponyboy and Darry." He stood up and turned to me. He was crying, but he seemed happy. I saw something change in him then like he had just taken a huge breath of fresh air.

After we left the Curtis', we went and said a quick hello to Dally and Johnny, who had been buried side by side. They didn't have any grave, just little markers to let people know who they were an when they were born and when they had died.

"We should get them headstones," I said. "It doesn't feel right that they've been gone all this time and they don't even have stones."

"I can't believe Johnny's parents couldn't even do him one solid in his life."

I took a deep breath. "I almost can. Johnny didn't want to see her when she came to the hospital."

"Who? His mom?"

"Yeah. Two-Bit had to scream at her." I sniffled.

"Okay, I think we've had enough today," Soda said. "I need to stop crying and be manly."

"You know, it's manly to cry," I told him. "Boys cry, too."

"Not me. I don't need to."

"Whatever you say, hot shot."

He kissed me on the mouth and we walked back toward our cars.

"I'll meet you back at home, okay?"

"Okay."

I drove home while he headed toward the store to get groceries.

'''

One of the hardest things I've ever had to do, aside from burying my three-day-old son and both of my parents, was saying goodbye to my brother and sister before watching them leave through their gate at the terminal and fly all the way back to New York. Sure, I'd said goodbye to them before, but it never got easier every time they left.

It was just me sending them off this time, as Sodapop had to stay at work late to finish up a car in the shop.

"We're gonna come back and visit, Candy," said Claire.

"I know," I said, giving her a sad smile. Greg pulled me into him for a hug and I squeezed my brother tight. "I love you guys so much. Have a safe flight back to New York. Will you guys call me as soon as you get home?"

"Of course, Can," said Greg.

"I love you guys."

"We know," Claire grinned. "We love you, too."

After one more hug, the final call for their flight was called and they had to rush off so they wouldn't miss their plane. I couldn't stop the waterfall of tears as I drove home by myself.

Stepping into my apartment and having no one else to greet me except for Whiskey-- who was only greeting me because he was a hungry little asshole-- was really gut-wrenching. I felt more alone than I had in a long time. It wasn't the by myself part that had me feeling sad, it was the realizing that I really missed having a loud, crazy family to be welcomed home to. After spending my life alone for a year and a half and then all of a sudden being thrown back into the Curtis' life, it really made me wonder how I never fell into a horrible depression.

I realized, then, that maybe I had been in a deep depression. Being back with Sodapop and my old friends and having my brother and sister home made me the happiest I'd been in years.

I made for the kitchen and dug through my junk drawer until I found the Yellow Pages. I flipped through until I found the page with all the advertisements for lawyers. This was going to be expensive, but it was worth it to get my brother and sister under my guardianship.

I glanced at the clock on the wall. It was only five-thirty. Surely there'd still be some kind of lawyer around. I dialed the number to Hemming Law Firm and, after about four rings, a receptionist picked up.

"Hi, my name is Candice Marshall and I was just wondering if I could speak with Jim Hemming?"

"I'm sorry, but Jim has left the office for the evening. Can I leave a message for him?"

"Yes, that'd be great. If you could just tell him my name is Candice Marshall and that I want to talk with him about family and guardianship matters, that'd be great."

"Sure. What's a number he can reach you at?"

I told her my home phone number and the number to the car dealership for during the daytime when I was at work.

"Alright, I'll leave the note on his desk and hopefully he'll give you a callback tomorrow when he comes in."

"Thank you so much."

I hung up the phone and then plopped down on the couch. I flipped on the tv and watched the Brady Bunch. At around ten, the phone rang and I rushed to pick it up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Candice!" Claire greeted. "We made it home okay. Just letting you know we landed safe and we got home alright."

"Okay. Thank for calling! Love you guys! Get some sleep okay?"

"Will do. Love you, Can."

I hung up the phone and went back to watching TV until I passed out on the couch.

I ended up waking up when the door closed. The smell that wafted in with Soda was undeniable. He'd been drinking. I sat up on the couch and looked up at the clock. It was a quarter to one. Jesus.

"Are you just now getting home?" I asked him.

"Yeah, sorry. I stopped by the bar after work and I had a few drinks. That guy that came in was a real dick."

"I'm sorry," I said. I felt a little awkward. I had only seen Sodapop drunk once or twice, and I was drunk with him. We'd been at a drag race with Steve and Evie pre-Sandy.

Soda plopped down next to me. "I don't know why I drank. I know I'm gonna wake up with a hangover."

"I don't either."

Soda turned to me, a sloppy, goofy grin on his face.

"What?" I said.

"You're just so beautiful."

I blushed.

"I mean it. I'm not just saying that because I'm drunk. I mean it. Sometimes I like to just look at you. You're like my angel."

"Soda, you're such a suckup," I giggled. "Hey, you know what?"

"Hm?"

"I called a lawyer today."

"You did?"

"Yeah. He's hopefully gonna call back tomorrow because I just got in touch with the receptionist. So I'm hoping soon I can take my grandparents to court to get guardianship of Greg and Claire."

"That's great news," Soda smiled. "With us both having full-time jobs now and a big house, I think we've got this."

"I love your enthusiasm."

"Hey, you know what else I love?"

"What?" I asked.

"Sex. You should get drunk so we can have drunk sex."

I burst out laughing. "Jesus, how much have you had to drink?"

"I only had a couple. But I'm lightweight."

"You're like a teenage boy."

"Get drunk with me."

"Why so we can just pass out before I can even get my socks off? We both have work tomorrow and I'm not gonna go through a bunch of paperwork on a hangover."

"Ugh," he groaned.

"You should have thought about drinking before you did it."

"Can we go to bed, then?"

"Yeah." We both got up from the couch and made our way to the bedroom. He stripped down to boxers before plopping down on the bed. I changed into my cotton shorts and a t-shirt before crawling into bed next to Sodapop.

"Candy Cane?" Soda asked. I smiled at the old nickname.

"Yeah?" I asked him.

"I really love you."

"I know I really love you, too."

"Can I tell you something?"

"What?"

"I bought you a ring."

My heart leaped, and, at the time, I wasn't sure what that meant.

"What do you mean you bought a ring?" I asked but was quickly met with Soda's loud snoring.

Deciding it was probably just because he was drunk, I cuddled into Sodapop's sleeping body and I fell asleep as well.

'''

okay wow lol this was a bit of a rollercoaster lmao and it was kinda short but hope you like it anyway :)) 

xJ