Utianle

I would be a liar if I said I was sorry for the things I said to King, I would be a big liar. It was his fault, everything that happening was because of him. Why didn't he tell me Umoh cheated early enough? We wouldn't have had that fight. If we didn't fight, my babies and I would have still been at his place, he would have taken Emma to Samia's party himself. Umoh would have been unable to locate us.

The bed creaked as I settled on it, I sat cross-legged, hands on my knees with my eyes centred on the door. Was I expecting him back in the room? No. I didn't want to see him. One minute, maybe two passed and he didn't come in. My stomach grumbled, his words came rushing back and I punched my stomach. Gently at first but it soon turned into punches that sent pain shooting up my chest. Still, I didn't stop. I didn't want his baby. If this was his way of making me forget all about my son, it wasn't working.

Who did he think he was? Kill my child and put another one inside me? He wasn't even sorry. He did this to me. He killed my son, took Esther's brother away from her. Esther. My baby. I had to get her before he took her from me too. I popped out of the bed and stormed to the door, we had to leave this place. I wanted no part of this relationship or whatever it was he called it. I wanted nothing to do with it anymore. I was content with living in my old house with creaky stairs.

The door didn't budge the first time, I twisted the knob slowly but nothing happened. A moment passed before it hit me. He locked the door. King locked me inside. I stared long and hard at the door, half-expecting it to open under my glare. Nothing happened.

He really locked me inside. Was he aware I wanted to leave him? I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand, a feeling of lethargy crashed over me but I pushed past it and banged on the door like a mad lady on the loose. I could be mad, who knew? I could barely think straight. Life made no sense.

The more I banged on the door, the more my hands grew tired and I gave in to the voice screaming for me to take a break. What I would have preferred was freedom from this place but I obeyed the voice and slid to the floor. Alone with my thoughts, I refused to feel bad at the image of a hurt King that swam to the surface of my mind. He was everything I labelled him. Maybe more.

A baby killer.

A terrible guardian.

I couldn't let him adopt Esther or bring his child into this horrible world. He didn't know the first thing about fatherhood. My insides twisted into knots and I palmed my belly.

Could it be true?

That a little King was growing inside me? No, I shook my head with enough conviction. I would have known, a mother always knew. But I didn't know Emma would die. Ah, yes, because I was a bad mummy.

A bad mummy who couldn't pull the trigger.

I closed my eyes, a lone tear trailed down my cheek and I furiously swiped at it. I couldn't cry. I wouldn't cry. Folding my arms around my belly, I sniffed and allowed the memories I tried so hard to submerge surround me. I could see them clearly now, the portraits at Umoh's house but I couldn't place it. A faint memory niggled at me, I tried and failed to remember yet it eluded me. I knew him.

That man in those frames. Umoh's father. I knew him but from where? Why did he look so familiar? Since dating Umoh, I never met any of his parents, he barely brought them up and I was content with that. A part of me must have realised meeting his parents meant the next big step in our relationship and I tried to delay it. Until King came along, which also made it his fault. If he wasn't in my life, didn't make me question everything, I might have been married to Umoh by now. He wouldn't have had a reason to stalk me.

Pressing the back of my hand to my closed eyelids, I sifted through the memories, the images of him while combing through my mind's archive for a clue. Anything that could explain why he stood out. And it came.

My eyelids fluttered open, I stood slowly and made for the bed. The first place I searched for my phone was under the pillow but it wasn't there. I turned the bedsheets inside out, checked the beside drawer, the couch his friends were seated on but the search came up empty. Where was my phone?

I left it in here. Somewhere in the house. Gravitating towards the entrance, I stopped in front of the door and released a sigh. He had no right to keep me locked in here. If he cared so much about me, he would let me go even if it hurt him. My fist connected with the door, the knocks lacked the urgency of the first time but it was loud enough for him or anyone close by to hear it. I needed to find my phone. I needed to leave this place.

A sound outside stopped me from knocking again, I stepped back as the door handle twisted. Seconds passed without it opening, I made to drag it open when Esther took a step in. Her smile blinded me, the anger at the world evaporated and the corners of my lips tugged into a half-smile. She pushed the door close with her leg, clutching a stainless flask to her heart. Her eyes met mine, those orbs that were the same as mine and my gaze roamed her outfit. The gown was new, her hair was in a big bun. No thanks to me.

Setting the flask on the floor, she wrapped her arms around my waist and my hands snuck around her shoulders, taking the comfort she offered. My baby. She pulled away to smile at me and I reciprocated it. I was mute as she dragged me to the floor so we could sit cross-legged while facing each other.

My brows raised when she pushed the flask in my direction and retrieved a fork from her pocket, a lazy smile played on my lips and I shook my head. Now that man was using my baby against me. Sending Esther with food?

Just how far would he go?

I made no move to touch the flask, I should be the adult right now but I didn't feel like it. A tantalising aroma filtered into my nostrils, my stomach grumbled and my mouth watered but I refused to take a look. I stared at my outfit.

A blue t-shirt that stopped at my knees.

It didn't belong to me, it was his and a wave of disgust swept over me. I didn't want anything that had to do with King. He should have dressed me in my clothes. No, he shouldn't have dressed me at all, he should have left me in my wet outfit, allowed me die from a cold or whatever sickness that came from staying too long under a light rain.

"Uncle Jayjay made akara," Esther muttered.

"Uncle Jayjay?" I cleared my throat twice. It was hard to use my voice when I was getting used to being silent. "Who's Uncle Jayjay?"

She pouted. "Uncle Junior. I like Uncle Jayjay."

Her eyes shone with delight, the sight squeezed something inside of my soul and my chest tightened. "Where is he?" I asked while in actual sense, I wanted to ask her to stay away from him. Away from King and all his friends but the happiness that radiated on her face when she mentioned his name stopped the words from leaving my lips. "In the parlour?" I repeated her reply and she nodded. "All of them?" She nodded again.

"With Uncle Kiki," she said. I looked to the window and frowned. When did the clouds grow so dark? If my instincts were right, it should be a little past seven. And they were still here, even cooking. Did they know about Umoh? Emma? "They are not going home."

Oh. So they were really staying here. To what end? To try and stop me from leaving? I leaned back until my shoulders touched the wall, then I relaxed. Esther pushed the flask to the side after closing it, she crawled onto my laps and I rested my jaw on her head.

She had grown so big, no longer the tiny Esther I could scoop into my arms, throw in the air and catch effortlessly. She made no sound but her fingers ran up and down my arm in a silent, comforting motion and I squeezed her shoulders once, twice until I lost count.

The longer she stayed in my arms, the more time I had to think. To think about my actions, the portraits. It was stupid of me to have gone there. What if I had been killed? I would have left my baby all alone.

I adjusted my weight, Esther grumbled and stopped caressing my arm. I looked down, her hand was inside her pocket. Watching with slight interest as she pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. Wait, it wasn't just any paper, it was Emma's pencil drawing. The one he drew when we were at the beach house. She smoothed the wrinkles as much as she could and I chuckled dryly at the pencil images of all four of us. Together.

My baby wanted us to be together. Our small family and I was ruining that. Why did he have to die? Esther nudged me gently in the side, her voice pulled me out of my reverie.

"Don't you worry, about a thing, everything's gonna be alright," she sang and a block settled in my chest. Emma used to sing this song in his awful childish singing voice, making up the lyrics as the song progressed. "Don't you worry about a thing..."

How could I not be worried? Would it really be alright? Esther laced our fingers together, I forced a smile to my lips when she looked up to me. I couldn't sing along since I didn't believe the lyrics but the pleading look in her eyes had the words tumbling out of my lips.

"Don't you worry about a thing. Everything's gonna be alright. Don't you worry..."

It sounded false, fake and forced to my ears but she didn't care and she didn't let me stop singing until I started to believe everything might be alright. Esther opened the flask and the aroma assailed me once more. I didn't stop my daughter when she pushed it to me or wrapped my hand around the fork and forced it into an akara ball.

The knotting of my belly was the go-ahead I needed, I munched on the akara, slowly like it was my last meal. I offered her some of it but she refused. And in truth, I was glad she did because the moment I started eating, I realised how hungry I was. We sat in silence broken at intervals by the sound of my chewing, it didn't matter that there was no water to wash down the spicy akara, I continued eating until the flask was empty.

Esther got up with a smile that screamed mission accomplished, she pecked me and I giggled. How the roles had reversed. She picked the flask, I wrapped my arms around myself, watching as she headed for the door. It was safe to say her mission had been accomplished. I was fed for two. The door closed behind her, my eyes fell to the floor, the drawing she left behind. I held it up, I was supposed to frame it but I didn't and I was too tired to remember why. I could still do it.

Getting up from the floor was with less anger and maybe a purpose. To bath and to get my phone. I needed to find that video to confirm my suspicions. My movements were sluggish as I headed in the direction of the bathroom, King's masculine scent lingered in the air, I inhaled it, almost remorseful for my earlier outburst. I turned on the heater but didn't wait for the water to get warm before dumping my clothes and getting into the shower. I must have still been in a state of nostalgia because memories assaulted me.

Images of me standing in front of the mirror in this same bathroom, confused and scared because my period came without notice. I could see the scowl on King's mother's face, her sneer as she offered me the sanitary pad with a sly smile. Did she approve of me now?

What about Helena? Or Hennessy like King used to call her? She would have made the perfect partner for him. They fitted together. No troubles. No drama. No accusations.

A laugh escaped me, water cascaded down my scalp and I sunk to the floor, hugging my knees to my chest. I fought the voices in my head, tried to focus on Esther's singing as the water pooled at my feet. Everything would be alright and if it wasn't, I would pretend until it eventually became alright. At least for Esther's sake. I should be the one worrying over her, not otherwise. And if King was right about a little one, I had to step up.

I must have spoken out loud or maybe I developed magic powers but I blinked to be sure and King was indeed in front of me.

King dropped boxes of what looked like pregnancy test on the toilet seat, my gaze darted to his face but he avoided me. Rubbing my cheek on my knee, I pursed my lips as he turned and made for the door without a backward glance at me. I didn't want him to go, at the same time, I was not ready to apologise to him for throwing a tantrum.

His hand met the knob and he paused.

"King." King spinned without taking a step towards me like I had expected, our gazes met but his expression was guarded. Maybe be didn't hear me the first time. The water had grown warm now, I sat up. "Baby daddy."

He didn't smile nor react. His face remained void of any expression and I hugged myself.

Why couldn't he take the hint? I was sorry. I looked away from his smothering gaze, following the droplets as they disappeared into the drain. I felt him before I saw him. He didn't bother to take off his clothes before joining me in the shower and I noted his hesitation when I snuggled close to him.

His arm came around me slowly, when he pressed a kiss to my temple, I stopped thinking for a second and crawled into his arms. He held me so close to him like I was the only girl in the world. Guilt clawed at me but I chose to ignore it.

"I was going to tell you about him after we got him arrested," King said. "But he got out before I had a chance to tell you." He paused, I continued tracing lines on his chest, loving the vibration made by his sexy voice. "I really wanted to deliver some good news after everything that had happened." I trailed a line up to his collarbone, followed the invisible path up to his jaw and stopped at his lower lip. He caught my finger between his lip. "Uti."

My head reared back, I flashed him a smile and he released my finger with a pop that echoed in the bathroom. "Wifey," I corrected. He chuckled. I smiled. "It's not your fault." He placed another kiss on my temple, I looped my arms around his waist with a content sigh. The water had stopped running but he was soaked to the bones, there was little to no difference between him in his clothes and my naked self. My gaze wandered to the toilet seat, I said, "I will take the test."