King

A hand ran through my scalp, I yanked my bushy hair from the root, delighting in the sharp pain that came with it. The phone pressed against my ear seemed to grow heavier with each passing second, heavier than the excruciating silence from the receiving end. I pulled it away to take a look at the screen and sighed, the call had ended but there was a text, he was working on it.

Shoving the phone into my pocket, I paced in front of the window and tugged harder on my hair. I should have been comforted by the message, relieved to know emotions still coursed through me, the closest I had been to feeling something new in weeks. But it didn't squelch the heaviness residing in my chest and I refused to fan into flames the embers of hope begging for a chance.

Hope was fickle, dangerous, it flickered like a dying candle. I wouldn't be fooled twice.

Why did it have to be us?

Lightning zigzagged through the sky, my sleep-deprived brain finally registered the impact of the cold on my feet and I stopped pacing. The socks in my drawer would do me good right now but I had no intention of moving across the room to get one. A small scream tore through my lips, my eyes strayed to the dark clouds, waiting for a divine miracle to revert the incidents of the last three weeks. Starting from the day we fought, I should have changed the channel.

I stared long and hard at the drops of water pelting the wet marbled floor, hoping to see what Uti saw. She spent long hours in front of the window in the guest room she had converted to a temporal workshop, staring.

Another round of lightning illuminated the sky, I caught a glimpse of a man who closely resembled me in the window. Hairs littered his jaw and cheeks in an uneven pattern, he needed a shave. I sniffed the air around me, my nose scrunched. A shave and a bath.

Cold sneaked up on me and my hands soon found their way into the pockets of my grey jogger. An image from our last days at the beach crashed over me, I exhaled. Lightning frightened him. Tugging on the rope fixed to the collar of my hoodie, I drew the curtain close, casting the room into darkness which I gaily welcomed. Darkness, my new friend.

I should never have mentioned the party, I scoffed, running my fingers through my hair. They didn't even notice my absence.

None of them called, the simple apology I gave for missing my goddaughter's birthday must have been convincing. They claimed to be my friends yet they couldn't see past the noncommittal responses, the extra laughing emojis to their memes. Tomiwa was the therapist, he should have noticed.

It hurt. Every single thing did, especially the doctor's voice resounding in my head. He could have tried his hardest. As a medical practitioner, he should have known more, had access to finer equipment, offered us other better options. Something. Anything.

Balling my hands into fists, I banged my head against the wall to muffle that man's tormenting voice. He had only one job. One.

His brain is not receiving enough oxygen.

Tears stung my eyes, my back met the wall as I slid down to the cold floor and I choked on a sob. Tucking my head between my hands, my fingers dug painfully into my scalp, I whimpered, stifling the urge to cry.

I couldn't cry, no one had cried yet.

Confusion settled over me as my eyelids fluttered open to the sight of glistening tiles, I sniffed and my fingers tentatively reached for my cheek. I wiped it dry. It was unmanly to sit in a corner of my room and cry, even little Esther never shed a tear, let alone me.

I jumped, making my way to the bathroom for a much-needed bath. Grown men took charge of the situation, they never cried.

The water was between scalding and hot enough to peel my skin but I felt something, even if it was pain. Hissing at the hot stream of water jetting down on me, I scrubbed my body and overgrown hair until my muscles screamed in protest and my scalp demanded a reprieve. But it wasn't enough. I needed to feel this, the sting. It was the closest I would ever get to how she felt, my form of penance for taking him from her.

Everything was a blur as I stepped out of the shower to change into a fresh set of clothes. I lifted my head at the sound of a knock, cast a glance at my outfit and sighed.

Flipping the light switch, I said, "Come in."

Esther's head poked in, her face lit up in a smile and my heart thudded. "Uncle Kiki."

I nodded, unable to voice out a meaningful response. She reminded me of the rainbow, a promise of good tidings after the rainy days. Maybe we might be alright. Or not. I managed to offer her a smile, coughed and repeated my request for her to come in.

She took a seat on the bed, I sat beside her, a huge gap between us as we comforted each other with our presence. Her hands rested on her knees, she crossed her legs, spared a glance my way and I had trouble keeping her gaze. Those eyes were a replica of her mother but hers revealed a reality I didn't want to be confronted with. Not yet.

"Daddy died." I didn't think words could break me until now. Her display of strength amid the violent trembling of her hands ripped my heart apart. Tears sprang to my eyes, my breath hitched and I nodded. I put on a practised smile, I had to be strong for us. She tried to smile, I cringed at the effort I put into my fake smile. "Everybody dies."

Crouching to her height, I took her hands in mine, bringing them to palm my cheeks. Her eyes followed the movement to my face but she never spoke a word. I couldn't tell what she was thinking, if she was fine with me touching her but I hoped she was.

"Not me." Esther's eyes fleeted to mine. "Not me. I am not going anywhere," the words slipped from my mouth before I could register them. The sadness in those grey orbs ebbed, her lips parted and I welcomed the warmth of her half-smile. Encouraged by her reaction, I couldn't stop myself from adding, "I am the King and I will protect all of us. Me, you and mummy. Everybody."

"Promise?"

Making promises to children was one of the worst ideas on earth, Samia had taught me that lesson the hard way but I found myself nodding. The smile she rewarded me with warmed my chest, tears rushed to my eyes, I let go of her hands to pinch her cheek and she giggled while retaliating. Our rainbow.

"Promise."

Her wide grin tugged at my heart, I let out a shaky breath. I had to protect this smile.

"Don't cry," she said and her fingers reached for my cheeks to wipe the traitorous tears staining them. I nodded, squeezing my eyes shut. Rainbow has spoken. "Everything will be fine, you will protect us. All three of us."

Wimp, I should make that my new name.

My eyelids fluttered open, she inspected my face and I bopped her nose, it was my duty to worry over her, not otherwise. Her smile faded as my eyes fell to her frizzled braids, my first attempt at hair making. Horrible.

Esther didn't want to hear anything about a visit to a saloon without Uti who had no zeal to leave the house. Thankfully, YouTube was there for us but the lines I made were almost invisible. It had looked so easy until I started, she had to do the bulk of the work herself. As soon as she put a comb through her scalp, there was hair everywhere, too much of it to belong to one small person. The tutorial explained it as shrinkage, claimed it was an attribute of healthy hair.

"I like my hair."

Rising to my feet, I offered her a tight smile, I didn't like it. It had no definition. It was shit and I should be punished for letting her walk around with it for days. I returned to my former position on the bed, she bridged the gap, placed a hand on my knee and averted her gaze when I glanced her way.

I chuckled and palmed her hand, realising as I stared morosely at the wall that this was our longest conversation. Guilt gnawed at my throat, my lips pressed into a thin line. I didn't know anything about our baby, I was hell bent on wooing her mother I forgot she was also a part of the family.

"What's your favourite snack?" I asked, Uti's go-to and it always worked with everybody.

"Akara." I smiled, just like her mother.

The silence stretched for minutes but I was content with it and our little contact. One fact a day would keep the unfamiliarity away. An unusual sense of loss took over me when she pulled her hand from my grasp, I rubbed my palm over my short, feeling the material to know if it itched. But it didn't.

"It's not that I don't like talking to you, I just don't know what to say," she whispered.

Her statement melted my heart, my hand reached out to ruffle her hair again. I needed to get to know her as much as I did her mother. As much as I did Emma. She rested her head on my shoulder, I relaxed.

"We don't have to talk, we can always sit and be quiet together like we are doing now. I like silence sometimes." I waited for her to look up. "Would you like that?"

She rubbed her hands on her knees. "Yes, very much." I nodded, I would love that too. She forced a smile on her face but her lips still quivered. "Will mummy be okay?"

Our eyes locked, I squeezed her hand and let a smile take over my lips. I wished I had the correct answer to that. The doctor said she would be back on her feet in a week, I didn't want to believe she never wanted the full use of her legs anymore. But weeks had gone by, she was not trying. She didn't care.

All she did was stare, sew and soliloquise.

"Yes, she will be fine," I said in a whisper, more to comfort myself than her. "She just needs to walk again." If she heard me, I didn't know and I wasn't eager to repeat myself. "Do you want us to go and see her?"

Hand in hand, we stalked to her workshop, our steps slowed as we neared the entrance of the room, I swallowed. Esther squeezed my hand when we came to a stop, I touched the door without pushing it open, afraid.

Each day was harder than the last, we were growing apart and I had no idea how to change that. There were a lot of things I could try, that we needed to talk about. Everything happened in a hurry. But with that her wall back up, getting through to her was equivalent to asking Wole to revoke his CEO position. Maybe with Esther in the room she would acknowledge my presence, even if she barely spoke a full sentence, at least she was still speaking to her daughter.

Our only baby.

Esther finally pushed the door open after a knock to announce our presence. My world stopped at the sight of Uti almost falling out of her wheelchair and I hurried across the room to kneel in front of her. Keeping her in place, I caressed her cheek, willing my future wife to look at me. But she didn't.

The broken plate I was kneeling on cut into my skin, I ignored the pain, it was nothing compared to what the last three weeks had been; hell and more hell. I pecked her lips.

Talk to me. Please.

"Uti." Her gaze landed on me but I doubt she saw me, she never did, except it was Esther, even then, her attention span barely lasted. "Wifey," I called out and framed her face but her eyes never lit up in recognition neither did they sparkle like they did the first time I called her that. "Utianle. Please."

Unable to ignore the pain in my knees, I stood and my teeth clenched as I pulled out the shard of glass that had pierced my skin. Her breakfast littered the ground, a combination of noodles and boiled egg, staining the pieces of materials at her feet.

I picked what was remaining of the plate that once held her meal, trying not to think too much of it. What if we had not come in? Was she trying to hurt herself? I shook my head. This was a phase that would be over soon, it had to be. I sniffed and swiped at my nose, careful with the broken pieces in my hand as I got up, I was losing it. Slowly.

"Mummy," a voice whispered behind me. My head snapped to Esther standing by the door but her eyes were everywhere but at me as she walked into the room. Resting her weight on the table holding Uti's electric sewing machine, her breathing became laboured, her body swayed and she pointed a finger at her mother. "You are bleeding."

The plate in my hand crashed to the floor, my eyes sought Uti's body for any sign of injury and a strangled sound escaped me at the sight of blood slipping through her fist. I crouched between her legs, prying her hand open to reveal the broken glass in her grip. Uti. I sniffed. Uti. Sucking in my breath, I managed to remove the shard. My eyes stung as I wiped her hand clean with the Ankara material closest to me. Why?

This woman would be the death of me.

She didn't resist as I covered up her wound, as soon as I was done, she bent to retrieve the pieces that crashed to the floor and I snatched her wrists. As usual, she looked right through me. Why was she doing this? I offered her a close-lipped smile as my head bobbed, this was a passing phase. Temporal.

"Don't touch anything." She just stared. To Esther, I said, "Please, get me a broom." But she didn't move, her eyes remained fixed on the material on her mother's palm. "Esther."

"I don't want mummy to die."

Tears clouded her eyes when she looked at me and my heart clenched. This time, it was harder to keep my emotions in check. We didn't deserve any of these. "Come here."

Her feet carried her to me, her eyes darted to Uti and I called her attention back to me.

"Look at me. Mummy will be fine, okay?" I said. Her eyes rounded to saucers with glaring uncertainty but she still attempted a nod and I swallowed. "I need to clean this," I paused, sweeping my gaze over the mess I was kneeling on. "But I need a broom to do that, can you help me with one? Please."

She nodded, tears trailed down her cheeks and I released Uti's hands to hug her briefly. "Mummy will be fine, I promise. Okay?"

Another nod. "Mummy will be fine."

Her arms wrapped around me for less than a second, she scurried out of the room and I took in deep, shaky breaths. Uti was bent over again when I turned to her, piling the broken pieces of plate atop each other like one of them didn't cut her. I grabbed her hands but she yanked them from my grip. 

The muscles in my jaw ticked, I exhaled and tried to reach for her hands but she tucked them between her legs. God. I smiled at her.

"Uti, it's fine, please don't touch anything." She stared at me, or right through me, then tried to resume her unsolicited duty and I grabbed her shoulders. "I said it's fine! Don't touch anything. Don't do anything. Jesus."

She blinked, I jerked back and the corners of my lips pulled into a contrite smile. I ran my fingers through my hair and groaned. This was not it. Sparing her one long look, a sigh escaped me, she needed to visit the barbershop. We both needed a haircut.

"I'm sorry for raising my voice." Her silence hurt more this time, I rubbed my knuckles against her cheek. I missed my woman. "Say something," I whispered. "Scream. Cry. Stay mad at me but please say something. Uti."

When she didn't speak, my shoulders sagged, I took her hand and trailed a line on the colourful material, I would need to get a bandaid. Her hand stretched to my face, recognition danced across her eyes as our gazes met and I held my breath in, waiting for that hand hovering above my cheek to touch me. One small touch and I would be fine, be able to handle the bad days ahead. 

She pulled away without touching me, my face contorted into a mix of disappointment and fury. Mirthless chuckles slipped past my dry lips, I scoffed. This couldn't be it.

"Sorry." Her eyes misted, she smiled at me and my heart skipped a beat. She blinked and all traces of tears disappeared from her face. I grunted. Why wouldn't she cry? Shout. Anything but the constant silence and staring. "I was trying to feed Emma."

Bringing her hands to my face, I peppered kisses all over her knuckles and nodded. If only she would cry so I could too, for him. I needed to but I couldn't until she did, it would be hypocritical of me to do that when his mother barely acknowledged her loss.

Emma.

I almost burst into a bitter laugh while staring at her overly visible collarbone, she needed the food more than he did. I sniffed, I didn't want to swallow the bitter pill too. The doctor's final words floated in and out of my subconscious, I collapsed to the floor as the weight of his verdict finally sunk in.

We have to take him off life support.

*****

This chapter was tough for me to write as I'm seeing parts of my characters I have never experienced before. I am not used to them feeling this way and I am almost scared to write the future chapters. I'm already depressed at the thought sef.

Moving on, why haven't you voted? Why didn't you leave a comment? You have got to help more people meet our babies. With the newsfeed gone, it's harder to find new readers. But your constant votes, comments, addition to reading list and sharing will help keep WHP afloat on important tag lists, make it more visible to other Wattpad users. So help, help us.

It takes less than a minute to vote. If you enjoyed reading, please make that star glow orange. Take the time to vote on chapters you missed and share your thoughts with me, I always reply them.

I've started posting snippets of this story, when I'll update and whatnot on my other IG page: mara_is_art. The link is on my bio too. You're welcome to check it out, to know what's up with our babies before the main upload on Wattpad.

I am so exhausted/drained from writing this chapter, so, no questions. If you have any, ask away. I'm here to answer.

PS: Uti is seriously ignoring me. Wahala.