Sixty.
ADAMAWA STATE, NIGERIA.
Fatima is roaring and flaring with anger by the time Ahmad had closed his mouth. She couldn't do anything but lie there motionless on him, no words could express the anger and other emotions inside her. Myriad of emotions started raging within her the moment she heard about the divorce and then the betrayal. How could she do that to someone she claimed to love? Is that how love really is? Then what it is that she feels for Ahmad because she can't imagine ever hurting a hair on his head if not he's angered her to the limit. She's never thought about causing him pain ever since they started getting closer.
Then why did Eleanor do that to a young Ahmad who was hopelessly in love with her? Oh, God! If that is how love is, then love is scam. And what she feels for Ahmad should then not be defined as love, it's another emotion entirely different from what humans feel. It's so scared, close to her heart. The way she bleeds at the sight of him and the thoughts of how her heart flutter within the confines of her chest, that shouldn't be called love. Then what is it? It's something definitely mystical and way out of the world.
She stirred in his arms and he reluctantly let her go, his face not blank nor nonchalant but filled with emotions and grief. "Does it hurt thinking about the past?" She questioned in a quiet voice, her hand clasping into one of his, wringing her fingers into the loops of his.
Ahmad's eyes look down at their clasped hands and tightened his hold for a few seconds then release it. "It hurts a lot more than I thought it would. I never thought I would feel something relatively close to betrayal again after spending the past five years loathing her and my father. That is where I've made the mistake. I should've realized that my father had no fault in this sooner than later but that only dawned on me when he died. It was too late to ask for forgiveness and talk to him. He was miserable during his last days, not me nor my mom paid any heed to his apologies. We were selfies, into our own pain to think about his. I've regretted it so much and I still am."
His eyes shone underneath the sunlight, Fatima watched with compassion and sympathy which she hid behind her depleted eyes. He's gone through so much but what filled him is regret. She understands how he feels because once someone is dead, you cannot do anything to bring them back and those words that were left unsaid will keep on haunting you. Those actions you should've worked on, those confessions you should've talked about will forever be left in your mind because saying it will make no difference since they won't fall into the right ears. It's all for nothing because it is too late.
Fatima sighed before kneeling down beside him to give him a hug, one filled with support. She doesn't know what to say, all words abandoned her in certain situations. Leave her to reply sassy and sarcastic comments but stories this deep and hurtful, that's where she gets speechless and helpless. What do people say in certain situations? Everything will be alright or it's not your fault that things happened the way they did? She can't lie nor sugarcoat her words for the sake of him. That is what he wants to hear but that is not the truth and she won't say anything untrue for the sake of his feelings, that's not how it works.
He is at fault for what has happened and so is his mother. If she had coaxed him and acted like the adult she is, Ahmad would've followed her lead one way or the other but she didn't and he became more bitter seeing how broken her father had left them. Knowing that Ruwaidha woman, she must've contributed a lot in not permitting him to talk things out with his father. That woman is a bitter person and that has affected his life in a wrong way.
And the Ahmad now wouldn't have allowed that to happen, that's what she knows. He's grown into a more responsible man, thinking with the rational part of his head than emotions. He would've listened to his wife talk about the divorce with cool nonchalant facade and later go and ask his father if he is alright after all that's happened but sadly, Hakim Al-hafiz didn't live long to see this young fine man. Fatima could only hope he's forgiven him before he died. But that woman, Fatima would love to meet her and trample over her with her new Christian Dior heels.
The silence is loud albeit no words or sound is passing through the air but she could feel echoes throughout the place and the atmosphere. She's never in her life wished to fill in silence like she wants to right now. "That's all in the past and I know the Almighty has seen how regretful you are. All you should do now is pray for him, that's all he wants from you. And... erhm, I don't know what to say. If I talk any further than this, I might provoke and annoy you."
A deep chuckle rumbled from his chest, his face nuzzled her neck for a few seconds before he talked. "My grandfather called me few days ago actually."
Fatima let go of him, sit back down on the mattress to watch him with keen eyes. The grandfather Adda mama had talked about seem heartless and ruthless in his affairs so why did he bother reaching out for his grandson? Or did they have something to settle? And unfinished business of the last perhaps? That reminds her, she will ask about his Aegean eyes because the curiosity has been in the back of her mind, nagging her to blurt it out whether he is sensitive or not.
"What did he say?"
Ahmad made a face, his memory floating back to that one phone call that's been surprising him till date.
That was the day he came back from the hospital and his phone is placed close to him when Fatima left for college after Adda mama forced her to leave the house and focus on her project. Ahmad was sleeping when the phone rang beside him, he wanted to turn around and switch it off because the medicine he took earlier always makes him sleep. Blindly taking the phone with his eyes still closed, he tapped something and miraculously the phone got connected. He was quiet, listening intently with sleep hazy brain.
"Ahmad?" The voice sounded familiar but he couldn't place where he's heard it from. And at this stage where his mind is unfocused, he is not about to start placing face or name to the voice.
"That's me talking." He mumbled, turning to lie down on his side, mindful of his wound.
It was quiet from the other end, Ahmad wanted to hang up and go back to sleep but the man talked again and this time, dropped his identity. "It's your grandfather, Al-hafiz."
The sleep vanished from Ahmad's eyes at the piece of information, dizzily, he sat up on the bed with a wince of pain when the wound contracted in an ugly way. He was quiet too for a while, his brain shutting down then coming back on. What should he say to the man? They were never close during his childhood even though he is his only grandson then Zafaar from five years ago. Everyone was talking about how much alike they look because of their eyes but the man was detached because he still believe that he was born out of wedlock. As if that would've been his fault.
Even before he's heard from Adda mama, he knew he was born in a love marriage and would've gotten so much love had they stayed together. He also blamed his grandfather for what has happened in his past. He took him away from his real mother and forced them to break their marriage. The man only visited them once when he told Ahmad he was supposed to take over the family business and not go to police force, Ahmad paid no heed to him since he's been opinionated since childhood. He finished talking and left disappointed because even with his stoic austere order, Ahmad was not moved.
After several years, the man has finally reached out to them. What does he want and how do you talk to someone you haven't talked to in years? "Good afternoon, grandfather." He opted for greeting not even knowing it's night in Texas or wherever he is now.
"Ahmad, I just found out you left Texas with your mother recently. Why is that? You didn't tell anyone about your departure and we had to find out from your neighbors." Was what his grandfather stated as if they owe it to him. He made a look of distaste, this old man will never change his ways.
"Yeah, we decided to leave memories behind. I tried reaching out to you but like always, you are too guarded to let anything close to you. It's good you found out. How's everything going there?" His words are laced with mockery because he cannot help it. How dare the man act all concerned and inquiring about their lives after many years? Now he remembered that his only son have children and family? Now that he is about to die?
After a few seconds of silence, the aristocratic voice filled with command and power remarked. "Everything is fine but the business. You are falling your father's hands Ahmad. Just because he's supported you during the first years of your service doesn't mean he is happy with your decision. He just wanted to fulfill your wish mainly because you are not with your mother and he wants you to lack nothing. He died unhappy, we both know that. You need to think about the state your father's sweat and act responsibly."
Ahmad knew something like this will come up but he thought they were going to exchange more pleasantries before that. He's known that it's a family trait going straight to the point without beating around the bush needlessly. He was just expecting something a bit more than business from his grandfather. Thinking that his withering age has changed him and he wants to have a good relationship with his son's family but jokes on him, the man hasn't changed one bit. Everything is about the family business he's started years ago, he doesn't want it to wither away because of a stubborn grandchild.
He is tempted to tell him he's got another grandson growing up but he kept shut knowing that will set his grandfather off and earn insult for Zafaar. He is the one really born out of wedlock, a disgrace he would say so he kept quiet. Apart from close relatives consisting of -his father, mother, Eleanor, grandparents- no one knows that Zafaar is his younger brother instead of son and they'd like to keep it that way. His fathers soul deserve to Rest In Peace and such rumor will never be diminished once it starts burning.
"He didn't die a happy man, you don't know that since you were not there!" He's suddenly defensive because that is the truth but the older man doesn't know that, he was few oceans away. "I will decide for myself what I want to do. You can get someone to work in the company, it's all up to you. And I have good news for you."
The geriatric didn't say anything but Ahmad knew he was listening with stunned expression because he is never one to talk to an elder like that but he's pushed to the edge and Fatima, that girl taught him a lot. To never let anyone match all over you whether an older person or not because that is where they start taking advantage of you and think you don't have your own opinions in matter. And then you can never say no to them, ruin all your dreams because you are trying to be respectful to people that don't deserve. You should learn to say no, it's hard but you need to stand your ground.
It's okay to lose people you don't fit in with, people come and go. It's okay if you tried something and it doesn't work out, you have unlimited amount of tries, try again.
"I've found my mother and guess what? Your son was married to her when they gave birth to me, your words proven wrong." Ahmad got immense satisfaction when he heard the sharp intake of breath from the older man, he's shocked him, good.
"What nonsense are you talking about now, Ahmad? What mother have you found? Ruwaidha is your mother, get that?"
Ahmad rolled his eyes, the sleep is back in his eyes. "Believe it or not. You didn't believe your son all those years ago, why would you believe mine? But that's alright, I don't give a damn. About the business, it's now mine if you've forgotten so don't like your nose in what goes on in the company. I know how to manage both my jobs. If you don't have much to say, I need rest because I've been shoot."
His next words startled Ahmad. "Shoot? How? Are you alright? That's why Hakim didn't want you to work in that force, it's too dangerous!" His words were mixed with surfeit concern and that is the first time Ahmad has ever heard his grandfather's voice stripped off it's power and command.
Their conversation became hearty that they even shared a joke, Ahmad was shocked throughout the phone but entertained his grandfather. He almost felt guilty talking like that to the man at the beginning of the call but then thought, maybe that was why the man changed his approach? Albeit genuinely concerned about his well-being, Ahmad is sure he is trying to bring him close so they can talk about him leaving police force to work for the company. That is not going to happen, he wants to work in the force and change how corrupted Nigeria's police force is.
"Wow, your life is really dramatic. Mine is filled with pain and more pain. You can laugh about your own." Fatima chuckled after listening intently to what's transpired between his grandfather and him.
"I know right." He held back his comment about her life, she shouldn't feel compelled to tell him about her own just because he narrated his. She should take her time, he is in no rush.
She began fidgeting in place and Ahmad instantly knew something is not okay. Fatima never fidgets! She will straight out tell you what's on her mind whether it will hurt you or not but she is not talking now and her mouth is filled with unvoiced words. He frowned, why is she nervous around him now? She should be that strong willed lady that won't bend to anyone's command, won't bite her words and haul them ruthlessly. He stared in wonder, not believing Fatima is fidgeting. She looks like a complete different person from village.
She then huffed, puffed her cheeks then look directly into his eyes making his chest flutter for some queer reasons. How could she have this effect on him after all she's done? He is supposed to remember all that's happened between them whenever she stares at him but new feelings argue through his veins. His heart pumping a an extra liter of blood into his aorta. Her skin shone underneath the sun, her eyes brightening to their shades of gingerbread, her hair as sable and dark. If only she will pay heed to his words and leave her hair like this, she looks absolutely enticing and gorgeous with it. Unique too.
Her mouth moved for the first few seconds, he didn't hear a thing before he forced his brain to concentrate or she castrate him for not listening and he is curious about what got Fatima fidgety. "...talk to you about it but I can't help it, you are not willing to talk about it and my curiosity won't let me hang on and wait, I'm not known for my patience anyway. So right now, I'm going to ask you and you are going to answer me honestly before I lose my-" Ahmad stopped her by placing his hands on her shoulder, she looked down at the hand then at him before blushing.
Oh fucking hell, she was ranting! Her, Fatima Musa Babagana ranting in nervousness? That should be written in the world's history book. Or is it book of history? It should be written there, it's worth it.
"Relax." He told her in a quiet susurrus as if afraid speaking any louder will send her ruling over again, she shoot him a glare. She is not fragile, she is merely concerned about his feelings when she talks about his eyes. "You can talk to me about anything without getting nervous, you know that right?"
Fatima let out a breathy sigh and nodded then blurted out. "Your eyes. Adda mama said they are Aegean and not the sable we are seeing. Care to tell me what's behind the disguise?"
Ahmad was stunned at that, perhaps even shocked? Because he himself have forgotten that his eyes are not dark. He's been using contact lens for five years, since Eleanor had left him broken. He's wanted his emotions to be kept in check, no one should find out what he is feeling and how broken he was after all that's happened. His normal eyes were not able to do the work for him so he changed them. Eleanor leaving and his father's death did him bad, he had to change them and become another person. And it worked, till date.
Fatima cleared her throat, view him in a peek-like way that made her look adorable. "I'm just curious but if you are sensitive about the subject like Adda mama had said, then that's alright. You must've hated them because of your grandfather, it's alright." She spatted on the word sensitive, a sneer following the word at it's wake.
Ahmad shook his head, his shocked expression wearing off. "I did that because I didn't like the person I was after Eleanor had left. I looked like a broken child, and I shouldn't in my line of job or people will take me for granted so I changed them."
Her mouth made an o before she moved closer to inspect the eyes. "Can you remove the them?"
"Yeah, it's transition contact lenses. They begin to fade back to clear as soon as UV rays are no longer present and are designed to last two years. I've changed it twice already and did it again right before we came to Nigeria." He explained, using the pad of his forefinger to gently pry the brown contact lenses from his eyes.
Fatima bounced back and hit her buttocks in process after shockingly falling off Ahmad's laps -she didn't know how she got there- to the grass but it hurts still. Her eyes stared widely at him, his eyes are shockingly blue, like a sea. They sparkle, they are pale and icy, piercing, magnetic, striking and very very intense. Her eyes are widely staring, staring some more, absorbing. Ahmad is smiling at her reaction but there is nothing funny here. His eyes shocked her, he looks so beautiful in them, unearthly and unnaturally so too. How could he hide such beauties? With his tanned skin, his eyes stick out.
"What the actual fuck? Your eyes are fucking beautiful." She moved forward again as if afraid of coming any closer to him, Ahmad caught her in his arms and brought her closer.
"Are they? Not as much as yours. Bronze, swarthy and weather beaten. They reflect light and have many more flecks and shades to them compared to light eyes, very expressive." He complimented, his breath heating her cheeks and jaw.
"That is not debatable, yours are pretty and the most dearest. Brown is everywhere. But you know what? I want you to continue hiding them and have them open only in the confines of our home. People shouldn't know everything about you that I do, I can be that possessive. I don't want those minions in your station watching you and having more reasons to talk to you. I'm I clear?" She made a show of clearing dirt off his shoulder then glance up at him again with a raised brow.
Bewitched, Ahmad could only nod. Fatima admitting to being possessive, that's not a small step! "You have that covered, my love, these eyes are only for you." He blinked then found her lips in a scorching kiss.
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