Otosan.

The Japanese word for father.

Yes, I have a father.

Three to be exact.

Alex, Frank, and Alex.

Pretty ironic huh?

Anyways,

My second Alex is the one I call otosan.

Yet, he isn't exactly...

How should I say it?

Here.

Otosan, otosan, otosan.

I miss you more than anything in the world.

You and I..

You and I,

Ony talked for no more than a week.

It was short, but it was very special.

You made me smile.

Laugh.

Happy.

You did all of that in less than a minute actually.

Yeah,

You had me wrapped around your finger.

But, there is one thing.

One thing that stuck out more than anything.

How you helped me, otosan.

Don't you remember?

I would cry and tell you my problems sometimes,

And you'd be right there.

Setting me on your lap and hugging me tight.

Telling me everything would be okay.

Calling me cute nicknames that I adored.

Otosan.

I wish..

I wish you were still here.

I want to talk to you more.

Laugh.

Sing.

Dance.

Play fight.

I wanted to do so much with you.

I barely knew anything about you.

All I knew was that we loved each other,

Our family,

And that you were going through hell.

Please.

Please come back.

Come back because I miss you.

Come back and tell me it's not true.

Come back and show me you're still here.

How?

When?

Why?

Who?

Who took you away from me?

Did you do this to yourself?

Why did you do it,

Or why did they do it?

When did this happen?

How long have I've been so naive to think you were to come back?

How long have you been away and I never knew?

I have so many questions that it's killing me.

I put on that fake smile,

I shield my true emotions behind my fortress.

But..

I'M LOSING MY MIND!

Deep inside I am broken beyond repair,

And no one can feel my despair.

You can't come and heal my wounds.

Otosan.

Otosan I miss you.

I haven't seen dada,

I am afraid he's left me too.

I can't help ada because I'm losing it just as bad as he is.

Me and him are having fun,

But otosan,

Nothing is the same.

Our family is falling apart and it's hurting me.

What if dada or ada die?

Or even both at that.

Who will I have left?

I only have you three as fathers.

There is no one else that could give me that kind of love.

Nobody can make me feel the way you guys make me feel.

It's not fair.

Otosan, I wanted to see you with ada and dada.

I wished to go to your wedding and just, hang out.

I wanted you to see how annoying and silly I am.

I wanted to hug you and never let go.

But now,

Those chances are ruined!

We can't bring you back and..

And we can't just give up.

I know that it's hard for me to keep living.

Same for dada and ada.

We love and miss you so much otosan.

Otosan.

Otosan.

I love saying it just because.

I love saying otosan so a part of you is with me.

I know I'm so naive,

But I can't help it.

I'm losing friends and family left and right,

So I end up shutting away.

I lock myself inside my shell, just to get through this hell.

Every second makes me more depressed.

Every minute I'm in agony.

Every hour the pain grows.

Every day I miss you more.

Every week I try to push everyone away.

Every month will be the death of me.

And every year will be worse than before.

Put on my mask and keep moving,

But it's going to break sooner or later.

Otosan.

Otosan.

Otosan.

You are still in my heart and soul,

So why do I feel so cold?

Maybe I just made the hole in my heart bigger.

Oh well.

That just means I'm growing to love you more than I already did.

I guess I should go and cry myself to sleep.

Who am I kidding,

I've been crying the whole time.

Well, I hope you are happy in your new home,

But please,

Never forget about your little Ivy down here.

Me, ada, and dada love you so much.

We can't wait to see you otosan,

And I promise to never let you go.

❤❤ your baby girl/princess/cupcake/sweetheart