This chapter is dedicated to my lovely best friend who's birthday was May 6th. I hope you had the best birthday ever and I hope this chapter makes you cry in the best possible way. I love you Han! aka @hanskittles :-) HBD!!

**unedited**

Some people say that when you're surprised, you faint if you're really that shocked. I could say that I almost fainted hearing Alyssa blurt out the meet's information in front of Makoto. Of course, he had no clue what we were talking about, but that just made it worse. My eyes were planted on his, interpreting whatever he was bound to say next.

"What meet?"

"What are you talking about Haru?"

"Wait, what's going on?"

Or even better; he probably didn't hear her.

But of course he did. He was looking at her with an expression I'd never seen before. It was like he was going to punch her out of confusion. I approached him, with a glint of hope in my eyes wishing he was going to shrug off Alyssa's words.

"Oh, hey Makoto!" Alyssa greeted, quickly shaking his hand. "I didn't know you two were out and about!"

"Mmmm, yeah," I hinted, gritting my teeth. She'd probably get the signs I was giving her, but she was so blunt it was pissing me off. "Fancy meeting you here, Alyssa." She gave me a warm smile before standing in line to order her coffee like the rest of the customers.

"So what was that all about?" Makoto asked, placing his lips on the coffee mug. "What's at 5 PM in the Tokitsu Sports Arena?"

"It's an event. . . that I have to attend with Alyssa for like, five minutes," I said. I was trying to keep it cool, but my face was practically raining sweat.

"Ohhh, ok," Makoto answered. "I was so worried that you were going to miss the carnival." He slid his hand across the table and laid it on mine, clasping his fingers around mine. "But I know you wouldn't do that, right?"

"Yep." My voice was flat and nonchalant. On the inside, it felt like I was a too-full water balloon ready to burst. I moved my hand towards my lap and rested it here, unsure of what to say next. The conversation was slowly fading away.

"I'd better go," Makoto said, breaking the silence. He pushed his chair back and swung his backpack over his shoulder. He flashed me a smile and I tried to smile back, but an awkward and kind-of-creepy grin was plastered across my face. "You alright?"

"Huh?" I asked.

"You seem kind of. . . jittery."

"Nah, just excited about tonight."

"Really? Me too! I'm so psyched, oh my god." His voice was like the soothing sound of a church bell on a lovely spring day; waves of water sprinkling into a fountain. It wooed me, actually I was a sucker for him.

"I'll see you tonight then, Haru," he said, before dashing out the door. I watched him trail down the sidewalks of Tokyo, his face held high and his spirits dancing above him. Everything was going to collapse today. I picked at the rip in my jeans and sighed.

"That's the bae isn't it?" Alyssa's voice creeped up my neck and I bounced in my seat, startled.

"Alyssa!" I cried, my face flushed. "Shut up, would you?"

"God, you two are so cute," she gushed, plopping herself in the seat across from me. "Literally, I was watching you talk to him just a second ago and your eyes were swelling with love. You are so in love, Haru."

"Mmm," I replied. I didn't have any idea what to say now.

"How far have you two gone?" I jerked in my chair and stuck my hands up, rapidly shaking them back and forth.

"I-It's nothing like that!" I retorted. "We. . . just kissed." Alyssa's face lit up and she beamed, happily. "I don't want to go any further than that, and I doubt he does."

"I'll be the one to arrange that wedding of yours," she said, staring off into space. "Oh, I can just imagine it: You're walking down the aisle in your super sexy tux and Makoto's waiting for you near the priest and his eyes lay on you like you're the trophy of his life; the peanut butter to his jelly."

"You and your erotic fantasies," I huffed. "Nothing like that is ever going to happen."

"You never know, Haru! Maybe one day you'll end up making out on the bed and he'll start unbuttoning your s-"

"SHUT UP OH MY GOD," I whisper-shouted. I could feel myself blushing at the thought of it. Oh my god, Haru you idiot, you're a fucking idiot. A fucking idiot, I'm serious. I lunged my hand into my bag for my phone and started texting Rin, to fill the awkward moment Alyssa had created.

"You didn't tell him, did you?" She asked. Her tone was suddenly serious and kind of intimidating. "About the meet." My stomach twisted and turned and I shook my head, clenching my fists.

"I can't bring myself to do that," I admitted, sheepishly. "It's almost impossible to imagine what he'd say to me if I told him."

"Haru. . ." she sighed. "You know you have to. He's going to get mad, obviously and it might ruin your relationship but y-"

"Can we just not talk about this? I know what I have to do, and I know that it's going to be a fucking mess if I don't, but why can't you understand that it's hard for me to do so?" My eyes widened and I slapped my hand over my mouth. Fuck. She quickly piped down and hung her backpack around her shoulder. Immediately, I realized what I'd said what incredibly rude and I reached out for her arm, but she swayed herself away. "Alyssa, I'm sorry I-"

"Haru, you should really think about what you say before you say anything, or the people you love are going to end up getting hurt." She flashed me an icy glare, but it was out of disappointment, not anger. She left through the door and trotted down the sidewalk, and I rolled my eyes back into my head.

5 o'clock Haru! Don't forget! Let's meet at Ueno Park under that big cherry blossom tree! <3

The message from Makoto made me feel relieved to know that I still had time. A part of me felt that I didn't have to say anything, that I didn't have to tell him that my career was more important than our relationship. That my career was more important than my friendship with Rin and the others. Another part of me was determined to spill the truth all over them like spilled milk. I was going to tell them in the most formal way I could. I wasn't going to cry; I was going to accept their feelings and the words they were going to shoot at me like bullets on a battlefield.

Easier said than done

I shifted my chair back and stood up, stretching out my arms and legs. Pulling out my phone again, I maneuvered my fingers over the keyboard and began typing a long paragraph to Makoto.

Hey, I love you lots and lots and you probably know that by now because I just want to hold you and kiss you all night and every night. I love you so much, literally I just want to be with you all the time twenty-four seven. And I know I'm probably a fucking idiot for saying this and I feel like absolute shit right now, but I can't come to the carnival. There's an important swim meet and my career depends on it. I love you, I love you, I love you. . .

My eyes scanned the screen and I smiled, shaking my head from side to side. There was no way in hell I was going to send this to him. I erased all of it except for the three 'I love you' words at the end. I jabbed the send button and a small message appeared at the bottom reading "Read 4:15 PM." A gray bubble popped up next to mine and he texted back.

I love you too, Haru.

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

The clock on the wall of my apartment read 4:45 PM and I was dreading every single moment of the meet. I lifted myself off of the couch and glanced in the mirror hung on the wall. My eyes were drooping and had dark bags under them after a sleepless night. Somehow, I was able to move my legs towards the door and slip my feet into my flip-flops.

Opening the door, a fresh wave of snow greeted me and I sighed. I stepped down the white steps and peered into the blizzard-like conditions. It would be almost impossible to get to the Tokitsu Sports Arena in weather like this, so I began making my way to the train station. With every step, I shivered and imagined how everyone would react to my unsightly no-show at the carnival. A feeling of trepidation bundled up inside of me and now, I started hurrying myself to the train station, despite the extreme cold.

The subway was colder than usual, since it was underground. My fingers shook, even though they were in incredible heat. I stared up at the train time, which was 4:53, and leaned against a large concrete pillar. I stuck some ear buds into my ears and started to blast Fall Out Boy, Folie a Deux. The loud and pumping voices filled me up and when the conspicuous train traveled right by, I almost didn't jump on.

I sat down in one of the navy blue plastic seats and drifted off into a light sleep. It wasn't too long before a deep and rusty voiced boy tapped me on the shoulder, waking me. I shook in my seat and opened my eyes to see none other than shark-toothed Rin Matsuoka standing before me.

"Haru!" He exclaimed. "You goin' to Ueno Park?" I opened my mouth and I was in the vicinity of speaking the truth, but I intercepted my own words.

"Y-yeah!" I replied.

"Makoto sure is relentless about the carnival," He added. "He keeps going on and going about how excited you two are for this."

"He's not wrong," I said giving him a smile. It was utterly fake and I literally had to keep myself from spilling everything. The train halted to a stop and a digital sign in red letters read "Tokitsu Sports Arena" and I stood up, casually ignoring their confused glances at me.

"Wait, Haru," Rin intervened, grabbing my wrist. His eyes were filled bewilderment. "Ueno Park is the next stop."

"I know," I responded. "Could you tell Makoto that I won't be able to make it?" I began to exit the train, when he tugged at my hand and pulled me back inside. I stumbled back and landed on my knees, staring up at him. "I'm serious Rin. I can't come to the carnival."

"Why not?" He asked. His voice was full of sheer frustration, but he was giving me a smile, pretending not to listen to me. "You're kidding right?"

"No," I said, sternly, turning away. I couldn't even face my best friend, and the guilt poured into me. "I have a swim meet that leads to my qualification to the Olympics. I can't afford to miss it, and I'm sure you understand that considering you're also a-"

"I don't!" He was yelling now, trying to say composed. "I really don't understand. We came all this way for you, Haru, for you. I flew here from Australia. Do you know how long that took?" I continued glue my eyes to the floor, helplessly listening to him. That was all I could do, wasn't it? "And this is how you repay us?"

"I didn't mean for this to happen to you, Rin I just wa-"

"This is important to us, don't you know? It's the first time we're all here together."

"I know, but I just-"

"Your career is important, I know that, but why didn't you tell us earlier? You know Makoto bought tickets for all of us?"

"Rin, I completely understand but you don't understand how hard it was for me to say this to you guys." I finally got the words out. "I was struggling for a long time to tell you all and I couldn't bring myself to say anything because I know how much it was going to hurt you."

"No, you never cared," he concluded. "If you really knew that you couldn't come, you would've called, right? Or maybe even told Makoto?" I jolted back, a crushing feeling clenching my mind. "I can't even think about what he's going to say when you don't come." I averted my eyes to keep the tears from falling.

The train will be departing from Tokitsu Sports Arena now, a voice over the loudspeaker announced.

"I never told you this and I'm sorry for that." His staring was interminable and I couldn't stop feeling indiscretion over this.

"Whatever," he declared, shrugging it off. "Whatever happens tonight is all because of you, and I want you to fully understand that." There was silence, and I had so much to say, but yet again, I couldn't bring myself to say it. I couldn't bring myself to apologize a million times for everything I'd said and done.

"I have to go Rin." I grabbed my bag from the seat. "Please, just tell Makoto that I'm sorry."

"I'm not telling him anything," he argued back. "That's your job and your job only."

I exited the train and as the sliding doors shut behind me, I refused to meet eyes with Rin. I clutched my bag and hurried up the steps into the cloudy dreariness. The blizzard had stopped now, and the sky was a gloomy gray color, a storm waiting to be born.

What was going to happen tonight?

Hey guys! Long time no see, right? I am LEGIT so busy this month and I finally found time to write this chapter! Again, Happy late birthday to my best friend in the whole wide world @hanskittles. I'm so glad you're writing again and ILYSM!!

So, guys, HOW WAS THIS CHAPTER? I bet you're all like screaming because I finally updated right?? lmao im really sorry again for like never updating. Summer is coming up, though, so the next update will definitely be after May 28th, the day I graduate!

Leave a comment and let me know what you think will happen when Haru reaches the Arena and how Makoto's reaction will be??? LIKE OMG YOU GUYS WILL CRY AND SCREAM OVER THE NEXT FEW CHAPTERS!!

If you haven't noticed, I'm trying to push back the actual major angst when Makoto realizes Haru isn't there lol I JUST WANT SUSPENSE YASSS

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 8k READS HELL YES

Stay tuned!

-Monty