**unedited**

A/N: The side media with the music is really nice tbh, it's from the Season One soundtrack of Free and I love it a lot. :-)

Nobody said it was easy.

"Haru-chan! Come help me with this bird! I think she's dead!"

I rush over, my sneakers violently pounding against the summery grass. Makoto is holding the lovely sparrow in his hands and his eyes swim with tears, as they slowly fall to the ground. He places his head on my shoulder and sobs.

"What happened to her?" I ask.

"I think she fell out of her nest," he says, pointing to a nest above us in the large tree. The sun sparkles against its leaves and I sigh. Then, I glance at the sparrow and its chest has stop rising.

"It's too late! We could've saved her!" Makoto cries. I shake my head, staring at him sadly.

"You couldn't save her, you could only love her," I reply. His eyes grow wide and suddenly, he hugs me. I sit, astounded, my heart drumming inside of me.

"Then if one day, I'm unable to save you, I'll love you instead."

***

"Something up, Haru?" Alyssa asked. I jolted forward in my seat and placed my hand upon my forehead, sighing. "You look exhausted."

I'd spent all of last night freaking out and trying to decide whether to attend the swim meet or the carnival. It was obvious that the swim meet meant a whole lot more than a stupid carnival. But after that day at Hannah's house with Makoto, the possibly scenarios were filling my head.

"I have to make some pretty important decisions," I told her, twiddling my thumbs. "When is the deadline?"

"Wednesday," she replied. It was Monday, as of now. "I never wanted to pressure you, Haru, but I know how much swimming means to you at this national level."

You don't know how much Makoto means to me.

"I'll have the decision made by tomorrow itself," I declared. "It won't be that tough, I know what's best." Glancing at my watch, I realized it was already five o'clock. "I better run," I said. "Makoto and I are having dinner at my place today."

"Oh!" She gasped, cupping her hands over her mouth. She smirked and raised her eyebrows at me. "Could it be possible that you. . ."

"No! Shut up!" I cried, heavily blushing. "I-it's not like I want it to be that way!"

"But you've already told me," she protested. My cheeks flushed again and I shook my head, blurring inappropriate thoughts out of of my mind. "You don't have to be embarrassed. Really, I mean."

"I'm not embarrassed!" I retorted, angrily. I quickly shut myself up, as forty million eyes glanced my way. "Sorry."

"It's my fault for bringing it up anyways," she answered, smiling. She picked up her purse and slid her chair in. "I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Tomorrow," I confirmed, pushing the door out of the coffee shop. I turned on my heels and started towards my apartment. Nothing weird would happen while he was over, right? Just the thought of him himself made my body go numb all over.

Stop that, Haru!

Suddenly, my phone started to buzz and I reached into my pocket, answering it. "Hello? Makoto?"

"Yeah, where are you? I'm inside."

"Already?" I bellowed. "You were supposed to come over at 5:30!"

"Sorry, sorry," he gushed. "I was bored back at my place, so I just decided to show up early." I stuck my hand back into my pocket, whipping out the keys and shoved them into the doorknob. He was flipping through channels on my TV and stood up when he saw me. He looked semi-formal just for a dinner at my place; a long sleeved gray shirt layered with a white scarf and black pants. I turned away to take off my shoes only to discover that I couldn't wipe the smirk off of my face.

"Haru!" He beamed, rushing over. "How was your practice today?" He tilted his head at me. "And why are you smiling?"

"Oh! I was just. . . er. . . y'know thinking about how happy I am about the carnival this Friday!" Shit, that was a dumb thing to say. "I was late, sorry. Did you make anything or-"

"Well, I kind of suck at cooking. . ." he chuckled. I laughed as well and after that, the silence grew. I gulped and played with my fingers, nervously.

"Um. . . so?" I squeaked. I had no clue what I was supposed to do after yesterday's crazy scenario. Of course, I was happy. More than that, actually. But I didn't know how Makoto was taking this. To take my mind off, I opened up the fridge and pulled out a leftover salad with some ranch dressing.

"Ooooo, that looks delicious!" He narrowed his eyes, squinting into it. "I think I see some strawberry vinagrette on it."

"It's from mine and Alyssa's dinner last week," I explained, grabbing some plates. "Here you go. Serve yourself."

"Thank you for the food," he said, before reaching for the spoon to scoop some into his plate. He took a bite, his eyes widened, and he stuffed some more into his mouth. "This is amazing, oh my God!"

"Glad you like it," I said, delicately eating some myself. We continued our dinner with occasional speaking, but nothing about yesterday came up into the subject. "I'm not sure if you know, but I do know that Rin, Nagisa, Rei, and Sousuke are coming to the carnival."

"Oh, yeah Rin told me," he replied, shrugging his shoulders. "I'm glad we can all get together." I forced a smile onto my face and nodded in delight. His words were swaying me to my decision, but the swim competition meant a whole lot as well.

Now what should I say? Hesitation overwhelmed me and I clenched my fingers tightly.

"Haru," he began. I looked up from my plate, my eyes wide with concern.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"There's something I need to say before things get any worse." I couldn't see it, but on the inside he was definitely trembling with fear.

"I want you to know that I am considering leaving Tokyo. I don't want to leave you, Hannah, and all of the other friends I've made. But this is for my career and I want you to understand and support me."

Before I knew it, tears blurred my vision and I slammed my fist on the table, hysterical sobs echoing in the room.

"I'm so frustrated with everything about myself!" I cried. "I can't even start to express how much I care about swimming! About you!" He stood up, bewildered, frightened, his facial expressions explictly showing a mixture of emotions. "Don't you see that I care? I want you to pursue your career! I want you to be the best you can be! But I-I'm so afraid that I'll lose you." I shot him a desperate stare filled with utter despair and anger. "Do you know how close I was to losing Rin as a friend? Do you?"

"Haru, please!" He grabbed my shoulders and squeezed them, his face like the cherry blossoms near our middle school. "Please. . .hear me out!" I gripped the sleeve of his shirt and coughed in the middle of my watery eyes.

"This is for your sake too. I know you've struggled here Haru, and I invited everyone on Friday because I know they can help you. It's not just me, it's them too. They're here for you. They care about you."

"I. . . I care," I gasped, internal pain shooting through my body. The tears spilled onto the floor, soaking away into the carpet and Makoto went to give me a hug.

Everything was racing through my mind. Our childhood. Our memories. Our fights. Our love. My feelings. His feelings. Our feelings. I didn't know what to do. I was trapped. My heart frantically raced inside of me, ready to collapse at any moment.

I can't do this anymore, I thought as I placed my hands on his face. The skin was smooth and warm.

I don't want to lose you, I thought as I moved closer to his face. His grassy eyes. His peach lips.

I want us to be together, I thought as took a deep breath and leaned in closer, the adrenaline about to push its way out.

His lips collided with mine before I could kiss him and it was only a matter before we pulled away from each other and kissed each other again.

"I love you," I whispered, fumbling with my breath. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," he said. "And I'm never going to let you go."

//takes a deep breath OMFG OMFG OMFG THAT WAS HARD TO WRITE LIKE IM STILL SWEATY AND RED MY GOD I CAN'T FEEL MY SKIN ANYMORE HHHHHHH YAOI BABIES YES YES OTP

no smut btw i doNT write yaoi smut or any smut actuallY nope lmao i suCK

get it suck no okay,,,

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-Monty