**unedited**

The next day was Saturday, December 18th. I'd almost forgotten about my little coffee "date" as you'd call it with Alyssa. I got up early, and just lounged around the entire day. Makoto and I met up for lunch and he seemed unusually excited for plans he had tonight.

When I got back home, I realized it was almost six o'clock since we'd wandered around Hiroshi Park for awhile. I quickly put on a semi-formal attire: collared shirt with tannish pants. Unfortunately, my contact supply had run out, so I was now wearing thick, black rimmed glasses that stuck to my face. It was the most disgusting and unpleasant sight to look at.

I straightened my jacket and peered around the corner of the building. Since it was a Saturday night, and a week before Christmas, the streets were jam-packed with locals and tourists buying gifts for their friends and families. I stopped by a couple of windows to see cute little snowmen mugs and thought of gifts I should give everyone when they came over next week. My mind pondered for a bit, but I ended up shrugging it off and focusing on Alyssa, who was happily skipping down the street.

She looked really casual, perceptibly; a seafoam colored long sleeved layered with a white scarf and denim jeans. She gave me a heartfelt smile and said, "Hey Haru! How's it going?"

"Good," I answered. This was starting off as a embarassing awkward conversation so I just held the door to the coffee shop open instead. "Um, here you go."

"Thanks!" She exclaimed, stepping in. I followed her and the cozy and warm smell of coffee and cookies welcomed me. The shop was packed, frankly, customers buzzing about. We spotted multiple tables, but people came and swooped them away, even before we could place our order.

"This sucks," she complained. "At least everyone seems happy about Christmas." I noticed that she hadn't asked me about my absence yesterday so it must've not concerned her as much. "Are you doing anything for the holidays?"

"Um. . ." I began. I couldn't quite find the words I wanted to say. "My friend from Australia is coming and some of my other friends, third-years, are also coming."

"Hey! That sounds fun!" She commented. "Are you guys by any chance going to the Christmas Carnival?"

"Yep," I answered.

"Nice! Maybe we'll see each other! I'm going with some of my friends from London."

"Are you from London?" I asked. She shook her head.

"My Dad was born in Germany but my Mom is Japanese. I was born in London, but I moved here when I was about thirteen." She moved up in line and I stood right beside her. "How about you?"

"Both of my parents are from Japan," I explained. "My dad's grandfather was Polish though, but I have no idea what that leads to." She laughed and grinned. "What?"

"You're such an open book," she teased. "You always speak your mind and that, for the most part, is an amazing trait."

"Thanks, I guess," I said, unsure whether to be optimistic or not. "Oh, hey place your order." She twirled around on her heels, elegantly.

"One small regular," she said, crisply.

"How much sugar do you want ma'am?" The young girl behind the counter asked. She looked about fifteen, and extremely young to be working.

"Two packets."

"And for you sir?"

"Just a medium hot chocolate," I replied.

"Coming right up!" She handed me a receipt with the number 52 on it. "Your order number will be called when it's ready. Have a nice day!"

We manuevered ourselves to the pick-up counters and tediously waited for our drinks. I noticed that they'd decorated a little bit more for this year; candy cane ornaments hung from miniature Christmas trees.

"I love Christmas," Alyssa declared. "It's one of the warmest, metaphorically, times of the year. And, I always ended up making new friends around Christmas." She turned herself towards me and beamed, gladly. "Like you, Haru!"

"Oh! Uh. . . er. . . thanks!" I answered. Was she trying to tell me that she loved me? She couldn't be, she already knew I was gay.

"Sooooo," she singsonged. "How's it going with you and Makoto?" My cheeks turned bright pink and I felt myself get hot.

"N-nothing!" I stammered. "We're merely friends and nothing more."

"Make a move!" She scolded, playfully. "You have to get with it, Haru! Don't cower in fear. Say what you wanna say, and let the words fall out. Honestly, I wanna see you be brave!"

"Haha, I know that song," I laughed. A short haired boy with menacing green eyes abruptly passed us our drinks. They were sizzling hot and I flinched, accidentally grabbing it. "Ouch," I winced in pain. My hand turned bright red, the color of ornaments on a Christmas tree.

"You alright?" Alyssa pried. I nodded. Handing her coffee in her hands, we carefully made our way to a tiny booth near the frost-coated windows. I placed my cup down and unzipped my jacket, throwing it near the window.

It was silent for a minute as we both sipped our drinks, enjoying the warmth and delightful feeling that was wintertime.

"Did you ever have trouble deciding your future?" I almost dropped my cup, but I steadied myself immediately.

"Actually, I did," I admitted, timidly. "It's not something I like to remember because it caused a lot of my friends to worry about what I would do after graduation." I gripped my cup even tighter, my fingers almost turning the color of the clouds outside. "But I'm glad I discovered what it was I liked."

"Good," Alyssa acknowledged. "Actually, when I was a third-year, I knew exactly where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do. But the college rejected my application so it was almost as if everything I had hoped for was gone; swept away in a river, perhaps."

I smiled at her usage of words. Outside of practice, she seemed like a totally different girl; spontaneous and bubbly.

"I almost forgot to mention!" She cried, digging through her purse. She tore out a piece of paper from another and scribbled something down. "Swim meet next Friday."

"Huh?" I blubbered. Next Friday. . . was Christmas Eve!

"I just remembered too," Alyssa confessed, hesitantly chuckling. "I'll just have to cancel my plans for the Carnival." She stared at me and noticed that I was dead-frozen, my palms sweating like hell. "You can cancel, can't you?"

"I don't know," I breathed. "My friends are all coming just so we can hang out and if I just ditch them, they I have no clue how they'll feel." My heartbeat started increasing and I felt nauseous. "I'm sorry." I was repeating myself like a broken-tape. "I really am, Alyssa. I don't know if I can make it."

She sighed and pulled out another piece of paper, more like a flyer, then slid it over to me. "This meet is to compete at the Olympics next year."

* * *

On the way home, I held the flyer tightly in my hands, my body shaking. I had no idea what I was going to do. My mind was racing, thoughts flying here and there; I wasn't ready to ditch everybody. I know what you're thinking: futures mean more than friendships. But it wasn't just some silly get-together. Rin was flying from Australia with Sousuke; Nagisa and Rei were coming on a holiday.

As I drew nearer to my house, I saw a shady figure leaning against my door. I started towards the steps and paused, staring at the figure. My front porch lights were off, so I could barely see a thing.

"Haru?"

Makoto's voice. But it was different; he sounded exasperated. He sounded like he was crying.

"Did you forget?"

The light suddenly flicked on and he stood before me, his eyes glint with confusion. Tears fell down his pink cheeks and he sniffed, wiping them away. My eyes grew wide and I lunged at him.

"Why are you crying?" I screamed. "What happened?"

"You forgot," he whispered. "Didn't you?"

"What?"

"We had dinner plans, remember?" He smiled at me, fighting back tears. "Haru, we'd been planning this for ages, how could you forget?" It hit me; like a blow to my stomach. We had been planning this actually.

"I. . . I don't know," I said, tripping over my words. "I really don't remember. I'm sorry, I truly am. I'll make it up to you, I will okay?" I pushed my key into the keyhole and started to turn it when he grabbed my wrist.

"No."

"What?"

"This isn't okay. You've been acting strange ever since we got here, Haru. I swear, something's wrong. Why won't you tell me?" His voice turned into the pleading sound of a child and I stepped back.

"I'm fine!" I sputtered. "What are you even talking about? There's absolutely nothing wrong!"

"Don't lie to me Haru!" He cried. "First you ditched practice and then you left on the subway that day looking like you'd been hit by a bus!" I swallowed the large lump in my throat, nervously. "We've been friends ever since we were four! I can see right through you." He grabbed my shoulders, violently shaking me back and forth. "What. Is. Wrong?"

I swatted his hands away, annoyed. "Nothing! It's not anything I can tell you!" He gave me a hurt glare and I knew immediately I'd gone too far. "I'm sorry, I just-"

"Stop apologizing!" He yelled. "Just please, Haru! Tell me what's wrong! I know I can help you!" No you can't. Sorry, Makoto, I'm not ready to confess.

And I don't think I ever will be.

"I don't want to hurt you!" I shouted back, my eyes filling with tears. Adrenaline pumped through my body and I clenched my fists, frustrated. "I. . . I don't. . . want to hurt you." My voice cracked and turned into disgusting sobs and I almost fell to the ground.

"Is it about something that happened at the Complex?" He asked. I shook my head, wiping my soaked face.

"I really," I began. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "I really want to tell this person something but I know they won't accept me for who I am, and I'm afraid they'll reject me."

Makoto pulled me close, his hands covering the back of my head, embracing me for a long time. I blinked, shocked by his actions.

"Whoever they are, I'm sure they'll accept you," he whispered in my ear. "You are perfect just the way you are."

As I lay there in his arms, the tears wouldn't stop when my hands found the flyer in my jacket pocket.

Awww Haru!!! BABY ILYSM T^T this was a really hard scene to write actually. I was really dumb and tortured myself by watching episode 11 of season 2 dAMMIT WHAT IS LIFE Sorry for the kind of long chapter, haha.

So what do you guys think Haru is going to do? What's his decision going to be? Let me know by leaving a comment

Stay Tuned!

-Monty