I never update this so thank you to anyone who actually reads it. Here's a nice little existential crisis for you:

There's so many thoughts that go through my mind, so many things I wonder about and so many words and so many pictures and so many songs and I never talk, like really talk, about any of them.
I'm so sick of everything, I'm so sick of being who I am and I'm so sick of knowing all the people I know, and I'm so sick of being trapped in my little world of other people and expectations and "the way things arc done" and opinions and thoughts and I just wish I could escape somehow. But there isn't anywhere to escape to- there isn't some place where I can be free of everything and everyone I know (I've thought about suicide, but I still card too much).
And it's not because I don't like people, it's just that I can't stay committed to anyone, I'm bad at having friends and I was back at having a girlfriend, and I'm afraid of being wrong, of embarrassing myself. And I'm so afraid of telling people what I think.
But most of what I think isn't mine anyways: it's all borrowed thoughts. Borrowed thoughts, borrowed opinions, borrowed jokes, borrowed phrases. I'm a patchwork of ideas, every bit stolen from someone or somewhere else. People say that there's nothing new anymore- so is this normal?
And is it normal to be influenced so easily by a casual comment someone else makes? Because I am so easily influenced. I don't think so- most of the people I know seem to be able to choose an opinion and stick by it, defend it, some people even to the point of stupidity.
And I hate it, and I'm sick of it, and I want to change- I want to change myself is so many ways.
I spend so much of my life just wrapped up in my mind- I'm completely self-absorbed. I'm not selfish, I don't think, and I'm not over confident, but I am self absorbed. I'm always thinking about myself and comparing myself and even if I'm hating myself I'm still thinking about myself. I'm sorry for that, by the way. I don't know if that's normal. What even is normal. I've never been in anyone's mind but my own, so there's no way for me to know.
I live inside my brain and I'm so fucking sick of all these love songs.