Mary was getting used to her new life. And her new name. She was surrounded by wonderful people who were taking great care of her and in return, she cooked for them. She was a great cook, she discovered. And she enjoyed cooking for everyone in the convent.

She was also good with accounts and therefore helped them with the budgeting and saving for the future. It was something she was used to do she was sure since she seemed to focus on every detail and derived astute strategies to maintain their current possessions.

Maybe it had something to do with her profession. She must be a banker or involved in a similar lucrative business that required such kind of creativity. She grimaced at the thought finding that particular profession quite mercenary something which she was not liking. But she had no right to be prejudiced especially in the state she was.

Two days had passed since her sudden rebirth and she had still not remembered anything yet. And except for the quick memory which she had on the first day, nothing had flashed again. It was futile trying to remember as ever time she would end up with her unbearable headache and she had no choice than to give up.

Thankfully, the wound on her head no longer ached and was on the verge of healing. She was having some difficulty in combing her hair but the sisters were always willing to help her. It had taken her little time to integrate among them.

During her free time, she had been given access to the library where they had a vintage computer but she had googled about the disease “amnesia”. From what she had learnt, there were several types and she assumed that hers was followed due to the trauma she had been through. And having longer periods of amnesia would only worsen her case.

And there was no specific remedy; she had to wait for her memory to come back. There was the possibility of her to attend therapy but she had to consult a doctor for that and she was not willing to make surface for the time being.

What if someone had tracked down every nearby hospital and was just waiting for her to resurface to attack again? She did not even know if there was anybody to protect her out there and it was too great a risk to take. What if she was an orphan who had only her fiancé to rely on and she had realized too late that he was not who he had seemed to be. It had to be big for her to take such a drastic step.

And when Mother Katherine had asked her to put up an advertisement about her disappearance, all she had done was stall for some time not willing to share her past with them yet. Seeing her reluctance they had not pressed her and she had been grateful for that. She could not afford to let her guards down so soon. It was better to be on the safe side for the time being.

“Mary?” she heard someone call her and she stopped to look at the person trying not to show her grimace at the name. It was not her name, she was sure of that. It sounded strange to her and she so wanted to be called by her name.

“Yes,” she answered Sister Julie; a lovely lady whom she had grown close during the two days of her journey.

“Mother Katherine is calling for you,” she was informed. “I think she had called for the doctor and would like you to consult him for your head injury.”

Trying not to panic at her words, Mary smiled submissively not wanting to show her emotions to the woman. But how could she consult a doctor? And why had Mother Katherine taken such a step without consulting her? There would be enumerable questions about her past and they would try to persuade her to come out in the open.

And how would she be able to convince them of something she herself was not sure? How to convince them that somebody was attacking her when she had no proof whatsoever of what had happened? The doctor would only blame it on her imagination and she would be helpless as she had no concrete proof of what her six sense was telling her.

Damn she was so screwed!

Sighing, she slowly went in the direction of Mother Katherine’s office and knocked politely on the door. She would talk to the doctor, she decided. And told him the truth. If he insisted, then she would have to take extreme measures.

“Mother?” she asked opening the door and looking inside to find an elderly man sitting opposite Mother Katherine. They had been in deep conversation and stopped immediately at the sight of her hovering at the door. Instinctively, she knew they had been talking about her and groaned inwardly at the unexpected turn of event.

And just when she had thought the drama was over and she would settle down. And focus on getting her memories back rather than trying to save her skin.

“Ah Mary. Please come in,” Mother Katherine gestured her to come in at the same time as she spoke. “Here, meet Dr. Carl. I called him earlier so that he could get a look at the nasty wound on your head.”

Reluctantly, Mary entered the room and greeted the doctor politely. It was like she felt apprehensive and suddenly she knew the reason why. She was not willing to learn the truth of what had happened to her. It was something her mind had blocked and whatever it had been, it was not something she would like to be reminded of.

Her thoughts instantly went to the groom who must have betrayed her and that was why she had not expected that blow. Was she going to be able to remember her past? What was she going to do if ever she found out that her future husband had been trying to assassinate her? Would it break her heart once again?

Was she still in love with him? Would she be able to forgive for whatever he had done to her? Or she would have to give him the benefit of the doubt since she was not even sure that he was the one who had tried to hurt her.

“So Miss Mary,” the doctor started as soon as she sat next to him. “Mother Katherine here has informed me that you have no memory of your past life,” he asked and Mary nodded in answer feeling her heart pick up speed as her nervousness grew.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it,” Mother Katherine politely interrupted and before Mary could stop her, she got up and left the room.

Damn! Now she was alone with the doctor and she was feeling even more uneasy. Would he probe in her mind and find out the truth? Swallowing, she fidgeted with her fingers and tried to calm her erratic heartbeats.

“That’s right. The last thing I remember is that I had been running. I don’t even remember falling down and all I knew was that blood was oozing out from me somewhere,” she finally confessed in a small voice when the doctor was patiently waiting for her answer.

He nodded when she spoke and she felt her unease gradually fade. It was going to be alright. She was going to remember everything and the doctor was going to help her.

“When I felt my head, I realize that I must have fallen down while running,” she continued.

“Let me see that wound,” he asked in the same gentle tone and Mary bent her head to show him where she had been hurt.

“Does it hurt?” he asked feeling the wound gently with his fingers and Mary tried not to wince at the pain she felt.

“Not like before. But when I accidently touch it, I can still feel some pain.”

“That’s normal,” the doctor informed her. “The wound has not dried up yet and it’s nothing serious. But I think it’s the thing which had triggered your amnesia.”

So it was amnesia. Her heart sank as she heard the doctor pronounce the word. She had been hoping that he might have diagnosed it as concussion or something. Something milder than amnesia. Even if she knew all along that it was amnesia. Wishful thinking on her part, she knew. But she was grasping at the tiniest thought of hope for the time being to keep her sanity.

“And Mary is not your real name?”

“No, I was given that name the first time I came here. I don’t even remember my own name,” she whispered hating the way her voice wavered at the thought. It was depressing that she had no idea who she was.

To have no memory of her past life was a horrible thing and she desperately to feel something. For the past days, it was as if something had been switched off in her and she was only surviving. Oh, how she wanted to live again.

“I understand the feeling,” the doctor consoled her but she doubted it. “It must be difficult. Something really traumatic must have happened to you and your mind has subconsciously blocked any memory. Have you tried to remember anything at all from your past?”

And Mary nodded. “But every time I concentrate, I have this terrible headache which becomes unbearable and I have to stop.”

“Okay. That is normal. Your mind is not ready for the memories yet. And have you remembered anything? Anything at all?”

Without thinking, she nodded again and said. “Yes, I remembered myself in my wedding dress and smiling happily. I have that flash on my first night here and cannot remember anything after that,” and could have bitten her tongue after the words were out.

“Wedding dress?” he repeated stunned. “You were getting married?”

Shrugging, she tried to catch up on her gaffe. “Well, it looked like a wedding dress but I could be mistaken. In fact, I’m sure I must have imagined the whole thing. I am so tensed these days that I see everything the way I want to see it,” she even tried a laugh to mask her distress.

The doctor seemed skeptical when he nodded this time and Kate gulped down her worry. Damn! What had she done? She should be more careful when she opened her mouth next time.

“Have you contacted the police?” was the next question and Mary cringed despite having anticipated such a question.

“No,” she croaked uncertain of what she would say next. She felt the familiar constriction of her throat every time she thought of someone finding her out and she gasped for air. The doctor quickly placed a glass of water in her direction and tried to soothe her back.

“Now, now. Don’t panic. It must have been something really traumatic as you are not willing to remember what happened to you. That is why you are having headaches every time you try to go into your past,” Dr. Carl observed pushing back his spectacles on the rim of his nose.

Mary felt her burst of panic recede hoping that the doctor would not force her to go to the police. She did not understand why she was so reticent because going to the police might mean that she would eventually get all the help she needed.

But what if she did not remember the person she was supposed to be afraid of? What if he got to her before she had time to discover his real identity? With her memory loss, it was difficult for anyone to help her, even the police.

“I.. I.. have the feeling that someone is trying to kill me. Or that my life is in danger. That’s why I’m unwilling to come out in the open. With my memory gone, I don’t even know who to trust or who to beware of. I need some time,” she pleaded desperately.

Thankfully, the doctor did not press the matter.

“Well, I’m giving you some painkillers for the headache. But I would still advise you to report your case in a police station. Your family must be dead worried about you now. If something had happened, you must have left without any note and they would be thinking the worst,” he suggested gently and Mary could see his point.

But every time she thought about turning to the police, she felt a premonition that something even worse would happen to her. And the doctor explained that it was part of the disease. The thing she had blocked was not ready to resurface yet.

“Maybe time is what you need,” he mused. “But don’t take too long as your case might aggravate if you stay too long from your usual surroundings.”

“What do you mean?” she asked puzzled.

“Well, if you were surrounded by familiar things, it would help you remember your past more quickly. Something might trigger your memory but the more you stay away from what you are used to, the more difficult it will be for you to remember.”

Of course. That was what she had read on the net last night. That having longer periods of amnesia would only worsen her case. That was what it had meant.

“I will take your leave then,” he finally said and Mary was relieved that he was understanding her situation. It was going to be fine; her sanctuary was still safe for the time being. Smiling feebly, she saw the doctor out and went to thank Mother Katherine. Even if she had done something Mary did not appreciate, she had done what she had thought was best for her and Mary could not hold a grudge against her.

But even Mother Katherine after hearing what the doctor had to say was asking her to contact the police and Mary felt insecure. Were they going to turn her in? So she decided to tell them the whole story just to ensure that they were on her side.

“I’m afraid something terrible might have happened to me and I’m still in danger. I don’t even remember who was my attacker but my instincts are clear. All I know is that I can feel somebody after me,” she confessed brokenly.

“But what about your family love? They must be worried sick about your whereabouts,” Mother Katherine said in a soothing voice seeing that Mary was depressed.

“I know! But what if my attacker gets to me before my family? I will be unable to defend myself. I must have been damned lucky to have escaped the last time.”

“Oh dear! This is so complicated. I never thought stories like that happened in real life too. It’s more like we’re in a novel or something,” said Sister Margaret.

Mary could not help agreeing to that fact. She had never known that amnesia could be so dramatic. And the fact that she was lost was not helping at all. If she had her family around her, maybe she would have gotten part of it back. Or feel better.

“I feel so sorry for you my child. We understand what you’re going through. And we swear that we will protect you with our lives,” Mother Katherine told her and Mary felt a warm glow around her heart. Religious people were so beautiful.

“Thank you Mother. It means so much to me,” she replied her voice cracking with emotions. “I’d better go to my room and rest,” she said. Her famous headache was back and she wanted to lie down and forget her worries. And pretend that she was part of the convent like she had been doing for the past two days.

As she administered herself with another painkiller, she laid down on her pillow wincing with pain as her head pounded mercilessly. It was like somebody was playing drums inside her mind. Would it never stop?

Massaging her head slightly, she tried not to think about the questions hovering in her head. The more she thought about them, the more confused she became. And the harder it was for her to go on. But it was not helping; the pounding would not stop.

Trying to ignore the pounding, she closed her eyes and tried to relax her mind by thinking about the seaside. It was relaxing to imagine waves crashing around rocks and the peaceful swaying of the water.

Even at nights I can’t rest… Is this some sort of a test?

That thought suddenly peeped in her mind and she opened her eyes in shock. Hell, where had that come from? Why was she having such thoughts? It was a beautiful sentence but she had no idea from where it had surfaced.

Was it part of a poem? It fitted her situation anyway and whoever had written it must have been talented. She cast the thought aside trying not to make a big deal out of it. It must have been something she had read somewhere. And it had flashed in her mind but the question was that why she remembered a damned poem but not her own damned name?

She was trying not to curse especially when she was in such a sacred place but she was getting frustrated. Her talk with the doctor had exhausted her when all she wanted to do was block her memory from coming back. She wanted to start a new life never going back where she knew would hurt her beyond words.

As her eyes drifted close again, she relaxed as her mind pictured her peaceful scenario once again. But suddenly when she was least expecting it, she found herself walking down the beach wearing a white dress. Her damned wedding dress. It was a picture which would not leave her mind and even in her dreams she could see that the dress was torn.

Which meant that the picture was stuck in her subconscious and she could still not figure out the whole dress even in her dream. Then she found herself staring at her reflection in the famous mirror and she could picture it in more detail this time. She was looking like a happy bride once again with her hair carefully done and her make up impeccable. And she was smiling at her reflection grinning like a fool. A fool in love.

It was going to be the best day of her life. It was the way she was feeling. When suddenly the whole nightmare started again. She felt her dress going red and found the pointed part of a knife piercing through her ribs. The image was clearer now.  There were things her subconscious could better grasp in this second nightmare.

Stunned, she felt for the red thing coming out of her body and discovered with horror that it was blood. But she was still standing in front on the mirror like last time. She had not collapsed to the floor even when the knife pierced through her. Wasn’t she supposed to be dead? And the weirdest thing was that she was not even feeling the pain. Her mind was processing those facts even in her dreams, that was how disturbed she was.

And as she looked up at her reflection in the mirror, she saw her lips move. She was calling out a name. And this time she could figure out the name she had been trying to say. Aidan. Numb with shock, she could only stare at her reflection whispering the name over and over again like some mantra.

Was she warning herself against her attacker?

Then once again, she heard the sadistic laughter behind her and like last time, she tried to whirl round to see the face so that she could associate the name with it. But this time she did not get the chance to turn around. She felt an excruciating pain in her head and suddenly there was complete blackout.