I slowly make my way into the big beautiful house that James grew up in. As I walk in I see the grand staircase that James used to run down to greet me. The entry way is filled with pictures on the wall from when James was a child, our graduation, engagement photos, and of little JJ. To the left of the staircase is a sitting room where James and I would hang out and study on weekends. To the right is the family room, where we were almost caught fooling around on several occasions. This house is filled with memories.

We come here every Sunday, I'm comfortable here. Every time though, without a doubt, something reminds me of him and a familiar sadness washes over me.

I don't think there is ever a time when I'm not sad. It's always there in every memory, even the happy ones.

I make my way past the stairs and into the kitchen, where Suzanne is working on supper.

"Hi, dear." She says with a smile on her face as she starts cutting up some vegetables. "I didn't mean to spring that on you."

I wave her off with a smile, "it's fine, really."

"I invited him after your mom told me that you were meeting." She explains. "I was hopeful that you two would work it out."

I go to the cupboard and take a glass to fill with water. "Where are they?" I ask taking a drink of water.

"They're in the backyard playing."

"Do you need any help?" I offer.

"No, I am just about to sauté the veggies and then we will be ready." She smiles at me while she wipes her hands on her apron.

"I'm going to go join them in the back, then." I leave the kitchen taking my water with me.

I get to the sliding door leading to the back yard, but don't go out yet, instead, I just watch.

Jimmy is sitting on a chair watching, while JJ and David are running around in the backyard playing.

JJ doesn't have a lot of males in his life, just Jimmy and my brother-in-law, Blake. I haven't dated since James so there were really no other males to introduce him to.

JJ has a big smile on his face as he runs away from David. David chases after him, picks him up and begins to tickle him. I hear JJ's deep belly laugh and my heart soars from the sound.

JJ and David have not met before today, but JJ knows who he is from when I show him pictures of his dad. I think it's important for him to know as much as possible about his father.

In this moment, I feel like a horrible mother. David and James were so close that I know if James was still with us when JJ was born, David would be his godfather.

What kind of mother am I? I've let my anger toward David, stand in the way of my son having a relationship with someone that could help him feel connected with his father.

It took seeing JJ and him play together for me to realize it.

Everyone else has been so forgiving and welcoming to David, but I just can't get myself to move on from what happened.

"Supper's ready." Suzanne says sneaking up on me from behind. I jump and drop my water, luckily the glass didn't break.

My commotion caught the attention from the boys outside. I run to grab a towel to wipe it up.

"Mommy spilled?" JJ asks as he makes his way inside being carried on grandpa Jimmy's shoulders.

I begin to wipe up my spill. "Whoopsies!" I say in a silly voice making him laugh.

"Mommy! David." He says telling me, as he points to the man he was just playing with.

"Yeah," I say with a smile, "he was daddy's friend."

"Daddy's friend." JJ repeats as Jimmy carries him into the dining room and we all follow.

Jimmy puts JJ in his booster seat for supper.

"Daddy's in heaven." JJ says proudly to David. "Daddy looks after me."

David looks at me with an emotion I can't decipher before switching his attention to JJ.

"You are lucky, buddy." He says to him, "your daddy was my best friend and he was one of the most amazing people I have ever met."

JJ smiles big and proud.

There is no denying David is really good with JJ. I can also tell that JJ already adores him just from this first meeting.

"Daddy pictures?" JJ asks me.

"After supper." I respond.

Not only do we come here every Sunday for supper, but JJ is adamant that we look through photo albums of his dad. So that's what we do every week after supper.

"Do you want anything to drink?" Suzanne asks addressing everyone.

"I'll just take a water, please." David requests.

I have never felt comfortable with how much David tends to drink. And knowing it may have played a part in James' death really grinds my gears. It's been awhile so his drinking habits may be different. But from what I remember, he drinks to drink and that usually ends up with him blacked out and doing stupid stuff. So, I'm surprised. He's refused a drink 2 days in a row... maybe he's changed. That's definitely something to consider if I am going to let him be around JJ.

Seeing them interact and how much JJ has taken to him, I know I can't deny the two of them having a relationship. I am not forgiving him, but I'm not going to shield JJ from him anymore. I do what's best for JJ and maybe having David in his life would be a good thing.

"JJ turns 3 next month, we're going to have a big party." I say to no one in particular.

David looks at me questioning.

"You should come." I say softly.

His eyes widen with gratitude. "I would love that, thank you."

I don't respond. I am enough out of my comfort zone, that this will have to do.

:::

After supper, we go into the sitting room to look at pictures.

JJ asks to sit on David's lap. I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt. Those two had an instant connection I couldn't deny if I wanted to.

"Look what I found!" Suzanne says bringing out a photo album JJ hasn't seen, mainly because it is filled with many of our drunk shenanigans from college, but Suzanne wanted to compile all the pictures when James passed. She didn't care if they were good or bad.

JJ takes the photo book, opens it and doesn't waste any time looking at pictures.

"Mommy mad." He says pointing at a picture that is really of James and David barreled over laughing, but you can see me in the background clearly unimpressed with what they are doing.

"That night was hilarious." David says through fits of laugher.

"I didn't think so at the time." I say with a smile as I look at how happy James looks.

:::

It's 1:00 am. James called me an hour ago to come and pick them up from the bars. A quick trip that I thought consisted of getting in my car, picking them up, then promptly going home has turned into an hour of me sitting alone at a table in sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt, with no makeup on.

I am not happy, but what kind of a woman would I be if I broke up the bromance? David's words, not mine.

Whenever David's involved, it entails a lot of drinking, dumb decisions, and irritation from me. One of these days, someone is going to get hurt from these shenanigans. James always reassures me it will be okay, while David just tells me I worry too much.

They are on another round of shots, when pony by genuine plays on the speakers.

I am sober and just want to go back to bed.

James comes and gives me a big hug, followed by a kiss on the nose. "I love this woman!" He yells out loud to anyone who is listening.

"David," James says looking at him, "I'm in love with this woman!" He obviously doesn't realize he is repeating himself.

"Show us how much you love her!" David yells back with a mischievous look on his face.

Before I realize what is happening, James jumps on the table and attempts to do what I think is a sexy dance to the song.

I am so embarrassed. I keep asking him to come down, but he isn't listening to me. Why would he when his best friend is rooting him on.

"Twerk it!" David yells out through bouts of laughter.

"No!" I yell back laughing but not from enjoyment but because of how angry and uncomfortable I am.

James movements are sloppy and the table it's pretty unstable, he almost fell off the table.

"Get down, please." I ask calming myself down.

He jumps off the table and puts his arms around David as they both are in a laughing fit.

I cross my arms and watch annoyed at the two fools.

Before I know it, one of their friends is taking a picture of them. I really hope I'm not in it...

:::

As we continue to look at pictures, JJ doesn't hold back any commentary.

"Daddy's funny!" he laughs while he points to a picture of James making a silly face.

"Daddy got muscles!" He says as he points to a picture of James flexing for no reason.

I'm just sitting back and watching JJ's face as he looks through the album, his reactions just fill my heart with so much love.

"Boat." JJ says.

I see the picture he is looking at and my heartbeat picks up. It's a picture of David and James in front of a speed boat.

I don't say anything. I am surprised that picture got put in there.

JJ points to the speed boat, "I wanna boat."

"No, no boats." I say quickly.

"I wanna go on a boat!"

"No!" I say sternly.

Suzanne quickly turns the page and gets JJ's attention to another picture.

"I need some air." I say as I excuse myself.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath as I seek comfort as I swing back and forth on the porch swing. I love this swing, James and I used to come out here when the weather was nice and just talk.

The door opens and I lift my head.

"I'm going to go." David says, "I already said goodbye to everyone inside." He says nervously. "Thank you for letting me meet him."

He begins to walk away.

"David, wait." I get up from the swing and walk toward him. "I know I said I didn't want to see you after tonight," I take a deep breath surprised I'm even doing this, "but after seeing you with JJ, I think you to deserve a relationship."

His nervousness turns into shock, "that would be so great!"

"This was a hard decision, so don't make me regret it." I warn him.

"I won't" he says with a smile, thank you.

I watch as he walks away hoping I didn't make a huge mistake.

:::

💭 Thoughts?

🧐 Predictions?

Next chapter we find out what happens. I have left little bread crumbs that may help you figure out what happened!

Thank you for reading!

~Wendy