Four days until the wedding.

> LAST KISS <

I'm barely holding it together as I'm standing in front of Mabel. Uninvited and asking for Louis at the front desk of the building where he worked, just a few minutes before lunch time.

"Oh, of course my darling, I'm sure he'll be thrilled that you're here." - Mabel said as she was picking the phone and dialing Louis' floor. - "Oh, Mr. Tomlinson, darling Harry is here. Yes, I know. He told me sir. Oh, c'mon Mr. Tomlinson, don't be stubborn, I'm sure those things can wait. Yes, I'm aware it's your job, but you do it everyday! Instead, darling Harry doesn't show up here unannounced everyday, I'm sure you can make time for him. Yes. Yes, I know sir. Okay, that's what I wanted to hear! See? That wasn't that hard." - She huffed, hanging up the phone. - "What a stubborn guy." - She shook his head. - "Anyways, I convinced him, he'll be down in a few minutes. Now tell me darling, how's it been? Are you okay with Mr. Stubborn getting married? Oh my god, you're heartbroken aren't you?" - She pouted. - "Poor thing. I honestly don't understand how you two are not together anymore. It breaks my heart. Last time you were here, I went home feeling so bad about you, you're such a sweetheart, and Mr. Tomlinson was always so smitten with you, I can't wrap my head around it yet! I even told my husband, 'you know that pretty couple of boys I always tell you about? They broke up! Can you believe it?' And I know my husband, he was as surprised as I was, and he never ever met you!"

"Okay Mabel." - I chuckled. - "Believe me, I get it. It's been a shock for almost everyone we know." - I shrugged. - "But it's just the way it is. We're friends now."

"Friends?" - She laughed. - "Oh my goodness, no, dear. You can't be friends with someone you love so deeply. You'll only end up even more heartbroken and depressed! And, oh my god, I'm just going to pray this won't ruin your career. You know, I've met a lot of artists during my time at this very desk, and all of them who thrive are either happily married or jumping from relationship into relationship and writing songs about breakups. But those who get stuck in the past, oh boy. Those never make it far. So, I'm telling you! You need to either marry Mr. Tomlinson, or cut it from the root. You hear me? I don't want you losing everything you worked so hard for, darling."

"I'll keep that in mind. Thanks Mabel." - I said, seeing Louis stepping out of the elevator. - "Anyways, I'll see you around." - I waved at her as I started walking towards the exit.

Louis smiled at me as he spotted me and got closer.

"Mr. Tomlinson!" - Mabel shouted from her desk. - "I'm never mistaken when it comes to love! So you better be making the right decision!"

"Mabel." - Louis scolded her. - "I'd appreciate it if you kept your opinions to yourself." - He politely nodded at her and turned around, taking decisive steps towards me.

I pushed the door of the building open and we both walked through.

"Hey." - He bumped his shoulder against mine as we walked to the bar at the end of the street.

"Hey." - I bumped his shoulder back, biting a smile.

"What brought you here today? Were you around the area again?"

"Not really. Uhm... I guess I was just worried. After you called the other day, I didn't know anything else. So." - I shrugged. - "I just wanted to check on you, is that okay?"

Louis smiled at the floor.

"Yes, H. That's okay. Thank you."

I sighed in relief.

"Okay, good. So, uhm, how are you?"

"Just getting through it, I guess." - He shrugged, hands in his front pockets.

I opened the door to the bar and let us both in. Louis picked the same secluded table we had last time even if the bar was fairly empty.

"Did you talk to Eric? Is... the wedding still happening?"

"Eric and I have lots to figure out." - He sighed. - "But... the wedding is still happening. I didn't have the heart to tell him to wait."

"To wait?"

"Just one conversation is not going to magically fix what happened. And the wedding being so close, there's still things we need to organice, decide and all. We got ourselves busy with that. Uhmm... Eric's mother arrived here yesterday, my family will be here tomorrow and they'll be staying with us until the wedding, so it's not like we'll have privacy either. We only had a short conversation... kind of. And everything is fine. I know he still wants to marry me, so we're doing it. We'll have time after to go over our argument after the ceremony."

"Louis... a short conversation, after what you told me... Is that enough? I mean..."

"I know what you mean, H." - Louis nodded. - "But things are fine. I told Eric that I'm not ashamed of him or his work, we talked about it, and I know he still wants this wedding. So." - He shrugged.

"Oh." - I frowned. - "What about me?"

"What about you, Harry?"

"Can I... still see you? I mean... Is this okay?"

"Of course." - He smiled softly.

"You sure? Wasn't I... part of the argument?"

"Well... maybe we didn't talk about you yet. I... it might be a sensible topic. And... we've been busy. He didn't read the last two letters you sent. But... you're a big part of my life, H. And..." - He reached over the table to grab my hand. - "I still want you in it. I told you this the other day on the phone. I need you on my side. Eric will have to live with it, I guess."

"But... is it fair for him?"

Louis looked down at our hands, still over the table. He softly moved his fingers on my skin, sending shivers through my body.

He sighed, looking back up and right into my eyes.

"Nothing is fair, H."

It's been so long since I felt his eyes on mine like this moment, so long that I couldn't remember how to read him anymore. And that was something that used to come naturally. With one look I could feel what he was feeling, but not now.

So, I held his stare. Drowning in his words and trying to find a deeper meaning to them. I knew, as he held his eyes locked in mine, that he was telling way more than what he spoke. But, my mind was numb, and at that moment, I just couldn't decipher what he was communicating with his gaze.

"What does that mean?" - I almost whispered, not wanting to break whatever was happening between us.

And at that moment, the waiter came to take our orders, and Louis withdrew his hand from mine as if it had never happened.
We both ordered. Same dishes as last time.

Then the waiter was gone and an unusual silence sat between us.

"It's good to be out of the studio." - He sighed, relaxing back on his chair and taking his eyes off mine, now looking at the ceiling. - "I needed a break today."

"Louis..." - I sighed. - "Can you just not change the topic? Please?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"I just need to know we can actually hold this sort of friendship without ruining your future marriage, without you breaking my heart again, without Eric punching my face if he sees me at the wedding. You read my letters, you know how I feel. Can you be honest with me?"

"I can't." - Louis half smiled. - "Because I'm scared that if I'm honest with you, then all I've been building is going to fall down."

I frowned.

"Louis, fuck it." - I whispered under my breath. - "I need you to be clear with me! Okay? In my last letter I told you I needed a reason to stay by your side. And I'm really struggling right now, and my head is a freaking mess. So, I'm begging you to make this clear for me. If I keep holding on to you, to us, will I get hurt?"

Louis sighed and stood up, going around the table and sitting on the empty chair next to mine. He slid it closer until he was almost pressed against mine.

Only then, he threw his arms around me and pulled me into a hug.

I had been so lonely for so long that just a hug from him felt kind of magic. It wasn't everything I wanted. It came with more questions than answers, and it was definitely the start of a spiral of thoughts I wasn't sure I could cope with.

So, I closed my eyes and let myself focus just in that moment. Focused on the warmth and reassurance of Louis' arms and the too familiar scent of his cologne. And all the what-ifs, what-nows and what-nexts drifted away for just that millisecond where I felt like I belonged again.

My heart was beating so fast I could hear it, but I didn't care, I just hugged him back with everything I had.

"I can't answer you." - I felt him sob against my shoulder and that's when I realized he was shaking in my arms. - "My head is a mess too. I feel like I'm dragging you into my drama, I feel like I'm still hanging on to you and I know it's not fair. I know this is causing you pain, and I can't live with myself knowing I'm hurting you. And Eric has been so nice about it all, he's been trying to understand. But no one will ever understand this." - He fisted my shirt. - "Don't make me pick between keeping you in my life or letting you go. Because I know I'll always hold on to you. But you need to find your peace too, H. I can't keep dragging you. You need..." - He sobbed. - "You need to focus on your career and forget me, because yes, I'll hurt you. I'll hurt you if I marry Eric, or even if I don't."

"Lou." - I whispered, pulling his face up to meet mine.

He looked into my eyes again, but this time we were so close, I could feel his hitched breathing hitting my lips.

"Yeah?"

"Did you ever... think of..." - I took a deep breath, not breaking eye contact. - "Being with me again?"

"It's too late." - He whispered.

"Not what I asked."

"Yes, Harry." - He sniffed, wiping a shy tear off his face. - "I think about you all the time."

"Why?" - My voice broke just a little as now I was the one feeling silent tears down my cheeks.

"Because I still love you." - He mumbled.

He was looking straight at me, honesty flooding from his blue irises.
Just what I asked from him.

And we were too close. We were breathing each other's air and feeling each other's pulse.
One of his hands was still on my shoulder, our legs pressed against one another in between our chairs, my arms holding his waist.

And I couldn't stop myself from doing what every cell of my body was telling me to do. My lips were tingling in anticipation, and I knew I needed to.
Even if it was just one more time.

I kissed him.

It was a tentative kiss. Giving him space and time to pull away. Delivered in little sips and slides, gasps and sighs. Slow and tender, like two pieces fitting perfectly again, together.

He never pulled away, instead, Louis claimed control.
And God, his kisses. How I missed them.

Deep, drowning, desperate kisses that left me feeling like a puddle.
That turned all my insides on fire and my mind lost any trail of thought.

Just like that, I felt like I was seventeen again, falling for this wonderful blue-eyed guy I met at the burger place just by my school.
And while kissing, it was easy to pretend it was just us, young, in love and happy. It was easy to pretend that forever could be just like this moment.

That we could be this, forever.

But then it ended, and I was lost again.
It was like getting just a taste of something that dazzled the senses only to have it taken away.

I saw the waiter coming with our orders with the corner of my eye, and just like that, Louis pulled his wallet out, left some bills on the table, grabbed his wrapped burger in one hand his soda in the other and left the bar without looking back.

~

Louis.

I keep remembering the look on your face right before it happened.
The words you whispered to me. The words I was selfishly dying to hear but at the same time hoping you wouldn't. Just because it would have been easier that way.

I still replay them in my mind. Not quite believing it was real. How your eyes and all your body language were pulling me to you.

You told me you loved me and I lost myself in that.

And for a moment, I felt complete again.

But then, you just went away. Slipped away from me one more time.

I can still feel your arms, I can still feel your fingers digging into my shoulders and my neck, holding onto me for dear life. I can still feel your lips claiming me as if I had ever thought of replacing you with someone else.

Was that kiss the end?

Was that our final?

Was that our last kiss?

What about what you said?

You still love me.

Louis, you said so.

Then why did you go away?

Is funny how I always find myself daydreaming about all our firsts and today felt like it was the finish line. The end of the story.

Funny how the moment I got home after meeting you, I locked myself in my room and searched for all the things I kept from our relationship deep in my closet.

Funny how now I'm writing this letter as I'm wearing your old clothes, scrolling through pictures of our life together and remembering all our firsts once more, all the times you kissed me, loved me, made me yours.

I would have never imagined we would end like this, Lou.
I would have never imagined we would have a last kiss.

Not when all I knew with you was a promise of forever.

All I know now is that I want to be back in your arms. You pulling me so we can dance together in front of all our friends, being the center of attention. Making me laugh, showing the world I was yours and you were mine and nothing could change that.

All I know is that your name will always be the one that makes my heart flutter and my skin burn.

All I know is that I want to be the one by your side and the one you miss when I'm gone. Because there's not a day I don't miss you.

All I know is that I want to hear those words coming from your lips once more.

I never planned on changing your mind about Eric or the wedding.
Not even with this kiss.

But something did change today. I know you felt it too.

But I also know you. And I know that you won't stop this wedding.
Just like I know you won't stop me from being me. From writing letters that could potentially ruin you.

I do hope that some part of you wishes you would have stayed with me today.

I wish we could have talked some more.
Or kissed some more.

Because, did it feel like a goodbye to you?
Or did it feel like a promise?

I feel like it was both.

After all, I asked you for one reason.
And you gave it to me.