You know wanna know what sucks break especially when you've dated five guys ever since you were 15 and almost dated at the beginning of first year university  and three out of those relationships ended badly? The constant disappointment and having this numb feeling towards relationships and love.

You feel like it's pointless coz no matter how hard you try you'll always be disappointed at the fact that these people only care about a small part of you or just date you and end up hurting you.

Sometimes you feel like there's something wrong with you or that you're too complicated to be loved. I often feel that way coz I don't always speak up on how I feel and what I really want coz I'm too scared to get into fights I can't win or end up being told that I'm being sensitive and unreasonable.

Sometimes you blame yourself for how it ended the way it did and you want to apologise and try again but you can't take it back because it wouldn't feel fair to the person you hurt and you can't do anything about it.

Sometimes you feel too tired and emotionally drained to love or feel love. So you give up on the whole concept of love because with this thing with hook up culture and people just abusing "love" just to get their way with people....it ends up feeling like love doesn't exist and that love ain't real. Not to having the whole idea of love ruined for you after dating the wrong type of people.

Sometimes you look back on your previous relationships, back to moments you were happy with that person, where you felt something for them because if you're someone like me, someone who's not always approached by many people or has the worst luck with relationships, you hold on to those memories and those people because deep down you know that you might not be able to feel that love you had or have that kind of connection with anyone ever again....

But who knows. Maybe you'll find that person but not now. So why not focus on healing before you let anyone new in your life.