"Don't touch that"  "Don't put that there"  "You can't!" This sounds like the opening to a talk about parenting children BUT it's actually a chapter about lubricants and how to use them.

Everyone has read the "virgin without lube" story at least once in their Wattpad experience and those who know better cringe and shout "USE LUBE" at the top of their lungs.

Using lube is an absolute MUST for readers who are versed on the physical attributes of the human body used in boyxboy stories. Frankly I think it should be used in all stories for the pleasure of our darling takers everywhere.

Yes, even girls might want it for a wham bam thank you ma'am. Why? Because a good lube can just make it a sensual, exciting, messy, fantastic time. That's right folks.

Note please, I said a GOOD lube.

Why did I even have to say that, you may ask? Well, as my "bandit" commenter friend from a previous chapter has noted... We sometimes experiment with things that we come to regret later.

I have been very fortunate, or unfortunate as the case may be, to have a rather good understanding of this at this point in my life... And I am here to give you tips and WARNINGS.

Anatomy lesson first: did you know that the lining of your intestines and anusz actually absorb remaining nutrients as your shxt passes through on it's end game journey? It is also made of delicate muscles and tissues, things you might want to be kind to, like your front junk.

We all know those are delicate.

Point is, whatever you put in there can potentially get absorbed quickly and without the very important prefilter that your liver and kidneys normally provide. Soooo... If you put sugar up there... You can do it...

Yup. You get a sugar high. Alcohol? You get drunk even with a small amount. Drugs? Very dangerous unless meant to be there. You could overdose before you even knew what happened to you.

That is one reason why, my darling writers and readers, you must think before you lubricate for buttsexz. For instance butter seems like a good idea (and one I've seen a few times) but it's really not. Why? It is high in saturated fats and can carry bacteria due to it being an animal product.

Didn't think that one through. Yeah it might be in the moment inspiration, but it is literally a heart attack or bacterial infection waiting to happen. Please stick with things like Vaseline, vegetable oils, and natural products that you know the contents of.

Lotion seems like your friend, right? Seems safe? NOPE. This is a devil in disguise to many a poor inexperienced player of the game. My first encounter with the hidden horrors of lotions came at a tender age and involved an innocent looking tube of hand cream.

READ LABELING before you put anything on your tender bits. On the front you should watch out for words like "fast absorbing" and "refining" as definite danger signs. These lotions tend to have alcohols or acids in them to dry on your skin or remove the top layer so new skin underneath might emerge.

This is bad. This is VERY bad for tender parts that plan to be rubbed.

Also watch for perfumes or harsh herbal remedies. Run screaming from things that contain peppermint, lemonbalm, and large quantities of those perfumy herbs you'd just as soon have sitting on your dining room table.

May I just say, don't even chew mint gum just before giving a blowjob and do NOT under any circumstances allow anyone with a Halls or Ricola or other type of throat losenge get anywhere NEAR your privates unless you are into serious pain. *shudders in memory*

Look for UNSCENTED lotions or creams. Something for dry skin or sensitive skin preferred. Rich and thick will last longer and feel better while jacking. Lubes really ARE made for penetration with rigorous testing to ensure your safety... So whenever possible you should use those.

Absolutely never use the following:
Car Motor oil
Machine lubricants
Treadmill or chain oils
Painting oils
Perfumed Soaps- internally do not even use unscented
Shaving cream (read labels on this one)
Toothpaste or any mint family product
Anything you wouldn't either injest by mouth safely or have coating your entire body without harming yourself.

Iffy:
Suntan lotion
Butter -externally
Baked goods (warm is best? 😜) -also external

Good to use:
Kitchen/Plant oils - without perfume additive
Hydrating night cream or lotion
Oatmeal
Properly purchased Sexz shop or drugstore LUBE

Happy oiling folks!