The whole day while I was in school I couldn't stop thinking of when I regurgitated my food. That's never happened to me before. It's always me trying to eat my problems away, but it was like my stomach couldn't handle the food I ate.

I wanted to eat the whole day and my lunch for sure didn't fill me up, I was just way too upset. I didn't want to be at school, but it's not like I could skip. I'm too fat to jump over the gate.

I ended up withstanding being at school the whole day. I was so thankful to hear the last bell ring. I got up and walked as fast as I could out of the school. It was like I was breathing in fresh air when I left the school. Maybe it's a curse that whenever I had an appointment with Mr.Seo, my day is just ruined.

It's ruined that I have to go to the doctors in the first place, but the fact that everyone is meaner to me on this day as well makes it worse.

I didn't even bother going home to get changed. I went to a store and bought a shit ton of food to eat. I couldn't deal with it. I took the food and went somewhere, where there weren't a lot of people. While I was unwrapping my burger tears starting to form in my eye sockets again. I've cried too much today. This is the most I've cried in a long time.

I remember the last time I cried this bad has to be when I was younger and I gained a little over one hundred and seventy pounds. I was way less fatter then I am now, if anything I declare that skinny. But not to my parents that wasn't.

My mom yelled at me every day when she saw my thighs were bigger then most kids, or maybe she was yelling at me because I wasn't as active as others. This was the first time I started going to food for attention rather then my parents.

I came home from school beaten and bruised because some kids even back then decided it was fun to pick on the fat kid. I was new to my parents ignoring me so when I told them about my problems and they brushed me off, it made me upset.

I was so close to my parents before and I for sure knew it was my fault on why they were acting this way towards me. I cried myself to sleep that night too.

Now I'm at some random bench alone, eating all this junk while continuing to sob. Nothing has changed, the only thing that's changed is that I'm looking for attention not from my parents this time...but from Luhan.

I finished all the food I got and threw it out in a nearby garbage can. I then made my way to the doctors where I was tired as hell when I got there. I'm tired, sweaty, don't want to be here, had a hell of a bad day, this is just going greeaat.

I walked up to the secretary and she smiled at me when she looked up to see me. "Minseok, you know where to go, don't you? He's waiting for you." She explains in a perfect, white smile.

I nod meaning I do and walked to Mr.Seo's door, knocking on it before I enter. "Come in" I hear Mr.Seo say and I open the door, entering the room.

"What's up Minseok?" He asks and I staid quiet this time. I just went to the usual chair I always sat down in and looked down into my seat. I continued to look down into my lap, I couldn't dare to look up at Mr.Seo.

"I see you're still in your uniform" he points out and I nodded. "Are these the clothes you usually always wear to school, or are you still wearing the uniform the school gave you?" He questions and I nodded when he mentioned if it was the clothes the school gave me. "I can tell" he says right when I nodded.

I looked up at him and he was raising one eyebrow at me, like he was waiting for me to explain to him what was going on. I quickly looked back down into my lap and started picking at my fingers. "Is there something wrong Minseok?" He questions but I didn't say anything.

"Is there a reason you're not saying anything to me?" He asks but I continued to say nothing.

An awkward silence filled the room for a good twenty seconds which was very awkward. He was waiting for me to say something to him, wasn't he? I let out a little sigh to myself and answer "today was worse then the last when I came here."

I slowly looked at him and he was looking at me with a blank expression on his face. Did he want me to explain more? Because I'm not, that's the most he's getting out of me. I'm not going to tell him any more. I can stay quiet in this seat for hours.

Mr.Seo leaned back in his leather chair and folded his hands together. "I'm guessing you ate a lot again?" He questions and I nodded meaning yes.

"Minseok your weight won't change if you continue eating junk-"

"I know" I say, interrupting him.

"If you know this, why do you continue to eat the junk food then?" He asks and I looked down. That's a hard question, why do I continue to eat the junk food even though I know it's bad for me.

"Because..." I start off with saying, leaving a long pause in between because I didn't know how I was going to answer this, myself. I thought about it for some more and continue to answer "because it makes me feel good."

"It makes you feel good." Mr.Seo repeats in the most monotone voice possible. It sounded like he was a robot for a split second there. He then pulled out a pen and started jotting something down on a piece of paper in front of him. "Why does it make you feel good, Minseok?" He questions.

I rolled my eyes slightly. What am I doing, he's not some therapist, why is he acting like one? I knew he wasn't going to let me get off the hook without giving him a proper answer so I decided to think about this as well.

These are thoughts and feelings I always keep to myself, it's uncomfortable to tell anyone else about them. I fidgeted in my seat a bit, moving my butt like I was sitting in an uncomfortable position. "I...I don't like feeling empty."

"Why don't you like feeling empty?" Same monotone voice.

"Because...food is the only thing that comforts me. It takes away this empty feeling I have inside for a second but then the feeling of hatred comes back again not long after." I explains, putting one hand on my stomach to refer that I was empty on the inside.

He eyed me up and down "It seems to me you're filling yourself to fill your emotional needs, not to fill your stomach Minseok." He explains and I looked down once again, chewing on my bottom lip.

He sighed again which seemed like the hundredth time. He always sighs when I'm with him. "You should try focusing on that Minseok, you should try doing other things instead of focusing on eating. While I'm bringing that up" he says, stopping his train of thoughts and opening a drawer on the side of his desk.

He pulled out a little brochure and slid it against his desk so that I could take it. I leaned forward and grabbed a hold of it, looking at the cover. It looked to be a bunch of skinny kids smiling, hugging each other. "Please don't tell me this is something like fat camp." I ask, already not enjoying it. I was in fat camp last summer and didn't like it one bit.

"No it's not fat camp Minseok, it's an activity group" he starts off with explaining and I opened it to check out what it actually was.

"It's a place you go to every Saturday and maybe Sunday. They give you healthy activities to do and they give you food so they watch what you eat."

"So basically it's like a daycare for fat kids?" I question, raising one eyebrow.

"No, it's not suppose to be like that Minseok, it's just to better you. Since you're overweight they let the overweight kids get in for free so you won't be spending a dollar there." He explained and I looked up at him with the same dull look he gave me before.

I leaned forward and pushed the brochure back onto his desk. "I don't want to go."

"Minseok this is the first step for you to lose weight-"

"I don't want to lose weight."

"If you don't want to lose weight, what're you doing here Minseok? I'm trying to help you lose weight and every week you tell me the same thing, that you have no intention on losing weight." Mr.Seo asks, he sounded a bit mad which surprised me. I was getting a bit mad myself as well.

"You really think I want to be here, because I don't. I'm here because my mom wants me to lose weight! My parents are the ones who care about how other people see me, not me!" I say, instant tears started to stream down my cheeks, great more tears! "Shit" I say to myself as I started to wipe the tears away from my eyes, but they wouldn't stop pouring.

"Minseok..." Mr.Seo faintly says, I could tell he felt sorry for going off on me, it's not like I can blame him though, I am pretty annoying. I got up from the chair and he says my name again, louder this time.

I looked up at him with small tears still rolling down the side of my face. "You can't leave, we're suppose to continue our meeting for another hour. I think you should be weighed and measured again this week."

"Oh, because it looks like I got fatter? I don't care, I never cared! I shouldn't be here, I'm not going to come anymore." I say, turning around and walking towards the door so I could leave.

"Minseok this isn't right, you have to loose some weight-" He says but I looked back at him in anger, wiping more tears from my eyes.

"You're the one who said what was the point of me coming here if I'm not going to listen to you. I never listen to you or your diet ideas, so what's the point of coming? You just bring my mood down and it ruins my whole day. I-I could be having a whole pizza right now-"

"Minseok I'm being serious, don't" he says. He looked at me serious and I sniffled, trying to contain myself but sadness was filling me up.

"I'm not going to listen to you" I say, turning around and leaving Mr.Seo's room, letting the door slam behind me when I left. I didn't bother saying bye to the secretary. I didn't even turn my head in her direction. I didn't want her to see me crying.

I was still full from what I had ate earlier, I felt like I could burst if I ate anymore, but I needed something to eat, I just don't like this feeling inside me!

On my way home I bought more food. When I got home, I started eating all of it but instantly feeling even more stuffed but more depressed. Mr.Seo was right, I shouldn't have ate all of that. My uniform pants feel like they're about to brake. I suck, I'm horrible.

Right when I got up I felt the zipper break and I knew I was in shit. These aren't even my pants- they're the schools pants! Now I have to pay for the pants I just broke. I let the broken zipper undo and sat down on the edge of the couch, holding my head in my hands, bawling.

It wasn't normal crying, I felt like scream crying, like punching everything. I grabbed the closest thing near me which was a soft pillow and threw it to the other side of the room and started crying harder.

In the middle of my crying fit I heard someone pounding on the door. Probably one of my neighbours telling me to shut up. I got up from the couch so I could deal with them and started wiping away my tears that wouldn't stop.

I ended up opening the door to see what they wanted with tears still rushing down my cheeks. When I opened the door though, my eyes shot open wider and I saw it was Luhan.

Luhan looked mad at first but then looked at me confused and even a bit concerned. "Wh...what's wrong Minseok?" He asks...he sounded...concerned.

~~~~~~~~~~

I don't know if you guys keep getting annoyed with so many recent updates for this fan fiction. I just really love writing it. Thank you for reading it, it means a lot. As I said, I don't know if some of you are uncomfortable with reading this type of thing, so I don't know. Thank you for reading, it means a lot.