Hayley

The blood drips on the white sink, a stark contrast that is caused by the sharp blade which I'm holding. I cut my skin again but it doesn't hurt, so I press the blade in deeper, in order to not feel the pain anymore. Suddenly, I'm hugged from behind – her grip is so tight and her tears are absorbed by my shirt.

She takes the blade away and when I turn, I'm met with my teary-eyed best friend.

'Please stop,' she pleads. 

I want to tell her that I can't, and that there's nothing to worry about because I do it every day. However, the words won't come while I'm watching her incessant tears fall on the ground. I nod.

'No, promise me you'll stop. Please, this is the third time in school.'

I hesitate. Promises to me, are a huge thing. If I promise her this, I'm giving her hope and... I'm anything but hope.

'Please, promise me,' she pleads again.

So I say, 'Okay, I promise I won't harm myself again.' 

She nods, relieved, helps me put my jacket up and takes me to the nurse's office. I tag behind her, so deaf to the noise and the laughter that I don't notice my other best friends, Jess and Tina following me, trying to get a hold of my attention.

I'm in my own world of pain and the numbness so much so, that I can't see what's in front of me, nor do I see what's beside me. Everything is a blur of constantly moving students and then suddenly, everyone's stopped. I blink and their faces look horrified. I breathe and I smell blood and then I feel the cool air kissing my scars, my cuts, my pain-killers. I look at my hand and my jackets that Jess now holds. I look at everyone who's standing in the corridor. In addition to some faces being horrified, I see some that hold disgust and others that hold astonishment. I snatch my jacket and wear it again. I pull my grip from Lia's, my best friend's hand, and run home. 

The skies turn grey, filling up with clouds while thunder rumbles ahead. 

The skies will cry soon, just like I'm crying now - just like I always do.

 The wind is strong and cold, pushing me back, causing goosebumps to erupt on my skin. Sniffing, I wipe my tears away from my face. Why does this always happen to me? Why do the worst things keep happening over and over again? I've had enough - enough of this pain. 

It's always pain. 

Twenty minutes later, I reach my empty home. My parents work all day long and come home only after four, while little Emily does school in the morning, rushes to art class at one and returns back with Mom. I'm all alone until then. 

I'm always alone. 

Making my way upstairs, I flop on the bed, exhausted. I pull my phone out, curious as to what everyone has to say about me. I ignore the messages and missed calls from my friends; I don't want to know what they say; I want to know what everyone else does. 

Will they ever understand?

But no, no one does. 

No one ever will. 

The messages keep coming; some that seem concerned, some that hold pity and some that are harsh. When I open my social media accounts, almost everywhere I see, I am the number one discussion. All my peers now regard me as, 'Fragile. Can easily Break'. I throw the phone away, repulsed and rush to the rooftop.

I hate this. I hate all of it!

It only takes twenty steps to fall.

One, Two, Three.

I'm tearing up, my hiccups, silent. I hate how I'm now under scrutinisation and that people who I know – my friends – are all viewing me differently.

Nine, Ten, Eleven.

All I want is for this to end; this pain to stop. All I want is a break, even if it's permanent.

Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen.

This is it.

'Wait!'

I turn, at the edge of the cement roof and look at Lia.

'Don't do it, Hayley. You promised you wouldn't harm yourself.' 

I tilt my head to the side and think. I want to fulfil the promise I made, but I'm tired.

I'm so, so, so tired.

So many people have broken so many promises they've made to me, so why is Lia trying to guilt-trip me on my first? It's just one promise, I tell myself.

Twenty.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Each chapter will have the name of the person's point of view written on top. 

-Hays-

Edit 13/05/2020 I changed this chapter a bit, so re-read it before moving on to chapter 10.