"After school, come straight home," my mother tells me in a demanding tone.

"Okay," I groan and turn away. Times like this, I wish I had an early birthday; if I was eighteen, I would have been moved out and into my own place somewhere in town. I walk over to where Ryder is standing. He's still upset about everything that happened in the meeting, "Thank you," I say.

He looks down at me, "What are you thanking me for?"

"You stood up for me," I state, "You didn't have to,"

"I did. It seems like Jessica, and I are the only two who do," he says, "How could your parents not believe you, your their fucking daughter,"

"I don't know," They obviously think I am just this crazy girl who would lie about getting sexually assaulted for attention. Not only is that... CRAZY, it's rude as shit to the girls who actually have been sexually assaulted.

He tenses when Matt and his father walk out of the office, "Look at him, I can't believe he's just going to get away with shit!"

I look back at Matt, who has a smile on his face like everything is right in the world; he walks past us and shoots me and Ryder the cockiest smile, proud that he has gotten away with hurting me, mentally and physically. What happened to me the other day I will never forget; it will stay with me until the day I die.

Jess walks up and says, "She wants us to come in Saturday to talk about the project," Will she even listen to what we have to say? She doesn't seem too big on justice. "Are you staying or leaving?"

"Staying,"

Ryder says, "Leaving," at the same time.

Jess looks between him and me, and I say again that I am staying.

"You want to stay?" he asks, shocked that I would want to be here right now.

"Yes," I shrug, "I can't hide forever,"

Jess takes my arm in hers, "Well, good, because I have to tell you something," After telling Ryder, I will see him at lunch and to stay out of trouble, she and I walk away down the hall.

"So what do you have to tell me?"

"Honestly, I hate telling you this now because it's just such bad timing; with everything going on, I don't want to tell you good news when your life is constantly getting filled with bad news,"

"No, no, I need some good news in my life," I would love to hear something good right now, something to pause and take my mind off of every other bad thing.

She pulls me into the girl's bathroom and then looks under each stall making sure it's empty. I laugh because it seems like what she is about to tell me makes her nervous yet excited about. After making sure the place is clean, she stands in front of me. "Your not pregnant, are you?" I joke.

"Very funny!" she takes a deep breath and says, "Ashely is going to come out to her parents tomorrow,"

I stare, waiting for her to add "sike" at the end, "Oh. And you are happy about this?"

"Uhh yes," she exclaims. "I'm coming out with her, of course, and we are going to finally tell people and then be together," her eyes spark, talking about it. I stay silent. She notices my silence and then says, "Do you not have a comment?"

"I uh... I just don't... Uhm... I don't think this is a good idea,"

She frowns and says, "Why not?" slowly.

"Because you can't be in a relationship right now,"

"You're in a relationship," she fires.

"A pending one," There's a difference.

She rolls her eyes and folds her arms, "Oh please. He just made that shit up because he doesn't want you with anyone else,"

"Jess..."

"No, Jayda, I'm happy, for once in my fucking life, I am actually happy and will be happy because I'll be out with the girl I love; she makes me happy,"

I step closer to her, "And that's the problem, you shouldn't rely on her to be happy, what if something happens?"

"Nothing is going to happen!"

"But-"

"There are no buts. You have Ryder. You have someone to help you, a support system,"

"You have me? You're like my best friend," She is. We talk all the time; she knows everything about me, I tell her everything.

She sighs and says, "I know, and your mines but, I need Ashely; I'm only truly happy with her,"

"Jessica..."

"Clearly, you don't want me to be happy," she growls.

"I do,"

"Then why aren't you happy for me?!"

"Because this isn't happiness, you can't be happy because of other people," I say, sounding like Ryder. I didn't understand at first what he meant by saying what he said, but I get it now; happiness doesn't come from other people; it comes from ourselves first.

She sighs, "She makes me happy Jayda, I've tried loving myself, but I never have and never will; I only know who I am when I am with her,"

"I..." Maybe I could just be happy for her; if Ashley makes her happy, I should just be glad, but I can't be because I know her happiness won't last long.

"You know what, I have to go; I'll see you Saturday," she turns away upset and walks out of the bathroom.

...

Ryder POV

Jayda sits in front of me at the lunch table, rambling on about what happened with Jessica. She's so frustrated; it's cute. Watching her keeps my mind off everything around us; when it's just her and me, everything around us becomes extinct.

Not to extinct today, though, honestly the whole day, I have been on edge, waiting for someone to make some comment to me about her or make a sly comment to her about the Matt thing. Surprisingly, no one hasn't; I'm sure Matt's busted face is a reminder to everyone not to say shit to her or me. If someone said something to me, I'm not even sure I would even do something, but if they said something to her, I'd lose it.

"Ryder, are you listening?" she whines.

"Yes," I lie; I don't remember what part I tuned her out at. She knows I am lying and tilts her head to the side, "I was, you were explaining how Jessica and Ashely are going to come out," I'll believe it when I see it.

"Do you think they are? I mean, maybe she will come out, and everything will be fine,"

I shake my head and say, "No."

"No?" she repeats.

"Ashely does this all the time; after they have sex or something, Ashely tells her she'll come out, and then boom a day later, she sleeps with me... well would have slept with me," I correct myself. "Or someone else and changes her mind. It's been a repetitive cycle for years now," Seeing their toxic relationship first-hand makes me work extra harder to make sure Jayda and I don't have something like that.

"I just wish I could help her," she sighs.

"You can't save everyone!" I tell her, trying to calm her because the girl thinks she can save the whole world.

She smiles and then takes my bag of chips out of my hands, enjoying them for herself. I let her have them because I'm such a nice person.

I take my phone out of my pocket and then go on Twitter. This is why I haven't heard shit about the incident there talking about it on here. I read over the first few tweets, and my body heats up at what they are saying about her, what they are calling her.

The words hoe, whore, fake virgin, slut, make me want to kill everyone who retweeted this shit and liked it. I can't beat up everyone in the school. It's killing me because I can't do shit about what they are saying. My heart weighs heavy for her; I'm so happy she's not on social media; that would only make things worse for her.

"Uhm, hello," she waves her hand in my face. Didn't realize I was staring right at her; a smile creeps at the corner of her mouth, "You alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, uhm; you want to go to the library. We have like thirty minutes,"

"Sure," She stands up, and as the guys, I used to make fun of who would follow behind their girlfriendS like a lost puppy. I grab her fucking books, and I follow behind her out of the cafeteria.

...

Jayda POV

Walking into the house, I find my mother and father on the couch. "I said right after school, Jayda," My mom says without a greeting.

"Hello to you too," I throw my keys into the bowl. "I went to get something to eat," Ryder and I but I don't mention him.

"Take a seat," dad instructs. I sit on the couch across from them; oh god, what now? "Your mother and I are going to delay our divorce,"

"Oh, well, please don't do it on my behalf; you too can get a divorce. I don't care," I don't. I'm done with my parents and everything involving them, so much so that I don't even think I want to call them my parents anymore; they're just people I share the same DNA with.

"We are not, not, getting a divorce because of you; we are doing it for the baby and us, mainly the baby,"

"Well," I stand up, "Let's hope the child doesn't grow up and go through a traumatic experience like I did just to have her parents not believe her,"

"Jayda," my dad says my name.

"No, dad, I don't want to talk about it," That's the last thing I want to do, I just want to try to move on, "I have homework," I go back upstairs to my room and then close the door, resting my back against it and taking a deep breath.

Just get through the day.

Just get through the day.

Just get through the day.

I repeat three times. I so hope my weekend is better than the last few days. Maybe I will go to the movies or something... with Ryder, of course.

It's only like six something, but I'm sleepy. Well, no, I'm not really sleepy.

Sleep isn't just sleeping anymore for me; it's my escape. Some think it is unhealthy to sleep all day, every day. I think otherwise. In my opinion, sleeping is a healthier and safer option than cutting. And right now, I need to sleep because cutting is all I want to do.

The next day I call an Uber to take me to my well-needed therapy appointment; I think it's best if I don't tell her about the sexual assault thing; she's going to ask too many questions, I can't be upset if she does because it's her job to ask questions. I tell the uber driver thank you and then walk into the clinic up to her suite.

"Hey girl," I say playfully when walking in.

"Hello!" she says pleased, "You are in a good mood today,"

I shrug my shoulders, "I guess," I wouldn't say good mood, but it's a better day than most of my other days; I don't feel as hopeless as I usually do. But, that's depression for you, you're up one minute, and then five seconds later, you're back where you started.

"So, how has your week been?" She asks.

Devastating, Mortifying, Catastrophic. "Splendid, Delightful, Grand," I use the words on her word chart instead of the ones in my head.

"Mhm," Crap. I forgot this lady reads minds. I hope she doesn't see past my fake mentally stable facade. "Have you heard anything from the colleges you applied to?"

I shake my head, "Nope,"

"Nervous?"

"Nope,"

"Not even a little? This is your college we are talking about; you should be freaking out,"

"Nope, I'm fine," I really am; I'm 100% sure I won't get into any of them. I applied so late; I don't even think my grades and test scores could get me in.

"Okay, well..." she thinks of another question. "How is Ryder?"

"He's fine,"

"And you two?" she digs.

I shake my head slowly, "Nothing is going on; we are just friends," It never gets old calling him my friend. It's so weird. I explain to her the whole pending relationship thing, and she ends up agreeing with him.

"Oh my god, he's brilliant,"

"Yeah, I know," I've been saying this. Honestly, he is freakishly smart, like lowkey, a genius; I'm scared he may be more intelligent than me. I would never tell him that it would for sure go to his head. We spend the rest of my session talking about my plans for the weekend.

When I get back to my house, I undress and then turn on my computer, putting on Grey's Anatomy, a show I swore I would stop watching after 007's death, but it's a freaking drug I can't stop. I hate this show so much; I hate them for killing off everyone. LITERALLY EVERYONE. I don't think I have ever been this emotionally invested in a show ever. Every time I click play, my anxiety shoots in the air like a rocket because I never know what's going to happen. At the end of the season, I do, though, something terrible always happens to Mer, but, of course, she's invincible, plus the face of the show, so she's always safe and somehow survives at the brink of death. But the show never falls to kill off the "country's best doctors," their words not mine. It's infuriating, but I love the rush. I'm positive this show plays a huge part in my depression.

If it wasn't for me having no will to live, becoming a doctor is definitely on my bucket list.

I wrap up in my covers, place the computer on my lap and click play—just one episode.

Ten episodes later, I find myself getting hungry.

I pause the show and then walk downstairs to the kitchen; there's nothing in here, no surprise, my mom hasn't been shopping in like two weeks. Noodles it is. I boil a pot of water and then sit at the table and wait. I decide to call Ryder; I'm surprised he didn't call me; I skipped school; I just knew he would come bursting through my house. I found myself looking out the window every five minutes, waiting for his car to pull up.

The line rings and rings and rings, no answer. Hm. He'll call me back, I guess.

I make my noodles, adding my special ingredients, and then I go back upstairs to cry some more. Like I said, that show is addictive.

***

(Sooooo I'm done with Grey's like I honestly can't watch it anymore, every episode, every season finale I have a breakdown, I can't, I just can't take it anymore. This is just crazy to me because I've watched the 100, I watched the walking dead, two shows that also kill characters off constantly, I had my little break downs and tears... but it nothing like Grey's like its just something about greys anatomy characters dying that cause me to freak the fuck out, I cracked my phone the other day cause I threw it when someone died, uhm there's a hole in my wall because I punched, also I twisted my ankle walking down the steps, I swear to god, it literally causes me physical and mental pain watching that show

Okay I'm done rambling yall know I love my shows, anyways two more chapters)