(Trigger Warning)

"So is it like a bet or something?" Jess asks, leaning against my locker while sucking on a green lollipop.

Placing my history book inside, I say, "No, it's not a bet he just thinks he can go a day without talking to me when he can't,"

"Can you go a day without talking to him?"

"Of course I can," I think. Even if I couldn't, I would definitely not give in and talk to him today. She chuckles to herself, "What's funny?" I snap.

She shrugs her shoulders and removes the lollipop from her mouth "Nothing,"

"Mhm," I dig through my locker, trying to find a pen. I had one this morning for my first and second period, but I lost it. I swear I probably lose more than a million pencils per school year. I come in with like three packs of them, and before the day is over, I will have lost every single one.

"Mh, look, he's coming your way. I guess he can't even go a few hours without talking to you,"

I smile because I knew he couldn't. I knew sooner or later he would have a question or just simply miss me. I turn around to accept his apology and watch him wallow in defeat; he walks right past me and over to another girl across the hallway. "What the hell?" I turn around; he is standing beside some girl; they share a few laughs like they are friends or something. Is she his friend? "Is he trying to make me jealous?" I ask out loud.

"I think he is," Jessica answers.

They continue laughing. The girl playfully hits him; the scene makes me want to throw up. Is he serious right now? He's so childish. "I don't care," I face my locker and finish searching for my pen.

"You shouldn't because she has nothing on you. You want me to kick her ass?" I laugh at her question. "I haven't been in a fight since middle school, but I can take her,"

"Shut up, Jess," Found it. I grab my pen and close the locker. The girl is standing in front of Ryder purposefully laughs a little loud so I can hear; I glance over.

"Alright, hold me back," Jess playfully says.

"She isn't worth it. Plus, there's no need for me to be mad or jealous; he isn't my boyfriend,"

We walk down the hall towards our next class, "Uhm, hello pending relationship," she reminds me. "Did you not make a rule for talking to other people?"

"No," I didn't think I had to. "I really don't care, he's just trying to make me mad, and that's that. Anyways how are you?"

Her grip tightens around her books, "I am doing good actually today is a good day," she's over ecstatic; it's weird seeing her like this. "I feel like it's going to be a good week!"

"I'm glad to hear that,"

She snaps, remembering something, "Oh, and yesterday I had a thought. What if we could find a file that proved AJ reached out for help,"

"File?"

"The counselors have files on every one of us; you mentioned that his mom said he and she went to the counselors, but they didn't do anything, what if... and this is a big if, what if they documented it, but just didn't do anything with the information,"

"Where do you come up with this stuff?" Her love for crime shows, I'm sure, has sparked her ideas, "So you want to find the file from 2011, where would we even get those?"

"The school's basement!"

"We have a basement?" I had no idea.

She rubs her eyebrows, "Ashley and I may or may not have made out a few times down there; there's a couch,"

"Kinky, I like it," We both burst into laughter, "I guess we can go check it out at lunch,"

"I'm busy at lunch!"

"Doing?"

"Something," she answers vaguely.

"Okay, fine. I'll call you after third so you can tell me where to go,"

...

Ryder POV

"Who can tell me what country the renaissance began?" Ms.Pope asks.

I rest my head on my hand and continue writing in my book, the same name over and over, the only name, the only word I can write, right, every fucking time. Jayda.

"Mr.Adams, care to engage?"

"Italy," I answer correctly. The class gasps, shocked. I hate myself for making it seem like I don't know anything, I can barely read, I can barely write, but I do have a good memory, a perfect one. When the teacher decides to actually teach lessons instead of handing us worksheets, though it doesn't seem like it, I am listening and remembering.

"Very good. Can you tell me what caused the rapid spread of Renaissance political and social ideas?"

"The printing press,"

She says, "Wow, I'm shocked,"

Matt says, "Now we know what he's getting in return," low enough for me to hear. The guys behind me sinker in laughter.

The bell rings, dismissing us from class. I catch up to Matt; while walking behind him, I say, "I didn't quite catch what you said back there, wanna repeat it," I swear to god if he does, I'll beat the shit out of him right here.

"Calm down, lover boy. It was just a joke,"

"It wasn't funny,"

"Whatever, anyway, where is Jayda?" He looks around the hallway. "Been looking for her all day, Eric told me she was looking 'exceptionally hot' fuckable his words, not mine, anyways I thought I would see for myself,"

I step forward, "Stay the hell away from her!" I know what he is capable of; I know what he has done and tried to do, and I don't want him anywhere near her.

"No promises," he smirks, trying to turn away.

I grab his shoulder tightly, "I'm serious, do what you want to me, I don't give a fuck but leave her out of it,"

"Leaving her out of it will take away all the fun," he pulls back out of my grasp and walks away.

Maybe I should just beat the shit out of him right now; I think I will before I can get a hold of him again. Someone calls my name.

"Ryder," Mr.Brooks calls again, "Could you come with me, please?"

Matt descends down the hall and turns the corner; I turn around and follow Mr.Brooks to his class.

...

Jayda POV

I hand Thomas the drive with the codes. "Here you go,"

"Are you going to be at the competition this Friday? A scout from MIT will be there,"

"Really?" MIT, the best technology school in the country.

"Rumor has it there offering two spots to someone on the team,"

"Cool, well, good luck."

"You're not interested?"

I shake my head, "Not really,"

"You're an amazing coder; you don't want to go to one of the most prestigious colleges in the world,"

"It's not that, I just don't...I'm not going to college,"

"What are you going to do then?" he asks like there's nothing more to life than college.

"I don't know yet,"

"Well, you should figure out soon, there's only-"

"Six months left, I know," I repeat that to myself every day; I don't need him to remind me, "Good luck at the competition," I say before walking away down the hall, dialing Jessica's number.

"Okay, I am on the 2nd floor,"

"Go all the way down to where the boys bathroom is, and then you'll see a silver door,"

I walk further down, "I see it," I open up the door, "This whole time, this was the door to the basement," I thought it was like a utility room or something. The stairwell is freaking me out; "It's so dark." I put the call on speaker and then turn my flashlight on.

"Once you get to the bottom, there should be a switch on the right wall,"

I reach the bottom and then shine the flashlight on the wall; I find the switch and flick it on. The basement is filled with rows of shelves and boxes, along with other random shit; the couch she mentioned is in the corner, along with a small table. I examine all of the boxes. "This could take forever; it would be much quicker if you just came down here and helped me," I take a box over to the couch and sit. Dust is covering the folders, so I have to blow to clear them.

"Just get started. I will be down there in a few minutes,"

"Thank you," I hang up the phone and get to work.

Jessica POV

The phone clicks off, and I stick it into my bag; I wince at the sore pain in my arms. They hurt so bad, yet another consequence of cutting, always having sore arms. I look around before lifting up my shirt sleeves; the cuts are red, redder than usual, and I'm running out of space on my arm. That should be a sign that maybe I should stop for a while, but I can't.

Cutting is the only way I know how to deal with negative emotions, like my depression, my rage, my guilt, my emptiness, and my self-hatred. Cutting is how I remain in control. It's an addiction, my addiction.

"Where is she?" Ryder asks, sitting in front of me at the lunch table.

"Who?' I play dumb, his mouth twitches. "Oh, Jayda? Uhm, I don't know,"

"Yes, you do,"

"I don't,"

"You do,"

I give in, "Okay maybe, I do, but I'm not telling you,"

"Why not?"

"Because she told me not to," She didn't, but she and I are connected in a way; we are connected enough for me to know that she doesn't want him to know where she is at. "I would be happy to relay a message to her,"

"Jessica, I'm serious, Matt-"

"Matt, what?" his name makes me cringe. I hate him; I don't know why I ever was his friend. Well, I do know, we all bonded over our fucked up childhood and somehow found comfort within each other. He wasn't always like how he is now; over the years, he's gotten worse. Out of all of us, I think Matt had it the worst. Out of all of us, Matt is the worst. He has the darkest heart of us all; I don't even think love could change him for the better.

Ryder smacks his teeth and says, "Nevermind, I'll find her myself," he stands up from the table and walks away.

I call Jayda, no answer. I immediately start to panic; I search for Ryder around the cafeteria to tell him where she is, but he is already gone.

Ashley steps in front of me, blocking my view, "Jess!"

"Not now, Ash, I need to go get Jayda," As much as I would finally like to hear an answer to the question I've been waiting for, for weeks, that's not as important as this.

"It about her,"

"What do you mean?" I frantically look around the cafeteria; he isn't in here. HE ISN'T IN HERE!

"Matt he-. Where is she?"

Oh my God! I turn away, running out of the cafeteria—Ashely right behind me.

Jayda POV

His fingertips touch the outside of my thigh, leaving burn marks on my skin. "Please," I whisper. My hands are pinned above my head. I can't move; I'm tired of fighting. I can't do it anymore.

His warm breath scorches the side of my neck. I keep my eyes on the door, hoping that any second now, Ryder will come bursting through to save me, but it stays shut.

Matt kisses and sucks on my neck; I try to keep my legs tightly shut, but he's too strong, I'm trying, I'm trying so hard, but I just can't, my legs go limp, and before I know it, they spread open. His heavy body lays in between me. I whimper when I feel him against me.

"Shh, don't cry," he says, trying to silence me. My screams and cry for help over the past few minutes have gotten quieter and quieter once I realized that no one is coming to help me. He grabs my face and forces me to look at him. The grip he has on both of my hands are so tight I swear they are going to snap in half.

When I close my eyes tightly, I see Ryder. I can hear him telling me to "Be Strong."

I respond, "I'm trying,"

I'm trying so hard to fight back these tears. I don't want to give Matt the satisfaction of seeing my fear, seeing me afraid. But I am, I'm so scared.

One of his hands touches the outside of my underwear, like the speed of sound, my heart rate picks up, and so does my breathing, "Relax," he pushes my hair back. My whole body tightens as I feel one of his fingers enter me.

"Please stop! Please stop,"

"It's okay," is all he keeps saying.

It's not okay; why does he keep saying this is okay? It hurts, I'm hurting. It's never hurt like this before; even with Caleb, this feeling is unnatural inhumane. He keeps going, his fingers slipping in and out, not stopping or slowing, not giving a damn about the pain he is causing me.

"I'm in love with you,"

"You're Beautiful,"

"Only I can touch you like this,"

I replay Ryder's words in my head, trying to find some comfort, at this moment, something that makes me happy, that night is the only thing that comes to mind. I was happy that night; we both were.

Matt's hold on my wrist loosens for a quick second.

Now.

I take the opportunity and grab the thick book beside me off the table, using it to hit him. Hard. His weight on me lightens; I slip from under him and immediately fall to the ground; I stand up quick almost to the door. My knees buckle. He grabs my hair and pulls me back; I fall to the ground but still try to get away; again, he's too strong for me. He overpowers me and gets ahold of me; there's a gash right on his eyebrow from the book's impact.

"You shouldn't have done that; now it's going to be worse." I watch as something evil takes over him. If he's going to do this, I need to not be here.

Slowly I feel all the energy and strength leave my body. He takes his hands and spreads my legs. I hear his pants unzip. I look up at the ceiling as my visions begin to blur, and I slip away. I write my words on the ceiling, and I can't help but wonder if other girls please for help are written on here also.

How many girls has this happened to? How many girls has he done this to? I get the feeling this isn't his first time having control over a female like this.

"No, please," I say. If he does this, I will have nothing left.

My underwear rips, and though what is happening now is already vivid and very real, the sound of the cloth shredding validates all of this. It's happening. My head dips back, and I cry even harder, "Please don't do this,"

He bits his bottom lip and smiles. "Maybe if you weren't dressed the way you are, I wouldn't want to do this,"

"Please," I blink slowly and turn my head back to the door, still waiting for Ryder. He isn't coming. I close my eyes tightly. I need to see him and the only way to see him is like this. I concentrate on him and his smile, and then he appears like a picture in my head.

"It's not going to hurt,"

"I love you, Jayda," his voice flows through my ear smoothly, like my favorite song, I've heard over and over again.

The clinging of the door jolts my eyes back open; it isn't him. It's Ashley and Jessica, "Get off of her!" Jessica yells, charging through the basement.

I finally can breathe when Matt removes himself from me. She walks over to Matt and pushes him back, cursing him out. My breathing picks back up, Ashley comes to my side, "It's okay, It's okay," she tries to calm me.

"Come on,"

She helps me up off the ground, and I limp my way over to the door and up the stairs; my legs hurt so bad, my private area hurts; if it wasn't for Ashley, I don't think I would be able to walk. We reach the door at the top, "Calm down. You have to calm down; no one can see you like this," she says. "I'm going to take you to my car okay,"

I nod. I'm too traumatized to even ask why she is helping me. I don't really care; I am just grateful she is. She wraps her arm around me, and we walk through the hallways and out of the door. I'm so glad we didn't run into Ryder; he can't see me like this. We reach her car, and I sit in the front seat. My hands shake, and my body shivers in the chair.

"Here, drink this," she hands me a bottle of water. I take it from her and take a swing before handing it back.

When I place my hand onto my thigh, I feel something wet; I look down to find dark red blood on my fingertips. Out of my peripheral view, I see Ashley looking; also, all I say is, "I'm sorry,"

"Uh... it's, it's okay, Uhm." She reaches into the glove department and hands me some napkins; I wipe my legs and between my thighs as best as I can, there are still bloodstains, but this will have to do; she hands me a plastic bag, and I toss them in.

How am I bleeding? He didn't even... he just... I don't understand. I take a deep breath and rest my head against the glass.

"I'm really sorry, Jayda," I can hear the sincerity in her voice.

"I'll be fine," I say weakly.

The back car door opens, Jessica gets in. "What the hell are we going to do?" she asks.

"Nothing!" they both look at me surprised, "We are going to do nothing, just take me home, please,"

***

(This chapter broke me so much😥! I hated writing it but I had to for what's to come😫! I'm so sorry)