*I'll be there in ten minutes-Jessica

I like her message, toss my phone on the bed, then go over to my closet rummaging through the clothes; I woke up late. Today is the first day back to school after the break, and we're already late.

She woke up late; when she called, I was also still asleep. She suggested that we skip school, I told her no, she asked me twice if I was sure, I replied twice, telling her, yes, and then we got off the phone to get ourselves ready.

I know she was concerned because of everything with Caleb. I'm partially over the Caleb thing; I miss him. Still, when I think about how he lied to me from the very beginning, how at first, it was all just a game to him, I no longer regret us being apart.

We should be apart; we were two broken souls trying to heal each other.

I thought we were going to be able to heal one another. However, we couldn't, he is still torn from his sister's death, and I am still broken from every fucking thing that has happened in my life.

We were doomed from the start; the past few days alone by myself has really helped me to see that.

I find my mom sitting with her back against the headboard, on her bed, "When is Dad coming back?" He left the very next day after the New Year's Eve Party.

"The end of the week, I think," she continues typing on her keys while looking at me. I always wanted to type without looking; I don't know how people do it. 

"Oh,"

"6 months!" she says like an announcement.

"Okay?" I say like a question,

"Six months and you will be a high school graduate,"

I put my head down, "Oh, right." Is it really only six months left?

She sighs, "I didn't want to bring this up, but college..."

"I'm applying to a few places today," I tell her, "Ms. Rodriguez called me yesterday and said that is what I will be doing at lunch, and if I don't finish, then we will work on it after school," That is after school at the diner, I couldn't get today off, so she is coming to me.

"After school? Do you need me to cancel your appointment with Rachel?"

"No, no, no," I say fast. "I'm going to go there first and then go back to the school; I should be back home around nine maybe,"

She smiles and then says, "Okay,"

A horn outside honks, it's Jessica, "I'll see you later, Bye."

...

While in the car, heading towards school, Jessica looks at me and then back at the road, "A brother, I still can't believe Ryder has a brother,"

"Mhm," when I first had told her two days after the party, she didn't believe me at all; I just knew she would have already known, being as though she and Ryder were friends. She said that she and Ryder weren't really friends friends until middle school; by that time, Jacob would have been long gone.

I didn't remember that she and Ryder weren't friends until middle until she told me.

In elementary, Ryder was mostly with Matt and Eric. Occasionally he would talk to me, then again, most of the time, he would talk to me, or at least try; I almost always tried to ignore the little boy that followed me everywhere. That is until our teacher made it a goal to partner us up in everything.

On-field trips, he was my traveling budding; we were literally either tied to each other or forced to hold hands the entire time. Then again, not forced, I remember perfectly everyone running away from their partners by the time we reached whatever trip we were on, but was I able to go off with my friends? No, because he dragged me everywhere with him. 

During our reading time, majority of the time, the teachers put him together. He and I would sit together in a corner; I'd do the reading, he just sat there watching me read to him.

Then there was lunch; I remember him always having fruit snacks, my favorite candy. He knew this; he made it his mission during lunch or recess to find me and give me the blue ones (my favorite ones) he saved for me.

From kindergarten to the third grade, he did this; once he got into the 4th, we didn't really talk anymore; I didn't see him alot; we went from having all the same classes to having different ones. Also, being as though the inner boy in him came out in 4th grade. Meaning that I now had cooties and was an annoying little girl, he stopped talking to me. And well after that, he became an entirely different person.

In middle school, his existence was extinct to me; I remember nothing at all about him during those three years.

"So Ms.Moore is expecting us to present what we have so far on our project with her in two weeks?"

"Well, we have nothing but a tape and a blog post dated nine years ago,"

She sits up a little straighter in the driver's seat, "We're going to show her the essay we did, and then we are going to show her what we have on the AJ Crawford thing," she states. "And then we will just say that we need a little more time to get the rest of the evidence together,"

I nod my head, "I guess that could work, but what else is there to get? There's no more evidence,"

She pulls into the school's parking lot; I freaking hate being late; now everyone is going to notice us walking in. Plus it's a new term, so we have new classes.

After turning the car off and taking the key out of the ignition, she looks at me, "There is; we still have Ryders brother who you said was co-captain of the lacrosse team,"

"Okay?"

"He has to know something!"

I shrug, "Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't,"

"Well, we could at least ask,"

"Uhm, is he even still in town?" I highly doubt he is.

"I don't know, you could always ask Ryder,"

My head shakes, "I'm not doing it, I'm not calling him, I'm not going to his house," All that would do is swoop me back in.

"You don't have to do that?"

"Then, how am I supposed to ask him?"

"Oh right, I forgot you don't have Twitter," she says.

I haven't been on it since I came back from the facility and saw those posts about me. I don't need to see the shit people are saying about me or about anyone else; all it will do is make me depressed and sad; I don't need that right now.

My body is going through a cleanse; I am washing away all the toxic things in my life and letting go of the things I can't change.

I can't change what people will say about me. I have no control over it, but I do have control over my phone and my fingers; with that being said, I will never have social media; I and it just doesn't mix.

"You're going to ask him when you see him because he's back in school,":

"What?" My eyes widen,

"He tweeted about it this morning saying that he is coming back; he'll have his crutches though,"

Oh my God, Oh my God. If I knew he was coming back, I would have skipped. I knew he would be back sooner or later, but I didn't think today, I need time. I was supposed to prepare for his return.

I can't do this, how can I see him? It's not even because of the rude things he said to me after I told him I didn't love him. It's because of what he said before that before Caleb had even shown up.

"I'm in love with you,"

And then

"I've always been in love with you,"

How could he--

Why did he--

My brain can't even begin to wrap my head around that shit. Was it real, or did he just get caught up in the moment? Even though he took it back, he still said it, and I know he meant it; he was just hurt because I didn't feel the same way; it'll always be a pattern with him.

When he is hurt, he will hurt other people, even me.

"So, are you going to talk to him?"

"No," I say sternly. "I can't, but I'll found out where his brother is,"

"How?"

"I don't know, I'll figure it out,"

...

"Remember, I need to see you at lunch," Ms.Rodriguez informs me for the hundredth time before handing me my new schedule.

"I know, I know,"

"I compiled at least of colleges I think would suit you best,"

I nod, and say "Alright, I'll see you in a bit," and then turn around, exiting her office.

Term three schedule

AP Math

Honors English

Art

Lunch

Physical Health

Ugh, not this again, if only I didn't fail last term. I don't even care guess I will be failing again; I refuse to climb a rope, I'm not playing basketball, I'm not swimming, and I'm not doing anything involving overly moving. Soooo, guess I will fail again.

French 2

Free Period

And

History

Technically speaking, I'm supposed to leave after lunch, but because I want to get more credits, I decided to stick with a whole school day schedule to get them. Ms.Rodriguez said having extra credits boost my chances at getting into a not prestigious, just a decent school.

That's all I need, something decent, to get me far, far away from this hell hole.

"Argh," I bump into a huge stiff figure; my books fall to the ground along with the papers I was holding. I bend down to grab them, and then hands reach down, helping me pick them up also; I know those hands anywhere. Also, being as though the energy swarming around me, around us has changed, I know it's him.

"You don't have to help," I say, on my knees gathering the paper; I don't look at him; I can't I keep my eyes on the ground, and pick up everything,

"I do," is all he says while still helping me; he is looking at me. I know he is waiting for me to look at him, but I won't.

We both stand up simultaneously; he's still holding one of my papers in my hand. I go to grab it, but he moves back.

He doesn't have his crutches; Jessica said he was going to have them. He's taking that damn pill again; I know he is. He looks fine, but he is not; sooner or later, that pill will wear off, and the pain will come rushing to him; the pill doesn't take that pain away. It just suppresses it. The need to keep your body paralyzed is what leads to the addiction. 

I go to reach for it again, and he takes another step back, "Ryder,"

"I'm not going to give it to you until you look at me,"

Don't do it.

For the first time in forever, I listen to the little voice in my head, the wise voice. I turn around and walk away from him, even though with every step I take, for some reason, the pullback towards him gets stronger and stronger.

~~~

(As yall can tell I hate PE with a passion, lmao. I've passed every PE class I have had, I have no idea how because I have never participated in one lesson, my teachers already not even ask me to change cause it ain't going to happen. Anyways-

Chapter before last been getting a lot of comments when Caleb made that statement about who would believe a black boy or something, I could've sworn I mentioned in book one he was black I said he had brown skin if I didn't my bad, but remember I also casted him as Trevor Jackson aka CHRIS from let it shine the ONLY BLACK DISNEY MOVIE lol so yeah he's black when I cast someone I highly suggest you guys look them up because I'm not always going to name there race and its only so much I can do to describe a black person or a non-black person, lmao I know some off yall still salty for me calling that boy Asian in he last book, but there's literally no way else to describe any other race other than a BLACK person ( all I have to say is dark skin or brown skin of course we know there black) without mentioning exactly what they are.

Anyways onto the next...)