I'm so glad I don't have to see this place again until 2021. It sounds like forever, but it's really like two and a half weeks. Who cares, though? It's winter break, and it was very much needed.

I grab my books and throw them into my bag; I continue searching my locker, making sure not to leave anything. Everyone around me has huge smiles and seems to be moving at full speed. I don't blame them; this break from school is well needed, especially after everything that has been going on around here.

Kids hug each other tightly, exchanging goodbyes, there acting as if we all don't live streets apart from each other.

They could possibly be leaving town for Christmas; that would explain the emotional goodbyes... the overly emotional goodbyes. It's never bothered me much that I didn't have many friends in high school.

It's mostly my fault, I know; I secluded myself for half of my freshman year; I started off strong, engaging in everything, joining everything I possibly could. Not really because I wanted to but because I didn't want to be home alone. At home, I felt like I wasn't wanted; I knew I wasn't wanted because no one was there. Being a part of things made me sorta feel accepted.

I'm okay with not having a close friend. A best friend. I thought Violet and James would be best friends. I considered them my best friends at one point in time, but now I don't; there were a few things that I overlooked because I wanted that high school friendship.

The one that's advertised to kids at a young age, so much so that when they grow up and get ready to start high school, they expect to automatically have this huge friend group that hangs out every week. Not to mention the lovey dovey relationship you're supposed to miraculously get in when you start high school.

Not going to lie, I was gullible, and I feel for it; I honestly thought those things would happen freshman year. I just knew I would get the boyfriend and the girl and boy bestfriend, join the student government, plan prom and functions, be the awkward but popular girl. But it didn't happen, at least not for me it didn't. My high school experience was nothing like how I imagined it to be.

Anyway, now that I'm on the journey of finding myself and figuring out who I am, I realize that Violet and James' personality just doesn't match mine... They gossip; I hate gossip. Not to mention they started to believe the rumors they heard about me, and I didn't forget that little stunt in the hallway when they completely ignored me. Even though I tried to forget it and look past it, I couldn't.

I wouldn't call them my friends. They're more like acquaintances. They're not bad people, so I have no problem talking to them here and there.

I walk into the bathroom; it takes me about fifteen minutes to change into my work clothes; I think that's the fastest I have changed all week. I gather my school clothes and stuff them into my bookbag, then walk out of the bathroom. When I get home, I'm considering asking my parents to make my therapy sessions maybe once a week instead of every other day. It's really draining to do that and work, along with the robotics club and school. I don't want to "burn myself out," as Rachel put it.

If they ask me why I will simply tell them I need to use all the time, I have to complete my senior project.

Ms.Butler emerges from one of her classrooms; I don't take her class, but Ryder does; that's his science teacher. "Oh Jayda, I'm so happy you didn't leave yet, hold on," she walks back inside her class and then comes back out with a folder in her hand, "Here," she tries to hand it to me.

"What is it?"

"Ryder's, work, it's been here all week. I thought you were going to pick it up Monday, but you never came,"

"I thought his mom was picking up his work from now on?" That's what Ryder said.

"She hasn't called me and said that. Are you not tutoring him?" she questions,

"I...I" I'm not, but I'm confused as hell right now.

"Here, just take it and drop it off to him; it's all the work he has to complete over break; he failed alot of the work, but I'm allowing him to do it over," she says.

How is that even possible? I literally explain everything to him. He never asks me for help, so I just assumed that he didn't need it. She hands the fold to me before I can tell her that I don't tutor him anymore. She says "Have a good winter break,"

...

"Can you get table two?" Ms.Kelly asks.

I'm about to tell her sure, but then I look up and spot whos at table two—Ashley and Matt, along with two other people. "I have to take this coffee to table five,"' I tell her.

She takes the coffee out of my hand and says, "I'll take it," and then walks away.

I look at the table and slowly walk over there; my legs feel like freaking 500lb weights; with each step, I take a pound is being added on—their conversation halts when I walk up.

Ashley laughs and then says, "I heard you were working here, I didn't believe it though, but it's good to have a rumor confirmed,"

"Aren't you like rich, why are you working at a diner?" Matts asks. I look over to him; he has a cut on his bottom lip and his eye almost looks swollen; I wonder who he got into a fight with. I'm one hundred percent positive it wasn't with anyone at school; I would've heard about it.

"What do you guys want?" I ask, changing the subject; they tell me their orders as I write them down. "Is that all?"

Ashley pulls her hair to the side and says, "For now,"

I roll my eyes and then walk away from their table, placing the sticky note on the metal bar.

...

How long are they going to be here? It's been three hours; it's dark outside now. Don't they have anything better to do than just sit around here? I huff and then look down at the folder sticking out of my bag. I called Ryder after my session, my call went straight to voicemail; I called Evelyn she didn't answer either. I don't want to, but I know I have to stop past the house and give him his work; I won't give it to him; I'll hand it to Evelyn or Josiah, whoever's in the main house.

When I look up, I find Ashley standing right in front of me. She looks me up and down and then says, "I don't see it,"

"Excuse me,"

"I don't see what Ryder ever saw in you." a smile peaks at the corner of her mouth, "I'm trying so fucking hard, but I don't see what it is about you that made him want to take a bullet for you," she says. She then adds, "Bullets," plural.

"I don't know what you talking about,"

"Sure you don't," she rolls her eyes, "Whatever it was he saw in you, I'm sure it's gone," she spits, and my heartaches. "You almost got him killed; he's never going to play football again, so his career is gone, hell he may never even walk like a normal fucking person ever again because of you," her face frowns in disgust as my eyes sting with tears ready to fall. "Everyone hates you, I hate you, Ryder hates you, the only reason why I haven't ruined your fucking life is because your life is already ruined; you have to live with the guilt of destroying his,"

Warm tears flow down my face when I look down; the tears fall on the checkered floor,

"At least you have Caleb," she cheers; I look back up. "Let's just pray to God you don't ruin his, or maybe you already have," she turns around and walks back over to the booth everyone is gathered at.

...

I zip my coat all the walk-up; the cool air hits my chest; the last thing I need to do is get sick. My face is extra cold, probably because I have been crying ever since I left the diner. My mind keeps replaying all of what Ashely said to me; I'm not crying because what she said hurt; I'm crying because what she said was the truth; the truth hurts. I know he hates me; I would hate me too. He threw everything away for me; I have no idea why he would do that, but he did.

My feet take small baby steps up to the Adams front door; I just need to drop this off and go. I ring the doorbell, the loud sound chimes through the house, and in a few seconds, the door comes open,

"Jayda, Thank God," Josiah says, pleased to see me, "Come in, come in. It's freezing out there,"

I wasn't planning on coming in, but I do. I walk in and stay at the doorway.

"So glad you're back! When Evelyn told me you quit, I honestly didn't believe her,"

"What? I didn't quit,"

His brow furrows, "Ryder told us that you told him you couldn't tutor him anymore. Isn't that why you haven't been here."

"I didn't-"

His phone rings, cutting me off from telling him what actually happened; he looks at it and says, "I have to take this; Ryder is in the back,"

"Uh, I can't-"

He answers the phone and starts talking while descending down the hallway.

Great.

I take a deep breath and walk through the house towards the back doors that lead to the pool. I count my steps as I walk on the concrete pathway over to the pool house. My hands are jittery, I'm trying to compress my thoughts, but they are all over the place.

I place my hand onto the door handle and then walk inside; Ryder emerges from the bathroom on his crutches. He's on crutches, and he doesn't seem to be in much pain; he's doing better. I glance over to the corner; the wheelchair is still here, though, so he's not fully healed. I don't think he'll ever be fully healed.

He looks me up and down, and then he glances at the folder in my hand; his eyes then move to mine; he doesn't say anything because he knows that I know,

"Why did you lie?" is the first thing I ask him.

He looks away and then moves across the room on his crutches over to his desk. He balances on his good leg as he picks his phone up.

"Ryder," I call his name, still no response. "Ryder!" I try again, hoping he will this time answer me.

"Could you just get the fuck out?" he snaps in a harsh tone,

"Not until you tell me why you lied,"

He huffs and then looks back at his phone.

"So you're just going to ignore me?"

Suddenly he slams his phone onto the dresser, and then his rage filled eyes burn to mine, "I don't fucking want you here!" he growls, "I thought maybe you would take a hint, but I guess you can't," his brows furrow. "I'm not some fucking charity case," he says.

"I know that," My voice cracks as I say the words slow and low.

"Well, if you know that, then get the fuck out! I don't want your help. I don't need your help; I don't want you around," his sharp word pierces through me. "My life is over because of you; what makes you think I want to be around you," he says; that's all it takes to send the tears rushing out of my eyes and down my cheek.

"I'm sorry, okay," my fragile voice says. "I'm sorry for everything, I know you blame me for the accident, I, I -" my breathing is getting heavier, and my throat tightens as I try to explain to him how sorry I am about everything.

"If I could change what happened, I would; I would do anything," I say, his green eyes are still glued on me. I can't take his gaze to I look down and say, "I don't look at you as a charity case; I thought helping you would ease my guilt and make me feel better, but it doesn't; I'll always blame myself for what happened, for the rest of my life, however long that is I'll always remember that I was the cause of your pain,"

My mouth releases a sob; I breathe in and then look back at him; his green valley eyes are calmer now, "I know you blame me for everything that happened, I know you hate me, and that's okay because I hate myself,". Warm tears continue to come from my eyes; I hate that I'm crying in front of him; even if I tried to hold them back, I don't think I could.

He takes two steps over to me. My body is not even a full inch away from his; I have to lean my head almost all the way back to look at him because his body is towering over me.

I wait for him to say something hurtful, something that will shatter me.

"I don't blame you, and I don't hate you; I could never hate you," he says in a soft whisper.

My lips part, and then it finally feels as if I can breathe again; his hand reaches up, and he slowly wipes the wetness from my cheek; his touch electrifies my body in a way that I haven't felt before, not even with Caleb.

This scares me, and instead of falling into whatever the hell is happening right now, I turn away from him and take a slight step back.

He looks almost disappointed. I don't say anything because I don't know what to say right now.

He stands up a little taller and gives me this pitiful look but not because I backed away from him; it's because of something else. What?

He looks like he is contemplating saying something or contemplating something he is about to say. He looks down and then back up to me.

"I have to tell you something,"

I continue staring at him, blanking, with my heart pounding like a church bell. My mind goes back to what I wrote in my notebook some days ago about that bomb going off.

I thought the bomb was my parents revealing the pregnancy, but something within me tells me that that's not it.

This right here is the bomb, I'm sure, and Ryder is about to light the fuse to the explosive that will break everything within me.

~~~

(Whew! LMAO yall not ready. Honestly, I thought you guys would have figured it out by now lol but surprisingly you haven't. I'm shocked, I don't think one person has said it yet or was even close to it. LOL, as the author that means I did something right 😂 I swear yall not going to see this one coming.

Take your final guesses now. Ill give you a hint. It has nothing to do with Jay's parents.)