Caleb and I have been on the phone for two hours. It's one in the morning. We haven't talked like this in forever. I missed this. Maybe Eveyln not wanting me to tutor Ryder anymore wasn't such a bad thing after all.

"Caleb,"

"Yeah,"

"Yesterday, when you said Ryder thinks he's entitled to me, what did you mean by that?"

The phone goes completely silent, and then he responds, saying, "It was just something I said; I was mad. I didn't mean it; I shouldn't have said it,"

"So you didn't mean it when you said that Ryder somehow finds a way to take everything you love?" He seemed very convinced about what he said; it's hard for me to believe he didn't mean it.

He sighs, "No, I did,"

"Why did you say it?"

"He took my sister from me," he says bitterly.

I had no idea Ryder knew Willow's sister.

"My sister and I were always close, that is until she decided to come to one of the all-star football games with the teams in the state."

"Last year?"

"No, the ninth grade."

Ninth Grade? They've known each other since the ninth grade.

"That's where they first meet, and ever since that day they were on and off,"

I say slowly, "Ryder and your sister dated for three years on and off?" not hiding the shock in my voice.

"Yeah,"

"Did she love him?" To date someone for three years, she had to.

"She said she did,"

"Did he love her?"

He laughs in disgust, "He doesn't love anyone but himself,"

"So you don't like him because he dated your sister?" That's a valid reason, but just because his sister fell in love with him doesn't mean I will.

"No," he snaps. "I don't like him because he treated my sister like shit; I honestly feel like he went out with her as some sort of joke,"

"What did he do?"

He candidly says, "He made her fall in love with him,"

"I don't think that's how it works," I'm pretty sure you can't make someone fall in love with you.

"It does; when he was around her, he pretended to be someone he was not," he explains, "Once she fell in love with him, he became a different person hence why they were on and off. They would break up for something he did, and then she would forgive him and go back,"

She sounds like Ashely; I can't believe Willow dated Ryder. From the way Caleb described her, she sounded like a smart girl, not too smart since she continuously went back to him even after he did something. Whatever this something was.

"I'm sure a big part of that had to do with her losing her virginity to him,"

My mouth drops wide open, but I don't say anything.

"She always said she wanted to wait until she got married, but she threw away everything for him," he bitterly says. "Well, was going to throw away everything,"

"I feel like I'm missing a key point," even after all he has told me, it still feels like I'm missing something.

"Ryder's the reason she's dead,"

For a second time, my mouth drops open, and my body freezes, "What? Surely you meant that figuratively."

"Somewhat," he replies. I don't really feel like talking about it,"

"Caleb, please. If he did something to make you hate him, I want to know; I need to know, maybe then I'll understand why you want me to stay away from him," I'm sort of scared to know what he did; I know he's done some awful things in the past.

"He got her pregnant,"

For a third time, my mouth drops open, and my breathing hitches. I was not expecting him to say that. "Wait, when was this? In the ninth grade?"

"No, she found out she was pregnant in like December of last year, but she didn't tell him until earlier this year," he explains.

I sigh with a huge relief; I can't even begin to imagine Ryder being a father.

He continues, "Then when she told him, he denied that the baby was his, and then he went on to tell her to get an abortion. Who the fuck does that? He has sex with her, get her pregnant, and then tells her to get an abortion,"

I can't believe what I'm hearing right now. "Are you sure the baby was his?"

"Of course, Willow had only been with him,"

All I say is "Oh,"

"They had broken up a week before she told him because he cheated on her with Ashely."

Big surprise.

"But she wanted to tell him that she was pregnant in hopes he would end things with her, so she went over to his house to tell him, that's when he said those things,"

"What happened after that?" I asked, intrigued.

"She called me; I came to get her. I was going to beat the shit out of him, but by the time I got there, he was gone; he left her outside standing in the cold,"

I wonder where he went?

"He's the reason the accident happened; if she had never gone over there, she wouldn't be dead right now; if she had just listened to me and stayed away from him in the first place, she would still be alive,"

"Caleb, hear what you're saying, and I sorta understand why you feel the way you do. But you can't possibly blame Ryder for the accident or for saying those awful things. Maybe he said those things because he was scared," he tends to say the first thing that comes to his head. "He was eighteen; he also had a life,"

"You're defending him?" he spits, furious.

"No, I'm just saying that-"

"What!? He was right to say those things? To treat her that way?"

"No, no, of course not," I stammer.

"Then what are you saying?"

"I...I" Honestly, I don't know what I'm trying to say. I'm not trying to defend him, but I also don't think we should blame everything on him.

He quickly says, "I gotta go," and then hangs up the phone.

What the hell just happened? Shit, I should have never asked him about what he said yesterday. Any conversation about Ryder always leads to an argument.

Maybe he's right; I mean, if Willow had never left that night to tell Ryder about the baby, she would still be alive, the accident would have never happened.

I say out loud, "Ryder got Willow pregnant." still trying to process everything I just heard. He could've been a father right now, not a good one most likely. Then again, maybe he would have been; a baby changes people, sometimes for the better.

My head is killing me, probably from all that I just heard, and this freakin cast on my arm itches. Ugh, one more week, and then I get it off. I lay back on my pillow, and before I know it, I am fast to sleep.

...

Thursday flew by... literally. Ever since the accident, days seem to have been going by super fast. It's really Friday again.

I zip my coat all the way up and head for the door.

"Want a ride?" my father asks.

"No," I open the door and walk straight out; the brisk cold air slaps me in the face. It's so cold. As I walk across the front yard to the curb, I take a look at my range rover collecting dust on the street; it's just staring me in the face; I'm tempted to go back in the house, grab the keys, and just drive the freakin car to school.

But I can't. Truthfully I can't even sit in it. I tried, though, when it was time for me to return to school, I grabbed the keys and hopped in the car, just like I did every day for school, but I couldn't bring myself to turn it on.

It felt wrong hating my dad but yet driving something he bought for me. That probably makes no sense, but to me, it does. When I look at that car, I don't just see a gift. I see a guilt gift. My father bought that car because he knew what he did, and he felt guilty about it. So to make himself feel better, he bought it for me.

He really should take it back and resell it. The only reason he hasn't done it is because he's holding out; he thinks I will break and start driving the car again, but I won't.

If walking in the cold is what I will have to do from now on, then it's what the fuck I will do.

...

"Much better, much much better," My English teacher applauds me. "This is what I like to see."

"Thank you, Ms.Collins,"

She smiles and then says, "I'll see you Monday,"

I nod and then walk out of her class soon as I step out, air flows back through my lungs. Whew! I'm so happy she liked it; her class is hard, and she's a tough woman to impress. Mr.Brooks was right. I definitely have more of a challenge there. More intimidated also. Everyone in there writes so well; my work feels like nothing compared to theirs.

Before I go to lunch, I need to stop past Ms. Rodriguez's room to see what she's come up with. Sometimes I wish she didn't care about me and my plans after college, but she does hence why she keeps pressing this college thing.

I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't find anything to help me with my money issue. There's no way I could afford to go to a university; I have no money. At first, I thought about applying for financial aid, but after doing research, there's no way they'll give me anything; my parents make way too much.

I could always go to community college; my parents would probably... no, they will have a heart attack if I was to tell them that I was going to a community college.

My mom most likely won't agree, but she'll want me to do what makes me happy, so I know she will support my decision. My dad, on the other hand... well, I already know how he will feel. He'll probably pay them not to accept me.

I stop at the bathroom before heading to Ms. Rodriguez's office; as soon as I walk in, I spot Ashely and Jessica in the corner. When Ashely turns around, I see her wet eyes; she rushes past me and out of the bathroom.

I turn back to Jessica. She has a disappointed look on her face, "Are you okay?" I ask.

"Fine," she grabs her bag that's on the floor, "I'll call you later," she says and then walks past me.

What the hell was that?

...

"A what?" I lean forward, gesturing that I didn't hear her even though I did.

"A job," she repeats.

"Uh, Ms.Rodriguez. I've never worked a day in my life,"

She smiles, "So there's a first-time for everything,"

She wants me to get a job. If I file for financial aid, but as an independent student, I could possibly get money for school, but I have to have a job to show that I have income. "Where would I even work?" I ask, possibly entertaining the idea of me working.

"The diner,"

My mouth falls open.

"That's the only place I could get you an interview at under short notice,"

"You already got me an interview; how did you know I was going to agree?"

Her right eyebrow lifts, "Why wouldn't you? You want to be independent of your parents; this is where it starts,"

"I guess you're right,"

...

I've finished my session with Rachel now I'm walking down the street to the diner. The interview is today; I didn't even get to go to lunch; I spent the whole hour filling out the application. It took longer than I thought it would. The hardest part for me to fill out was the skills portion and experience.

I didn't know what skills to put because I don't really do anything. Being an avid reader is not a useful skill for a fast-food spot. Under the experience portion, I had to leave that blank. I've never had a job before, not even a summer one.

The summer I turned sixteen, I spent most of my days smoking weed with Travis, drinking, selling drugs to people. That was sort of a job, an illegal one, though.

My anxiety is at its worst today, and I know it has to do with the interview. I'm so nervous; I honestly wish I had some weed right now to calm my nerves.

I'm relieved when I walk into the diner and see no one, "Are you Jayda?" an older woman appears from behind the counter.

"Yeah," I say. "Yes," I blurt out, correcting myself. Oh, God.

The grey-haired woman walks over to me. She doesn't look extremely older, but her blonde hair says otherwise. Her face is tight. I don't see any sags or wrinkles; she looks like a younger woman, just with grey hair. She implies for me to take a seat in the booth; I sit, and so does she.

"You have the application?" she asks,

"Yes," I reach into my bookbags and then hand her the paper,

She quickly skims over it, and I'm sure it's not because she is a fast reader but because hardly anything is filled out. "No work experience, and I see here you have one skill listed," she gives me this look saying, "and you expect me to hire you."

I need to think quick; I need this job. "I'm in the process of finding myself and a big part of finding myself. Is doing something for me," I think back to my session with Rachel; she was delighted to hear I was planning on getting a job; she said that's one of the best things I could do for me.

"I know that there's only one skill listed and no work experience, but I promise I will be a good worker; I'm a good person." I fib; I'm a horrible person, but I'm the only person who seems to think it. "I'll be dedicated to wherever you place me even if you just need me to clean the bathrooms," I state, immediately regretting saying it. She raises her eyebrow, considering I really don't want to clean the bathrooms, but I'll do it. "I need this job badly," I desperately say.

She looks me up and down and then says, "Your hired,"

"Really?"

She smiles and nods, " Ms. Rodriguez told me you were a smart girl, a hard worker. So yes, you're hired, you can start Monday,"

~~~

(I may rewrite this chapter! Everything will stay the same but I think I need to switch it around... what do you think?

Also none of y'all saw that coming did you?😂)