At some point during the night, Nicholas and I had made it upstairs to his bedroom, and spent the entire night in each other's arms. I awoke at seven the next morning, to a flurry of text messages from Ian, wondering where I'd gone off to. Since there weren't any panicked texts from Fiona, Lip, Debbie, Carl, or Liam, I figured that Ian hadn't alerted the authorities yet—i.e., Fiona—or else I'd have more of an abundance. Rolling my eyes at my twin's overprotectiveness, I texted him back, telling him it would be great if he would come and pick me up, as I'd spent the previous night at Nicholas's.

Although annoyed, Ian agreed, and I followed my trail of clothes upstairs and down, getting dressed all over the condo. Finally, I found my shoes—which were by the back door, beside my briefcase—and opened and shut the door behind me. I crossed my fingers that Nicholas would wake up soon, as I had no means of locking up after myself. My worries fell away then as Ian pulled up in my car solo, so I guessed that Trevor had spent the night, or that Liam was looking after Iana on my behalf.

"Sorry, sorry," I said, slipping into the passenger seat, securing my unruly hair with a hair tie I'd found in my purse. "Crazy day yesterday—girlfriend duty called."

"It's fine," Ian replied as we drove along. "Like I always say, I don't care if you're not going to spend the night, Murphy, but just let me know. What if I was called into work? Iana could've been left home alone."

I nodded. "You're right," I said, shaking my head. "Ugh, I'm sorry. Won't happen again. I swear Ian. Really."

He smirked, shaking his head. "Okay, lecture over. Meanwhile, what did you do last night that had you out of the house? Court couldn't have run that late."

I shook my head. "It didn't. We were out before five."

"Well, what did you do, then?" he asked.

I sighed. "Each other."

"Nice," Ian said. "I remember you mentioned that Nicholas's neighbors were on vacation, and the other unit is vacant. You could've been as loud as you wanted."

Immediately, my mind snapped back to last night and I remembered everything—including the part where Nicholas and I were so busy getting busy that we'd neglected to— "Oh, my god," I whispered to myself, putting my head into my hands.

"What? Was it bad?" Ian asked.

"No," I replied, shaking my head and not removing it from my hands. "We have to go to the drug store, like, now."

"Why, Murphy? What's wrong?"

I lifted my head out of my hands. "We did something really stupid, and I need to fix it before I forget or before it's too late..."

"What could be so stupid?"

I sighed. "We need to go to a drug store, Ian..."

He blinked. "Why, Murphy? Are you hurt?"

"No," I replied, shaking my head.

"Then, what's wrong with—?"

I sighed, dragging my hands along my face in impatience. "Ian, you know as well as I do the last time I had unprotected sex, I got pregnant with Iana!" I cried out.

Ian raised his eyebrows. "Oh, Murph..."

I shook my head at him, considering it for a moment and feeling angry. "I don't know if I even want another kid in this lifetime, Ian! Iana's turning two in a month. I can't handle a toddler and a newborn! Oh... What the fuck was I thinking?! Clearly, I wasn't!" I shouted, slamming my head onto the dashboard.

"Murphy!" cried Ian.

I sighed. "Can we just go to the fucking drugstore?" I asked, rubbing my head. "The last thing I need is another baby..."

Ian sighed. "Okay," he replied. "We'll go. And Murphy?"

"What?" I asked.

"You need to be more careful," he replied and, before he could say more, he caught sight of my annoyed expression, and cut himself off.

. . .

Nicholas's black eye was gone within a week, due to the TLC I'd given him on the first day of its inception, and we were ready to face the music with the trial as the month of May dawned, and I found myself simultaneously attempting to figure out what I was going to plan for Iana's second birthday party. We soon decided to have a small, family gathering the day of, and to save the party for the weekend, just two days later. Like they had the year before, Fiona and Debbie had helped me with the invitations, while Franny and Iana had yet another opportunity to bond as cousins should.

"How's things with Nicholas?" Debbie asked as we worked on the cards.

I attempted to remember how to spell a rather complex last name with a family associated with Iana's daycare, giving me time to answer the question. "Fine, I think."

"Yeah?" Fiona asked. "He being honest with you?"

I sighed, looked up at Debbie, who looked surprised. "Fill her in," I said to Fiona, who looked shocked at the task. "Hey, you brought it up."

Fiona sighed, filling Debbie in on my relationship with Nicholas from Halloween until now, and Debbie looked shocked. "And, that's the story," Fiona said, once she'd finished.

Debbie shook her head. "Oh, my god," she said, looking amazed. "I can't believe he would keep all that from you!"

I nodded. "I know."

"But you're keeping back all your dealings with Josh," Debbie put in, looking concerned. "And not to mention you holding back in telling him that you know everything he's been keeping from you, Murph. I mean, when are you going to tell him?"

I shook my head at her. "I don't know, Debs. So much time has passed since that conversation with his dad, and I'm worried he'll be pissed when I tell him I've known this whole time."

"Regardless of him not telling you—and he should've told you immediately," Debbie said, all in a rush, "you should be honest with him, too. I mean, if you don't tell him, you're just as much of a liar as he is. It doesn't matter if he did it first—you're just as bad as he is if you're keeping something from him, and don't come clean."

I sighed. "I know, Debs. It's just complicated—fucking complicated, if you want to get right down to it. I mean, I don't know where to go from here..." I said, feeling my shoulders slacking as I leaned back against the couch. "I guess, now that I know how he feels about me, I'm kind of struggling to come clean about me knowing because..."

"Because why, Murph?" Fiona asked.

I raised my eyes to hers. "Because I'm still not sure how I feel about him," I replied. "I've been taking this time to think..."

"Long time," Debbie muttered.

I turned towards her. "Yeah, Debs, I know it's been a long time," I replied. "I'm getting older every day, and I think that, somehow, I'll wake up and automatically know what I'm going to do and say in every given situation..."

"I don't think life works that way," Fiona said quietly.

I smiled at my older sister. "I'm learning that, Fi—slowly, but I'm learning," I said, a lighthearted chuckle escaping my lips. "I guess I'm just hoping that it'll get easier. It hasn't, but that's all part of the life experience, isn't it?"

"It should be," Debbie put in.

"Yeah, it should be," I tell them. "I guess I'm still unsure about my feelings for Nicholas on some level because a part of me realizes I can't trust him. I know full well that trust is an important component in a relationship, and he sure as hell can't trust me, due to everything I've kept from him over the last almost year..."

"You once said that, without trust, there's no relationship," Fiona said, her voice soft as she remembered what I said.

I smiled at my older sister. "You're right. I did say that."

"Well, does that mean you even have a relationship with Nicholas?" Debbie wanted to know. "I mean, if you can't trust each other, he's in love with you but won't admit it, and you don't even know how you feel..."

"Which is where the complexities begin," I said, my voice filled with regret. "I don't even have all the answers here."

"Clearly, you want all the answers," Debbie said.

I nodded. "Of course I do, Debs. But, if I had all the answers, it wouldn't make sense for me to get out of bed in the morning. And I've done that," I said, biting my lip as I remembered how dark it had become. "I've done that."

"But we were here for you," came Fiona's voice then, her hand becoming an anchor as she pulled me from the blackness, holding me in the light. "We were here for you then, and we're here for you now. And we're not going anywhere."

"We wouldn't desert a Gallagher," Debbie said quietly.

I smiled at both of them. "I just wish all of this was made clearer to me, I guess," I told them. "I know it's all part of the life experience..."

"That's right," Fiona replied. "It is."

"Just wish I knew when it would get easier," I say, laughing again.

. . .

My beautiful daughter celebrated her second birthday in an intimate family gathering on the night in question. Nicholas and I picked her up together from daycare that day, and brought her to her favorite toy store, and then to a little bakery for a cupcake. When we arrived back at the house, Liam was due back from school soon, so we arranged for Nicholas to be downstairs to greet him while I brought Iana upstairs.

"Where are we going, Mama?" she asked.

"Well, my sweet, the family is coming over tonight," I reminded her. "You need to be looking like your very best self."

Iana squealed at the mention of dressing up as we went into our shared bedroom, and I shut the door behind us. She sat like a perfect little doll upon my bed as I got out the floral-pattered cotton dress for her, the really fancy dress that she would be wearing that weekend still well-hidden at the back of my closet. Iana sat still for me as I took her out of her overalls from daycare that morning, and dressed her in her new dress.

"Who's coming, Mama?" she asked.

"Your friends are coming on Saturday," I explained, "for your big party. Tonight, Uncle Ian is coming, and Uncle Lip, and Uncle Carl, and Uncle Liam, of course. And then Aunt Fiona and Aunt Debbie and Cousin Franny..."

"Trev-Trev?" she asked, never having dropped the affectionate nickname.

"Yes, Trev-Trev will be here," I said with a smile.

"And Nicky is staying?" she wanted to know.

"Yes, he's staying," I assured her.

I put her in matching white shoes, and brushed her hair, putting in a white headband with a massive flower upon it, before I decided she was ready. I took her by the hand then, leading her downstairs, relieved when I heard the front door opening again, for Liam had come in while we were upstairs. I laughed indulgently then as Iana broke away from me, dashing to the front door, and letting out a squeal when she saw Lip.

"Lippy!" she cried. "Lippy!"

"Hey, little princess," Lip said, bending down and picking her up, and I immediately dashed forward, taking the small wrapped gift he'd brought her, kissing Lip on the cheek before I brought it into the kitchen. "How was your day, sweetie?"

"Fine!" Iana said, pleased at the undivided attention from her uncle.

"Are you having a happy time?"

"Happy!" Iana chanted. "Happy that Lippy is here!"

Lip laughed aloud then, carrying Iana through to the living room and sitting beside Liam on the couch, turning automatically to Nicholas. "How's it going man?"

"Great," Nicholas said, leaning forward and clasping Lip's hand for a moment in a handshake they'd dubbed a 'bro handshake'. "How's the diner treating you?"

"Busting my A-S-S," Lip said, and Nicholas nodded in understanding.

"I'm sure," Nicholas replied, leaning back so that I could sit in his lap, and he immediately put his arms around my waist. "I did a stint in a kitchen setting..."

"Really?" I asked, speaking for the first time as I turned around to face him. "You never told me that..."

"When was this?" Lip asked.

"At Northwestern, I worked in the kitchen sometimes for some extra cash," he replied. "It was actually a lot of fun because the lunch ladies were nice to me."

"Nicholas, they probably thought you were cute," I said, rolling my eyes. "I can't believe for fell for the nice lunch lady act."

"It's true," Lip said. "Sometimes, I can't keep the employees off me. It's good that Fiona's the owner, though—female empowerment and all. Besides, she keeps them in line pretty good," he said, smirking to himself.

I shook my head at him. "You're insane," I said.

Lip shrugged. "I guess, sometimes, I can be," he said with a laugh. "But hey, I'm a Gallagher. I guess it's how we're wired."

Fiona, Debbie and Franny, and Carl showed up within the next hour, and then Ian and Trevor brought up the rear sometime later with the takeout. Soon, the house smelled of heavenly Chinese food, and, although I was reluctant to allow her to have a lot, due to the high salt content within it, my daughter loved it. Ian and Nicholas reminded me more than a few times that it was Iana's birthday, and we were meant to be celebrating, and I agreed with them. However, my mom mode wouldn't turn off even if I tried, and I kept my eye on her for the rest of the night, not knowing what to expect.

Once the night had finally wound itself down, Nicholas and I brought Iana upstairs together, and I allowed him to carry my sleeping daughter. He set her down on the bed for me, considerately turning away as I checked her and, finding nothing, simply put her into her pajamas before I placed her into her crib. I leaned down and kissed her forehead, and was shocked when Nicholas bent down and did the same. I took him by the hand then, leading him out of the room and into the hallway, shutting the door behind us.

"You're really great with her," I said, smiling at him.

Nicholas smiled back. "I'm glad you think so."

I kept my hand in his as we walked downstairs together and outside; it was a warm night, and the sun was just beginning to set around us, leaving a beautiful glow in the immediate atmosphere and sending an altogether calm through me. "Thanks for today," I said.

He nodded. "Sure... You seem happy."

I kept smiling at him. "I am happy. I can finally say that out loud—I'm happy. I never thought I'd be completely happy in my life, Nicholas, but I'm happy, in this moment."

"Because you got to escape the clutches of motherhood for a moment?"

I reached out then, gently punching Nicholas in the arm. "You know that's not the reason, you bastard," I joked, and Nicholas laughed aloud. "No, it's just... This day. And this life that I inexplicably got, after the upbringing I had." I shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I'm finally sensing there was something at work here. I had to go through all that hell to get to where I am today, and I guess it was worth it."

Nicholas smiled, closing the distance and kissing me. "I wouldn't want to wake the birthday girl tonight, and I don't think I'd be able to keep my hands off you..."

I shook my head at him, biting my lip to keep from laughing completely. "Go home," I said, gently shoving him towards the stairs of the porch. "Go home and get some rest. You and I can sneak off at some point during the party."

"Like last year?" he joked, kissing me one last time before going down the steps. "That was a great day, Murph—a real turning point."

I nodded. "Yeah," I said, hesitating at the top of the stairs. "A real turning point..."

Nicholas hesitated for a moment beside the gate. "Hey. You okay?"

Immediately, I found myself refocusing as I nodded at him. "Oh, yeah. Just being a bit reflective, and it was a really long day..."

Nicholas nodded. "Okay, I'm going now," he said, blowing me a kiss when he opened the gate and stepped towards his car. "I'll see you in court tomorrow morning."

I let out a theatrical groan, which made him laugh. "Can't wait," I replied.

. . .

Court on Thursday and Friday was not so painful, and, quite soon, it was Saturday morning and Ian and I were running around the house to make it presentable for the party that afternoon. It had been considerate of Fiona to take Iana for the morning, bringing her into the diner and having people admire her. Fiona would tell anyone who would listen that the gorgeous baby on her hip was her niece, and that she had just turned two, causing an uproar in the restaurant at how gorgeous the Gallagher family was.

"You did not," I said, laughing when Fiona told me later.

"Oh, I did," she replied. "I ended up introducing her as my niece automatically, because everyone assumed she was..."

"Your daughter?" I asked.

She nodded. "Yeah."

"Hey, we've got really similar eyes—I get it," I said, smiling at her. "But I'm glad you set the record straight, selfishly."

Fiona grinned. "Of course I did. She's your daughter, Murph."

The rest of Iana's little friends from daycare showed up that afternoon, as well as members of my immediate family, and Trevor and Nicholas, as well. Rebecca even showed up, giving special attention to Iana, who adored that. I walked out the back door at one point of the party to get some more ice for the non-alcoholic punch bowl, when I saw a familiar face lurking around behind the shrugs. My hackles rising up then as I walked down the stairs, I stamped over to the bushes then and pushed them down.

"What the fuck do you want, Frank?!" I demanded.

Frank sighed. "I heard there was a Gallagher birthday party going on, and I was curious to know who was celebrating..."

I crossed my arms. "Since when do you care?"

"I happen to be a Gallagher, Murphy. You know that."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever, Frank."

"Just tell me," he said, and there was something in his voice which made me stop. "Just tell your dear old dad if it's my granddaughter."

I raised my eyebrows. "Which one?"

"Yours—your daughter," he said.

"Iana," I said through my teeth, and Frank looked surprised at my name choice. "Her name is Iana Phillipa Gallagher, after your two older sons. I told you this...I must've..."

Frank shrugged. "Maybe you did. I don't have the best memory..."

"No shit," I muttered.

"When can I meet her?" he asked.

I shook my head. "I don't think that's a good idea, Frank..."

"Murph?" called a voice, and I turned around then, seeing Ian in the doorway, holding onto Iana with a look of confusion. "What do you want, Frank?" he demanded immediately.

"Is that her?" Frank asked, moving around the bush to get a better look. "Is that Iana? Is that my other granddaughter?"

I looked over at Ian, who gave me a look, which said it was my call. "Ian, come over here," I said, regret peppering my tone as Ian moved forward. "Come here, sweetie," I said, taking Iana into my arms and turning towards Frank. "Iana, this is Frank."

"Or Grandpa," Frank said.

I glared at him, feeling that Ian was glaring next to me. "Or Frank," I said firmly. "Iana, this is Frank... He's my father," I said.

"Frankie!" Iana shouted with joy, and I immediately looked at Frank, who looked entirely amused with the nickname. "Nice to meet you!"

"She actually talks?" he asked.

"Jesus, Frank—of course she talks!" Ian shouted. "She's intelligent, just like Lip, Murphy, and Debbie are intelligent."

Frank looked at me then. "You're in the smart bunch?"

"Frank, I'm an attorney," I said, giving him an exasperated expression. "I had to be smart. I graduated high school at fifteen, and got a Master's Degree in Criminal Justice, and a minor in psychology, when I was twenty-one. I'd say you have to be a pretty smart person to get all of that and remain alive."

"Well," Frank said, his eyes drifting back down to Iana, "she's beautiful. Too bad she hardly looks like a Gallagher," he said, and I felt myself urging my mind and body to remain calm, lest I squeeze Iana too tightly in my protective mode. "Looks a lot like her father... What was his name again? Mickey something?"

I turned and looked at Ian, whose eyes were attempting to mask the pain he felt. "Ian, Ian," I said, reaching out and placing my hand on his arm, "why don't you take Iana inside now?" I asked him, apology in my tone and in my face, as Ian moved to do my bidding. "I'll be back in a moment, sweetheart," I said, kissing her forehead before I handed her over to Ian, and watched them go inside. Immediately, I whirled around and faced Frank, grabbing him unceremoniously by his shirt collar, glaring at him. "Why the fuck did you have to come here and fuck everything up by just...being you?!" I yelled.

Frank chuckled. "Like I told you, Murphy, you can say whatever you want, but I'm the only father you've got, and will ever have."

"I don't need a father," I said, letting him go abruptly and pushing him away. "And I especially don't need you..."

"Monica would sometimes go into rages like this," Frank said.

"What?" I demanded, impatient.

"Yeah," he replied, pulling at his collar to make sure I hadn't ripped it. "Usually when it was her time of the month or when she was pregnant."

I rolled my eyes. "You're not a doctor—you're just an asshole," I replied as I heard the door open again, and Nicholas stood there. "Hey," I said to him, exhaling then, feeling relieved that I was no longer alone with Frank.

"Ian said that we had an unexpected guest," Nicholas said, pulling the door shut behind him and walking down the stairs. "Who do we have here?"

"Frank Gallagher, Murphy's father—and all the rest of them," Frank replied, putting out his hand a little too enthusiastically for my liking as he pumped Nicholas's hand. "And you are?"

"Nicholas Blomqvist, Murphy's boyfriend," he said, putting his free arm around my shoulder. "I won't have you upsetting her."

"Oh, the other lawyer," he said, sounding like it didn't matter much to him. "Nice to finally meet you, I guess."

"Frank, it's time for you to leave," Nicholas said, narrowing his eyes at Frank. "I think you've done enough for one day."

"Never enough," Frank replied with a chuckle, turning to look at me. "You look sick, Murphy. I think you should go inside before something happens."

I didn't initially feel sick, but the moment the words left his mouth, I dove out from under Nicholas's arm and bolted inside. Ignoring the guests of the party, I did a quick headcount before I pulled open the door of the bathroom and slammed the door, locking it behind me. And then I was on my knees in front of the porcelain bowl, doubled over as I vomited everything I'd eaten that day, and possibly something from last night. The pounding on the door was the only thing that stopped it, and I slowly got to my feet, flushing the toilet.

"I'll be right out!" I called, stumbling over to the sink and washing my mouth out, getting my spare toothbrush from the holder and brushing my teeth. Sighing, I dragged my hands underneath the water and washed them, before I shut off the light and opened the door. "Sorry about him—he makes me sick," I said, shrugging it off as I walked past Nicholas.

"So, that's your dad?" he asked as I walked into the kitchen.

I nodded, getting myself a bottle of water from the cooler on the floor. "Yeah," I replied. "Well, I guess it had to happen sometime. We've been together almost a year now, and I've met your entire family, pretty much..."

Nicholas nodded. "Yeah. Had to happen sometime." He hesitated for a moment as I sipped my water, and then he just spoke. "Listen, I'm just going to come right out and say it..."

I blinked. "Say what?"

He sighed. "I've been thinking a lot about it, and I think it's time that we shake some things up a bit. I have something for you to consider."

I blinked, looking around, and seeing that everyone was in a conversation, Debbie's playlist pumping in the background, so nobody was really caring about our conversation. "Um, okay," I said, plastering a smile onto my face. "What do you want to consider?"

Oh dear god, I thought to myself. I swear to god, if he does something totally crazy like asking me to fucking marry him at my daughter's birthday party, then I swear to god I'll run away or do something equally drastic—

"I've thought a lot about this," he said.

"Mmm-hmm," I said quickly, letting him know I was listening.

"And I think that, now that Iana's old enough to understand the dynamic of our relationship, and because we're at such a good place..."

Which we're not, because there are so many unsaid things between us...

"...that I think this would be a good time to discuss you and I possibly moving in together," he said, obviously worried about my reaction.

I raised my eyebrows. "Move in together?" I asked.

Nicholas nodded. "Yeah. You, me, and Iana. So, what do you say?" he asked me.

I found myself just standing there, staring at him, before I turned towards the crowd of people, my eyes automatically finding Ian's. The panic that registered in my eyes quickly mirrored his, and I knew that he and I would need a conversation moment, and soon. Quickly, I turned back to Nicholas and just smiled at him, hoping for another subject to be brought up, but, as always, my wish failed to come true.

"So?" Nicholas asked. "What do you think?"

TO BE CONTINUED