My head pounded the next morning, a puddle of vomit on the pillow beside me. I gagged at the stench, pulling my hair from the remnants of the little that I'd eaten the night before. Vague memories reared their sleepy heads; anger induced tornadoes, storms of tears weaving in and out in an out of sync dance. It was hard to grasp everything that had happened after that conversation, or lack thereof, with Robert.

Rubbing my forehead, trying to ease the stubborn migraine that had made itself comfortable, I forced myself out from beneath the sheets. It was futile hiding away and pretending the damage hadn't already been done. I needed to see if I could salvage anything. God help me.

The feeling of gratitude washed over me when I found the downstairs in pretty good shape. Only empty liquor bottles spread along the kitchen floor needed to be sorted. Nothing a black bag and a few seconds of my life couldn't fix. I had sorted it within a matter of minutes. Flashes of Naomi's room peeled away at my memory. Guilt hit like a train. I couldn't go into that room, see what I had done, without someone here for support. And there was only one person I trusted enough for such a task. Sophie.

I was vague when ringing her, and as always, she was ready and willing to come to my rescue with little warning. I paced the house, sticking to the lower floors, twirling the wedding band on my finger as I waited. She would be there any moment. God, I felt sick. I hated being vulnerable to anyone, much less Sophie with her ever optimistic views of life.

"Hey girl! Where are you?"

Her voice was uncertain, cautious even. I'd never heard that in her before. I could hear her heels tapping across the floor as she searched each room for me. When she found me, I was sitting with my head in my arms, tears rolling down my cheeks on the conservatory floor.

"Hey, hey, hey! What's wrong?"

Her arms were around my shoulders, pulling me in before I could protest. Have you ever had that moment, the one where you're able to hold everything together, at least a little, until someone asks you if you're okay? This was that moment for me.

"Ro-Robert's l-left me-me"

She holds me, saying nothing as I shudder, the sobs aching my chest. Nothing had really sunk in fully until that moment. I'd buried my head deep into the sand, as I always did. I couldn't breathe, nose running as my face swelled and reddened. Next to Sophie and her made up appearance, I looked diabolical. 

"It's okay. I've got you, I've got you"."

She shushes, laying my head on her lap while stroking my hair. Like a child, I cling to her legs, afraid of what might happen should I let go. I'm not quite sure how much time passes, neither of us moving as I let all the hurt burst free, but it felt like a lifetime. When finally composed to the best of my ability, given the severity of the situation, I pulled myself up, wiped my nose on the back of my sleeve, and sniffed loudly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Sophie asked.

I nod, staring at a piece of wallpaper I hadn't until then noticed was peeling away. Cracks in our house and our marriage. My life truly was falling apart. She rubbed my shoulder, grunting as she hauled herself from the ground.

"I'll go make us a cuppa then. Get your arse on that sofa and under a blanket. I won't be long."

I obeyed instantly, not wanting to face the anger of yet another person. With nothing to do but wait and listen to the clink of metal against china, I let the hazy memories of the night before return. My behaviour from the night before appalled me. Unlocking my phone, I scrolled through the endless stream of abusive messages I'd sent Robert. He hadn't responded to a single one after the videos. I knew he was furious.

"Here you go," she placed the mugs on the coffee table, taking care to place each on a coaster. Sophie, like me, hated any kind of mess. "Why don't you start from the beginning?"

I inhaled deeply. The beginning. Where exactly was that? I'd lost my way over the years. There was so much I wanted to share with another human, to release from the prison inside me. Someone who wasn't Robert. But to do so would have been self sabotage.  I knew I couldn't tell the whole truth. Some things had to be fabricated or left out entirely.

"I think Robert has been seeing another woman," it wasn't a complete lie. While it might not be the primary cause of this disaster I found myself in, it played a significant part. "He's been sneaking off for all hours of the day. The morning before our anniversary, we had a phone call - I don't know who it was. I didn't get to the phone in time, but as soon as their conversation was over, he got his shoes and coat on and just... left. I haven't spoken to him since."

"Oh honey. That doesn't mean he's left you, though, right? I mean, it could have been anyone on the end of that phone. Family maybe? Or a work colleague. Why are you so certain that there's been another woman?"

I tell her about the late night visits, the woman's perfume coating his skin and clothes. The receipts I'd found over the years for flowers I never received. There was just too much evidence that pointed to infidelity to be a coincidence.

"I mean, I guess so. So that's it. He's just packed his bags and left you?"

I shook my head.

"His stuff is still here. He rang me last night. He wants a divorce. I did something stupid Soph."

I shook my head.

"His stuff is still here. He rang me last night. He wants a divorce. I did something stupid Soph."

She stared, eyes wide, mouth open, head shaking as I tell her about Twin B.

"I can't say I'm surprised that he's angry. That's an enormous secret to keep from him. Talk to him, explain why you gave her up. Maybe you can fix things."

I looked at the floor, picking at the skin around my fingernails.

"If there really was any chance, I killed it last night. Oh Sophie, I can't believe I did it. I'm so angry at myself."

She looked at me, confusion written across her face. I took her hand, leading her to Naomi's room. With a deep inhale, I swung the door open. The mess was still there, her beloved treasures nothing more than rubbish piled high. Sophie looked from the contents of the room to me. I could feel the anger simmering off her, the judgement.

"I love you girl, you know I do. But this is messed up. I don't care how angry you are at Robert, you never take it out on a kid. Especially your own child. What the fuck were you thinking? I honestly can't believe what I'm seeing right now!"

She held a stuffed rabbit, its head hanging crudely to one side. Her fingers stroked the coarse fur. I watched her, too ashamed to say anything, as she tries to fix the mess I made. She sits cross-legged, carefully laying the scraps of paper out like a jigsaw. I stepped forward to help, but she raised a hand.

"I think you've done enough. I'm gonna fix this. Not for you, not for Robert, but for Naomi. That poor girl. I can't even look at you right now. You need to get out. Just go downstairs and do something else while I sort out in here."

Without a word, I turn on my heel and leave. I could feel her gaze burning into my spine, could hear her muttering under her breath, cursing my very existence. For the first time in our friendship, I felt betrayed by Sophie. She'd taken Naomi's side over mine, had taken Robert's side over mine. At that moment, I knew our friendship was dead. I would leave her to clean the mess, it was one less job for me to do after all, but I would never speak to her again. 

I listened to the sound of her rummaging about above me as I flicked through the pages of my book. With each passing minute, I could feel my hatred for her bubble. I refused to acknowledge her when she checked in while hunting for a needle and thread. Ignored the look of hurt on her face as she gave in and made her way back upstairs.

I could hear her talking to someone, the words inaudible through the walls. No doubt she had called Robert, was telling him all about how she had come to save the day for him and Naomi. Just another hussy trying to destroy my marriage. I don't know why I hadn't seen it sooner.

It was three o'clock when she finally re-emerged, telling me Naomi's room had been restored to its former glory. I grunted in response, not meeting her gaze. She sighed, telling me she was only a phone call away if I needed it, that she really did love me. She's an awful liar. When she left, she stopped briefly at the front door as though debating whether to stay.

"Piss off!" I screamed, not moving an inch.

The door spoke its response as it shut quietly behind her. I would never see that woman again, and for that I was thankful. I let the silence envelop me, cradle me in its arms and carry me somewhere I could feel safe. Where everyone was loyal to me. If only such a place existed.

It was then, as I rested my head on the arm of the sofa, that red and blue flashes filled my living room. I knew instantly that it could only mean one thing. The police. I had to get out. Had to run. Robert had to have told them what had happened, that he'd killed Naomi and I'd helped bury her. I could think of no other reason for two officers to be walking up my path, hands on their holsters, their siren still blaring. There was only one thing left for me to do. I wasn't going to let him take me down. I was not going to let him destroy the little bit of life I had left. I had to run.