"Will you move in with me?" 

I didn't realize I had been holding my breath while I waited for Lydia's answer. I spent the day thinking of different ways to ask her, and I wasn't expecting it to just come out like this. From her expression, I could tell she wasn't expecting it either.

When the words passed my lips, I saw her eyes go wide and her lips parted slightly. She didn't say anything after that. She simply held my stare while she was frozen in place. Worry spread through me as the minutes trickled me.

"Please say something," I said with an awkward smile. "The silence is killing me." 

I had no idea what she was going to say. I didn't know if she would say yes, maybe, or even no. I just needed to hear a fucking answer, I had been thinking about this for a few days and thought it was a good step for us. 

 "I-- I, uh, don't know what to say to that." She turned away and started gathering her clothes; stuffing them in the bag she brought. She threw on a pair of jogging pants and a jacket to cover the lingerie she was wearing. "Isn't this a little out of the blue? I mean, what about my dorm?" 

I didn't care that I was naked in the middle of the room. I could only think about the woman standing in front of me and how she was taking this. After all the times we have talked about living together, this was how I expected her to react. "We can always wait until the semester is over. I just-- I thought we talked about this, Lydia. I thought--"

"I know we have," she interjected as she took her heels off and put on her running shoes. "I know we talked about it, and I said I would be open to it." 

"But?" 

She got to her feet and still refused to look at me. "But I don't know if this is the right time. I mean, you got this new job and I have the art show."

She was deflecting and I knew it. I ran my hand threw my hair as my frustration started to grow. I wouldn't have asked her unless I was pretty positive that she would say yes. I have gotten to know her better than a lot of other people in her life since we met that night on the bridge. "Lydia, look at me." 

She continued to gather her things, ignoring me completely. "Lydia," I called again. When she started for the door, I stepped in front of her, blocking her path.  "You can't just leave without talking to me. Please," I begged. 

I needed to know what she was feeling. What she was thinking. I needed to understand why, just a week ago, she was completely gung ho with the idea about moving in with me. Now, she was acting the complete opposite. To be honest, her actions were very similar to the when we first met. She was skittish, hesitant...scared. My mind flashed back to that night I kissed Lydia on the balcony. I thought it had been our first kiss; and didn't remember until after that I kissed her the previous night when I was drugged: 

"You okay?" I asked her before she walked away from me. I knew tonight was a lot to take. By helping the police set up a sting to catch PSYCHO Amy, we put ourselves in danger. 

Lydia wrapped her arms around herself. "I'm fine. Seems like Operation: Fake Date was a success." 

I shrugged off my jacket when I walked inside the room from the balcony; throwing it on the bed. "Yeah, I guess." 

She shifted back and forth uncomfortably on her feet. "Your stunt on the balcony sure did the trick." 

I knew she would think kissing her was all an act. At the time, it was. I wanted to get that psycho bitch out of our lives. But, I couldn't lie to Lydia. "It wasn't all fake." 

"Sean-"

"No, don't do that," I interjected, Don't run away. Yes, that kiss was meant to lure her in. But after I started-- I couldn't stop. It was real." It was more real than anything I have ever felt. And apparently, it wasn't the first time. "Just like when I kissed you last night."

Her eyes widened. "You-- You remember?" 

"Yeah, I do," I answered. "It came back to me when I kissed you on the balcony. What I don't know, is why you didn't tell me." 

I could tell from the tenseness in her shoulders and the way she avoided eye contact that she was a heartbeat from running out the door. "I--I was confused. The doctor said you may do things out of character." 

Considering she and I had two almost-kisses over the past couple days, I wasn't buying it. "That's not it. You called me out when I lied about PSYCHO Amy. I think I deserve the truth." 

She let out a long breath. "I'm scared." 

"Scared of what?" I asked her. When she didn't answer, I lowered my voice. "Lydia, talk to me. You know you can tell me anything." I walked over and took a seat next to her on the bed. 

"I was scared because, obviously, there is something between us. But, we're friends. Good friends. You are probably the only one I have in my life. The only one I trust." She started fidgeting with her hands before she continued, "I can't lose that friendship. I'm still dealing with stuff and besides-" 

"Besides what?" 

"I've never been kissed. Not like that, anyway. I liked it and it scared me." 

Okay, that definitely surprised me. But I wanted to be honest with her. "It scares me, too."

Her head snapped in my direction. "Really?"

"You just saw the last thing I dated," I said with a laugh. "I'm not ready to jump into anything, either." I paused for a moment. "You're right, there is something between us. In the future, who knows? But the future is just that, the future. Let's worry about right now and both of us getting our lives back on track. Deal?" 

She let out a long breath before she looked at me with a smile. "Deal." 

My thoughts returned to the present as I held Lydia's stare. "You know you can tell me anything," I said, just like I have that night and others before it. 

She glanced away, and for a moment, I thought she was going to actually give me an answer. Not so much. "I gotta go." 

Just like that...she took off. 

Four Hours Later

"Hey, you've reached Lydia. Sorry I can't cone to the phone right now. Please leave a message."

"Come on, Lydia," I mumbled as I got her voicemail for the thirteenth time. I waited about an hour after she took off to try to reach her. As soon as I did, her phone went straight to voicemail.

I had been trying not to worry about her, or leave my apartment to go by her dorm. Which is why I was now pacing back and forth in my bedroom. I'm surprised I haven't burnt a hole in the carpet. I glanced at the clock on the wall and saw it was almost four in the morning. I ran my hands through my hair. Maybe I shouldn't have asked her to move in. Maybe I should have waited...No. There wasn't anything wrong with asking her to move in with me. I remembered countless hours where we would be laying in bed, talking about our future. She brought up the possibility of cohabitating a few times. She would make jokes about taking over my closet, or us moving to a bigger place so she could have a space to paint. No, I did do the right thing. 

So why wasn't she more excited? If she needed space, she should have just told me. She knew I would give her all the space she needed. But she didn't do that. What had me worried was the look she had on her face and in her eyes. It felt too much like the past. 

My phone rang and the name on the caller-ID surprised me. "Michael?" 

"Want to explain to me what happened tonight?" 

Fuck. FUCK. Fuuuuuccckkkk. "What do you mean?" Obviously Lydia called him. To be honest, I was glad. Eight months ago, she wouldn't have anyone to talk to. I liked Michael, and was glad they were repairing their relationship. 

"She called me an hour ago and told me she was getting on your charter to fly over here and stay with me for awhile. She sounded upset."

I closed my eyes tight as I gripped the bridge of my nose. "I-- I took her to dinner for Valentine's Day and kind of...asked her something." 

There was a disgusted sigh on the other end of the line. "Did you propose?" 

I dropped my hand and felt my face scrunch up in confusion. "What? No! Believe me, even I'm not ready for that. No, I asked her to move in."

There was a long pause from Michael. "Really? You did?"

Okay, not the response I was expecting. "Yeah. We've talked about it before and she mentioned on more than one occasion that she wanted to. At some point."

"You know what?" Michael asked. "She's talked to me about that before, too." 

I sat down on the edge of my bed. I knew she told Michael a lot, even stuff about our relationship. I was the type of person who liked to keep that stuff private, but that wouldn't be fair to Lydia. She only had less than a handful of people she could talk to and I wasn't going to get upset that she confided in them. Even if she talked to them about our issues. 

"What did she say to you about it?" I was scared of his answer. I had a feeling she may be a little more honest with him rather than me. Our relationship was still new and, even though I doubted it, she could have just said those things to appease me. 

"Honestly? She told me a few times that you guys talked about it. She said she was nervous, but the idea of moving in excited her." 

There was a tightness in my chest. "She did?" Maybe I wasn't wrong about how she felt. 

"Yeah, she even surprised me when she said that. After everything that she had been through, I didn't think she would agree to put herself in a vulnerable position like that."

I remembered when she took off and left me standing in the morgue awhile back:

"Sean, when I read that letter, I couldn't think. I just took off and I'm sorry."

Michael and I both let out a long breath before I said, "You know what she's doing, right?" 

"Yeah, she's running."