Another beautiful masterpiece that only exists because... Umm... I'm not actually sure. :D

Trigger Warning: Anorexia, self harm, suicide

Keep in mind that I am not making fun/romanticizing these. I realize that these are real things and cannot be romanticized. However, if you are uncomfortable with reading something that mentions any of the aforementioned, do not hesitate to skip this chapter entirely. I merely want to bring to light how some books portray certain illnesses/conditions. 

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"Hey all... My name is Anaconda but my nickname is Annie!" 

I'm a beautiful model who has the most amazing hair and orbs and everything EVEERRRR! So anyways, the FBI sent me to a random school in the middle of nowhere ot act as a nerd! Anyways, when they sent me there they had a bunch of amazingl hot boys! They even had blonde cheerleaders, black thugs, Asian nerds, and hot six-pack Italian dudes, and shy prudes! Basically every stereotypical person known to man existed there! Which is why it was called 'Stereotype Highschool' but then again, that has nothing to do with anything. Anyways, so this hawt boy named Ashton Harreh Malik Styles keeps on bumping into me and then getting mad at me! *cries* then he gave me the worst nickname in the world, SNOW! do I look like Elsa to you? Then again, I have the most beautiful platinum blonde hair ever and I wear purple eye shadow and snowflakes in my hair!

Anyways, Ashton is sooooooo annoying! But he is sooooo HAWWWWT, HE HAS A CURLY MOP On TOP OF HIS HEAD THAT MAKES ME WANT TO FLIP HIM OVER AND USE HIS HEAD AS AN ACTUAL MOP AND THE PRETTIEST GREEN ORBS EVER! Ashton and I keep on fighting, and I didn't even do anything to him! And then today during lunch he asked me if I wanted to go bungee jumping. Seriously? Does he think I'm brave like Tris from divergent?! anyways, during lunch we got into his amazing Lamborghini thingy and drove to his mansion first.

"gosh Ashton, your house is soooo amazing!" 

And it was, there were gold etchings everywhere and then he asked me if I wanted to meet his siblings and parents. He lead me to the livingroom and introduced me to his siblings that somehow magically appeared from nowhere and should probably be in school! 

"So that's America-" he points to a beautiful blonde who is smeared in lipstick. 

"That's Ariana Grande-" he points to a short little girl with brown hair and cat ears... Aww she is soooo cute!

"That's Angelina Jolie-" hold up? THE Angelina jolie is your sister?

"Nah" he laughs, "she's the fake Angelina Jolie!"

"That is Harry Lucas Bieber Justin-" he points to a hot dude that looks EXACTLY like him, "MY TWIN!" 

But then Harry starts having seizures and Ashton tells me that he is mentally unstable and escaped an insane asylum yesterday-

"But what can we do? We can't be mean to my twin brother!" 

And then he points to a beautiful woman with wrinkles- "and that's ma momma!" 

And then his mom comes and hugs me and asks me if I'm Ashton's girlfriend. 

I blush and he smirks And then a little kid with blonde hair comes in and interrupts our moment. Oh, I almost forgot, that's little Bobby Joel he says. Then Ashton leads me into the basement and there is a whole cinema in there! Oh my god! Then we make buttery popcorn and take turns seeing if we can get it into each other's mouths! Then he starts rolling his sleeves up and I see that there are a bunch of scars there...

But Ashton, I cry, why did you do this? And then I roll up my own sleeve and there are a million cuts their because my parents are abusive and I'm a lonely person. Ashton and I cuddle and he kisses my scars and I kiss his scars and they magically disappear. Then I say I have to go back to school but then I realize that it's been thirty years and his Cnema is actually a thingy to time travel thingy. I look around in wonder, it's 2045! And I'm 40 years old but I don't really look 40 be us the time travel thingy only makes everybody whose not there older. 

Ashton clutches my wrist and smirks... Aww he's soooo cute! Then I ask him to how back to the past and he says fine. Then we come out of the cinema thingy and he drives me back to my house. My house is sooo tiny and it doesn't have any gold anywhere! Then he kisses me goodbye and I walk into my house.

Daddy clamps his hand on my shoulder! Owwww daddy! I scream, you're abusing Me! Then my daddy and my mommy make me sit down and Tell me that they're getting a divorce! No! I scream... That isn't fair! Then mommy says she's going to move back to Minnesota and daddy is going to stay right here and I get to pick where I go! I say daddy because I'm obviously not an undercover model! 

Then daddy kisses me goodnight and I fall asleep in my bed while mommy leaves. In the morning, the alarm clock beeps and I see Adele outside my window! hey! I yell, that isn't thee bad boy! Then I go to my bathroom and leave the window open and take my clothes off and jump into the shower and jump out of the shower and wrap a towel around me and drop the towel and rummage through my wardrobe and then my phone pings and I see a message fm an unknown number,

"That body is pretty hawt!" 

Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! I yell, and blush. I quickly throw on pant but I can't find a shirt so I wrap the towel around me and look outside! Oh my god, Ashton is standing there in his black boots and shirt and vest and everything! He smirks and I start to blush again. Then he comes in and sits on my bed and I emit a low scream! But then he tells me that he already saw me naked, so what's the use of being embarrassed now. But then I still go to the bathroom and quickly put my hair into a messy bun and everything! 

Then Ashton and I blush and i eat nutella for breakfast and we drive to the local Starbucks and I order a carpaccio frapaciino wonder palooza! They somehow already know my name and then Insee some random guy with a British accent come near me?! Who the hell are you! I say, get away from me! 

Then he introduces himself and I realize it's Ashton's brother Harry! He says hello and that he's part of a wonderful boy band! Bu Ashton! I scream, u told me he was in a mental asylum! That's because he's not! Ashton says, I was! 

And then Harry grabs Ashton and puts him in a suitcase and ships hoi to Dta's insane asylum. Then Hairy  comes and we smash into each other. And then I accidentally spill my coffee all over him! OMG OMG OMG OMG! I say! I'm ssoooo sorry! O.O and then I get a bunch of tissues and we clean his jacket up and then he takes my face into his hands and asks- " will you be my girlfriend?" 

I scream YES! Of course! And then we start dating and even though I'm dating him I hate 1D's music! And then I go home and I get a call from my BFF! And she says she got tickets to 1D's concert! Oh my goodnesd! We all dress up and we get a limo there and Harry calls me up onstage and he calls my BFF, Dakota Winthrop Ashelynn Leah Samantha Josie up too! And then she starts jumping up and down and I do too! And then I tell Dakota that I'm dating Harry and she starts screaming because she wanted to date Harry! And then Liam comes from backstage and proposes to Dakota! And she says yes, and that my friends, is how a fourteen year old got married to Liam Tomlinson! 

And then Harry brought me to his house, aka Ashton's house and I start to cry. And then the next day, I start throwing up and everyone asks me if I'm pregnant! But I swear I'm not! Then Harry gets me a pregnancy test and it says positive! Oh no! What am I supposed to tell my parents? So I decide to become suicidal and cut myself and Harry kisses all of them and says that even if everyone else hates me, he will still love me! Isn't he the sweetest? 

Anyways, a week after that, my water breaks and I give birth to  Jordanoa (yes, sh is my daughter).

Anyways, Harry proposes to me and I become his beautiful wife! And then he got pregnant somehow, even though he's not transgender and doesn't have a uterus or anything... Hmm... I wonder how. And it was an accident! I swear! After that, he gave birth to a little girl named Rose A lot Mathew O'Connor, and she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen! 

And then We have our second wedding and he becomes an AMAZING SINGER! 

One day I was standing in front of the mirror and I notice how fat I am and start crying because I'm so ugly too! Then I stop eating and Harry takes me to the hospital and my family starts crying for me because I look like a skeleton and not pretty. :(:(:(:(:(:( and then they say I have Anorexia, but I thought that only happened to stupid teenage girls! Aww :(:(:(: 

 Anyways, Harry gets pregnant again, somehow and I found out he's actually transgender BUT HARRY! I scream, you can't be transgender :(! And then he says that I am the most horrible wife ever and then he leaves me and takes all the children. But then I meet some guy named Tarzan and he takes me to the forest where we become a polyamorous couple- we meaning Tarzan, Jane and I. And then Jane gets pregnant and has a baby named Snow White and another one named Prince Charming (yes, The guy in Shrek whose mum is the fairy godmother). AND we all live happily ever after. The end. :DDDDDD

Oh, and I almost forgot! I became Poot Lovato later :ddddd

And that, my friends, is how 'What Not To Do With Your Stories' was finished. 

Don't worry, there will be a page of acknowledgements.