AUTHOR'S NOTE

SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT. I THINK THIS CHAPTER IS A GOOD.

I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU AT THE END.

The questions for this chapter is

What do you think about social media on a personal note?

Which is your biggest embarrassment?

Please read this.

Yagappar is not Addar at 19. He knows the meaning of lot of things though not all.

Yagappar is Addar at 16-17. He didn't know what is the meaning of rising a middle finger till kohli showed it on Australia.

I am not pure like Addar now. I socialised. I socialised and I observer people.

Addar is a pure soul. I was once a soul like that. Now I know meaning of lot of words.

I know that I promised a different chapter but changed it in the last minute

*******

8) What is the next pain for me?

ADDAR'S POV

If you are truthful to a fake person then it is not a quality worth appreciation. It is an idiotic quality. 

The World appreciates people who spin a web of lies to achieve. People don't ask how they achieve or how these winners behave. They just say they are winners.

No one cares about morality nowadays. They just want a victorious man. They don't need a human with morals. 

There is only one way to make people support you in this world. Say to them that your actions will bring those gains, and they will support you.

No one supports you for your good intentions anymore.

If Gandhi or Nelson Mandela lived now, people wouldn't leave them to be pure. Being pure and selfless is like wearing a t-shirt with words "I want to be bullied." 

In the early 20th century, there was a saying that only the fittest survive. If you ask me an equivalent saying of that would be that only the selfish survive.

If you want to be selfless in this world, get ready to beg in the streets. Nowadays no one is ready to help the poor so get ready to starve. 

We were asked not to cry for the past or worry for the future. We were asked to live for today. People started doing it, but they over did it.

They kiss any one even strange and random people. They just think about what the kiss gives them at the moment. They forget that the kiss is something special, reserved for a soul mate who comes in the future. They don't want a soul mate either. They want to enjoy their freedom.

They don't care about the example they are giving to the present generation. They kiss every girl without thinking that their nephew or some other child is watching them. Do they even give any thought as to what will the child think about their actions?

People live a life without morals. They are selfish. They think I have to succeed now, why should I think about someone else's victory.

A life without morals, selfishness, and I-will-do-whatever-I-want approach, these are what people believe in nowadays.

But I have one question: Why am I different from all these people?
I can force myself to be a selfish guy, but I can't be a guy that lives without morals. I don't know what stops me from losing my morality. Why did I grow up to be a guy with morals? The world thinks I am useless.

I just wanted to kiss a girl. I was kissing a girl. Why did Catherine's  face come to my mind? She said that she doesn't think of me as a boyfriend.

Well, she doesn't think of me as a man either. She thinks I am some impotent guy, but why did I think of her like I am cheating on her?

Why is she still staying in my heart and brain? It is because of this, I take a pillow. This all started when my mom died. My dad was an affectionate person, but still like all Indian dads he keeps some distance too.

That resulted with me sleeping alone. I used to cuddle with my mom while she was alive. My Dad didn't cuddle, so I found a new option for cuddle... a Pillow.

I imagined that my mom is the pillow. It continued for years. I was convinced that mom is cuddling with me. That was the only reason I slept those days.

Nothing is more horrible than growing up without a mother.

When I saw Catherine on the first day of college, something happened to me. Till then memories about my parents were the only reason for my sleep, but after that Catherine was one of them.

In the next vacation, I kept my mom's pillow home, and brought a new pillow.

That is how my virtual living together with Catherine started. I have been virtually cuddling with her for four years.

I was in my room, alone as usual.

I pointed towards the pillow or Catherine and told, "Why did you do this to me Catherine? I love you Catherine. Why Catherine?"

I know that the pillow won't respond, but this is the only thing which hears me. No living being will hear me not even a street dog.

I remembered something. "Do you remember the nights I cried and cuddled with you about the people who bully me? You are the only support I have. May be I should say I had?"

Every time someone bullies me, I used to search for her thinking that she will help me, but today I found the truth.

She will join them and bully me. She doesn't care about me. She is not a special girl or something. She is just a girl.

"I always thought you were the one who was going to bring happiness to me, but I was wrong. You don't care at all. I am nothing to you!" I shouted at the end.

I forgot about crying for three years. I never cried in college. Yes, I was bullied and all but I never cried. "You took my tears with you when you came to college, are you giving them back to me as you are leaving college?"

So does this mean that my life is a mess again? Should I continue to shed my tears? How long can I shed my tears? There should be a limit for them too. They can't come continuously. If the scientist doesn't know the limits, may be they can come and check me? What if I cry all throughout my life?

"You didn't break my heart Catherine. It is still intact."

After all the things she said, fortunately or unfortunately, I still love her. I can't simply break a relationship. I still love her. I will love her. I will love her even if she says the same words in front of everyone else again.

Do you know why? Because I am Addar and that is how he reacts. He will love a girl in spite of horrible things she says about me.

Even if she hurts me, I will love her.

I can't love anyone else in my life. All my life, I will live with the love I have for her.

Love is something which will only happen once for me. Even if she throws into the trash, it won't come back to me. It will stay in the trash. It responds only to her.

But she won't come back. I don't know why God is angry with me. He took my mom when I was young. I thought he gave me my Catherine, but at last he took her too.

Does he want me to live an affection less life? Who will give me care and affection if not Catherine?

What did I do to you God to get this cursed life? No mother, sister, and now no Catherine. Why do you take all of them away from me?

Do you enjoy seeing me like this? What is the next pain for me? You enjoy giving me pain, don't you?

At least give Catherine back to me. I don't mind the words she said. Just make her love. Make her understand my love. She is the only one who can make me smile. Ask her to take the tears she gave me now. She took my smile earlier today so ask her to give it back now.

You won't do that. You are known for giving trouble to good people.

"You didn't break my heart. You broke me completely. You broke my confidence. I won't dare to face this world again."

I don't know about a girl But a boy can't live without a girl. It might be either his mom or sister.

He needs them but I don't have any of them.

*******

AUTHOR'S NOTE

My answer to the question is

1) Social media: I don't like them. Mostly it is my real life friends in school or college. Nothing new will come there.  If I talk with I unknown people, they are surely going to hurt me. May be that hurt is a reason too. I am hurt here too but these books make me stay here. I forgot my Facebook password and twitter is just there. What's app just sleeps in my phone

2) Embarrassing moment: A girl openly flirted with me. I was speechless. I didn't know what to talk at all. She was not a stranger. We went to a speech competition. They selected ten out of all who came. We were a part of it. She saw me for 3-4 hours but didn't talk at all. She suddenly started flirting. I know that she just flirted but it caught me by surprise. I didn't know what to do?

Back to book.

What do you think about Addar's words at the end?

You might have guesses the story by now, Addar is so hurt by love. He doesn't want to fall in love but there should be a girl who can make him fall in love. The book is about that girl.

This book is opposite to nearly every book in wattpad not because of Addar. It is because of someone else and you will find it later.

Guys, we are slowly moving away from these serious chapters to romantic chapters.

I have a surprise for all of you which might reach you by today evening  or tomorrow morning  (Indian standard timing)

Do you remember how I write my books? I imagine them in my bed. HER DREAMS is finished in my head so I started the new story in my head.

I give you a preview on that story next.

The character are sweet but not as much as Jenny. They have ego but not as much as Catherine.

Teaser: Same teaser sorry guys.

Take care be safe and stay blessed

-Yagappar .