AUTHOR'S NOTE:

After a long time, I have written a very long chapter. You guys enjoy long chapters, don't you?

Many of you still are shocked that Catherine is a bad girl but you forgot that all those scenes which showed Catherine in bad light was in Addar's point of view.

One of the themes in this book is, 'It doesn't matter how much someone is close to you. When there is a chance for you to mean anything bad they don't think will he or she say that? They will assume what is obvious.'

There are lot of girls in India who are not believed by parents even when they say they are assaulted. They are fighting every moment to prove that they are innocent after they are hurt.

This book is dedicated to them.

I was dying to write this part of the book more and more after I see you guys scolding Catherine. I gave hints which you could see when you see the chapters now.

Question for the chapter is, they might not read your books but still they talk more with you. They might be the friends who talk to you without reading your book. Say about them. They should have wattpad account.

Let's go to the chapter.

****

20) who is there in the world to love me?

CATHERINE'S POV:

He leaned forward and caught my arm. He pulled me up and shook me with rage. He shouted at me, "How the hell did you end up on my Dad's good girl's side? How on earth did you get the courage to sit in front of me?"

I wouldn't have been surprised, even if he had cursed me but he just laughed at me.

He didn't shout at me. He just laughed on seeing me.

I wouldn't have been hurt even if he had cursed me because I was used to hearing harsh words about me. After all I am just a punching bag for the society now.

I was expecting to see that disgusted look in his eyes.

Do I feel bad for it? No, I deserve it for the mistake I did in my college days. One single mistake and I have been paying for that mistake for 9 years.

How many people have I lost for that mistake? I have lost myself as a result of that mistake. I am just a living corpse.

I was now used to people insulting me so much that I thought Addar would hit me or at least curse me for what I did.

Then my eyes went to see him. He is not same. He has changed a lot. It is something which I was expecting.

After all it was a part of the intention to change him. My thoughts were brought to a halt when he said, "I asked you a question. Will you care to answer me?"

Then I realized that he had asked me a question and I said, "I am fine, Addar. How are you?"

He sat comfortably and said, "I am fine. How is life?"

I was on the verge of suicide but I can't say that to him. I replied, "I am living so no worries."

His expression changed. He asked me the most important question by saying, "I am surprised that you agreed to meet me."

Honestly, I don't know the answer. I replied, "I don't know why you are still sitting here too."

He smiled at me. One difference I found in him is, he knows to act now. He was acting cool but his fingers were drawing patterns on the table. I think this habit is still intact. He used to do that whenever he is tensed.

May be it's true that some habits don't die at all. He saw the surroundings as if he was going to say some top secret about Bollywood who knows he might even say. He is close to many Bollywood actress and actors.

One thing about him has been the most shocking change in him and it is his struggle to find who he is. As he said when he asked me to call him Abijah. He was my friend for 4 years in college but he has never asked me to call him Abijah.

I think it's a matter of identity. He doesn't want to be known as the Addar who studied in NIT. He wants to be known by Abijah a genius who made wonders in the field of Economy and Industry.

There was a dead silence for ten minutes which was for him to think when he should leave. He broke the silence by saying, "I am waiting here because I said to my Dad that I will marry the girl he chooses for me."

I was too shocked and I couldn't stop myself from asking, "But your Dad has chosen me."

He said with a smile awhile keeping his phone on the side of the table, "He knows that I am not gay so he chose a girl for me."

He said that and before I could respond waiter came with our ordered dishes. I couldn't believe it. Did he ignore my actions on that day?

Did he forgive me? Is he forgivable enough to do that?

Ignore rude people, forgive and move on and give them a second chance are the most easiest and commonly used words in this world but is it easy to follow those things? No way.

Did he do that tough thing? When my mind was screaming to find what was happening to us, he was busy talking to the waiter about the hotel decorations and other things. The Addar I know was very sentimental about these, how much has he changed?

After asking from me on what I want, waiter went. Addar was seeing me with his eyes. He was actually seeing me. His eyes are seeing me after many years. He didn't hide his feelings now and I could see it clearly.

He said with tension, "I was worried that someone will come and pretend to me that they love me after marriage. If I marry you, I would be saved from that fake things. You can't pretend to love me because I know that you don't love me."

I was shocked by that. He is asking for life without any love. Actually, he is asking for a life where I should avoid love.

But who is there in the world to love me?

He continued, "If you want to reject me then you can, it is not new to you."

That really hurt me. I just wanted to cry. I knew that Addar is not someone to remember and take vengeance but he said this. I couldn't stand when he said that. I was literally killed on hearing his next words.

"You don't have to say sorry even if you reject me."

I am stupid. If you did one mistake in life then you will be sorry, what if your life is full of mistakes?

I have been asking sorry than good morning and good night but no one heard me. I have lost all value for that.

If I had met him immediately after that incident then I would have cried and asked him sorry till my last breath to him.

Before I could say sorry to him, he continued, "I don't want anything romantic with you now. We would live as an acquaintance. If life and circumstance permits we might be friends."

I just nodded my head. I didn't have anything else to say to him. I don't why but that word 'sorry' never came to my mind afterwards. We finished our dinner.

I was going to pay but he didn't allow me to pay. We washed our hands. The moment we stood from our table, we were blinded by lights.

The press found us and I didn't understand how they found us. Press were coming near us. Addar wrapped his arm around me and pulled me towards him.

"Addar, who is this girl?"

"Did you dump Alia Bhatt?"

"Is she a model?"

"Is she a businesswoman?"

"There is a rumor that you dumped Alia Bhatt by a text message. Is it true?"

"There is a rumor that you have been dating your childhood sweetheart for 10 years, is she that childhood sweetheart?"

"Alia Bhatt was angry at the press meet yesterday, is she the reason?"

The questions were being fired at us but I lost my sense immediately after my mind registered that I am abnormally close to him. My cheeks were pushed to his chest.

It was very strong. He was not soft even his grip on my waist was hard and I was being crushed within his strong arms and chest.

I could not stop my stupid mind from going back to my college days.

*** When they were studying second year in college ***

I was walking to the ground. This Adam is starting to get annoying. I am an adult and I am eligible to vote in elections even but still he thinks I am stupid.

I was walking through the walkway in my college which were lined by flowers which I admired much when I came to college but now I don't have time to spend time with them.

The clouds were forming. Everyone are expecting rain and they have sped up all their work. I am no different. I was walking fast while glancing at the sky which was showing his anger on the humans as they polluted it by occasional lighting.

May be the sky is warning us? I chuckled on the thought.

"Where are you going?" I heard a voice and turned to see Addar walking towards me. He was wearing a red with black checked shirt. He was 6ft tall but had a soft look on him. His chocolate brown eyes which might be cute when he smiles was very serious I stopped and waited for him to come. I answered, "I am going to playground man."

He had his hand on his hip and said, "I still remember the marks you got on the last internal exams and even now you are in no mood to think about assignments given yesterday. Why are you spoiling your studies?"

College is not about studies alone. Why isn't anyone understanding me at all? There are lot of things to do in college. I didn't answer him back. I was walking and he was walking with me. He continued, "I never saw you in any of the college teams too. What are you doing in grounds?"

Why is this guy stalking me? I couldn't understand him. I just don't want people behind my back all the time. He continued, "I am going to library to search for the assignments and you are coming with me."

Why don't these boys understand what people feels? They don't understand the most obvious feelings even. I said, "Addar, I have some works. I can't come now."

Please, don't ask what it is. I shouldn't say but he asked, "What's so important than assignments?"

He asked it but what do I say? Things are getting pretty tensed. Why does he have to keep on asking questions like this? He is my friend and I will accept that he is a good friend too. Doesn't he have to give some space to friends especially if they are other gender?

I got it. I could say this. I replied with fake shy, "Addar, its girl business. You won't understand."

Yes, he bought it. Suddenly someone opened the doors of sky and it started to rain. Addar caught my hand and ran to a nearby building. The problem with big campus is buildings are not near each other.

We were running hand in hand and many people were running behind us. It was like a cliche old Bollywood movie were a boy and girl are chased by goons and they are running to escape those goons. Oh God, I should stop watching those cliche Bollywood movies.

We went inside a hall which was full of people and I couldn't stand freely. I was squashed by two boys. One random guy on my right and Addar was left of me. I thought for a moment and leaned on him.

What! He is a random guy and Addar is my friend so I should be comfortable with him. Suddenly I noticed the time.

It was late and I should be at the ground by now. I tried to go but Addar stopped me by my wrist and I gave him my puppy face which has been working for two years by now.

He showed his finger and asked me to wait a minute. He took a moment and searched. He found an umbrella and gave to me. He said, "Take this, and don't get wet."

I said my thanks and started to walk under the umbrella but I stopped. I turned back and said to him, "Come in the umbrella with me." I knew that he can't walk in the rain and I knew that this rain won't stop him from going to library.

He hesitated and his cheeks went pink. He has always looked like a cute puppy to me. I stepped forward and pulled him by his wrist inside the umbrella. I was very near him. I could see that my hair which was opened went to his mouth by the wind.

The umbrella which I was holding was hitting his head as he is taller than me. I said to him, "You have to catch the umbrella man."

He composed himself and said, "I am not your servant to hold the umbrella mam."

I replied with a smile, "Then am I your servant? This is your punishment for being taller than me."

We walked after he got the umbrella. I couldn't stop myself from leaning on his chest. His muscles were light. They were not so strong. It didn't seem like a rock, it was more like a pillow. His hand was inches away from my hip.

He took his hand behind me but he didn't wrap it around me. He kept it awkwardly at a distance from me. I couldn't stop me from chuckling at it.

I was peacefully resting on his chest and I was going to pull his hand to wrap around me when he said, "Catherine?"

I realized that we are in the ground now and I was snuggled in his chest. I pulled back and he was blushing too much. May be I was blushing too, what do you expect from me then?

He said, "Are you sure that you don't want umbrella?"

"No, I can manage. Bye buddy."

He caught my wrist. I was little over 5ft and he had only my wrist to touch always. He has not touched my shoulder even. I never understand it. He said, "I don't know what you are doing in this empty ground. It is raining heavily so you can't play anything now."

I was begging inside my heart that he shouldn't ask further. He was expecting me to talk when I didn't reply he continued, "Be safe and don't spoil your studies by unwanted things at this age."

I smiled at him as I knew that he gave up. I said, "Okay will do, Daddy."

I ran to the place while thinking about the warmth and soft muscles.

How will his arms feel?

*** Back to present ***

I didn't realize that we were in his car. I was sitting beside him. There was some distance between us. I didn't feel any warmth or hard chest or hard arm.

He said, "Do you mind being in spotlight?"

Yes, I have. I have bad times with it. But I can't say that to him. I shook my head.

I didn't feel the same soft chest which I had on that day. His chest is really hard like a rock now.

I didn't feel his arms at all that day so I can't comment on it.

There was a lot of changes in him. The car started to move. He asked, "I could drop you home. Where is your home?"

I tried to deny it but he didn't accept it. I don't think the cute face will work now. He has changed a lot.

Something was very comforting even now. The warmth was still present in him. I experienced it.

I know that he changed more. I could see it. I know that he is not the same. I am not the same too.

I was living at that time but now I don't know. I might be living but for now I am in a coma.

I don't know if anything is worth waking up from coma now for me.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Hai guys! I feel comfortable writing again. Do you feel like I am back again? I think I am back to my standard.

Did you like it?

My biggest fear while writing this chapter is, are you confused by the flashback?

Do any of you think there is anything cute there? You can't expect them to be like Michael-Jenny.

If anyone still wants to scold me for Catherine then I am all ears. I don't mind. Actually I laugh more. I still remember how scolded me for what I did on the chapter on "Her dreams" don't worry next update is that book.

The persons who are my close friends even when they don't read my book are below. I always repeat 'You don't have to read my book to be my sis'

1)UnspokenWords98 She is a good friend. I could always talk to her if anything happens. There are misunderstandings but after something they are funny. Though we don't have serious misunderstanding.

2)Hi_Im_Liam21 He is a great bro. I am really happy to get a little bro like him. Thanks a lot for stopping self-harm hearing my word lil bro. *I ruffle your hair*

I know everything that happened in your life bro. You know that I will stay with you on every circumstance. I have stayed with you during your panic attacks too bro. those moments were really scary to me. I was really worried about you. You were alone in your home and I could only text you.

I nearly cried when I learnt that first one who came to your mind was me when you had panic attack. Don't let that happen again at least when you are alone. Don't panic at any cost man.

If you again wanted to commit suicide. Think of this bro, *I hug you tight and ruffle your hair* think of this hug. You got me and some friend's bro.

Text me whenever you think something like that or anything. I know the time difference bro. I am ready to wake up till early mornings for you. You are the little bro whom I didn't get in person.

You might me the only one who might get ice cream from me. I am used to snatch ice creams from others but not you.

3) kaniharpanda she is the most dangerous girl in my circle. Why is she dangerous? She knows all of my secrets.

She is a close friend. One thing about her is she is Tamil. I don't have to worry what my words might mean. As I am talking in Tamil I don't have to worry if my words might carry any other meaning.

She might stalk my comments sometimes and come in random books to insult me. Happy thing is, she is Tamil so most of you can't understand it ; )

Some words like 'I kick you and run' is in English. I suggest you avoid that please ;)

She has a great sense of humor. When I slightly change her username and call her kutty panni (Small pig). She would reply, 'Yes I am a P.I.G still you don't have to say I am the Prettiest Indian Girl'

I would face palm. Insults and mocking are common between us but I would say to her always 'Go and study ma'. She is a 12th standard student.

Sorry I ranted more but I wanted to say this.

What happens in the next chapter?

What does Sri say when he finds the news?

Will he try to stop the wedding?

How does press find it?

Take care be safe and stay blessed sis.

-Yagappar.