Boston winters were impossible to walk in.

Amelie had relished her walk to work all summer, so she had not considered that the location of her apartment might have a downside. That was until she started having to take the train to work.

Between the two transfers and wait times, she spent longer taking public transport than simply walking to work. Her lab was a twenty minute walk and a thirty minute ride on the T. She had tried to brave the walk for a few weeks but each time ended up conceding to her frozen fingers and each by either huddling in a cafe mid-way for warmth, or finding a T stop.

She should have considered Boston winter transport when scouting for apartments.

The past month, she had followed a monotonous routine in the morning. Wake up at 6:35; roll in the sheets with Adrien; get ready; kiss Adrien goodbye. Then, walk to the T stop, catch the 7:23 train; transfer at the next station and catch the 7:39 train; walk six minutes to her building and clock in at exactly 7:54. She had unconsciously started counting her footsteps again like she did as a kid and could not seem to shake the habit.

The rest of her day followed a well-worn pattern as well. Work all morning; occasionally entertain Jesse; eat lunch alone in the work kitchen unless Charlotte was in town; hide from her boss and work all afternoon; come home to Adrien; cook dinner with Adrien; watch TV; go to bed. Repeat.

Sometimes Brooks came over for dinner and she would try to laugh like old friends, but each time he came over she found it harder and harder to let go and laugh. Adrien was tense about The Grey Man and whatever political strife was occurring in Moore, and she echoed his tension. She saw that Brooks noticed—he had started staring at her for long periods of time, like he was studying her face— but she did not have the energy to put up a friendly front.

The only positive part of taking the train home was that she no longer had to take a long route home to avoid the coffee shop where she had shaken The Gray Man.

At first, she went to the gym with Adrien after work, but she had grown tired of learning silly magic tricks like making bubbles float. In her first week back she had asked him again to teach her defensive magic and he had sighed and asked if she could just give it a little more time to adjust to her being a part of the world before she learned if she wanted to be a warrior.

Adrien assumed that she was still there simply for fun. He somehow missed her waking up with nightmares; oftentimes of The Grey Man, or simply an unknown shadow chasing her, holding her down. Sometimes the shadow morphed into Adrien himself. When those dreams shook her awake in the middle of the night, she normally woke the real Adrien so he would comfort her.

Comforting her seemed to be his favorite thing to do. She sometimes wondered if a small part of the reason he was resisting her learning to defend herself was that he relished feeling like her protector.

Although Amelie was frustrated with Adrien's insistence that she not learn defensive magic, she also wanted to respect his opinion for the sake of their relationship. She tried to wait like he suggested. She had avoided going to the gym at lunch time like she had that summer. Even going just to practice silly tricks was too similar to what had caused their fight about Theo.

No that would not happen again if she could stop it. Amelie wanted to do her part to rebuild their trust in each other so she would wait until he agreed that she should go.

Adrien had been trying too. He had taken her to a meeting he had with a Rentré from Moore who was investigating her parentage. The man had not known anything, but Amelie was happy to finally be included in the conversation.

They had also started planning when Amelie would go home with Adrien that February for one of the biggest Elven holidays, Gaema. Amelie brought up the voyage as often as she could, trying to extract any details she could about Moorevan culture, entry into the Realm, transportation within the Realms, Moorevan food. She collected these scraps of information Adrien gave her and hoarded them in her mind like a chipmunk with acorns.

One day, about a month after Theo left, Amelie decided to go to the gym with Adrien for the first time in ten days. She had been going less and less frequently out of sheer boredom, but that day she was determined that it had been long enough that she could ask Adrien again about defensive magic.

She had been guiding a small whiffle ball through hoops, secretly using a combination of solid and air magic when Cassie came up behind and and left out an appreciative breath. "You have crazy good control, Amelie. I can't believe how far you've come."

"Thanks," Amelie said. "That means a lot. I was so worried at the beginning I would never crack this, but I feel like I finally understand my body's relationship with magic enough to really interact with it." She turned around to face Cassie. "You know what I mean?"

Cassie laughed. "Kind of. I never really bothered to question my relationship with magic. It just always was. It's kind of cool you've had to learn it that way."

"I agree." Cassie began to walk away so Amelie called out her name. "Yes?" she said and turned back around.

Amelie gathered her courage and spit out what she desperately wanted to say. "Will you spar with me? I saw you sparring last week and it looked really fun. I'd love to learn."

"Of course," Cassie exclaimed. "I didn't know you were interested." Amelie smiled as a simple response. They walked over to the sparring mat which was currently empty. Amelie did not dare glance around for Adrien. She felt a bit like she was a kid who had asked Dad for candy and when he said no gone to Mom. The analogy made her shudder.

"The first thing you want to know about sparring is how important it is to root yourself," Cassie began, echoing what Theo had said last month. "Would you like to work without using magic at first?"

"No," said Amelie, "it sounds fun to start with some water, just to see." She didn't let on that she had already gone over basic footwork with Theo.

Cassie showed her how to keep some water hovering over her head to use as a weapon. "I'd prefer if we started with air, but seeing as you don't know how to use air yet we can do water. Just be careful. It can really inflict some damage. Let's keep it as water and not ice, okay?"

Amelie chuckled, "Of course, although I doubt I'll be able to lay a hand on you."

"Don't doubt yourself. You'd be surprised what you can do."

They began to circle around each other. Cassie was waiting for Amelie to make the first move and stayed in a defensive position with her hands up in front of her chest. Amelie mirrored the pose and then struck. Cassie easily dodged out of the way of her water tendril. While Amelie was rocking back into position, a string of Cassie's water whipped out and struck Amelie on the shoulder.

It stung so badly she yelped in pain, but she stayed upright. Her attention back on Cassie and away from her shoulder, Amelie grinned maniacally. She faked left and went right with a tendril of water. It just missed Cassie's neck.

The girls continued sparring until they were both dripped from a combination of both sweat and water, and even Cassie was kneeled over, panting.

"Uncle," Amelie finally said after thirty minutes, and fell onto her back.

"Yes!" Cassie exclaimed and fell beside her so they both lay looking at the ceiling.

"Gosh that was so much fun," Amelie said breathlessly. She stared at the industrial ceiling. "When did you learn to fight like that? Is that what gym class in Rentré school is like?"

Cassie laughed. "Sort of. But my entire family is made of warriors. I did not start school as a Rentré until I was eleven...about five years later than normal, because originally I was training to be a warrior like them." She propped herself up on her elbow and looked at Amelie, her long blond braid falling in front of her shoulder. Amelie was struck by how beautiful she was, even after having just worked out for thirty minutes.

"It was not an easy thing for my family to agree to at the time. Now it's great though. I get to sort of live in both worlds. I can fight and see beauty in sparring, and can also enjoy political work as I do with the Rentrés," Cassie said.

"That's really brave of you to do something your family did not agree with. My childhood was similar in a lot of ways..." Amelie was preparing to recount what she could of her family life when a shadow fell over the girls. Adrien's hand appeared reached for Amelie. She looked up at him from the ground, with the overhead lights of the gym peaking out behind him he was framed in a white glow.

"Hi babe," Amelie said. She tried to show her most genuine grin but it was as if a rock had fallen into her stomach. She grabbed his hand and allowed him to help her up. When she turned around to do the same for Cassie, she was already standing.

"You look tired. Are you ready to go home?" he asked in a monotone voice.

"I'm okay," she said and looked around at the rest of the Elves in the gym. "Actually, I thought I might stay for a drink tonight," she produced the happy grin again. I'm happy, Adrien. Just see that and let me do this.

He sighed. "I don't think they're going tonight."

She turned to Cassie who was standing awkwardly behind them. "Are you guys going out for a drink tonight afterwards?"

"Ah drat we're not tonight. Normally we do on Tuesdays but I'm going home for a few days to see my partner. It's the harvest festival in Prost on Friday that most of us are going home for. It's going to be amazing and no one wants to miss it" Cassie looked directly at Adrien and he shook his head almost imperceptibly.

She rolled her eyes and turned back to Amelie. "Next Tuesday we'll go to the bar and you are welcome to come to that," Cassie said.

"Okay," Amelie said. Her voice remained steady despite the rock that was now rising in her throat. She hooked her arm through Adrien's "Let's go then."

He smiled and led her out the door. She didn't bother to say goodbye to anyone else from Prost, too hurt from not being invited by a single one of them to go to this festival.

Until today, she had forgotten that the Prostians could have brought her into their Realm. Adrien had not gone home since summer so it had slipped her mind that they sat right next to another Elven Realm.

Despite clinging to Adrien's arm then entire walk home, Amelie felt desperately alone that night. When they arrived home they ate a small dinner on the couch and then made love where they sat.

Amelie made sure to always be on top, in front, standing up, or seated in some way. Adrien simply thought she was bored and was trying to spice up their positions. As she wanted him to believe.

He made no connection between her newfound aversion to being underneath him and their fight the night after Theo left.

_____________

Wednesday during lunch, Amelie skirted Jesse's invitation to eat together by leaving for lunch. She felt like being alone. All morning she had tried to lose herself in math but had gotten trapped in a maze of echoing thoughts instead. She needed a walk to escape the maze.

Despite the cold, Amelie found herself pacing outside the door to the gym ten minutes later. She had just intended to walk somewhere close for lunch, but her body had moved on without her mind's consent.

It was freezing, but she had promised herself not to go back to the gym without Adrien's consent. She continued pacing for five minutes between the gym and the McDonald's and finally gave in to the temptation and snuck into the gym.

Once inside, she walked to the center of the sparring mat and lay down again. The high industrial ceiling was her only companion and she sighed in contentment, basking in the silence.

The gray ceiling matched the gray sky outside the gym. The only difference here were the walls that kept this ceiling up. The strong, sturdy walls that would not break against a storm. Her breathing began to quicken and she felt her control slip; tears running down her face. The locks she had been holding down cracked. She began to sob.

The tears made gigantic ugly rivers down her face and her breaths came in gasps as she gave in to the sorrow.

The walls of this gym were so unlike her. She could not weather even the smallest storm right now. What even was wrong with her life? Why could she not regain control and calm down? Why could she not admit she was happy?

She sobbed and sobbed until her face felt like a dried up raisin in the sun. Nothing was making sense. Too quickly, she rose to return to work and the silence that had begun to creep in there as well.