"Woah..."

My eyes lose focus for a second when I step off the airplane. Soonyoung's hand flies up to grip my arm when he sees me stumble to the side.

"Hoon..."

I know what he's going to say. That I should eat, that it's starting to take a big toll on my body.

I nod and thank him before moving ahead on my own again. I don't need to hear any more.

Flashing lights, piercing loud screams, all the pushing and squeezing.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Calm down. You can't do this here. Not now.

I unknowingly start clinging onto Soonyoung's shirt to get through the crowd and the screams seemed to get louder for a second.

"We're almost there, hold on tight alright?"

Soonyoung turns to speak into my ear, and speeds up when he feels me firmly clutching onto him now.

The sounds are getting softer, more far away. I hope it's just because we're getting further away from the crowd and not the fact that a panic attack is approaching fast.

"Hey, you should head in first."

Soonyoung's voice is loud and crisp beside me and it relieves some of my worries. He gently pushes me onto the van.

You're fine now. You're okay.

"Jihoon!"

I frown when the loud shout reaches my ears.

"W-What..."

"Get me a cloth or something!"

"Jihoon, hold onto it. Stop the blood from flowing."

What blood?

"Catch him!"

I don't get what they're fussing about. I don't understand why they're panicking. Why is Jeonghan grabbing my arm?

Ouch!

My eyes shoot down and they widen when I finally see what went wrong.

A huge cut that reached from the top of my forearm all the way to my wrist. More and more blood starts flowing out at once and I stumble.

"Someone hold him!"

"Get him into the van!"

My vision is getting more blurry by the second, but I see the floor approaching my face, fast. I close my eyes and wait for the impact, but it doesn't come. There's arms wrapped around my waist and holding me up now.

My head is pounding and my vision is getting edged with dark spots. I can hear myself panting.

"Jihoon? You hear me?"

There's a warm hand resting against my cheek and cupping it softly. I don't get how the pain hasn't hit me yet. Everything feels numb.

"Just get him to the hospital!"

A short blackout hits me before I jolted up again, heart pounding as I sense the panic around me. This is when I feel the sharp pain shoot up my arm a second time.

"Ah!"

Someone is stroking my hair, running it through his fingers in an attempt to calm me down.

"It h-hurts..."

I can't tell what's going on, but I can feel the worried gazes on me.

"You're going to be fine, we're bringing you to the hospital now. Just hold on a little more, Hoon."

It's Soonyoung's voice. I sense the waver in it as he tries to assure me.

You're dying.

I flinch and look away from Soonyoung when the intrusive thoughts start hitting. They always come when I'm at my weakest.

It's what you always wanted right? Admit it. You like the pain, because you're fucked up.

My eyes start welling up with tears as my hands start trembling in someone's lap. It's not true. It's not true.

"Hoon?"

Why don't you just give in to the pain? What's the point of holding on? You have a chance to finally give everything up.

"F-Fuck... get out of my head!"

"Jihoon!"

I'm hysterically sobbing now, and there's a strange grip on my chest, my lungs. I can't breathe.

This is it, the final hit. It's here. Everything that started building up as soon as I woke up. It's here, and it's bad.

"Get out! G-Get out..."

I feel hands holding me down, I hear someone else... crying. My eyes are forced open to meet Soonyoung's.

He's the one that's crying with me.

"J-Ji... what's that?"

I follow his eyes as they trail down. Down, down, and I see my bruise out in plain sight. That ugly bruise that I have been nursing for a week now. The black and blue that haunts me everyday, but I can't get rid of. It gives too much inexplainable comfort. No one will understand.

"You... you said you wouldn't..."

I see Jeonghan grip Soonyoung's forearm harshly to get him to stop, then his fingers reach for my shirt that has been riled up in the midst of the chaos to pull it back down.

"It isn't important now. Let's focus on getting Jihoon to the hospital first."

Jeonghan rests his head next to mine, stroking my hair as he whispers into my ear.

"We're right here, Jihoon. Don't worry, we'll take care of you. I promise, there's nothing out here that wants to harm you. I promise, I'll protect you."

The loss of blood is finally taking a toll on me as I hear Jeonghan's voice start fading out. Fading... getting further away.

My eyes are glazed over now, and the pain in my arm has numbed.

It's all fading out to nothing. No sounds, no light, nowhere to go.