I can tell it's getting bad again. My head is pounding as my hands aimlessly search in front of me.

My fingers wrap around something sharp, then I'm dropping it onto the bathroom floor in an instant.

"F-Fuck..."

The first drop of red, crimson blood lands on the floor tile below me. I can't be doing this. Not anymore.

My hands are reaching into my pockets and searching frantically for the only way for all of this to be prevented.

The phone rings. 1 time. 3 times. 6 times.

"The number you have dialed is currently unavai-"

I frantically end the call and tap the phone number once more.

"P-Please..."

It rings 5 times, and just as I'm about to give up, the call finally gets through.

The first thing that hits my ears is a familiar song, blasting through loud speakers that abruptly stops.

"Hey Jihoon, sorry I missed your call, my music must have been too loud. Is everything alright?"

My mouth suddenly loses all ability to speak at the thought of my response. Telling Soonyoung... it'll just worry him too much. I know he's busy, judging by the heavy breaths coming from the other side of the phone.

Here he is, giving his everything for our group, and I'm here at the dorms when I should be in the studio, working on our next album.

How can I be here when Soonyoung's working so hard? How can I tell him my problems and expect him to come running back just to help me? It's unfair for him. My problems shouldn't bother him too.

"It's nothing... just wanted to see if you were still working on the choreography."

I have no idea how my voice is able to stay so stable despite my body that won't stop trembling.

"Oh, yeah. I wanted to make sure to keep working on new choreography for the new songs you're gonna make. It's gonna get more tiring as we go further into our world tour so it's best I do it now while I have the energy to."

Right.

"You shouldn't be wasting your time talking to me then."

I don't know where that came from, but I instantly regret the words that leave my mouth. There's silence on the other side of the call too.

"Hey... are you sure you're okay, Jihoon?"

I gulp, hearing the suspicion in his voice.

I messed up.

"Yeah, perfect."

Another 4 seconds of silence before Soonyoung clears his throat and hesitatingly continues.

"Alright... you'll let me know if anything's wrong, right Hoon? You know I'm always here."

I start feeling a little light-headed and breathless while talking to him, and try to end the conversation quickly.

I can't tell if he's suspicious, but he let it go this time.

"Yeah. Everything's okay. See you tomorrow."

I hang up in an instant, cutting Soonyoung off. He'll ask too many questions. It's not good for him.

My phone drops to the ground and I sink down as well. Why can't I just tell him the truth?

All you do is hurt him.

Fuck. That's right.

Come on Jihoon, a few cuts wouldn't hurt.

Yeah, just a few more. I won't go too far.

You know that's a lie.

You're right. Just go all out. No one gives a fuck anyway.