Frenemy- your friend and your enemy, in this case, your 'self'. 

Ya Nafsi  - Oh my Self! 

A ball of delusions,

Painted with strokes of brilliant colors,

Made up of emotions that trigger the point of pleasure

In any human out there.

Disgusted once they were by seeing it,

Fell once slightly,

But never did they rise from the pit of darkness.

Heart now reduced to shambles,

Soul now traded for a price so low,

That not even the filth would bow,

To such an incredulous sinner

Who not sinned,

But forgot, and despaired,

Despaired not about his state,

But of the Mercy of the One Above-

Ar-Rahman*, Al-Ghaffaar*, Al-Wudood*, As-Samee'*.

Tell me ya nafsi, what pleasure have you gained from tormenting

The gardens and rivers the flowed within my heart.

Tell me ya nafsi,

What goodness have you gained by pushing me into the soil

While you rejoiced the throne of victory?

Tell me ya nafsi, what kind of benevolence have you seen

By reducing me to a nobody?

Tell me ya nafsi, what have you earned to smile about

By making my heart a stone that now forgot to tremble for the sake of Him?

Tell me ya nafsi, why have you made me  feel like a numb and a worthless being;

While I was once proportioned so perfectly by Al-Khaliq*?

Tell me ya nafsi, what now have you got to seize away from the garden of tranquility,

Now that you have let all the sweet and ripe fruits rot away with the Imaan* you grabbed?

Tell me ya nafsi, how many more days would you torture this soul,

Who is craving to stand upright?

Tell me ya nafsi, what wrong have I done to you,

That no more, I do not know what is 'nafsi'? 

Where have you let me in this forest?

Blindfolded am I,

Trudging only towards darkness,

Hands tied up,

Can't control the limbs anymore!

What have you done ya nafsi, that I forgot

Not merely myself, but worse, the One above's Mercy.

Ya nafsi, wake up. No one is watching,

But the angels are writing.

The inks of those around you, and the words of those who love you may have been exhausted,

But the ink of the angels who write your deeds won't ever dry up,

When tomorrow you come with me to receive the book from Him,

Tell me ya nafsi, how would the scale weigh?

Would the goodness outweigh the sins we committed?

Would it, ya nafsi? Why do you love reducing the burning ones to ashes?

Nafsi, I sprinkle all the waters I could gather from the oceans across,

I pour it on you, please wake and let me not roam in this wilderness any longer,

I can't see, I can't feel, I can't believe, I can't find tranquility,

Ya nafsi, may we wake up to the call of Falah*,

Rush to perform Salah*,

Which we have been ordained to...

Ya nafsi, shun not the light that is coming in,

Know that He is Listening

I've been there ya nafsi,

Back then in the darkness, with no one to pull me above,

That day when everything changed ya nafsi,

Do you remember?

When we fell on our knees and cried until the oceans in our eyes dried up

When nobody saw, in the hours before dawn,

When its darkest, we saw light!

Ya nafsi, don't you dare forget the Mercy He has been bestowing,

Have we ever found such a form of inner peace and tranquility in anything else?

Oh you who are sinning!

Despair not about the Mercy of Rabb*,

For He had never left, He has always been there,

And always will be.

The beautiful spirituality

That you have watered and mastered for so long,

Is now withering as you plant the weeds of Dunya* on it,

Forcing it to forget and weep,

Oh you who are sinning,

Know that you are not alone,

As we grow, the demon whispers louder and louder,

His barrage knows no bounds,

Hold on to it strong,

There is nothing as beautiful as faith in Him,

There is no other tranquility that is found anywhere else

and is greater than that which is found in Him.

While the love may leave you after dressing up your wounds with a smile,

He the One above is Al-Wadood, who prevents you from falling, teaches you to fall only to get up,

And He showers His Mercy to heal you, and wouldn't ever leave you.

He is always going to be there,

Al-Awwal wa Aakhir*.

Nobody in this world will know the sorrows your heart contains,

Nobody will know the worth of the tears that you shed in the darkness,

Nobody will know the sin you commit behind closed doors even though

You try  hardly not to do so.

But what the hands put forth knows not the heart at times

And that my dearest fellow soul

Is when you know that the devil has trapped you beyond measures.

When you can't think straight, when you can't control,

When you feel like dying,

Live above everything else, and stay the strongest to Him.

When you think your prayers wouldn't be heard,

Press your forehead onto the ground and cry aloud

Until the heart hears and awakens.

He is always listening, only if you'd know oh heart,

That the delusions to which the devil invites only has been painted with color,

But the Blessing to which He invites is the most magical one,

Filled with colors, stars and everything that is beautiful.

What you see is not always there is,

A rocky road maybe, perhaps diamonds beneath,

A smooth road maybe, perhaps only mud beneath.

Hold on oh soul, ya nafsi wake up!

Fall on your knees tonight and cry relentlessly!

Despair not on His Mercy! 

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Glossary: 

Ar-Rahman- The Most Merciful

Ar-Samee' - The Ever Listening / The Listener of all

Al-Wadood- The Loving One/ The Most Loving  

Al-Khaliq - The Creator 

Al-Ghaffar - The Oft Forgiving 

Al-Awwal wa Al-Aakhir - The First and The Last. 

Imaan- Faith 

Dunya - World 

Falah- Success 

Salah-Prayers (Muslims are ordained to pray five times a day on the prescribed times) 

___________________________________________________

This poem was written as a note to self and everyone else who is feeling this way. I know that it is not a good place to be in, but you can rise up my dearest! You can! Love Him alone with all your heart, I guarantee you that tranquility wouldn't be out of question. May Allah Guide us all. May Allah Help us all. May Allah Bestow His Mercy upon us so that we can attain Jannah (Paradise, in the next eternal life). May we live a life like it. 

Aameen! 

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