Hi there! Yesterday I felt like reading a fanfic about Hamid being aro, but I couldn't really find anything, so I decided to write one myself.

A few disclaimers: Hamid cries a lot in this fic. He has extremely negative feelings about being aro, and while that changes at the end, it's still a major part of the story.

I am aromantic myself, but my experience is vastly different from Hamid's, so if there's anything you think I could improve, please let me know! Constructive critizism is always welcome! (This also includes any spelling or grammar mistakes, or if a sentence just sounds weird to you. English isn't my native language, but I did my best!)

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Hamid sighed as he put down the novel. Why did Zolf (and a lot of other people too, apparently) think that Harrison Campbell was such a great author? Hamid didn't read a lot of romance novels but honestly, all he wrote about was people falling in love! And it wasn't like Hamid didn't like the idea of romance, he'd even dated somebody once, for the gods' sakes! But in Campbell's novels, it seemed like everything revolved solely around the characters' love plots. It was really boring, and seemed quite unrealistic – the idea that people would ignore everything else just because they were attracted to somebody.

He decided to bring it up with Azu – in the past few weeks, she'd read a lot of these books herself, and while she enjoyed them, she wasn't quite as... intense about them as Zolf was. Additionally, as a cleric of Aphrodite, she seemed like the best person to ask about the topic of love. So, the next day, after he'd finished the task Earhart had given him, he joined her up in the crow's nest.
"Hello, Azu!", he greeted her. "I haven't gotten a chance to talk to you at all today! I never would have guessed working on an airship would be this busy!"
"Hello, Hamid! I'm very happy to see you. Do you have a lot of work?"
"Oh, not right now. I just finished editing a map Earhart gave me and now that I've finally got some free time, I thought I'd talk to you!"
"Well, it's lovely to have you here. I enjoy the view very much, but it does get quite lonely after a while..."
Hamid chuckled. "Oh yes, I can imagine. How long have you been up here today?"
"Thinking about it, I must have been here all day. I didn't even realize! I climbed up right after breakfast and I've only come down once since then because Cel needed my help lifting something."
"Well, you know that you're always welcome to join us on deck."
"Yes, I know. I also enjoy the solitude, though. It does get a bit cramped with all of us on one boat, and sometimes it's nice to have a moment of silence."
"That's very true." Hamid hesitated. "There is actually something I wanted to talk to you about."
Azu smiled. "What is it, Hamid?"
"Well, yesterday, I decided to give Harrison Campbell a try again. I thought that now that Zolf and I get along better, I might give his favourite author a second chance. And I tried, Azu, I really did! But I suppose I just don't understand the appeal of his stories! They're all just about people falling in love, and it just seems so unreal! I don't think anyone would actually be unable to stop thinking about a person they just met, and then make them the most important part of their life, or feel... butterflies in their stomach when they think about them! How did he even come up with that stuff?"
As he talked, Azu's expression grew more and more puzzled until, finally, she cut in: "Hamid, I don't think he made that up."
"What? What do you mean, Azu? I understand that as an author, you have a bit of liberty and you're allowed to exaggerate, but I really don't feel like what he describes is realistic! Like, when I was dating Liliana, I never felt that way! I liked her, yes, but honestly, it wasn't that much different from a friendship, except that we kissed and -," Hamid blushed, "-well, did some other stuff..."
Azu chuckled a bit at that last part, but then, her face turned more serious again. "Hamid. I have been in multiple relationships, and I can assure you that Harrison Campbell is not exaggerating as much as you think. As far as I am aware, most people feel like that at some point in their lives."
Wait, what?
Seriously?
People really saw some other person and got actual butterflies in their stomach at the thought of spending time with them?
No, that... That couldn't be true. Sure, Hamid's friends at university had mentioned similar feelings when talking about their crushes or partners, but Hamid had assumed they were joking! Had he been supposed to feel like that with Liliana? Sure, kissing got boring sometimes, but it couldn't be all as amazing as the books he'd read described it, and she'd seemed to enjoy it, so he'd always been happy enough to go along.
But if Azu was right, if Hamid couldn't feel the right things...
What did that mean?
Did that mean that Liliana had made the right choice when she'd left him? That Gideon really was a better partner for her, because he could give her what Hamid couldn't?
Did that mean Hamid was broken?
He felt tears welling up inside of him, and he managed to choke out a quick goodbye before he was scrambling to get down the ladder. He heard Azu ask him if he was alright, but he wasn't even able to look at her right now, let alone talk to her. She was a cleric of the goddess of love! What would she even want to do with him once she found out that he was unable to feel the one thing that her whole religion was based on?
As he made his way to his cabin, everything seemed to blur together around him. He didn't notice anything that was going on, his mind only circling around the one thought: What is wrong with me?
As soon as he reached his cabin, he threw himself onto the bed and started crying violently. He was shaking, sobbing, occasionally talking to himself in between the wheezes.
"She deserved better... I should have... How did I never realize... Why am I like this?!"
He couldn't tell how much time passed, but slowly, he managed to calm down a bit, only sobbing slightly. At that point, he heard a knock at the door.
"One moment please!" His voice sounded terribly shaky, and he took a deep breath to calm himself down. He quickly casted Prestidigitation on himself in an attempt to make himself look at least slightly more presentable, before he called: "Come in!"
Wilde entered the room.
"Do you mind if I sit here?", he asked, pointing at the free space on the bed next to Hamid.
He quietly shook his head and shuffled over to the side in order to make some room for his friend. Wilde sat down and didn't say anything for a couple of moments.
After a short while, he spoke up: "I couldn't help but overhear you crying, so I thought I should check in on you. Do you want to talk about what's bothering you?"
Hamid took another deep breath. "It's... Well, I don't really know how to explain! I was... I was talking to Azu and I – I think I'm... no, I don't know... I can't..." He trailed off, likely leaving Wilde even more clueless than before. Really, Hamid? Words were his thing. He was supposed to be good at explaining stuff. But for some reason, whenever he tried to talk about his new-discovered feelings – or lack thereof, rather – his brain froze up and only managed to repeat the question "What is wrong with me?" over and over again.
Hamid felt the tears begin to run down his face again. He noticed that Wilde was speaking to him, but he couldn't make out any of the words through the voice screaming in his head, asking what was wrong with him, why couldn't he just be normal, face it, Hamid, you've always been broken, you're a liar for pretending to have the same feelings Liliana had for you, why did you even bother to cry when she left you?
Gods, he was being pathetic. Here he was, sitting on his bed and crying and probably annoying Wilde so much he'd leave any moment and avoid him for the rest of their journey...
"I've never been in love," he blurted out. And then, suddenly, as if a dam had been broken, the words came flowing out of him and he couldn't stop them.
"I thought I was, with Liliana, but apparently, I've never felt that way. I thought I was normal! But, but I was reading 'With the Passion of the Sun' yesterday, or trying to, at least, and I noticed how strange all the characters behaved and how unrealistic it all seemed, so I talked to Azu about it and she told me... She told me that Campbell didn't make those feelings up. That everyone falls in love and feels like they have butterflies in their stomach at some point in their life and that that's what romantic relationships are based on! But that's never happened to me! And I thought about it, and it doesn't make any sense! I thought I loved Liliana! But as it turns out, I didn't, and I wasn't good enough for her, and she's probably better off with Gideon anyway. At least he can return her feelings! But for some reason, that part of me is broken! Oscar, what's wrong with me?!"
He buried his head in his hands and waited for Oscar to leave, or tell him that he was right and he was broken, or that he should never even have started dating Liliana in the first place because of course he'd ruined it, he ruined everything...
But Wilde didn't do any of those things. Instead, he silently wrapped his arms around Hamid and held him tight. Hamid slumped against his chest, not even caring about what a mess he was right now. Gods, he was tired. His throat was sore from crying, and his eyes hurt from all the tears, and his brain just wanted to shut down after having so many thoughts at once. He heard Wilde mumbling reassurances, telling him that it was okay, and slowly, he started to calm down.
They stayed in that position until Hamid felt well enough to sit on his own again, which took a long while. As Hamid was leaning against the wall, eyes still red and voice hoarse, Wilde turned to talk to him.
"Hamid, I need you to listen to me. You're not broken. Nothing's wrong with you. And you're not alone." Wilde looked at the white ring on his middle finger with a little smile. "There are many other people like you out there, including me. And while you may not feel one type of love, you are certainly not incapable of loving people in other ways. I think you did love Liliana, but in a different way than she did. You shouldn't beat yourself up about that."
Hamid nodded slowly. This was all a lot to take in.
"Wait, you're like me?"
Wilde hummed in agreement.
"How long have you known? How did you find out?"
"I've known for quite a long time now. I never really found the idea of a relationship very appealing, and at some point, somebody told me about the term "aromantic" and it just seemed to fit. I never really thought about it that much."
Hamid nodded again, before he remembered something.
"But what about Azu? Isn't love Aphrodite's whole thing? What does she think about that?"
"I haven't had the chance to talk to her very much, but she seems like a very kind person who would accept and support you under any circumstances. Are you worried that she won't like you anymore?"
"Y- yes, kind of. I know it sounds stupid, but I just worry..."
"Azu knows better than to judge people for traits they can't control. She might not understand the way you feel, but she'll certainly try. It's fine. You're going to be fine."
"Thank you, Oscar, I really mean it. I don't know what I would've done without you."
"Oh, don't mention it. If you ever want to talk, you know where to find me."
And with that, Wilde smiled at Hamid and left the room.
Hamid sat still for a while until he decided to get up and cast Prestidigitation on himself, covering up his red eyes and crumpled clothes. Then, he left his cabin in order to go talk to Azu. She deserved to know why he'd run off earlier. And talking to Wilde had felt good. Maybe telling Azu that he was... what had Wilde called it again? Aromantic? Yes, that was it. Maybe telling Azu that he was aromantic would make him feel even better.

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This is the first RQG fic I've ever written, the first time I've posted something on AO3 and the first time in months that I've actually finished writing something! I hope you enjoyed it!

One thing I want to clarify is that, when Wilde calms Hamid down by telling him that there are many different types of love and he still experiences a lot of them, I don't mean to exclude any loveless aros! You're all amazing. I just felt like that was what Hamid needed to hear at that point.

If you liked this fic, please consider leaving a comment! I'd be incredibly happy to hear what you thought!

Thanks for reading :)