12 February 2021

"Felix's Pov"

It was time for my life to go bad, and every few minutes that passed, more stress and excitement filled my whole being. Just when I wanted to relax and go, a chocolate martini was placed in front of me. I was confused; I was familiar with those hands that put the glass on the table. Bewildered, I raised my head and faced a tall twenty-something-year-old boy who was smiling at me despite the black mask. If I hadn't smelt the scent of a damp pine tree, I couldn't say definitively that the mysterious man who, for the past 42 days, has activated all my sensors. Now he is standing in front of me with brown and textured leather jacket and black trousers.

"Hi, can I sit here?" My God, come to yourself, Felix, come to yourself! I cleared my throat and said in a soft voice, "Hello, yes of course." The lines in the corners of his narrow and black eyes told me that he was smiling as he sat in front of me; I wish you didn't have a mask and let me see your face. "Seungmin was right, you have a bad voice and you smell of chocolate and vanilla!" "I'm Hyunjin, Hwang Hyunjin. May I ask your name?" WAIT, HE KNOWS ME?! I was more shocked than ever, but who is Seungmin? Is he mistaken at all?

I looked at him with the sound of his laughter until I wanted to give him an answer. He continued to say, "Wow, I never thought you would have such a unique and special personality." I gathered all my courage and said in a friendly tone, "Well, my name is Felix. Lee Felix, thank you for the compliment, but may I ask who Seungmin is?" He nodded and pointed to the barman, "He's an old friend of mine, Felix." I smiled after hearing this, and now the pieces of the puzzle were being put together in my mind.

"Well, I'll tell you about myself so that you can talk more easily. "I'm 27 years old, I'm a painter, I own a small studio, and I'm interested in photography."

I always wondered what skills these hands have. I drank a little of my martini.

"I'm 24 years old, and the smell of chocolate and vanilla is because I have a pastry shop and a small cafe. Besides photography, you are also very fond of peanuts and cereals."

He paused for a few moments, and we looked into each other's eyes, but at the same time, we laughed and clinked our glasses. "May I ask a question?" I nodded and waited. He pointed to the flowers and the box. "Are they for the handsome man who is coming with you?"

He had even seen Chan Hyung and he has an interesting personality, which shows that I was not the only one who drew my attention to him all this time. I looked at the imperceptibly trembling hands and took a deep breath. I let my emotions take control from here on. In these two months, logic always ruled. Now it's my heart's turn to show itself. "You know, I am a timid and cautious person, and I know very well that we are two strangers. But one night, I came to my senses and realized that I was attracted to a man who became a mystery to me. I wanted to know him better. That man comes to this club night after night and sits right on the second red bar stool from the right. He doesn't even care about the commotion behind him; he enjoys his drink." This guy rarely laughs or talks. When you came to my mind, I can't say anything better, Hwang Hyunjin. I'd be happy to get to know you better. Will you give me this honor?

I did not understand how I was able to talk so much in such a short breath, but I felt that a heavy burden had been lifted from my shoulders and now I no longer need to continue fighting with myself. I was looking for the answer in his eyes, which were decorated with a small mole on his left side.

"Sometimes people come across a stranger whom they feel they have known for years and experience peace with them, with those people there is no need to pretend, Felix. I have never been spoken to so honestly in my life.

"Hyunjin's Pov"

Now before I answer you, let me share a secret with you," the sadness in his voice made me shiver. He took his hands to his mask and took it off. Oh my God, what am I seeing?

How beautiful is this man!!! Every part of his face with its perfect harmony was able to make me forget to breathe for a few moments. "I can swear right here that one of the most beautiful creations of God is sitting in front of me."

"Stop washing it, Hyunjin, it's clean!" With Minho Hyung's protest, I came to my senses and turned off the tap, dried my hands with a blue towel at the bottom of the cupboard, and sat on the counter chair right in front of him. "You are distracted a lot these days, I know, don't you want to say something?" I ran a hand through my hair and messed it up. Hyung was right about 3 weeks ago. A boy as beautiful as Apollo, whose face was decorated with immortality powder, disturbed the rhythm of my life greatly and his eyes enchanted me.

You know the name of this new feeling that has sprouted inside me. I don't call it love, but when I felt it, I felt a warm and cozy feeling all over my being, happy because that boy is at peace. I don't know, I really don't know. "Hyung, honestly, I'm confused!" With a raised eyebrow and a smile, he nodded and waited for me to continue.

"A few weeks ago, I went to Seungmin's as usual, on the same night as your family party," I tasted the soju in my glass with a little stress and continued, "That night, unlike the other nights, I had a strange feeling as if someone was analysing my whole being. Seungmin told me, 'Someone is looking at me.'"

I looked at Hyung; he was drinking his drink with a smile and listening to my words. He gave me a glance and said with a calm voice, "So finally, someone in this world was able to save you from that repetitive life. I'm very excited to know how much this new feeling has involved you, Hyunjin."

"You know me well, Hyung. I'm not the type of person who can get close to someone easily." "Especially with a scar on my face, they don't trust me or their behaviour smells of pity." Feeling the weight and warmth of Hyung's hand on my shoulder, I looked into his eyes; there was no sign of anger or any other emotion, he was just smiling kindly.

"Hyunjin, your biggest mistake is that you locked yourself in a safe circle and completely limited your social relationships for fear of being judged because of something that can happen to anyone." Your scar is not supposed to express your nature and kind heart. OK. When I met Hee Do, I was a stubborn introvert who couldn't show my feelings easily, and I never dreamt that one day I would meet a girl who would love me the way I am. At the beginning of the meeting with Hee Do, in the middle we were arguing and I was trying to convince her that I have nothing to love. This girl calmly told me that in English there is a term called "Kalon". The meaning of this word is the absolute beauty of the soul and heart that only people who are destined for each other can understand and see.

Whenever Hyung talks about Noona, I can see one of the most beautiful and sincere smiles and sparkles on Hyung's face, and the words I heard gave me a little bit of peace. To tell the truth, I am a completely isolated and quiet person. I keep only a limited number of safe people by my side and spend time with them without pretending. "Now, what do you want to do with this newcomer that you haven't met yet?" I smiled, "I don't know, Hyung. I've been watching him all this time." "He's a quiet and worried boy who loves chocolate." I looked at him, hearing the sound of laughter from the bottom of his heart in my ear, and asked, "Why are you laughing?"

Just as he was laughing, he raised his glass and took a sip, "How do you know that he loves chocolate? Is that how you describe your crush?" I was laughing to myself, "Hyung, don't make fun of me, I found out that he only orders chocolate martinis, Seungmin also told me that every time he comes to order, he smells like vanilla and chocolate."

"It's better to go ahead, Hyunjin, it's worth it; in a few days, Valentine's Day can be a good excuse to get to know each other. I have to go home. Good night." When Hyung left, I was alone, and my thoughts kept telling me that I should get to know him.

May 27th, 2009

Kyungbok High School:

Today, like any other day, we all remained after class to study and by the time it was 6 in the evening, the silence that had filled the room was interrupted by the sound of coughs, sneezes, or a bag and book falling on the floor. Some of the boys were studying diligently while others were hands-free with their ears plugged in, listening to the radio or a new song by The Avett Brothers on their new phones, and somehow, they found themselves falling in love. I looked at Seungmin; he was quite tired these days after teaching Sujung, a new transfer student from Busan. He had put his head on his books and fell asleep until some time ago. The kids were teasing him because of his glasses and orthodontics, but now he has become a private tutor for his classmates and is helping them wholeheartedly.

I looked at the drawing of the blue raven that caught my eye from the window during lunch and smiled. I wanted to go home, but my parents didn't come home until 10 pm and I had left the key. So, I had no choice but to stay at school and study. I opened my maths book and started solving problems.

The hours passed, and the class was slowly emptying. The children had already left. I was left with Seungmin and a few others; he was still asleep. I looked at the clock. It was past 9, and it was time to go. I gently shook him and whispered, "Hey. Sleepy, it's time to go home, wake up." He shook his head and opened his eyes with displeasure and mumbled under his breath with a barely audible voice, "I'm hungry, let's go have dinner." Whilst I was gathering my things, I nodded with a smile, "Okay, let's go, we'll eat ttokbuki." Finally, he agreed and got up.

I don't know why, even though we were happily returning home after eating several meals and laughing, I felt a bad feeling inside me. I felt that something was going to happen, or maybe we had left something behind at Mrs Lee's shop or school, so I started searching obsessively.

I was whispering in my bag, "Where are my phone, my wallet, my book, my notebook, my hands-free and my glasses?" He was looking at me in surprise, "Hey, what's wrong? Have you left something behind?" I raised an eyebrow and put my bag back on my back and rearranged it. "I don't know, I have a strange feeling." He nodded, and we continued walking. I looked at the clock. It was past 10, and the street was getting quieter. The further we went, that strange feeling gave way to fear and apprehension, to the extent that I felt a pain in my chest.

Seeing my pale face, Seungmin was getting worried and tightening his arm around my arm; he said in a not very clear voice, "Hyung, how are you?" Just when I wanted to go back to him and give him the answer, we encountered 5 tall men in front of us; the smell of alcohol could be smelled from a few metres away. This was not good at all. I slowly clenched my hand and, unintentionally, a frown appeared on my face when I heard the sound of drunken laughter. I then grabbed his hand. As we were about to change our route, a rough hand landed on my shoulder and the most horrible sound filled my ears.

"Look at these two, such beauties! Don't you agree, Hyung Nim?" No matter how much I say about the rudeness and ugliness of that tall man with messy hair and unshaven face, I cannot describe the feeling of hatred and disgust that took over my whole being.

Neither I nor Seungmin knew what to do and we were stunned. Two other people joined the man and one of them caressed his face with his dirty hands and said something under his breath. Everything happened very quickly. We were two 15-year-old defenceless boys lying in a deserted street surrounded by lustful drunken men. No matter how much we struggled and shouted, it was useless.

I could hear the sound of my phone ringing from my bag that was thrown by one of the men and I had no ability to react to the punches and kicks that were thrown at me, it's over, Hyunjin, your life is over! I didn't understand the passage of time, but I could clearly hear and feel the successive touches of those men and their dirty laughter, I hated myself and I couldn't even feel the pain that was taking over my head. The sound of Seungmin's incessant crying and moaning in pain made me come to my senses and hit the man's hand with all the strength I had left, but that only made him angrier and the last thing I remember was seeing a knife flash in the man's hand. An intense pain took over my whole being and darkness!

When I woke up, I had no idea where I was, the only thing I could see was the white ceiling and the beeping sound kept ringing in my ears, I couldn't move my neck as if something was preventing me from moving. I had a burning sensation in my throat, I didn't even feel the ability to protest the pain, so I just stayed motionless and tried to remember what happened, tears found their way to my face and my vision became blurred. I mean, where is Seungmin now? Is he alive?

My train of thought was interrupted by the sound of something breaking and I could see my mother's worried eyes, "Hyunjin, my son, you finally woke up. My mother's touch didn't comfort me like before, I couldn't protest, so I just waved my hand a little, crying silently and trying to understand what had happened to me.

As the doctor and nurses gathered on top of me, I felt fear all over me and I couldn't hear any of their words, I just wanted time to pass and for them to leave me alone, the nurse put her hand on my face and said with a smile, "Cooperate with me, please, you may be a little annoyed but it will be over soon, okay?" I just blinked and the nurse started her work. I was in a lot of pain, but I took it. As soon as the tube was removed, all I could do was cough and cry.

Days went by and I was still in hospital, not talking to anyone, I didn't have anything to say even when the police came, I refused to talk. What should I have said? Should I have described in detail how these men touched my body parts for their own pleasure? Should I have said that I could hear my friend screaming in pain and I couldn't do anything? Should I have told them how much I hated myself and how many times a day I wanted to die? From what the doctor and my mother told me, I found out that 3 of my ribs were broken, along with my left leg and there was a deep wound on my face, I didn't even want to see what had happened to my face, I didn't have the courage to ask about him.

It was dark and it was raining in spring, drops of water danced on the glass of the room and fell slowly. The smell of wet earth could be smelled through the window and tears came to my eyes. "Hyunjin-Hyung," it was Seungmin's voice, I slowly turned around, he was sitting in a wheelchair with his right hand hanging on his neck, there were bruises under his eyes, his neck was bruised and he had a bandage on the left corner of his head.

When I saw him, I burst into tears and cried, "Forgive Hyung, Seungmin, we shouldn't have gone back home! It's all my fault.

When his cold hand was placed on my shoulder, I shivered a little and the feeling of fear came back, but his pleasant tone helped to remove that feeling, "It's not like that, Hyung! Why are you blaming yourself? They are bad people who deserve to be punished. So don't bother yourself. I know how hard it is, I can't handle it myself, but it's a sad thing that happened. Life goes on, Hyung! The only thing that will help us is time, we have to let time heal our wounds.

Seungmin was able to return to school after three weeks, and of course the whole school knows about the incident now, so he comes to see me every day after school so that I'm not alone. He was the only person I felt safe with at the time, and thanks to him I was able to eat slowly and talk a little, and my parents tried their best not to put pressure on me and to give me enough time and space to get better. There was no objection to my request to start drawing again, and my father brought me a notebook and pencils.

The rehabilitation and physiotherapy had started and I had to bear the pain, I couldn't bear the hospital environment anymore and I wanted to go home. I walked slowly with the help of the nurse, 1 month after the incident I still didn't have the courage to look at myself in the mirror and I didn't want anyone to talk about it. My habit of wearing a black mask started from those days and stayed with me.

Years went by and the only thing I got out of interacting with people were surprised looks and endless chats that ended in pity, when in my second year at university, while I was sitting alone in the library and others were avoiding me, a boy of medium height and chestnut hair came and sat down in front of me, putting the coffee cup in front of me while trying to find something in his bag, he mumbled: "My name is Minho, Lee Minho, I'm a final year architecture student! I don't like to study alone and this coffee is a bribe to let me stay here". I smiled and replied, "I'm Hyunjin, Hwang Hyunjin, a second-year painting student. Thanks for the coffee, but I don't think you want to study with me, Sonbae. You see how everyone avoids me!"

He lifted his head from the book, raised an eyebrow and said in his warm and friendly voice, "This shows that you are a good person, people are jealous Hyunjin! I think you are cool and they are too stupid to understand," with the sound of the librarian's ruler being tapped. We jumped on his desk and started to study.

"Seungmin's Pov"

Every year around Valentine's Day, the club becomes more crowded than ever and the work pressure increases, along with the enthusiasm of the people present, and all the employees have many bitter and sweet memories, but this year everything is different, for the first time Hyung has noticed a shy freckled boy and is trying to find out more about him. Tonight, when I saw the boy enter the club more worried than ever, I smiled slightly and quickly sent a message to Hyunjin,

"This was the only help I could give, indirectly giving them a chance to see each other, although I didn't think the couple would be so shy and stubborn that they would be satisfied with just watching each other.

He gave his usual order and sat down behind one of the empty tables. I could see the worry and anxiety in his eyes, but I couldn't interfere, so I started my work. I don't know why, but I felt that since this strange boy had come into Hyung's life, he had changed the mood of Hyunjin, I knew he had become a little more cheerful, or rather he was no longer cold and serious, he had become curious and tried to get on with people. It is a big step to meet a new person.

After this incident, life became difficult for both of us because we were judged by the people around us, whether we wanted it or not, but we relied on each other and after several therapy sessions we were able to get back on our feet.

At work I would look at him from time to time, his head on his phone, smiling, his legs shaking nervously, tasting his chocolate martini. He was obsessively tending to the flowers on the purple box, as if he wanted to make sure they stayed fresh, and I looked away from the boy with a small crack that hit the table. "Finally, so you want to do nothing tonight and just look at him?"

Without removing his mask, he ran a hand through his hair and said, "I'll talk to him tonight, but I know if he finds out about my secret, he'll leave." I prepared two drinks and put them in front of him. I smiled, "Hyung, what do you think? Do what you want without worrying about anything? Go to him, he has been sitting for a long time.

I could see the sparkle in the vanilla boy's eyes from this distance, I could understand his feeling when Hyung sat in front of him, I went back to work with peace of mind and let them disappear from the world with ease, "I hope you get along".

The noise in the club was very loud tonight, but it didn't seem to have any effect on these two people. When I saw the trembling hands of the boy pushing the box towards Hyung, every cell in my body started to vibrate. You don't know how happy I was, they are curious about each other. I looked at my colleague Jackson, who was also thrilled to see the scene in front of him, "Hey, I knew something good would happen tonight, but I didn't think it would involve Hyung. Oh, he's taking off his mask!"

At that moment, I was extremely worried about the boy's reaction, but in complete disbelief, the boy calmly saw all the details of Hyung's face with his eyes. I don't know what he said, but I saw one of the most beautiful smiles on Hyunjin's lips after so many years, and I breathed a sigh of relief. "You have found the blue of your life, Hyung.

"Hyunjin's POV

"I can swear that one of God's most beautiful creations is sitting in front of me. Hearing each one of these words spread a wonderful warmth throughout my body and lifted a heavy burden from my shoulders, even though it was said to keep up appearances and out of politeness. Well, I liked that feeling of peace. I looked into his shining eyes that were shaking with stress, I smiled and looked at the purple box and the flowers, I held out my hand, "the scent of these flowers is crazy Felix, thank you, I'm curious to see what's in this box".

The sound of laughter rang in my ears, I looked at him, the redness of his ears could be seen even in the dim light of the club, I was so happy to see his shyness, I muttered 'cute' under my breath and carefully and patiently opened the yellow ribbon around the box. When I saw the contents of the box, I don't know why, but I was filled with enthusiasm and taste, I quickly took a piece of brownie, "Oh my God, what a smell these brownies have". The soft chocolate that melted in my mouth was heavenly. This is very delicious, Felix, wow, I have fallen in love with the combination of sea salt on chocolate and caramel sauce. Now I feel like I don't want anyone but me to taste and enjoy your cake! I am proud of you.

At that moment I didn't pay any attention to the way people looked at me. I was sitting in front of a boy who, in those two months, had brought about a change in me that even my therapist hadn't been able to achieve in several years. This boy really shines like Apollo, his voice is more pleasant than any musical instrument, his presence is more pleasant than the warm July sun. I want to know him better. "I don't speak very well, but I want to tell you how happy I am to meet you. You know, from the moment I saw you, I felt that you were a safe person! That's right, it took me a long time to gather all my heart and courage to talk to you. I had so many different thoughts that I needed time to sort them out, maybe it's ridiculous, but now that I'm sitting here talking to you, I don't want to lose you. I want to ask you to allow me to enter your world and get to know the shy Lee Felix. Will you allow me to do that?"

"I..." His voice was shaking and he took a nervous sip of his drink, which made me laugh, he took a deep breath and stood up, for a few moments I felt like I'd forgotten to breathe, "It's over Hyunjin, it's over just like that, you were in such a hurry, wow, you messed up." I was lost in thought when I felt him sitting next to me, looking at me with his bright smile and small shining eyes, from this distance I could see the details of his face better, those freckles are really beautiful.

"We come from two different worlds and our paths in life are different. I am not a believer or a religious person, but I have no doubt that there is a reason behind our meeting that I want to discover! Let's see if we can unite our paths and move forward together or not," he coughed and laughed, "Would you like to go out together tomorrow if you have time?

My eyes were wide with the audacity of this boy, this situation we are in is very funny, as if we are both inexperienced, we have no idea what we are doing! With this thought I laughed and attracted the attention of several people, "Of course I have time. Shall we go to the cinema? Are you a film fan?"

We were talking so much that we didn't notice the passing of time, Felix was a little drunk and talked about various subjects, and I didn't want these moments to end. On the contrary, I don't have the patience to listen to other people's conversations, but I was curious about this boy and wanted to know more about his stories. From his stories, I realized how much he loves walking, listening to music, dancing, shopping, travelling, etc. When he was younger, he loved swimming and won medals and practiced taekwondo. Like any other boy, he is a football fan, he loves autumn and winter and he strongly believes that the number 7 brings him luck. He prefers to talk on the phone, bites his lip when he is stressed, and likes comedy and action films.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, but we're about to close", Seungmin's voice brought us out of our own world and into an empty club.

My whole day in the workshop was spent planning our first date and in our group of three we discussed with Seungmin and Minho Hyung and we were looking for a good movie, of course we couldn't agree and we had different tastes. In the end, Seungmin said he would arrange everything himself.

Because of Valentine's Day, it was practically impossible to find a restaurant where you could book a table for two, and we searched for hours with Hyung, finally we were able to book a table, but the restaurant was too far away. We couldn't take the bus or the subway for our first date on Valentine's Day, even taking a taxi was not a good option! Hyung called and said I could borrow his car.

I should pick him up tomorrow at 3 o'clock...

"Felix's Pov

I got home around 5am and I was no longer drunk, but I could remember everything in detail. As soon as I got home, I found Chan-Hyung sleeping on the sofa, the laptop and papers on the table showed that he was overworking again.

I went over and took a blanket from the sofa and covered him so he wouldn't get cold. I gently removed his glasses from his face and placed them on the table. I went to my room to write this down in my diary before I forgot everything. Without changing my clothes, I sat down at my desk and began to write...

My dear diary;

It's like a dream for me, every moment we spent together, in a few hours we went from two strangers to friends and finally we dared to step into each other's world. After hearing Hyunjin's words, I want to be by his side as long as I live and get to know him better.

An interesting sense of adventure has been awakened in me, encouraging me to make new discoveries together. I'm not saying that I've fallen in love with him, not at all and never! This feeling is nothing like love, I feel that I can understand this boy's worries and help him to show his true self to everyone because he is valuable. The feeling of vitality has taken over my whole being and I have the enthusiasm of a 10-year-old boy who has achieved something he has longed for.

As we talked, I found out that he had been raising a dog named Kkami since he was 16 years old and was an only child. Like me, he loves dancing and music, working out and reading books are his regular hobbies, and he is a passionate painter who does his best to make his students enjoy creating different works on canvas and paper.

Before we got to know each other, I thought he was a cold and selfish person who only cared about himself, but he is nothing like I imagined and I am very happy about that.

I don't know what happened to him because of the scar on his face, I don't even want to ask him because I'm sure he'll talk about it whenever he's ready. His warm and pleasant voice is imprinted on my being and not only do I never get tired of hearing it, I want to listen to it all day long.

I had read in the books that sometimes people meet a person who has a sense of familiarity and it is as if you have known each other for years and you feel relaxed and comfortable together. This means that we have met the right person, regardless of gender and type of relationship, this person can be a family member, friend, colleague or lover!

I was busy writing when I heard the sound of my phone and stopped writing. I looked at the message, "I hope you got home safe^^ I wanted to call you, but I said you might be asleep. Thank you for coming into my life, I didn't think that talking to you would add a new color to my world! Sleep well, my Apollo.