Muffled voices sounded, then the door squeaked open. When I opened one eye, John's girlfriend was standing in the doorway, mouth open, and a look of disbelief on her face. I was still half asleep and what was happening wasn't registering in my brain.

Next to me, though, John shot up like an arrow, sprinted across the room and touched her arms. "Listen to me first," he pleaded emphatically. It ought to have counted for something that he was clothed.

Still, she ripped her arms away forcefully, whirled around, hit her sneaker-covered toe on the doorframe and cursed, but let him follow her outside, instantaneously dropping the futile attempt to pull the self-closing door shut behind them. The suite door slammed before John's room door fell shut. Deafening silence settled over the room. Not even muffled voices were to be heard. I had sat up in the bed by then and the events of the last minute slowly set in.

God. It looked bad. It looked like her boyfriend had hooked up with me. Fuck. I wasn't a homewrecker. I was not my mother. This very second, John's girlfriend was probably accusing me of being a selfish bitch. I knew I would have in her position.

How did I get here? Awareness of the scope of the situation crashed over me like a tsunami wave. It had begun as a harmless crush, but the stakes had become so much higher. I had ruined everything. We had ruined everything.

After a couple of minutes, I forced myself to get up, got changed into my clothes from the night before and left John's room. I didn't want to be here when he got back, or worse: when they got back, so I jumped out of bed, not saying hello to Devin and Zach even though their doors were cracked. They had been spectators to the whole ordeal, no doubt about it. When John's door closed behind me, Devin stuck his head out, called out to me, and looked at me in wonder.

"Not now," I pressed and almost choked up, quickly making my way outside. I took the back exit of Ross where I leaned against the wall, chest heaving, and pulled out my phone. I had several unread texts from Liam, but I ignored them for now and instead called Jessica (speed dial #4).

"Grace, thank God, I was worried! Liam called me this morning and told me about that guy at the party. Are you okay?"

"Not really. Can I come over?"

"Why aren't you already? Get over here now!"

***

As soon as she flung the door open, she crushed me in a tight embrace, then let me enter and sat down with me on 'my' bed. She asked me a dozen times if I was okay and what exactly Rugby Guy had done. I reported everything to her and assured her I was fine, physically. Her eyes threatened to spill throughout the whole story.

"That bastard!" she sniffed and made my own eyes water, too.

"I can't believe people like that roam free on our campus," she croaked and pulled my head onto her shoulder. A single tear slid down my cheek and she began to gently rock me back and forth. "Should we call your dad?"

"I don't think so. Nothing he could do about it anyway."

"What about your Grampa?"

"No, I think it's okay."

My nose was smushed against Jessica's shoulder and my voice sounded muffled as part of it disappeared into her navy sweater. It was a beautiful winter day outside. The sun cast its rays between the branches of the leafless trees in front of Jessica's window and made the slowly melting snow sparkle wondrously.

"Where was Liam, anyway? I thought this was at Brooker," she asked, still working to wrap her head around the scene.

"Bathroom. And then I sent him away."

"Why?"

I shrugged.

"Well, either way, thank goodness John was there, huh?"

"Yeah," I deadpanned.

"What's that tone for?"

"What tone?"

"Gracie," Jessica said, and meant: Not acknowledging an issue doesn't erase it.

"I'll text Liam, okay? Can I please take a nap now? I'm so exhausted."

She cocked her head, but let me.

***

When I awoke, Jessica was sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Liam is texting me asking to see you. He says he hasn't heard from you since last night."

Right, the unread texts. Anxiety rose in me at the thought. Had he heard about the John fiasco? Was he preparing to dump me?

"I'll tell him you're not ready to have visitors at the moment."

She was my best friend in the world. I nodded a heartfelt thank you at her which she dismissed with a wave of her hand.

After a minute, her phone rang. She answered it and before she could say one word, the person on the other end talked to her in an animated manner. The voice was Liam's.

Stopping his rant, Jessica said firmly: "I told you, she's not seeing anyone right now. I'll tell her you called."

Liam sounded upset, though I couldn't make out his words.

"Liam, she's okay and she'll call you, okay? Until then, trust that she's in good hands and will do what's right for her." I hoped that was true. "Talk to you soon."

I could tell she was annoyed and asked her what he'd said.

"'I'm her boyfriend, why didn't she come to me, let me see her'," she mimicked his voice pretty spot-on. "No offense, I get that he's worried and all—join the club—but he can be so ugh, you know?"

I did know.

She looked back at her phone which showed a new text message.

"Hey, Gracie, why is John texting me to tell you he's sorry about earlier this morning?"

"I didn't know he had your number."

"Neither did I, but what I do know is you're deflecting."

I groaned and buried my face in my hands before I filled her in on the second piece of news. The whole ordeal. The movie night in his room, his apology at the dining hall, Thanksgiving week, and finally last night's debacle.

"But you told Liam you went to your room."

"I know."

"Chica, what are you and John doing?" she sighed in frustration.

"Nothing. We're doing absolutely nothing because we're both in relationships."

"Babe, if you were doing nothing, you'd be with Liam right now, not me."

"Can we have this conversation another time?"

"We have had it before and we will have it again. Grace, you know I'm on your side, right? I want what's best for you. Whatever this thing with John and you is, it's not healthy. Not to mention unfair. To everyone involved."

I knew all of those things, but how could I stop when I still had hope I could be more to him than... whatever I was to him now? When he kept giving me this hope. Jessica was right. Something had to change. And if I was being honest with myself, I knew what the first step needed to be.

She left the room to check up on some of her first-years and I dialed his number.

"Hey." My voice was shaking with dread, the hand in which I held my cell phone trembled.

"Thank god, Grace. How are you feeling? You didn't text me back."

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm fine now." My fingers toyed with a loose thread on the edge of the top sheet.

"I almost had a heart attack when I stopped by your room earlier and you didn't answer the door. Where did you go last night?"

What if he finds out about my sleepover at John's? I would be screwed either way. There was no good way to break it to him, so I took the coward's way out. "Back to my room, and then to Jessica's this morning."

It was the first lie I had told Liam since we had started going out, and I was concerned about the ease with which it had left my lips.

"I would have stayed with you if you had let me." His voice reflected hurt.

"I know, I'm sorry." My fingers stilled and I pinched my eyes shut, taking a deep breath. Now or never. "Liam?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm... not sure this is working for me."

"I feel horrible about what happened to you."

"That's not what this is about."

"I should have never left you alone."

"Are you listening? Also, you went to the bathroom. You can't never go to the bathroom again just because something might happen in the meantime, that's physiologically impossible."

"You felt unsafe and it's my fault. That will never happen again. I was terrified when I saw you break down."

Oh. I had had no idea how much the incident had impacted him. He had been worried sick and I had ignored him. And once more Grace Bellamy misses the mark by a long shot. Ladies and gentlemen, will she ever advance to the Good Girlfriend League?

"That's not what—you did nothing wrong, Liam."

"It's just that—I love you."

Fuck. Holy fucking shit. My heart stuttered, then went into overdrive. My palms overheated. My belly did a triple flip and landed on its face.

"I'm sorry to hit you over the head with it like this. I didn't mean to tell you over the phone and you don't have to say it back. But you're important to me. The thought of losing you is so damn scary."

He's too good for me. He'll always be too good for me, but I need to be better. I need to be better.

My voice shook again as I spoke. "I'm—sorry I scared you. I'm better now. I'm safe. Thank you for not giving up on talking to me this morning, for never giving up on me." I swallowed. "Thank you for being the best boyfriend I could ask for."

***

When Jessica offered to bring food from the dining hall in the reusable to-go boxes they gave out, I didn't want to trouble her and instead insisted on quickly going for lunch in Ross instead. It was more spacious and thus easier to find privacy than in Proctor Dining Hall.

My steamed broccoli and rice pilaf sat on my plate half-eaten. I was starving but couldn't swallow anything. Jessica watched me with a worried expression.

"It's going to be okay," I told her. "It's just a lot of shit happening all at the same time."

Jessica cleared her throat and pointed at someone behind me. My stomach dropped. Liam? John? Dreading either confrontation, I turned around. Relief washed over me at seeing the face of Devin who was making a beeline for me. The feeling quickly subsided when I noticed his movement was swift, urgent, so I stood to meet him. When he reached me, he surprised me by scooping me up in a tight hug. We had never hugged before. I awkwardly patted his back, but when he didn't let go, second by second, I relaxed into his touch. His curly hair tickled my ear.

When he pulled away, he said: "John told me what happened last night." Which part? "I'm so sorry, I had no idea when I talked to you this morning. How are you feeling?"

Oh. That part.

"Um, I'm still a little shaken, but I'm not hurt or anything."

"John and I found out the guy's name. If you want to report him, I'll support you all the way. Scum like that guy should get what's coming to him."

My face fell. "It wasn't that severe."

"Grace, he harassed you. You felt powerless. if it were me, I'd report his ass."

But it wasn't him. I knew he meant well, and I knew men like Rugby Guy should be reported, but as a man, Devin couldn't possibly understand what it was like to bear the burden of proof or to walk a panel of complete strangers through the scene, reliving every unsettling emotion. The more I turned it over in my mind, the less I could see myself making a statement in front of a committee.Jessica chimed in: "Devin, your activism is honorable. Now how about instead of telling Grace how she feels or what she should do, you ask and listen?"

Devin pinched his eyes shut, took a deep breath, and ran two hands through his constantly disheveled hair. "Fuck, you're right. I'm sorry." He took another breath. "Do you want to report him?"

My gaze roamed the ceiling before settling back on Devin. "I don't know. I don't think so. I appreciate your concern, but I haven't given it any thought."

"Okay. That's okay. It's, um, valid. Shit, I don't know how to have this conversation. I'm sorry I suck. But I'm trying. I want to help. Text me if you change your mind, okay? Or if you need anything."

I got on my tiptoes and hugged him tight. "Thank you. That means a lot." His arms engulfed me, strong and steady, infusing my body with calm energy.

When I pulled back, something else was on my mind. Devin seemed to guess my question from the look on my face.

"Don't put me in the middle of this. Please."