"This child. . . Why is her face all scrunched up like that?"

"Perhaps she's constipated?" Someone offered.

"Oh. Do babies get constipated?"

. . . . .

The fuck?

Who's constipated? Or rather, why are we talking about constipation? Where am I?

"Ooh look! She's moving! Does that mean she doesn't have to poop?"

Me? Are they talking about me? And what is this conversation? More importantly, why am I even involved in this topic? While I was questioning this to myself, two warm hands wrapped around my body and hoisted me up into the air where I was immediately blinded by a bright light. YEOWZA! Someone please, turn off the lights! My retinas are burning!!

All at once a woman's smiling face appeared in front of me. "Hello. Hello my beautiful baby!" She cooed gently, her face glowing with love.

. . . Bitch, who you talking too?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is the part where I start to explain myself huh? Well, I guess introductions are in order then. My name's Pam. It's short for Pamela, but no one calls me that-mostly because people think "Pamela" is too pretty for a burly butch girl like me, but whatever. What? Should I get mad that people think I'm too ugly for my name? Oh please. I'm nearly twenty years old. I'm way past that level of pettiness. Besides, they're not wrong. Eh. . . Let's see, what else. . . Oh! I'm also a SUPER competitive sports fanatic and closet otaku. At least, I WAS until I died and got reincarnated into a freaking fantasy world.

. . . . . . . .

Yeah I should probably explain more shouldn't I?
So. . . I died. I'm not sure how I died, but I guess that doesn't matter anymore. The point is I died. I guess after I died or whatever I was reincarnated as a baby in this world. I wasn't sure if it was good or not, but for better or for worse I retained all my memories of my past life.

Again, not quite sure how this happened. Last I remember of my previous life I was at school like any other day, just going about my business when BAM! Lost consciousness. When I came too I had become a baby with people discussing whether I was constipated or not around me. Like, what the actual fuck? Great introduction to this new world guys. Real classy.

Obviously since I'm not "me" anymore my name changed. My new name is Kalliope Joy blah blah insert long-ass name Bellfyre. Kalliope isn't too bad, but I prefer Kal. After being called Pam all my life, I suppose I've gotten used to being called by a short three letter name. Oh and I'm a princess now, so there's that apparently. I'm getting around to explaining that, I swear. Bear with me people, I'm new at this whole narrating thing. And I've just had a pretty fucking weird time processing this crap so gimme a break.

"Oh Kalliope!" Serenity exclaimed excitedly. "Be careful! Ohh look look! My baby's crawling already! Isn't she just adorable? Oh no wait- Kalliope! Ah! Someone protect her, she's going to fall!!" This frantic lady here is the woman who gave birth to the current me, Serenity Lettings. Aka, my (new?) mother. I'm about seven months old already and yet she still starts to freak out whenever I try to crawl anywhere. Isn't it normal for a baby my age to try to crawl by now?

If you can even call what I do crawling. It's more of a floppy drag across the floor. Seriously, being a baby sucks! I have no motor control over my limbs except from being able to wave around my arms a bit but even that makes me exhausted! Babies can't do ANYTHING!!!!

Pulling my self forward with immense effort, I somehow managed to make it all the way too the other side of the bed I was on top of. Yes!! Now only if I can get down from here. I attempted to look over the side of it but because of my stupid head, my body was thrown off balance and I began to tip forward over the edge. "Kalliope!!" Serenity screamed shrilly, snatching me back before I fell. "Oh," She cooed softly, pulling me into her chest.

"My poor baby. Are you hurt? Want mommy to give you some milk?" NO LADY PUT YO TITS AWAY!! This was exactly WHY I tried to escape in the first place! I twist my body around and start to fuss violently. Ever since I was born Serenity has been trying to get me to breastfeed (though God knows why). Of course since I had the mentality of a teenage girl in this baby body, I refused every attempt she made at me to suckle and have even evolved to crawling away to escape.

All the nursemaids and other servants dissuaded her from it as well due to my obvious discomfort, but she persistently keeps trying. Lady, I am perfectly fine with milk from bottles! I don't want any that comes from you! It's gross! Serenity continued to make coaxing noises whilst trying to make me eat but I was having none of that. Eventually she gave up with a depressed pout and settled on rocking me gently in her arms.

She was a rather pretty woman. Her brown eyes were always soft and warm with her face framed by luscious black hair and smooth skin. She appeared to be of some kind of Asian mix. Chinese maybe- if Chinese exists here. Humming softly, she smiled down at me in comfort. I liked Serenity. Sure she was weird sometimes but I suppose I could have been born to a worse mother.

"Serenity?" The door to her room opened and David peeked in hesitantly. "Are you awake?" "Yes my love," She answered, looking up at him. "I'm awake." David was my father. At least I'm assuming he is because Serenity doesn't seem like the kind of woman to cheat, but never mind that.

David was the fourth Prince of this kingdom, hence me being a princess. He walked over to the bed and sat down, eyes softening when he saw me. I had to admit, David isn't very good looking, even if he is my father. He's not butt ugly but he definitely didn't seem good enough for a woman like Serenity to marry him.

He was kinda wimpy looking and wore dorky glasses, but his skin was a nice shade and his hair was styled decently. Even so. . . David looked pretty lame. Sorry David. "Look at my princess," He carefully wrapped his hands around my small body and lifted me up to his face. His eyes traced my face carefully and he smiled warmly before drawing me into a hug. "I'll come play with you more often ok princess? I'm sorry I'm busy."

Busy? Ah right. The third Prince keeps pushing all of his work onto you cause he's a jackass. His stupid son is gonna grow into a miniature asshole cause a him, though he's gonna be really handsome so girls flock to him anyway. Pfft. Why the hell does Mr. Asshole get to be handsome when David is stuck looking so mundane? Ah- you probably wanna know how I know all of this. That's because I played the miniature asshole's route. I should also probably mention, I've been reincarnated into an Otome game.