"If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself."
- George Orwell

Even with my headphones on, I can hear Benson's booming voice from downstairs. It's my dad's birthday, and we're having a celebratory dinner for him. I, of course, am hiding upstairs until the food is ready. I feel like an asshole, but I refuse to spend more time with my older brother than I am already obligated to.

As I wait to be called, my mind wanders to Zayna. My girlfriend. I'm still shocked that I told her I loved her. I think she is, too. I don't regret it—I meant what I said—but I'm usually more careful with my words, more cautious with what I say.

I wish she could be here tonight. I want her to meet Evangeline, Gemma, and my parents. Benson, on the other hand, can keep his distance. If he were to ever look at her the wrong way, or even for too long, I would lose my temper, as well as control of my fists. I know what he is. He hurt Raelyn, so who's to say that he wouldn't—or hasn't—hurt someone else?

Perhaps I should warn Alyx, his girlfriend, a.k.a. Raelyn's doppelganger. I'm sure she'd be thrilled to discover that her new man is actually a monster.

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>

I venture downstairs, curious as to why Mom hasn't yelled for me yet. It's almost eight o'clock. There's no way dinner isn't ready.

Immediately, I sense that something isn't right. I'm greeted by six pairs of frightened eyes. Evangeline's green orbs are glistening with trepidation. I turn to Gemma, desperate for an explanation.

"Raelyn's long lost mother, Carla, paid us an unexpected visit," my sister informs me. "She burst through the front door and demanded custody of Evangeline."

I place my hand protectively on Vange's shoulder. "She's crazy. She wasn't there for her own kid. Why the hell does she think she could take care of Evangeline?"

Gemma shrugs her shoulders. "I don't know, Bowie. For some reason, she hates us."

I wonder if Raelyn ever confided in her mother about Benson. Maybe there are other people besides me who know the truth.

As I help Mom set the table, I glare at my older brother. He has his arm draped over Alyx's shoulder, his demeanor calm and carefree. I wish I could smack that insouciant smirk off his face. Life has been too easy for him, too good to him.

We sit down and begin to eat. Well, "eat" isn't the correct word. Mom, Dad, Gemma, and I are shoving our food around our plates. Evangeline hasn't even picked up her fork. Benson and Alyx are the only people who are actually eating.

"I can't believe I missed all that," I say, eager to break the uncomfortable silence—and also to get more information. "She really just walked into the house like she lived here?"

"Something tells me that wasn't the first time she's done something like that," my mom mutters, rolling her mocha-colored eyes.

"What was she saying about you, babe?" Alyx looks up at Benson. "She was like, 'I've heard quite a bit about you, too.' What the hell?"

Ah, this is interesting. I turn to my brother, waiting for his answer.

Benson raises his shoulders in a nonchalant shrug. "Who knows? She's probably still the same drug-addled lunatic she was fifteen years ago."

I let out a sigh. He seems unfazed by the whole encounter. But thanks to Alyx, I know one thing for certain: Raelyn did talk to Carla about Benson.

I just have no idea what she said.

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>

I turn on the TV, excited to veg out on the couch for the remainder of the day. Mom and Dad are gone for the weekend. My dad is in New York visiting his brother, and my mom is at a writer's retreat in Woodstock. It's just been me and Vange, which I'm not complaining about, but she's a ball of non-stop energy that I can't seem to keep up with.

Vange sits down next to me. I position a bowl of buttery popcorn between us and select a movie. Leaning back, I allow my eyes to drift shut. She'd be okay if I took a ten-minute power nap, right?

"Hey, guys."

My eyes shoot open. I sit up too fast, nearly knocking the popcorn over. "Gemma, what are you doing here?" I demand, glaring at my sister.

"She's here for me," Evangeline announces. She pauses the movie and jumps to her feet. "Ready to get to work?"

"Yup." Gemma passes the six-year-old her laptop. "I just have to talk to Bowie for a sec. Want to wait for me in the kitchen?"

"Sure," Evangeline replies, skipping away.

It's nice to see her happy. I'm glad that my sister and her are hitting it off so well.

"Is everything alright?" I look at Gemma and rub my tired eyes.

"Not really. See," she gets right into it, "when I was here for Dad's birthday, I misplaced something, and I haven't been able to find it."

"Well, what did you lose? Is it replaceable?"

"No, it isn't. That's why I'm so upset about it."

"What was it?" I ask again, growing impatient. I know why she brought up the missing item, and it wasn't to see if I'd seen it.

"A flash drive," she finally asnwers.

"For work?"

"Not exactly."

I nod my head. If she wants to ask me if I stole her flash drive, now's her chance. "Well, I'm assuming whatever's on there is pretty important, so I hope it turns up."

"Thanks," she mumbles. "Um, I should go find Evangeline. I'll catch ya later."

"Gemma!" I call out, unable to keep my thoughts to myself. I've spent half of my life under a blanket of silence and fear. It's exhausting, and I'm over it. "Is there a reason you told me about your missing flash drive?"

Her face goes pale. "Just wondering if you've seen it."

"Seen it or stole it?" I ask bluntly.

"I know you, Bowie. You're not a thief. Besides, if you had taken it, I would have caught you by now," she informs me.

"Why? Because I can't lie?"

"Exactly."

I stifle a chuckle. I can lie. My family just doesn't know that.

"Well," I say, "I didn't steal your flash drive, although now I am curious what's on it."

Gemma's cheeks turn scarlet. "Just some... videos."

"It's not porn, is it?" I tease her.

"God, I hope not," she mutters.

I blink. "Huh?"

"Nothing," she says quickly. "Listen, thanks for your help, but I really should check on Vange. If you see a black flash drive around, will you let me know?"

"Sure," I promise, because now I'm curious about the flash drive, too.

"And, Bowie? If you do find it, you can't watch it."

"Because it's porn, right? It's totally porn."

"It's not porn!" she exclaims. "Just... just promise me you won't watch it, okay?"

"Yeah, I won't watch it," I say, crossing my arms. Now would be a fantastic time for her to leave.

"Thank you, and I'm sorry for snapping," she relents. "I'm so stressed out from work and everything else going on. You're not mad, are you?"

"I'm not mad, just like I'm not a thief," I retort. I stand up and saunter past her. If she won't leave, I will.

"Hold on, Bowie! I said I was sorry!" she hollers.

Anger rises in my chest. I need to remove myself from the situation before I explode.

However, instead of walking away, I say, "You know, I bet I'm the only person you asked about the stupid flash drive. You never even thought to ask Mom or Dad or Benson, did you?"

"Bowie, I wasn't trying to accuse you of anything. I—"

"I get it," I go on, cutting her off mid-sentence. "I'm the weird one. I'm the college dropout who washes dishes for a living. I don't work for a fancy tech company or drive a Mercedes. Hell, I can't even afford a car. But I'm not a god damn klepto."

Fuck. I shouldn't have said that. I really shouldn't have said that.

"I'm sorry I brought it up," she whispers. "But fancy tech company? Mercedes? Why are you comparing yourself to Benson right now?"

I shake my head. My sister's a smart girl. Of course she picked up on that. "All I'm saying is that he's not...." I trail off, attempting to clean up the verbal mess I've made. "I mean, he can't be as perfect as everyone thinks he is. Maybe you should ask him if he's seen your flash drive."

Before I can raise any more suspicion, I exit the front room and dash outside. There's only one person I want to see right now, and she isn't in this house.