I have a question for you guys.

It's a bit much so you don't need to answer if you don't know how to, but I just want to know how you think.

So...

Let's start.

Let's say you have an estranged relationship with your father.

You guys haven't really talked to each for six years, but you have had simple conversations.

The last time you see him is before school. You ask him how he is and stuff and then he tells you before he leaves...

"You know, there's a thing called a phone and people use it to call people" or something like that and I'm like...

I laugh, but I'm hurt.

He made me feel guilty for not talking to him on the phone when he literally saw me three times in seven months when I was battling cancer.

I'll touch more on that later.

Anyway, then on NYE, he texts you that he loves you.

You're shocked.

You cannot remember the last time he told you that he loves you.

You text back, but he doesn't send anything back. Of course, he doesn't need to send you anything, but then you feel like you did something horrible even though you didn't?

You're kind of sad for the rest of night and you want nothing more than a loving relationship with your father.

Lastly, you're on Snapchat when you someone has followed you. You see that it's your dad. You follow him anyway (after an hour), but he hasn't texted you or anything.

No 'hey, baby' or 'you look cute in this picture' or anything.

He doesn't need to do that, but you wonder why he guilt tripped you for not calling/texting him yet he does the same to you???

Why is this all on me?

Why am I the guilty one in this?

I could have this amazing day, but then I think about my father and everything is thrown out of proportion.

What did I do for this to happen to me?

What did I do that took away the chances of a father/daugther dance at my wedding?

What did I do that took away my dad crying when he saw me in my prom dress?

What did I do to develop trust issues and feeling like I'm about to make someone mad because of something I do?

What did I do to deserve anything Ihave been going through since I was 13?

What have my siblings done to make my dad promise to take them to his house only to bail an hour before?

What did I do?

What did I say?

How did I act?

Why am I not Daddy's little girl?

Why do some people blame me for our bad relationship?

I just...I hate it.

I want to have one so bad, but I'm so scared of losing hope.

I can't do it, but I want to do it so bad.

I'm sorry, everybody.

Rememebr that I love you all.

-Maddie