CHAPTER 7 - AGAINST HIM

I WAS RUSHING through the hallway while imagining the fuming face of Mrs. Mababang-loob, my terror prof in Curriculum Development. Kagat-kagat ko ang tinapay na binili ko sa canteen dahil hindi na ako nakapagluto ng almusal dahil sa sobrang puyat. Sa bilis ng takbo ko ay hindi ko napansin ang mga estudyante sa paligid.

Damn! Kailangan kong umabot sa klase niya.

Kung normal lamang na araw ito ay wala sa aking problema ang ma-late ngunit hindi. Si Mrs. Mababang-loob ang isa sa pinaka mahigpit at striktang professor sa department namin. What made my situation worst is I also wrote an article about her in one of my column.

Well, not entirely about her but the controversial Socio-Cultural Department Video Presentation Contest, where they obviously favored the one who's promoting the school's vicinity and clearly ignored those groups that voice out the school's lack of giving attention to gender equality and racism.

Naaalala ko pa ang rant ni Ciqa noong time na iyon. Isa kasi siya sa videographers ng grupo na gumawa ng video tungkol sa racism. She ranted how unfair the judges are for picking the promotional video kahit pa sablay naman iyon sa criteria.

Marami ang galit na estudyante at nag-voice out ng opinyon dahil sa column na isinulat ko. They criticize all of the entries and asked the Socio-Cultural Department to disclose the score sheet. Sa huli, ang grupo na Ciqa ang nanalo ngunit hindi na nila binawi ang premyo.

They had to apologize for the inconvenience at dahil doon ay naging mainit ako sa paningin niya. Hindi ko alam na magiging professor ko si Mrs. Lany Mababang-loob na kasalukuyang direktor ng Socio-Cultural Department. And even if I know, I would still write that column. They deserved the hate though.

Hinihingal akong dumating sa classroom. She was already inside. Sobrang bilis na ng tambol ng dibdib ko dahil sa pinaghalong kaba at hingal sa pagtakbo. I knock on the door before opening it. Napatigil siya sa pagdi-discuss at lumingon sa akin na nakataas ang kilay.

I was biting my lips while receiving her intimidating stares. Swear! Hindi na ulit ako magpapa-late!

"I'm sorry, Ma'am, I was late." Even though my heart is galloping, I still have the guts to apologize.

Binuksan niya ang pamaypay niya saka nagsalita. "What did I say about being late, Ms. Carreon?"

"Uhm. . ."

I didn't say anything. Not because I couldn't but because Mrs. Mababangloob was difficult to comprehend. Minsan kapag sumagot ka sa tanong niya ay mas lalo niyang papalalain ang sitwasyon, vice-versa. When it comes to her, there is no right answer. Therefore I have to come up with a response that is less unpleasant for her.

"Ma'am, I am extremely sorry. There's a problem at home. My father's blood pressure has risen, and I need to get him some medication." I lied. Half of it.

Hindi tumaas ang presyon ni Itay ngunit totoong bumili ako ng gamot niya para hindi na mapunta sa pangsugal ang pera. I have to lie to Mrs. Mababang-loob so that I can protect myself from her possible outrage. I have to pass this subject. At hindi nakakatulong ang pagiging mainit ng dugo niya sa akin.

Ni-head to foot muna niya ako bago umirap. "Go to your seat. Hindi na mauulit ito."

Hindi ko na kinuwestyon ang pagpayag niya na pumasok ako sa klase at nagmadali nang naupo sa upuan ko. When I say Mrs. Mababang-loob was strick, she really is. Kahit pinalampas niya ang pagiging late ko ay hindi naman ako nakaiwas sa mainit niyang mata.

"Okay, Ms. Carreon, stand up."

Damn it. I'm doomed!

Tumayo ako saka hinarap siya. "How essential is it to you as a potential faculty member to prepare your students for occupations that need sustainability knowledge and skills?"

Huminga ako ng malalim at sandaling nag-isip ng isasagot. Tahimik ang buong klase namin kaya rinig ko ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko at ang ingay na nang gagaling sa takong ng stiletto ni Mrs. Mababang-loob habang naglalakad siya palapit sa akin.

"Ah, I believe that a broader perspective of sustainability is critical for these young students, as there is a demand for employees and leaders who understand what sustainability is and how to approach problems and solutions, as well as how to work with and draw from various disciplines. . ."

After responding to her, I took a big breath and exhaled slowly. I was nervous and stuttering, but I maintained eye contact with her. She took another long look at me, from head to toe, before continuing to fan herself. I felt more comfortable since she seemed satisfied.

Mahigit apat na beses niya akong tinawag para sa recitation. It's a good thing I usually prepare for our discussions by reading two chapters ahead of time. Pinagtitinginan na ako ng mga ka-blockmates ko dahil halos lahat ng question sa recitation ay sa akin binabato ni Mrs. Mababang-loob.

Kita ko sa gilid ng aking mga mata ang pasimple nilang pag-irap kapag nasasagot ko ang mga tanong nito. It's not that I wanted this or nagpapasikat ako, ayoko lang talagang bumagsak sa subject niya. I can't afford to retake this subject. Nang makalabas ng classroom si Mrs. Mababang-loob ay nakahinga ako ng maluwag.

That was the worst three hours of my life.

Naupo si Jenna sa upuan sa harapan ko. "Ang init talaga ng dugo sa 'yo ni Mrs. Lany 'no?"

"Just let her. It was my fault for being late," walang ganang sagot ko.

Mas lalo pa siyang sumiksik papalapit sa akin. Halos magkatapat na ang mukha namin. "Hindi pa rin siguro nakaka-move on sa sinulat mong column."

Binigyan ko siya ng pekeng ngiti saka tinanguhan at nag-iwas ng tingin. Wala ako sa mood makipag-usap. Naubos ata ng subject na iyon ang lahat ng enerhiya ko. Nang matapos ang lahat ng subject ko ngayong umaga ay dumiretso na ako sa office.

Naabutan ko roon sina Vash at Florissa. They are engrossed in what they are doing on their laptop screen. When I walked into the office, Vash gave me a quick glance before turning her attention to the material on her desk. Kinuha niya ang papel doon at saka inabot sa akin.

"Na-print ko na 'yung excuse letter natin para sa conference. Kani-kaniya na lang tayo ng papirma sa mga subject teacher para hindi na ako mahirapan. Okay lang ba?" si Vash.

I nodded and shifted my gaze to the paper. Nakasulat na roon lahat ng subjects ko. May ilan ring minor subs na may pirma na, marahil ay isinabay ni Vash sa pagpapapirma sa kaniya. Lumakad ako palapit sa table ko saka ibinaba ang bag. Napako ang aking tingin sa mga articles sa mesa ko.

When I realized that practically every news piece from the presswork had received Vash's approval, my brows knit together.

"Na-approved mo na 'to, Vash?" Inangat ko ang mga papel at pinakita sa kaniya.

Tumango siya. "Dinaan ni Nash kanina kasabay noong captions ni Ciqatrix. May problema ba?"

I shook my head and returned my attention to the articles. How did he finish copy-reading articles that had taken me weeks to complete? I double-checked everything and found it to be in good shape. The majority of it is flawless.

Was he really that good? It's no surprise that he'd won many of the gold medals at the conferences he'd participated in. He was superior to me in every way, with no doubt. He was a perfect fit for the EIC position.

I grimaced and shook my head at the thought. Even though he is this good, I still must try harder. Whatever it takes, I have to get that position.

Dahil tapos na lahat ng articles ay wala na rin akong gagawin sa pub kaya nagpasya na akong magpapirma ng excuse letter. Iniwan ko muna ang gamit ko at saka dumiretso sa faculty namin.

Mabilis pinirmahan ng ibang prof ko ang excuse letter ngunit hindi ko magawang huminga nang makaharap ko na si Mrs. Mababang-loob. She's fanning herself while clutching my excuse letter in her left hand. Her brows are furrowed, as if she'll strike out at me at any moment.

"You're attending this conference?" she asked. I nodded. "You do know your output in my class right, Ms. Carreon? Hindi ka nakapagpasa ng ilang activities dahil sa pag-attend sa mga coverage n'yo."

I bit my lower lip and tried not to respond to her with a retort. When I covered the event in Lenon, I missed the activities she was referring to. It was the volleyball match that Nash and I covered. May excuse letter ako noon, as far as I know. Siya itong ayaw pumayag na tanggapin ang pinasa kong output.

"Ma'am, it was a national conference. We must come to represent our school. 'Yung about po sa activity na hindi ko naipasa, I still have it. If you change your mind, I can submit it right now." I said, trying to be respectful.

Sa lahat, siya dapat ang nakakaintindi na kailangan naming um-attend sa mga ganoong conferences lalo pa at Socio-Cultural Director siya.

She gave a sour expression. "Your output is still late. At alam mong hindi ako tumatanggap ng late outputs. Don't go crying looking for me after you fail this subject," she remarked as she returned to her desk to retrieve a stack of documents.

"Paki-photo copy muna ito sa computer lab," aniya saka inabot iyon sa akin.

I was on the edge of responding. Kaunting-kaunti na lang ay baka masagot ko na siya. I nodded at her as I tried to calm down. Kinuha ko ang pile ng papel na hawak niya saka nagpaalam at tumalikod palabas.

I don't know why certain professors are so unsupportive of the students that represent the school. Rather than supporting us, they sometimes intimidate us with failing scores simply for participating. I don't understand their point.

Nang nasa pinto na 'ko ay nasalubong ko si Nash na may hawak rin na excuse letter. He's dressed in his type-B uniform underneath his jacket, and wearing his usual specs. Nakasuot siya ng earpods ngunit inalis niya ang kapares noon nang makita ako.

He waved his hand and smiled at me, his dimples showing. "Huy, Ulan. Tapos ka na sa excuse letter?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Kay Mrs. Mababang-loob na lang," ani ko saka siya tinalikuran ngunit mabilis niyang nahawakan ang palapulsuhan ko.

"Same pala tayo."

Masama ang tingin ko sa kaniya nang muling magtama ang aming mata ngunit hindi napawi ang ngiti sa labi niya. Binitawan niya ang palapulsuhan ko saka nagtanong. "Pupunta ka sa office?"

"After this." Inangat ko ang papel na hawak ko.

"Para saan 'yan?"

"Bakit ba ang dami mong tanong?" Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. "Kung magpapapirma ka kay Mrs. Mababang-loob then go on. I have to photo-copy this."

"Napaka sungit mo talaga. Nagtatanong lang, eh." I grimace as he chuckles. "Hintayin mo ko, sandali lang 'to. May itatanong ako sayo," aniya saka pumasok sa loob.

My brows drew together. Anong itatanong niya? Kahit na-curious ako doon ay inuna ko pa rin ang iniuutos ni Mrs. Mababang-loob. Mamaya ko na lang itatanong kapag dating sa office.

Nang matapos akong makapagpa-photo copy ay bumalik ako sa faculty room. Naabutan ko doon si Nash na naghihintay. Hawak niya ang excuse letter niya.

"Nakapagpapirma ka na?" I asked.

He was leaning on the railing. Mabilis siyang umayos ng tayo nang makita ako. "Oo. Kanina pa. Hinintay lang kita dahil baka bumalik ka."

I gasp with annoyance. "How come? Hindi ka sinita?"

"Hindi. Bakit naman ako sisitahin ni Mrs. Lany?" he asked in furrowed brows.

Hindi ko siya sinagot at nagpatuloy na sa paglalakad papasok sa faculty room. Pumasok ako saka dumiretso sa table ni Mrs. Mababang-loob. Nakupo siya at nakapokus ang tuon sa laptop sa harapan. To draw her attention, I cleared my throat.

"Ma'am, ito na po 'yung pina-photo copy n'yo," I said calmly, even though I was irritated deep down.

Nilingon niya ako saka kinuha iyon. Hindi ko alam kung nang iinis lang ba talaga siya dahil inisa-isa pa niyang chineck iyon sa harapan ko. She even stapled it while I was there standing and waiting for her to finish. And when she did, she took a glance at me.

"Make sure you'll take home the trophy at the conference. And please," Mrs. Mababangloob rolled her eyes, "do not bring our school's name into disrepute," she said, then handed me my excuse letter grimacing.

Calming myself is never a problem, but it is right now. I want to lash out at her and respond, but what would I receive in return? So instead, I walked out of the faculty room quietly, keeping my frustration contained.

Nang makalabas ako ay sumalubong sa akin si Nash. Mabilis niyang inalis ang earpods niya saka sinabayan ang paglakad ko.

"Tapos ka na?"

I nodded.

"Pupunta ka sa office?"

I looked at him, annoyed. "I already said I am."

"Bakit ba ang sungit mo ngayon?" Natatawa pa niyang tanong na mas lalong ikinainis ko. Hindi ba niya makuha na ayaw ko siyang kausap?

"Kanina ka pa kasi—" I was ready to lash out at him when I heard someone calling me.

"Ms. Carreon!" It was Mrs. Mababang-loob.

Hindi pa kami nakakalayo sa faculty nang tawagin niya ako. Pareho kaming napatingin sa kaniya. Nakakunot ang noo ni Nash samantalang pinipilit kong maging kalmado.

"Yes, ma'am?" Hindi ko siya nilapitan kaya siya ang naglakad palapit sa amin.

"Could you bring my lunch from the canteen for me? Since malapit lang naman doon ang office n'yo. You're going there, right?" she said, fanning herself.

With a solemn frown on my face, I stood quiet. There are quite a few people in the corridor. Bakit sa dami ng tao doon, kami pa ang napili niyang utusan?

"Saka pakibalikan 'yon original copy ng pina-photo copy mo kanina sa computer lab. Hindi kasama sa ibinalik mo sa akin," dagdag pa niya.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Nash nang sabihin niya iyon. Tila nasagot ni Mrs. Mababang-loob ang tanong niya kung bakit ako nagsusungit sa kaniya.

"Ay, Ma'am! Sa admin po kasi ang punta namin." Si Nash ang sumagot, with a grin on his face. "May orientation daw po na ipapacover si President Quirino."

Wala namang nabanggit si Vash na orientation, ah?

"Sandali lang naman iyon Mr. Cadogan, doing my request first won't hurt you in the least," she said, frowning.

Mrs. Mababang-loob's response seemed to have irritated him. Tinaaasan ko siya ng kilay at binigyan ng matalim na tingin. But instead of heeding my warning, he just smirked at me. Nash made an arrogant, condescending expression at her.

I feel like I can anticipate what he will do next. Actually, responding to Mrs. Mababang-loob isn't going to help. He's gonna get us screwed!

"Ma'am, getting your lunch at the canteen will not hurt you in the least. Isn't it unethical to instruct students concerning their personal needs? Your request seems rather personal, Ma'am, with all due respect," he said.

Nanlaki ang mata ni Mrs. Lany sa tinuran ni Nash.

"How disrespectful of you? Napaka walang modo talaga ninyong mga taga-TVOA. Palibhasa, isang galaw lang namin, you can create an issue out of it. Nakikisuyo lang ay ginagawan n'yo ng masama," she said, fanning herself.

Animo'y tumataas ang presyon niya dahil sa aming dalawa. Hinawakan ko na ang backpack ni Nash sa likod para patigilin siya dahil hindi nakatutuwang galitin si Mrs. Lany ngunit taas noo pa rin siyang sumagot.

"I believe, Ma'am, that speaking up is not a sign of disrespect. And first of all, being part of—"

Before Nash could say anything that might irritate her, I cut him off. Mrs. Lany's eyes, filled with rage, were drawn to Nash, so I spoke.

"I'm sorry, Ma'am, but we need to get to the administrative office right away," and attempted to pull him away.

Hindi ko na nilingon si Mrs. Mababang-loob dahil wala rin akong lakas nang loob na harapin siya. Tuloy-tuloy kaming naglakad habang hila ko ang bag niya. My heart is racing, and I had no idea we're already standing in front of the office.

Binitawan ko siya saka tinapunan ng inis na tingin. "Ano 'yon Nash? What the hell!?"

"Ang yabang niya! Sino siya para mag-utos ng ganon?" panunuya niya.

To keep my cool, I closed my eyes for a second then looked at him again. Papasok na sana siya sa office nang magsalita ako.

"Siya ang prof ko sa isang major subject. Alam mo ba kung ano ang ginawa mo? Sana hindi ka na sumagot! You could've let me handle it."

Hinarap niya ako. Nash locked his gaze on me as if attempting to discern what was on my mind. "And so? What makes you think it's wrong for me to defend you?"

"Alam mo bang pinag-iinitan na niya ako sa classroom? Do you think defending me would help? You just got me screwed!" I tried not to sound irritated in my voice, but I think I failed.

Our office was at the far end of the General Building, which was a good thing. Walang masyadong estudyante ang dumadaan. No one seems to notice our heated argument.

"I thought you're the Iron Lady of Arrion? Akala ko ba matapang ka? Why not speak up for yourself? Inuutos-utusan ka as if you're her assistant. Why not speak up, Rayne?" he mocked. Nagpantig iyon sa tainga ko.

I looked at him, pissed. "Because not all battles are worth fighting. What do you think would happen if I didn't pass her class?" Out of annoyance, I run my fingers through my hair. "Nash, I can't afford to have a failing grade! I don't need your help."

He gave me a glum expression. "It's ironic how you speak up for others, yet you can't speak up for yourself."

Pagkatapos niyang sabihin iyon ay bumukas ang pinto ng office. Vash stared at us, puzzled. Her face was clouded with concern. Nash walked right past her, sat at his table, and wore his earpod. She gave me a questioning glance, which I shrugged off.

Inabot ko sa kaniya ang excuse letter ko. I took my backpack and walked out of the office. I put on my earphones and shuffled my go-to-playlist, but Nash's words were still ringing in my ears.

Not defending myself does not mean that I don't stand up for what I feel. I just don't see the need to do so, regardless of what others think. I don't need to stand up to people who don't mean a dime.

I walked through the crowded corridors, not glancing at anyone. I let out a forlorn smile and sighed deeply. It was just ironic that I wanted to defend myself against him.

***