CHAPTER 24 - COLORFUL SECRETS

MABILIS SUMAPIT ANG unang araw ng pasukan. As expected, kaliwa't-kanan na naman ang coverage namin. Maaga akong dumating sa office para ilapag ang mga gamit ko at buksan ang pinto. Nasa akin kasi ang susi.

Pagdating ko, naabutan ko si Ynigo sa labas ng office. He was sitting on a monoblock chair, eyes closed, headphones on. Nakasuot siya ng CIT uniform nila, isang blue polo shirt with their school logo stitched neatly on the chest.

Naglakad ako papunta sa pinto, binuksan iyon, tapos tinapik siya sa braso. Nagmulat siya ng mata, mukhang nagulat, pero sinenyasan ko lang siya na bukas na ang office. I didn't bother waiting for him to get up. Dire-diretso lang ako sa loob at nilapag ang gamit ko sa desk.

"Ang aga mo ngayon, Ynigo ah," bati ko habang inaayos ang mga gamit ko.

"Good morning din, Rayne," sagot niya, sabay lakad papunta sa table niya sa gilid ng room.

Habang nag-aayos ako ng desk, naisipan kong sipagan na rin at nagwalis at inayos ang common table. Dumiretso ako sa task calendar namin at makapamewang tinitigan ang isang malaking kalendaryo kung saan dinidikit ang mga coverage cards. Its basically, index cards na nagsasabi kung anong coverage, sino ang assigned, at saan gaganapin.

Narinig kong gumalaw si Ynigo papunta sa pantry. "Coffee?" tanong niya habang hawak ang thermos.

I nodded, eyes still glued sa mga coverage cards. "Thanks."

Narinig ko ang tunog ng pagbrew niya ng kape habang inaayos ko na ang mga cards at nagdidikit sa calendar.

"May coverage ka pala today sa College of Liberal Arts?" tanong niya pagkatapos iabot ang kape ko.

Kumunot ang noo ko, tumango. "Oo, may exhibit daw na fundraiser? Weird nga eh, first day of school talaga? Pwede naman silang sumabay sa Black & Maroon Fair." I commented.

"Pwede ba akong sumama?" tanong niya, kaswal lang habang humihigop ng kape.

Nangunot ang noo ko kasi hindi naman siya usually interested na magcover ng events. "Wala ka bang klase today?" I arched a brow, half-expecting a lame excuse.

He grinned, "First day of school, Rayne? Who the hell attends that?"

Napatawa na lang ako. "True."

"May gusto lang sana akong icheck sa exhibit nila," dagdag niya.

"Then make yourself useful na rin, ikaw na humawak ng camera?" biro ko saka itinaas ang coverage card na hawak. Hindi ko na hinintay na umoo siya. Sinulat ko na ang pangalan niya.

After a few minutes, dumating sina Florissa at Ciqa para kunin ang mga camera dahil may covereage rin sila ngayong araw.

Napatigil ako sa ginagawa ko. I subtly glanced between the two of them.  Habang inaabot ko ang camera bag sa kay Isang, bahagya akong sumulyap kay Ynigo, who had been leaning against the wall casually observing the whole thing. Florissa flashed her usual bright smile at me. Siya ang kumuha ng inabot ko.

"Rayne, nakapagfill-up na kami sa borrower slip ha!" sabay turo niya doon sa log-book. Si Ciqa naman, lagging a step behind her, clearly distracted.

Alam ko na agad kung bakit, pilyo ako napangiti.

"Thanks, Rayne," sabi ni Ciqa, voice a bit more subdued.

Pagkaabot ng camera, nagmamadali na silang umalis. Ynigo crossed his arms and watched them leave.

"Parang ang weird ni Ciqa ngayon, no?" I said, testing the waters.

He shrugged, pero may halong kunot na rin sa noo niya. "Ewan ko. Baka wala lang sa mood."

I nodded at him and took another sip of my coffee, hiding a grin. "Baka nga."

Ilang sandali pa ang ginugol ko sa pag-aayos noong coverage ng mga staffer bago ako natapos. Marami din kasi ang mga events na kailangang icover kahit na kakasimula pa lang ng semester.

Isang halimbawa na lang doon ang kakulangan pa rin ng classrooms kahit na napakadami namang pending projects ng Arrions. Isa iyon sa mainit na usapin ngayon sa board meeting noong nakaraang sabado.

Kung sana lang talaga may boses ang estudyante pagdating sa board meetings wala sana kaming problema... kaso our student regent o ang student council president, the one who won last election who was supposed to be our voice doesn't even have the guts to raise concerns of the students.

Kaya napaka halagang pumili ng mga lider na hindi lamang marunong makinig sa mga estudyante kundi pa ri na rin magsalita at ipaglaban ang mga karapatan nila sa nakatataas.

Ang ingay ng event center ang sumalubong sa amin ni Ynigo nang makapasok kami doon. Isinuot ko ang press ID ko saka pinakita iyon sa organizer ng Exhibit. Nakangiti nila kaming sinalubong at inabutan ng program.

Sandaling nakipagkamustahan rin si Ynigo habang naglilista ako ng attendance naming dalawa. Pagkatapos noon, inilibot ko ang buong tingin ko sa lugar. Sobrang daming painting and different artwork ang sumalubong sa amin sa bulwagan pa lang ng College of Liberal Arts building, ngunit nang makapasok na kami sa event center ay mas lalo akong namangha. The variations of different artworks are enormous. Different paintings using different mediums, photographs, and clay arts.

I adjusted the strap of my bag and took my tickler out. Mukhang masarap sulatan ito ng article ah. Chineck ko muna ang program flow saka kinausap ang organizer para makapag-start na ng interview. Pinaunlakan naman ako ng advisers nila kaya smooth ang data gathering ko. They also promised to give me numbers ng total participants kaya hindi na ako mahihirapan doon.

"Akala ko ba may titingnan kang art?" tanong ko kay Ynigo nang tumayo siya sa tabi ko. The program was about to start, nakapaglibot na rin siya kanina habang nag-iinterview ako.

"Samahan mo ko syempre. Tingnan natin 'yung sinubmit ni Nash."

Mabilis akong napalingon kay Ynigo, hindi makapaniwala. "Nagpasa siya?"

He nodded, "Nagulat rin ako nung sinabi ni Cheska... friend ko na isa sa mga organizers." Binalingan niya ang stage, saka kumuha ng litrato ng nag-o-opening remarks. Pagkatapos ng ilang shot, bumalik siya sa conversation namin.

"Sa pagkakakilala ko kasi kay Boss Nash," Ynigo continued, "ayaw niyang ipakita sa iba ang mga photos niya. He always doubts himself when it comes to his art. Hindi lang halata kasi he looks so perfect, pero deep inside, insecure din 'yun.

"One time kasi ni Ciqa yung photos niya. Ciqa asked why he doesn't want to compete sa mga photography contest. Ang sagot lamang niya noon ay bilang lang ang may gusto ng monochromatic photography. Hindi raw kasi maiintindihan ng iba kung bakit mas gusto niya 'yung walang kulay."

Napaisip ako, tahimik lang habang sinasabi ni Ynigo 'yun. I remember seeing some of Nash's photographs when I stayed over at his place. They were stunning—haunting, even. Parang may bigat na hindi mo maipaliwanag. He once told me how color distracts from the core emotions of a photo. "Kapag puro kulay," sabi niya, "people see the brightness, but they miss the sadness lingering underneath."

"Gets ko naman," dagdag ni Ynigo, breaking my thoughts. "People do tend to have biases on colorful works—mas eye-catching, mas may appeal. Pero I do get him, monochrome forces you to look deeper."

I nodded, understanding what he meant. Monochrome strips away the noise, leaving raw emotion. But for me it also hides emotions. The absence of color is still a form of control—like holding back when you want to scream.

"Pero ngayon?" I asked, leaning in. "What did he submit here? Colorful exhibit 'to, 'di ba?"

Ynigo shrugged casually, pero halata sa mata niya na curious din siya. "Yun nga, weird. Cheska said colorful daw 'yung entry niya. Can you believe that? Si Nash, nag-submit ng colorful?Mas nakakagulat iyon. Him letting people see his colorful work."

Naputol ang usapan namin nang may umakyat sa stage. A girl with vibrant red hair stood confidently behind the mic. She looked effortlessly artistic, with mismatched earrings and a dress that had splashes of paint on the hem.

She smiled warmly at the crowd. "Thank you to everyone who submitted their pieces and made this exhibit possible."

Tumahimik ang buong event center nang magsalita ang host. Her voice was warm parang gustong siguruhing hindi lang naririnig kundi nararamdaman din ng lahat ang sasabihin niya.

"Siguro nagtataka kayo kung bakit Colorful Secrets ang theme ng art exhibit this year. Honestly, the idea came up during a simple conversation. Isang kaibigan ko, who struggles with depression, would always wear the brightest colors—yellow, orange, even bright green. Parang walking rainbow siya. And yet, no one knew the battles she was fighting underneath those vibrant shades. She once asked me, 'Bakit kaya mas mahirap makita 'yung taong may pinagdadaanan kapag ang ganda ng kulay ng buhay nila sa labas?' That question lingered with me. So I volunteer na ako ang magsusuggest ng theme."

Napangiti siya, parang naaalala pa ang moment na 'yun. "Kasi when we think of secrets, pain, and sufferings iniisip natin agad na madilim, dark, no lights. Pero minsan, secrets are anything but dark. They could  hide in loud laughs, vibrant stories, dazzling smiles, and colors so bold na hindi mo iisipin may tinatago pala."

She looked at the audience,"That's the thing about art, di ba? We usually use black and white as reflection ng pain and struggle—dark hues for grief, muted tones for longing."

"But to be honest, color? It's not just an expression. Sometimes, it's control. A defense. Kasi kung makulay at maganda ang nakikita ng iba, they won't look too closely. They won't ask what's underneath."

She let the silence linger for a moment, as if giving everyone the space to absorb her words. Then, she smiled faintly. "That's what this exhibit is about—art as an expression, no label, no color."

She glanced at the crowd, "Kasi sa totoo lang, emotions don't fit into just one shade. Pain isn't always black, joy isn't always yellow, and love isn't just red. Sometimes, pain wears bright colors.  Regret might be a vibrant yellow trying too hard to be cheerful. Fear can be masked by bold red pretending to be courage.

"And art is about breaking those limits. It's about showing what can't always be said, whether through the absence of color or the explosion of it."

She looked around, as if taking in the walls filled with pieces from different artists.

"So to all art enthusiast who went here today, please let's look at these artworks not just for their colors, but for the truths they're trying to tell. Because at the end of the day, art isn't about the color we see—it's about the emotions we feel."

I let out a slow breath. Then what was Nash trying to make us feel?

Napatulala kami pareho ni Ynigo sa harapan ng artwork ni Nash. Walang nagsalita sa aming dalawa. It wasn't just a photograph—it was more. Hati ang gawa niya, dalawang magkaibang medium sa isang canvas.

On one half, monochromatic photograph printed on sintra board. Nasa gitna ng frame ang isang paru-parong lumilipad, malayang-malaya. It was positioned against the soft blur of the sky behind it. It looked free and peaceful.

Pero sa kanan, it was different. The same butterfly, pero this time, illustrated—digitally painted, each and every detail. At first glance, it looked alive, beautiful, radiant. But the longer I stared, the more I noticed the difference.

The illustration wasn't just adding color—it was telling a different truth.

Sa monochromatic photograph, ang langit ay parang payapa, may mga ulap pero tila wala iyong bahid na may bagyo. Pero sa illustration, the sky was pouring a heavy rain. Rain blurred the edges of the butterfly's rainbow colored wings. Hindi makikita ang details na iyon sa photograph pero sa illustation it was there.

And that was when it hit me. In monochrome, the butterfly looked free and soaring. But with color, I saw what wasn't there before. The struggle and the storm it was pushing through.

It wasn't just soaring—it was struggling.

The black-and-white side felt happy, safe—like a version of the truth that was easier to accept. But the colorful side? It was heartbreaking. Because despite the brightness, despite the rainbow hues staining its wings, it wasn't just flying. It was fighting.

I turned to Ynigo, but he was just as caught up as I was, staring at the piece like he was trying to pull meaning straight from it.

Natahimik kami ni Ynigo sa harap ng artwork ni Nash. Hindi ako makapaniwalang kay Nash 'to. Hindi lang dahil makulay siya ngayon, pero I didn't even know he can draw. 

Si Ynigo ang unang bumasag ng katahimikan. "Tangina. Ang ganda pero bakit ang bigat? Gusto ko lang sanang tignan, pero parang biglang nainspire ako." He let out a quiet chuckle, pero hindi 'yung usual niyang mayabang na tawa. Mas mababa, mas... alam kong may iniisip siya. "Alam mo, ang ironic."

"This?" tanong ko, hindi inaalis ang tingin ko sa artwork.

"Si Nash," he said, stuffing his hands in his pockets.  "Laging monochromatic 'yung gawa niya kasi feeling niya 'yun 'yung pinakamalapit sa katotohanan, 'di ba? Pero ngayong nagkulay siya, parang mas kita ko na yung totoo."

Nagtagal ang katahimikan sa pagitan naming dalawa. Until Ynigo huffed a quiet laugh again, shaking his head. "You know, maybe he never really hated color. Baka kasi feeling niya mas may control siya kapag monochrome gamit niya."

Napakunot-noo ako. "Paano?"

"Think about it," sagot niya, finally looking at me. "Photography is still a form of control. You don't capture reality, you capture your perspective. 'Yung anong gusto mong ipakita. Hindi 'yan laging buong katotohanan."

I stared at the piece again.

"He used monochrome para hindi mo makita agad ang struggle. Para kung anong emotion ang gusto niyang ipakita, 'yun lang 'yung makikita mo," Ynigo continued. "But with color... he's showing what was always hidden. Hindi na lang siya 'yung nagko-control sa kwento. This time, he's letting people see beyond the frame."

"I didn't even know he can draw."

Ynigo nodded, "Marami ka pang hindi alam tungkol sa lalaking yon." Hindi ako nasumagot. Kasi tama siya. Matagal bago muling nagsalita si Ynigo. "Maybe he's just done hiding."

"Or maybe..." Bumuntong-hininga siya. "Maybe he finally wants someone to see everything he's been keeping to himself."

Parang may kumurot sa dibdib ko habang tinititigan kong muli 'yung paru-paro.

Napasinghap ako nang mapansin ang maliit na sulat sa ibabang kanan ng artwork. Pamilyar ang pagkakasulat ng initials, pero hindi pangalan ni Nash ang nakalagay.

Hindi Nash Dillon Cadogan. It was his initials. N.D. Parang nanlamig ang katawan ko. For a second, hindi ko nagawang huminga. Nanigas lang ako sa kinatatayuan ko habang pinoproseso ang dalawang letra na iyon.

Bigla, everything started making sense. The articles. The writing style. The same pen name I spent years looking for. The one behind the article that ruined Jace.

Ang dahilan kung bakit siya—

Nalaglag ang tingin ko sa artwork. The monochrome and colors. It made sense now. Not because he hated color. But because he was afraid of what it would reveal.

And maybe... Maybe that's why he never admitted that he was the one who wrote that article.

Kasi takot din siyang malaman kung ano ang magiging reaksyon ko. Takot siyang malaman kung anong gagawin ko kapag nalaman kong isa siya sa sumira kay Jace.

My grip tightened around my bag as I swallowed hard, but it didn't help the tremor in my hands. Nanlalamig ang mga daliri ko. Nanginig ang mga binti ko.

"Mauna na muna ko, Ynigo," napapaos kong sabi. "I need to talk to Nash."

Ynigo smirked, like he expected me to say that. But he didn't know the real reason. He didn't know that this wasn't about the artwork anymore.

"Yeah? Well, good luck finding him."

My grip tightened around my bag as I swallowed hard, but it didn't help. Hindi nito natanggal 'yung panlalamig ng katawan ko. Hindi nito naalis 'yung panginginig ng mga kamay ko.

"Bakit?"

He pointed somewhere behind me. Dahan-dahan akong napalingon sa direksyong itinuro ni Ynigo. Sa pagitan ng mga taong abala sa pagtingin ng exhibits, nakita ko siya.

Nash was standing a few feet away, watching us. Mula sa distansyang 'to, hindi ko mabasa ang ekspresyon niya. Naka-black siyang polo, bahagyang nakataas ang sleeves, revealing his forearms. His hands were buried in his pockets, at kahit na composed ang itsura niya, halata sa masyadong straight na posture niya na hindi siya relaxed.

And the moment our eyes met... parang nabasa niya lahat ng iniisip ko. Parang... alam niya. Alam niyang naintindihan ko na. Alam niyang hindi na ako clueless sa mga matagal na niyang tinatago.

Gusto kong sumigaw. Gusto kong lapitan siya. Ngunit parang gusto ko ring umatras. Gusto kong itanong kung bakit.

But that was the scariest part.

Because now that I know everything... now that I finally understood hindi ko na alam kung paano ko siya haharapin.

***