July 30

Leon tagged along with all of us to the food drive.

Dad was trying his best to be nice to Leon today. I mean, even I would at least try to get to know the person that may become your son-in-law. Before we headed out to grab our weekly bag of canned food, Dad offered an air-mask to Leon, almost a kind of olive branch.

"Here," Dad said gruffly. "Take this."

Mom smiled approvingly.

"It's alright mister— Sorry, Avi," Leon said. "You guys have already done so much for me. I've got my own stash of air-masks."

"No, I insist," Mom said. "We're the hosts and you're our—"

"I've got plenty of masks. Don't worry about it," Leon said.

"But—"

"Mom," May said. "Leon doesn't need any air-masks. He's got his own. You guys don't need to keep doing this pointless 'I insist' battle. C'mon let's go."

"Okay, great," Dad said. "Let's go."

We walked down the empty sidewalks. Mom in front with Grandma and Grandpa. May and I behind them, crammed in the middle. Dad, Mira, and Leon hanging out in the back. The houses all around us were abandoned, or at least looked so. There was no movement inside of them, no fluttering of curtains or flickering of candles or anything. Just complete stillness.

Occasionally, you would see some movement around the houses. In some of the houses we passed, the curtains were billowing as the wind blew, but if you looked closer, you'd realize that the windows were smashed, and the house was more likely than not looted. The kitchen cabinets would be flung wide open, and any valuables would be long gone. I wonder if Charles and his family need to do that to survive.

Dad made sure that we stayed close to each other, especially when we went downtown. It had been two weeks since the mayor's speech, and with food running thin, people's memories of that nice speech may be fading away. Last week seemed too calm to be true, so this week, Dad was extra wary.

We passed by the looted buildings and smashed windows of cafes. The shops that were looted had a couple of chairs thrown around, and all the glass was broken. It felt like the people weren't looting the store, but just smashing all the glass containers and windows because they're angry at the mayor or the president or the Moon.

When Dad wasn't looking around for rifles or other guns, he was busy talking with Leon. Leon had checked one box in his approval sheet, which was being a Democrat, but Dad wanted to know more. The more cynical part of me wants to think that the only reason Dad was talking with Leon was because Dad wanted to find some flaw with Leon and somehow get Mira to dump him, but the more hopeful part tells me that Dad was talking with Leon to make up for the past few days.

"What was your major in college?" Dad asked.

"Journalism," he said.

"You want to work for the New York Times someday?"

"Maybe when the world goes back to normal," he said. "But I'm probably going to work for the local newspaper just because it's close to home."

"Any particular writing focus?"

"I did sports journalism back in high school for our local team," he said. "Right now, I'm more interested in the environmental stuff."

"What sports do you watch?"

"I watched mostly volleyball and basketball, some baseball, not a whole bunch of football since the rules are pretty confusing," he replied. "What about you?"

"Football only," Dad said. "And sometimes the finals of basketball."

"That's cool," he said. "You watch the Niners?"

"They're terrible," Dad said. "Quarterback is bad, defense is bad, offense is bad. Our family is from New England, so Patriots all the way for us."

"What about basketball?"

"Warriors," Dad said. "They're decent. Used to support the Celtics, but..."

"Yeah," Leon said. "They're not that great."

"So, what about your family?" Dad asked. "You guys from California?"

"Born and raised here," Leon said. "Inland, though. The northern part of the Central Valley."

"Were there lots of farms and orchards?" Dad asked.

"Yeah," Leon said. "Pretty much everywhere. Lots of fruit trees and almonds, especially. Our family grew cherries, but we had a small garden for other smaller things, like tomatoes and squashes."

"Did you guys go to church?" May asked all of a sudden.

"I mean, yeah," Leon said. "My parents were the religious ones. My brother and I just went along because it was just a habit to go to church, you know."

"I mean, I believe in God," Leon added. "But I'm not like super church-going or that anymore."

"And you think he's watching over us or something?" May asked. "So he's just standing there and watching us suffer and having all of our friends killed by the tidal waves and choking us with ash—"

"May," Mom said. "You need to watch your tone."

"What?" she said. "I'm being honest."

"I don't believe that God's up there, watching and changing the world," Leon said. "Some people believe that, but that doesn't really align with my faith. I just believe that there's something higher than me, you know. Some higher power or creator. It's kinda hard to explain."

"Yeah," May said. "I didn't get anything you just said."

"Faith is complicated," Mira said.

"No, duh," May said. "No need to state the obvious."

Everyone walked in a pretty awkward silence after that. We arrived in the plaza, but there were only ten or twelve people there. It was pretty empty, but I think it was because we arrived a bit late. Piles of damp ash laid on the lawn in front of the building. We waited in line until it was our turn. Dad gave the man at the gate all the IDs and proof of residency form.

"ID?" the man asked Leon.

"Oh," he said. "I—"

"He's a guest of ours," Dad said.

"Out of town?" the man asked.

"Does it matter?" Dad said.

"Only residents are able to pick up food," the man said. "That's all that we can afford now."

"He's only going to be here for a week," Dad said.

"Sorry," the man said. "No exceptions."

So we walked and grabbed seven bags of food. I peeked inside. There were only four cans per bag, far from the dozens we received in the beginning. "That's not a lot of food," Leon said.

"We make do with what we have," Mom said. "It's best not to talk about food over here. Too many people watching."

We walked out of the center as fast as we could. Grandma's knee was working better, so we walked briskly home. The sky was dark gray, but I didn't think there was going to be an ashfall today.

When we walked into the house, Leon turned towards us. "Is this how much food you guys have been receiving every week?"

"It used to be more," Mira replied.

"But this isn't enough for someone to survive on for weeks on end."

"We've got a lot of stored food," Dad said. "We're going to be fine."

"And the food you've given us will be very helpful," Mom added. "Thank you."

Leon looked worried. I was too. Doing two cans a day will mean that the food will only last two days before running out. We're fortunate enough to have lots of food stored up, but some other people are less fortunate. I hope Charles' family is alright.

July 31

In the middle of the morning, I had just realized that Leon had been here for a week. Leon and Mira were talking in the bedroom, and I was walking towards the bathroom when I heard them talking.

"Mira," Leon said. "We have to talk about it."

Mira sighed. "Now's not the right time."

"Please," he said. "I'm not talking about the marriage proposal—"

"I know," she said, cutting him off. "It's just. I just can't make this decision right now."

"I know," he replied. "But we've got to make it soon. Next Sunday, we're all going to be leaving for New Mexico, and I want you to come with me."

"But why can't you stay here with me," she said. "Our house has got food, we've got shelter, we're by the ocean, so winters are going to be milder than if we go to New Mexico."

"Mira, you're the smartest person I know. It's the middle of summer, and it's forty-degrees outside. Who knows how bad it's going to get in winter?" he asked. "New Mexico has got natural gas. Texas is right next to them, and they've got oil and power. It's going to be warmer down there too."

Mira sighed deeply. There was a moment of silence. I was just standing awkwardly in the hallway, leaning against the wall. I knew it was wrong to listen to, but I did it anyway. I just had to know.

"What about our family?" Mira said. "Could we come with you guys?"

Leon inhaled sharply. "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I don't know. Everything was just so chaotic," he said. "Maybe. I'll see what I can do with my family."

"You didn't think of my family," Mira said. "What if we were starving?"

There was a rustle. Leon probably ran his hands through his hair. "I didn't have time," he said. "I knew that we were going to leave eventually, but I didn't expect it to be so soon."

"So what do we do now?" Mira asked.

"Do you think you can convince your family to leave?" he asked. "I know it's going to be hard, but just tell them that it's better in the South and that my family has got food and gas if we can make it down there. And I might be able to talk to my family to figure it out."

"My parents are going to be a problem. Dad won't go if everything isn't completely figured out," Mira said. "Mom too. They're both too jaded. Hope has never been a strong suit for either one of them. They won't even consider leaving unless the whole plan is laid out or they're desperate enough to take a chance."

There was a stream of whispered swear words from Leon.

"What about you bringing your family to our house?" Mira asked.

"We'll be too much of a drain on your resources, and when the weather gets cold, we'll all starve together," he said. "You guys have enough food right now to last till spring if your weekly deliveries keep happening and ration carefully. With my family in the mix, you won't even make it till the end of winter."

There was a long sigh. "What do we do?"

"I wish I knew."

"And you guys can't wait?"

"With the way the weather is going, we might be snowed in before we can reach Arizona."

"It's the middle of summer though."

"Who knows how the ashfall has changed the weather? Maybe it'll stay sunny, and we'll be fine if we stay, but if it snows, then we'll be trapped."

There was a moment of silence, just soft breathing, and everything was still.

"So this is it," Mira said. "It's our goodbye then."

"I don't know."

There was a pause.

"You know, you sound just like Neal," she said. "You're always saying that you don't know even though somewhere in you, you do know."

"He's a smart kid," Leon said. "Sometimes, we just don't know the right answers."

There was some rustling in the room, and the floorboards creaked. Someone stood up. There was this tense silence in the house.

"I think I know the solution to our problem," Leon announced. "Love. It's the solution to everything."

"God, you sound like one of those cliche characters in the movies that say that love will cure everything."

"Maybe it will," Leon said and they shared a chuckle. "So you'll try convincing your dad?"

"I'll try."

"You know that I love you."

"Of course," she said. "I love you too."

There was a brief smooching before the door began to creak. I tried walking down the hallway as naturally as possible to make sure they didn't think that I was eavesdropping on their conversation.

"Oh hey, Neal," Mira said.

"I'm just heading for the restroom," I said. "Everything alright?"

"Of course," she said. "We were just talking about what we'd do if college started again."

"Okay," I said and walked away. "Hope you had fun."

Mira lied to me then. I thought being honest about the important things was one of her values. I guess Mira and I do have something in common.

August 1

Wood gathering day.

Mom and Dad split our household in half for tasks for today. Mira, May, Leon, and I all went with Dad to the woods while Mom stayed home with Grandma and Grandpa. They're going to keep working on the greenhouse we're trying to build in the garage. So far they've set up a rudimentary lighting system, but heat and finding a non-solar power source for the batteries is still going to be an issue.

"We can take my car, if you want," Leon said. "I don't want to bother you guys if the walk is long."

"The woods are about five, ten minutes away," Dad said. "We'll be fine."

"Are you sure? I—"

"Save your gas," Dad said. "It's precious in time like this, and I want you both to be able to get home in time."

Leon looked shocked and you could see the subtle jaw drop. I was too. Dad, a couple of days back, would've kicked Leon out instantly if given the choice. I guess even adults can change. Dad turned towards all of us.

"What are you guys staring at?" he asked. "Let's go."

I adjusted my air mask, and Mira looked at Dad. "Thank you," she said.

Dad forced out a pained smile. I know that it's going to be tough for him if Mira leaves. It's going to be tough on all of us.

We walked down the street, heading towards the woods. Dad walked in the very front, carrying a wheelbarrow filled with canvas bags, and Mira and Leon were right behind, talking quietly amongst each other.

"Do you think Mira and Leon are leaving?" May asked.

"Maybe," I said. "I don't know. Why don't you ask them yourself?"

"Whatever," May said. "It's just that, the house is going to feel a lot emptier without Mira being around."

"I thought you wanted more space."

"I do," May said. "It's so annoying being with Mom and Dad all the time, and with Mira gone, it's like there's one less person that isn't like our parents."

"Plus, Leon's pretty cute," she added.

"You have a crush on Mira's boyfriend," I said. "Why? Didn't you have an argument with him on Saturday?"

"First, we didn't argue on Saturday. We had a thoughtful conversation about religion. Second, I don't have a crush on him," she said and walked slower. We didn't want Mira to hear our conversation. That would just be awkward. "He's just objectively hot. Don't you agree?"

"I don't know," I said. "That's just weird."

"It's not weird. It's natural," May said and sighed. "I just wish that I was Mira sometimes."

"Dad would fight with you a lot though."

"It'll be worth the trade off," May said and looked at Leon. This was male objectification at its finest moment.

We walked for a couple of minutes before reaching the woods. There were small stumps of sycamore and pine laying around, but unlike a couple weeks back, there was no one here. It was like we had stumbled into a ghost town, abandoned and lonely. There was dew this morning, so there were no ash clouds blossoming whenever we walked over the leaf litter and the air was unusually clear.

Dad divided us up into two groups. May and Mira would be looking around for branches and twigs that we could use for kindle while Leon, Dad, and I would be trading shifts and using the puny hatchet to chop down some smaller saplings.

"Good luck," May said. "You're going to need it if you even want to try to cut down any one of these trees."

"I know," I replied.

Mira and May walked into the forest while Dad and Leon started chopping down a small sycamore. They weren't making much progress on it because the tiny hatchet just wasn't strong enough. After about half an hour of trying to chop down the tree, they had only made about a three-inch notch in the trunk.

Dad dropped the axe on the ground and sat down, panting. Leon took off his sweatshirt and wiped beads of sweat off of his face. His shirt was stained with dark sweat-marks, and he sat down on a tree stump, catching his breath.

"You want to do some chopping?" Dad asked me.

I shook my head. "It's too much work, and I'm busy gathering sticks."

"You haven't gathered a single stick since we've started chopping," Dad said. "We're not going to maintain a fire with just twigs. We're going to need real wood."

Dad picked up the axe and placed it in my hands. "It's pretty simple. It's just like swinging a baseball bat."

"Then why don't you ask May to do it?" I retorted. "She's the softball player. I flunked out of baseball after a year."

"You just have to do it," Dad said. "So let's start."

I pulled the axe back like I was trying to swing a baseball bat. Dad was literally staring at me while Leon was looking in my general direction, probably searching for Mira. I pulled the axe back and tightened my grip on the hatchet, trying to swing it, but I just couldn't do it. It was just too weird with Dad staring at me.

"Can you just go somewhere and not stare at me?" I asked Dad.

"Why?"

"It's just really weird."

"I'm just making sure that you're doing it right, so that you don't hurt yourself."

"I'm going to be fine," I said. "You said it was easy. Now, just, I don't know, help May with picking up sticks. I'll call you when I'm tired."

"Alright," Dad said and stood up. Leon stood up with him too, probably to find Mira. "Be safe."

They left the wood-chopping area and went into the woods to help May and Mira pick up branches and sticks. I took a deep breath through my air mask and swung the axe. It hit the wood with a solid thwack, but when I went over to the trunk to see if my swing cut any wood, the notch looked like the same size before I chopped the trunk. Who knew that wood was so tough?

After a couple minutes of swinging, I checked again. There didn't seem to be a big difference in the trunk though how was I supposed to know without a measuring stick? I think I might have cut about half a centimeter into the trunk.

I swung the axe a couple of more times before putting it down. I think the blade of the axe was dull because there's no way people back in the eighteenth century were able to cut trees in a reasonable amount of time if all their axes were like this. My arms were on fire, and my back was sore.

"You want me to take over?"

I turned around and saw Leon. "Yeah," I said. "Go for it."

He grabbed the axe and began swinging at the tree. There were small splinters of wood that flew from the trunk.

"You should probably sit farther back," he said. "I don't want you to get hurt by the wood splinters."

"Yeah," I said and stood up, backing away from the sycamore that we were cutting. "Actually, I'm going to go and help Mira and May with their stick gathering."

"You can stay if you want to," he said. "I feel like we haven't really talked that much."

"Sure, I'll stay," I said.

I sat on a wood stump a safe distance away from the sycamore tree while Leon cut the tree. "You play any sports?" Leon asked.

"Table tennis a couple years back," I replied. "Badminton recently."

"Ever try out for the team?"

"Too competitive. I wouldn't even be able to substitute for the JV team," I said. "And I've never really been into sports."

"That's cool," he said and nodded, wiping his forehead. "Man, it's hot out here."

It really wasn't that warm that day. The afternoon we were chopping down wood was about the low sixties, which, I guess, was warm because the past couple of days had been in the mid to low fifties.

Leon was sweating like a bull, and he pulled up the hem of his t-shirt and took it off. He was well built, to say the least. I don't know why, but I started blushing all of a sudden. I don't know, but I felt, I guess, jealous, almost. I don't even know. I think Leon thought that I was staring because he started giving me a weird look.

"Did you play any sports?" I blurted out.

"Volleyball mostly," he said. "I used to do it competitively in high school, but in college, I mostly played it with my friends."

I nodded and tried to look into the distance as Leon chopped the trunk, but for some reason, my eyes just kept drifting towards Leon's body. I don't even know why they were doing that. They just did it. I don't think he noticed, but this was just so awkward. Maybe something is wrong with me. Correction, something is definitely wrong with me.

"Mira told me that you like to read," Leon said all of a sudden.

"Yeah," I said.

"So what types of books do you read?" he asked. "Tolkien? Fitzgerald? King?"

"They're too old," I said. "I like more modern books."

"That's cool," he said. "Any suggestions?"

"What genre?"

"Horror," he said. "Or one of those really detailed fantasy novels."

"Sorry, I don't really read in those genres," I replied and shuffled leaves on the ground with my foot.

"So what do you like to read?"

I shrugged. "Mostly coming-of-age stories."

"Any favorites?"

"They're all fine."

There was another silence. Leon had hacked through half of the trunk as a soft wind gusted through the woods, picking up the damp leaves scattered across the ground. The branches were all bare on the sycamore trees. The only trees that were covered in green were the pine trees that dotted the woods.

I heard the soft crinkle of leaves, and I looked back. Dad was carrying a bag filled with twigs and branches and Mira and May were behind him, talking to each other. Leon turned towards them and waved. May looked at me and mouthed, "Hot."

I shook my head at May and looked at the ground. Mira walked up to Leon. "You're gross and sweaty right now. Go shower when we get home."

"Yes boss," Leon said and saluted.

Mira laughed and they shared a kiss.

"Too much PDA," May said and Leon abruptly broke from their kiss, blushing.

"Are you close to cutting down the tree?" Dad asked.

"I only need a couple of more minutes," Leon said.

"Do we have a whetstone or something to sharpen the axe?" I asked.

"Maybe in the garage," Dad said. "But we'll have to make do with whatever we have now."

Leon swung the axe a couple of more times at the tree. The branches rustled against each other, but the tree wasn't getting any closer to falling down.

"What about the Hunters' house?" I asked. "They used to go camping and fishing a lot. Maybe—"

"We're not going into other people's houses," Dad said. "That's a line that I'm not willing to cross."

"But they—"

"No," Dad said. "And I don't want to hear any more of it."

"Whatever," I said and sat down.

The wind gusted through the forest, picking up the dried leaves and tossed them around. Our whole family stood there and watched Leon try to chop the tree down. Dad offered to help, but Leon said that he'd go and finish the job. There was nothing much for the rest of us to do because all of our twig bags were filled, so we just waited and watched.

Sweat dripped down his back and stomach. I have never seen a person that sweat so much, but maybe that's because I only swung the axe for about five or ten minutes before handing it off to Leon. All of a sudden, the tree started swaying back and forth. "Kids," Dad said. "The tree's going to fall soon. I want you guys to stand a hundred feet away from the tree."

"How are we supposed to know what's a hundred feet?" May asked. "It's not like we have a ruler or something."

"Stand around that black rock." Dad pointed into the distance.

"And what are you guys going to be doing here?" I asked.

"Just finishing up cutting down the tree," Dad replied. "The tree is going to fall away from the direction we're cutting, but I want you guys to be safe just in case something goes wrong."

"Be safe," Mira said to Leon as we walked to the boulder.

"Don't worry," Leon said. "I'm not going to get hurt, especially not by a falling tree."

"Just stay safe."

We walked all the way to the dark boulder and over there, Mira flashed Dad a thumbs up, and they resumed their wood chopping. The tree swayed and teetered. Mira looked at the scene nervously. I'd be nervous too because if the tree fell on them, there would be no ambulances to pick them up and who knows if the hospitals are even functioning?

Very luckily for everyone involved, Leon chopped the tree and it fell down away from him. Dad motioned for us to come back to the tree, and we all looked at the log on the ground, all of us suddenly realizing something.

"So," I said. "How are we going to take it home?"

"We're going to need a sharper axe," May said. "That's for sure."

"Maybe start at the top," Mira suggested. "And then cut down the tree."

"No," Leon said. "The wood on top isn't good. It's too green and too wet. The wood on the bottom of the tree is better for fires."

"So what are we going to do?" I asked and turned to the side. "Dad?"

"Does anyone here know how to make a whetstone," Dad asked.

"Nope," I replied. "Maybe the library."

"You and Mira can go there tomorrow," Dad said. "You guys brought back books about survival, right?"

"Yeah," Mira said. "Hunting, gathering, planting. All that kind of stuff."

"I'll search through them to check if there's anything about sharpening tools."

"I can't go to the library tomorrow, Dad," I said. "I've got to go to Charles' garden."

"That's fine," Leon said. "I can go to the library."

"Then I'm coming too," May said. "I'm sick and tired of being at home all day. I'll even spy on Mira and Leon to make sure they don't do weird stuff."

"So what are we going to do with this tree?" I asked.

"There's nothing we can do," Dad said. "Hopefully, someone with a chainsaw doesn't come here and take our tree."

"This definitely feels like a California chainsaw tree massacre," Leon said all of a sudden and everyone looked at him.

Dad was not amused. May was just plain confused because she didn't understand the reference. I cringed a little on the inside. Mira was the only one to smile.

"Was that too much?" he asked.

"No," Mira said. "C'mon let's head back now."

Mom was very surprised that we came home without any wood logs and only bags of twigs. Dad was so tired that he just took a quick shower and went right to bed. Same things with Leon. At six, both of the men were snoring and fast asleep.

The rest of us were sitting at the dining table, spooning in mushy corn and string beans in silence. We didn't want to wake them up. May turned towards me and whispered, "At least there's one thing they have in common."

August 2

It was pretty cold this morning, and the sky was dark like usual. It always seems to fluctuate between various shades of gray, and nothing more. No blues or anything. Just plain, dark gray skies every single day.

None of us had much energy after yesterday. Mira tried to wake Leon up, but he shrugged her off and went back to sleep, so they put off going to the library. Mom woke up sometime around noon and went to the garage to tinker with the lights and plants. Grandma and Grandpa were in their room, reading the Chinese Bible or something.

"I'm going to the garden today," I shouted to Mom in the garage.

"Be safe and come back in an hour," she replied.

"You don't need to keep reminding me of that. I already know."

"I'm your mother," she shouted back. "This is what I do."

I put on an air mask and walked outside. The wind whipped up browned leaves and the sky looked like it was going to weep, not raindrops but ashy snowflakes. The smell of brine was strong in the air, and I could hear the faint roars of crashing waves.

Everything was just empty. It felt like no one lives here anymore, and everyone has moved on to better places down south, not the Deep South, but places like Texas and New Mexico. The abandoned houses felt like monuments from a distant past, even though the Mooncrash only happened three months back.

I opened the gate for the garden and immediately noticed that something was wrong.

The wire-fencing surrounding the garden had a wide gash in it and was torn open. The plants were scattered around, some leaves on the ground torn and ripped. I moved closer to the raised beds of crops. There were big holes in the ground where the tomato and zucchini plants used to be. Someone must've ripped out all these plants and just taken them. But they didn't need to rip out all the other plants or tear their leaves and prevent me from reviving them.

I don't know why, but I decided to go to Charles' house to see if he knew about what happened. Snow began to fall down from the sky, I wasn't sure if it was ash snow or real snow, the kind I only see when we go to Lake Tahoe in the winter. But when I reached out to touch one of the flakes, it lingered on the tip of my finger, a dark smudging on my skin.

I adjusted my mask, making sure that it fully covered my nose, and picked up the pace. Mom would kill me if she found out that I didn't head home immediately when the ashfall started, but I had to let Charles know.

I turned a corner and walked down Charles' street. Pure silence greeted me, even when I stood in front of his house. It's like if I didn't know he lived there, I would think his house was abandoned. I stepped in front of his doorway and nearly rang the bell before I realized that the doorbell wouldn't work without electricity.

When I knocked on the door, there was no response at first. I thought I was at the wrong house or maybe I was hallucinating and just knocked on some random door or something. But then I heard this flurry of movement. Heavy footsteps on the ground and a clink of metal before some muffled shouting. "It's Neal, Mom and Dad."

Charles opened the door. His parents were behind him, giving me a weak smile. They all looked pretty bad with bags around their eyes and thinner faces. One can a day for one or two months must've been awful. I can't even imagine what they were going through.

"Is this a bad time?" I asked. "I can come back later if you want."

"We can talk outside," he said and stepped outside.

"Don't you need your mask?"

"We're only going to be out here for a couple minutes, right?" he asked. "Unless you're going to give me a whole lecture about something."

"When have I ever given out lectures?" I asked.

"Remember that time when we were arguing about axes and swords and gave me a whole lecture about how the rise of armored knights led to the rise in axe usage?"

"How could I forget?" I replied and chuckled softly. "Axes are still better than swords."

"I see time hasn't made you any smarter. But someday, you'll see the light," he said and sat down on a bench on his porch. "So what urgent thing did you come to see me about?"

"Did you hear about—"

"The garden?" he asked, and I nodded. "Yeah. I saw it yesterday."

"What happened?"

"Someone must've broken into the garden," he said. "The gate never had any lock on it, so thinking about it now, it was only a matter of time before someone found out what we were growing."

"But what about the torn fencing? Who would tear down the fence protecting the garden?"

"Who knows?" Charles said and sighed. "Someone could've done it just because they wanted too, and since it feels like the end of the world, why not? Maybe a deer or something broke it down. I don't know."

"All I know is that when the fence came down," he said. "The rabbits came in and ate anything that was left, and by the time I reached the garden, everything was torn to shreds."

"You salvage anything?" I asked.

"A couple of onions and garlic," he said. "All the tomatoes and zucchinis were gone. You want some? I know we were supposed to split them in half."

"Keep them," I said. "Your family would need it more than mine."

We sat there in silence. The powdery ash floated through the air like dainty snowflakes, smearing my world with a whitish gray. I stood up.

"My parents are going to kill me if I don't get home soon," I said and turned to face him as I walked away. "If you need anything, you tell me. I'll still see you on Fridays in the garden."

He nodded and waved at me. "Goodbye."

"Goodbye."

I hustled home, hoping that Mom wouldn't kill me for staying out during an ashfall. Another volcano up north must've erupted. It's been a month after the initial wave of eruptions, and there are no signs that the volcanoes are going to stop. Is this what life is going to be like from now on? Tinted with shades of gray and hunger.

When I opened the door, Mom pounced onto me. "What were you doing out there during the ash storm? You could've gotten seriously hurt."

"I didn't know that it was that bad," I lied.

"Look outside," she said. "It's snowing flurries of ash. Your father and I are going to have to scrape ash off the rooftop tomorrow."

"I didn't see any ash in the garden," I lied. "It's kinda like rain. Some places get really hard rainfall while other places that are also pretty close by don't get a lot of rainfall even though the storm is above both places. It has to do with the raindrop density—"

"Just be careful," Mom said. "I want you to have some freedom since we're all crammed together in the house, but I don't want you to get hurt."

I'm such a liar. I knowingly put myself in danger and scared Mom, and then lied to her about it. I'm such a terrible person.

August 3

Mira and Dad argued today. The flurries of ash just keep piling up, and it feels like the sun will never reappear again.

Mira and Leon asked Mom and Dad about the whole family leaving for New Mexico, and it went about as well as I had expected it to go.

"So, Mom," Mira said and leaned against the table. "Leon and I have been talking, and we think it would be best if everyone comes to where he's going."

"We can't leave," Mom said.

"The South is going to be better," Leon said. "There's fuel and the sky is clearer and the weather is going to be warmer."

"Look, I don't know about moving," Mom said. "Especially all of us. It's risky and look at the weather outside. This is what we're all going to drive in for two hundred, three hundred miles until we reach New Mexico."

"Mom, I get you're worried," Mira replied. "But look at the world around us. The volcanoes are erupting harder, and the weather is getting colder and colder. This might be our only chance to go to better places."

"How is this even going to work?" Mom asked. "We can't fit everyone into the car, and it's not going to be safe traveling around with so many people."

"Mira and I can head out first. And my family will be able to pick up you all once I reach them," he said. "We've got plenty of food and enough fuel to make it to New Mexico."

As Leon was speaking, Dad entered the room, and this was when everything exploded. "What's this talk about all of us leaving?!"

"Leon and—"

"No," Dad said. "We're all not going to leave."

"But the weather—" Leon said.

"But what if the weather isn't warmer down south," Dad said. "What if the oil rigs and natural gas processing centers got shut down by the ashfall? There has been radio silence for a month now, and we don't know what the conditions are there."

"The rumors—" Leon said again before being cut off.

"Rumors!" Dad exclaimed. "You're justifying moving all of us down based on a rumor. Maybe the rumors are true. Maybe the conditions down there are great and there's plenty of food and water and fuel to go around. Then everyone would be down there, and they'd have to remove people, and everyone who is removed would starve or freeze to death."

"My family has got a house in New Mexico," Leon said. "We'd be guaranteed an entry into New Mexico."

"Okay," Dad said. "But maybe the rumors are all wrong. Maybe the South has become a frozen wasteland with everyone fighting over whatever resources are left. Then what are we all going to do."

"We have to hope, Dad," Mira said. "We have to hope that conditions are better down there. We can't be this hopeless and cynical."

"What you have isn't hope," Dad said. "It's a delusion. Pure and simple delusion. I have hope. I do believe that the world will become better again someday in the future, but I'm realistic, and you both cannot keep holding onto these delusional fantasies."

"So what?" Mira spat out. "Let's say we stay here, and then what? It's the middle of August and the temperatures are getting closer and closer to freezing every day. By the time winter comes, temperatures might be below zero, and we'll be stuck here, and we'll all freeze to death. Is that what you want?"

"The government is more likely to fix things by the time winter comes than our chances of making it to the South and there being some haven down there."

"How is the government going to fix everything?" Mira said. "Look at the world around us. If the government can't help us now, then what makes you think we're going to get help when things get worse."

"What makes you think that the South will be any better?"

Both of their arguments hit a brick wall. I still don't know who I'd agree with more. Dad did make a good point about New Mexico and the South. We just don't know what the conditions are like down there. For all we know, the South could be having the same problems as us, covered in ash and slowly freezing. But at the same time, I don't know how long we're going to be able to stay here. One day, we're going to run out of food, and then what? We'll be trapped in this town until the day we starve to death.

Mom stepped in between Dad and Mira during the break in the argument to try to end this fight before it got any more heated. Mira was glaring daggers at Dad and Dad looked like a volcano about to erupt.

"You guys can stop arguing now," Mom said.

"Don't listen to Mom," May said. "Keep arguing. This is the most entertainment I've had in days."

"May," Mom said and put on her stern face. "Not right now."

"What?" she said and shrugged. "I'm just trying to reverse psychology them into not arguing."

"There's a better time and place and, especially, tone for this discussion," Mom said. "Yelling at each other in the living room is not an appropriate way to discuss this."

"As for what you two have been yelling at each other about, I'd have to agree with your father here, Mira," Mom said. "It's just too risky for all of us to go to the South."

"So it's alright if I go and die in the South?" Mira asked. "That's alright with you guys."

"You know that's not what I meant," Mom said. "You're an adult, and you can make the best decisions for yourself. But Neal and May are still kids, and my parents won't be able to travel well, and they are our responsibility, and right now, the best option for us is to stay and hope things will get better."

That was a pretty skillful deconstruction of an argument. Mira and Dad didn't yell at each other for the rest of the day, but you could see the tension in the air. Mira wouldn't even sit in the same room with Dad, and neither would Dad. During dinner, both of them went to their rooms and ate dinner apart from each other. Leon joined Mira in the room, leaving me, Mom, and May just awkwardly eating mushy corn.

I think Mira is going to leave. It makes sense for her to leave us all behind. She's an adult now. It's time for her to open her wings and fly to better places with the person she loves. There's no way that Leon would come to our house and propose to her if they didn't share that connection.

August 4

Lots of big news today, and Mom and May are still up working. Hopefully, everything goes great tomorrow.

When I was eating my sad can of food for breakfast, Mira came to me. "Can we talk about something?"

"Uh, sure," I said. "What? Is there a funeral or something because it sounds like someone has died."

"Do I look that bad?" she asked. "Yeah, probably. It's just that I've been up all night thinking."

"About what?"

"I was wondering about what you think of me leaving with Leon to New Mexico."

"I mean, I think that it's a fine idea."

"I'm serious," she said. "What do you really think? Just anything that pops into your head. I want you to be honest with me."

"You're the adult here," I said. "Make the best choice here for yourself. You know, follow your heart."

"Don't give me that follow your heart crap," she said and sighed. "But what if, by following my heart, the choice that I make hurts someone else."

"So, you're leaning towards leaving," I said.

"I never said that."

"You inferred it. You're afraid that leaving would hurt Mom and Dad," I said. "I mean, of course, it'll hurt them, but they've made peace with the idea of you leaving."

"How do you know?"

"Just trust me on this," I replied. There was no way that I was going to tell her that I overheard Mom and Dad's conversation because that would be too weird.

"So what about you?" Mira asked.

I shrugged. "I guess. It'll feel like you've gone to college. Maybe that's how Mom and Dad would cope with it. Just pretend that you've gone off to college and will be returning sometime in the future."

"Except I'll never return," she said. "And the way I left things with Dad... I don't want this argument to be the last thing we ever talk about."

"You might return," I said. "Maybe things are better in the South, and you'd get enough food and fuel to drive all the way up here to pick us up and take us to better places. And once we all go to the South, we'd eat pizza and steak every day because they've got plenty of food."

"And we'd binge watch all the TV shows that we were missing out on," she added. "And we'd actually be able to see when the sun sets because the lights will work. And the dishwashers too. God, I hate washing dishes."

We both laughed for a couple of seconds. Washing dishes was really sucky. "Just think of everything that could be better in the South," I said.

"But," she said and stopped for a second. "But what if Dad's right and the South is really just as bad as it is up here?"

"It's a risk you're going to have to take if you want to leave," I said. "Just do whatever feels right."

There were a couple moments of silence before I could hear footsteps creaking down the hallway. I looked up. It was Dad and Mom, with Dad trudging sullenly ahead.

"Hey Mira," Dad said.

"Dad," Mira replied coldly. "What do you want?"

Dad sighed. "Look, I just want—" He stopped and looked at Mom, and Mom gave him her stern face back, telling him there is no escape from whatever he has to say to Mira.

"I just want to apologize about what happened yesterday," he said. "I shouldn't have yelled at you like that or called you delusional."

I was shocked. I think Mira was too. If there is one thing that all of us in this family share, is that we're unapologetic to each other. I don't even remember the last time that I said sorry to anyone in the family, like I was deeply regretful about what happened and not a casual apology.

"Well, uh, thank you, Dad," Mira said. "I just want to apologize for yesterday too."

There was an awkward silence. Mira was looking out of the window, and Dad was looking at the ground and tapping his toes.

"So," Mom said. "Are you planning on leaving on Sunday?"

"I still need to think about it," Mira said. "Maybe talk it out with Leon a little bit. I don't know."

"Well, I just want to let you know that we'll both support whatever decision you decide to make."

"And about the whole family?"

Mom sighed. "You father and I talked about it, and we just can't go. It's too much of a risk for parents and Neal and May."

Mira nodded and didn't say anything back. There was nothing she could say to make Mom and Dad change their minds. They were set on staying where we are to weather it out until things get better.

Just then, Leon woke up, running his eyes and walking into the room, rubbing his eyes. His hair was a mess, bits and pieces sticking out, and he yawned. He looked around the room. "Hey Mira," he said. "Hey guys."

We all stared back at him. "Is there something important going on right now," he said. "I can leave if you guys need some privacy."

"You don't need to leave. We're just about finished over here," Mom said and looked at Dad. "Now, go and help me with the greenhouse in the garage. We need to set up the heating system."

Mom and Dad left and disappeared into the garage.

"So I take it that all of us aren't leaving," Leon said.

"Too risky," Mira said. "Told you it wasn't going to work."

"Well, it was worth a try," he replied. "That's the best we can do nowadays."

They began talking about other things as I picked up my emptied can and put it in the sink. Mom has been collecting cans now because she says she wants to use them to hold the plants when the garden gets up and running. I don't know how much progress they've made yet, but I hope they've done something about the heating situation. Temperatures hang at about the low fifties in the middle of the day and dip to the mid-thirties at night. I can't even imagine how cold it is going to get in the winter.

Everyone shuffled around in the house and mostly nothing happened. It wasn't until I was heading back to my room to re-read one of my fantasy books, when I heard the big news. I heard Mira and Leon talking, and I was going to quickly dash in and grab the book when I heard what they were talking about.

"Can we talk about the whole leaving situation?" Leon asked.

I paused in the hallway. This seemed like an important discussion, and I didn't want to awkwardly interrupt what they were walking about.

"I've been thinking about it a lot..." Mira said and there was a pause.

"Don't leave me hanging," Leon said. "So have you decided or maybe, are leaning towards one side or the other."

"I—" Mira said. "This— It's so hard."

"Look, Mira. I love you," he said. "And I'm going to be here and support whatever decision you decide to make."

"But we don't have a lot of time left," he said. "And I don't want to pressure you or anything."

"I know," she said. "God! I hate the apocalypse."

"Don't we all," he said. "We've got to just make the best with the world that we've got."

"I just wish we were on a better Earth," she said. "A mirror image of ours except the air is cleaner and the tides had receded, and we'd still be in college worrying about stupid things like our professors and grades and dates—"

"Were our dates really that bad?" Leon interjected playfully. "I'm just joking."

"You know, stupidly, I don't know the word, not unmeaningful or insignificant, but it's like we used to worry about things that never meant life-or-death. It's like everything before was stupidly unserious when you put everything in context to what's happening right now."

There was a moment of silence.

"This might seem random," Mira said. "But, what's your biggest regret?"

"I mean I have a lot of them," he said. "I regret not meeting you earlier—"

"Leon. I'm trying to be serious."

"Okay, okay," he said. "I guess, my biggest regret, or actually it'd be better to call it a 'would be' regret, was with my Dad. You know that a couple of years back he had a heart attack."

"Really?" Mira asked. "I thought he was all into the wellness eating program. You know, no refined carbs and fresh vegetables every day"

"That happened after the heart attack," Leon said. "Same thing with his obsession with exercise."

"So what happened?"

"Well my Dad and I got into a fight over something stupid. I don't even remember," he said. "And I just ignored his phone calls for a couple of days. It wasn't until a phone call from Phillip that I realized that Dad had a heart attack."

Leon continued, "You know, at the moment, I thought that Dad was going to die. You know all those people that seize up in the hospital movies."

"Yeah," Mira said.

"Well, I thought Dad was like that, seizing up in a stretcher, with the EMTs trying to resuscitate him," he said. "Well, that day was the day I found out about the difference between cardiac arrest and a heart attack."

"There's a difference?"

"Yeah," Leon said. "Cardiac arrest is when the heart stops. Heart attack is when your heart is clogged or something like that. Biology was not my strong subject."

"But how was this your biggest regret?" she asked. "Your Dad was alright in the end though."

"Yeah," he said. "But for those couple hours, I thought he was dying, and my biggest regret was just leaving everything unfinished with him. My last talk with him couldn't be a stupid argument over nothing."

"And that's what makes it a would-be regret because my dad ended up being alright in the end, but those couple of hours of just thinking that Dad was not alright was just scary."

"So, why did you want to know?"

There was a bit of silence, and I could hear Mira take a deep breath. "Leon."

"Mhmm," he said.

"I— I think I'm going to stay," she said.

"Why?" he blurted out and quietly added. "Sorry. You don't need to answer that if you don't want to."

"No," she said. "I should."

"It's just that ever since I've gone to college, I feel like my relationship with my family has gotten worse," she said. "I mean, it's gotten better these few months. May doesn't hate me. Mom and Dad and I aren't arguing as much. Neal has at least opened up a little more, but I just can't leave this behind. I have to fix things up with my family. I'm sorry."

"Hey, there's no need to be sorry," he said. "Come here."

There was some ruffling of sheets and I think they hugged each other. "You know I'll always love you."

"And I'll always love you too," she said. "And you're not mad about this?"

"I— I mean I would've liked it if you came with me," he said. "But I get where you're coming from, you know. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices to mend things with our families."

"And you can't stay?"

"I wish I could," he said. "But I've got some family that needs me, and I just can't leave them behind. I'm sorry."

There was this silence, and I think both of them were crying. I was going to awkwardly sneak into the room to grab the book when Mira said, "I think we should get married."

"Are you sure?" he asked. "Maybe we should do this some other time when—"

"I'm sure," she said. "Let's do this. Let's get married."

"Okay," he said. "Okay. You know what, I'm going to find the ring, so we can do this properly."

"And I'll just sit here and pretend that I have no idea about what's going to happen."

"That's cool with me," he said. "You know, we gotta fake it till we make it."

There was a shuffling of clothes and papers, and Leon was muttering under his breath.

"You need any help?" Mira asked.

"No, I think I got this," he said and there was a little more shuffling of things around. "Found it!"

"Great!" she said. "Do you want to start this, I guess, reenactment almost?"

"Sure," he said. "I'm just going to go over there and pretend that I'm walking in."

There were some footsteps on the ground, and I believe that Leon moved to a corner of the room. "Hey, Mira."

"Hey, Leon," she said. "So..."

"Yeah," he said. "This reenactment isn't going so well."

They both chuckled nervously.

"You know what? Screw this reenactment," Leon said and presumably kneeled. "Mira, will you marry me?"

"Yes," she said. "Yes, I will."

"So your parents are going to be alright with this?"

"Who cares about my parents?" she said. "It's already too late for them to stop us."

They walked out of the room and Mira saw me in the hallway. "Were you standing here the whole time?"

"No," I blurted out, but then I felt bad about completely lying. "Only for a small part. I did want to disturb you guys because you know, the hallway is pretty creaky, and, uh, congratulations."

"Thanks," Mira said. "What do you think Mom and Dad are going to say? Ten bucks that Dad has a meltdown."

"Nah," I said. "They're going to be happy for you. You probably should call them up from the garage."

"Mom! Dad!" Mira shouted. "We have something to tell you guys."

Mom and Dad came out from the garage. They looked concerned, like they really thought Mira was leaving.

"We have something to tell you," Mira said and gave Leon a quick glance.

"I'm not leaving with Leon," Mira said. Mom and Dad let out a sigh. While I think that they made peace with Mira leaving, they just didn't want her to leave.

"Well," Mom said. "I'm glad that you made the best choice for you."

"But, I've decided to get married to Leon," she said. "I love him, and I believe that it's the right choice to get married."

"But, aren't you a little young to get married?" Mom said. "Your father and I got married at thirty and you're barely over twenty."

"You didn't pressure my daughter to get married, right?" Dad asked Leon.

"No, no. Of course not," Leon said. "We both made this decision together."

"You sure?" Dad asked and looked at Mira.

"Absolutely," Mira said.

"So, are we going to be having a wedding tomorrow?" May asked. No one had noticed that she had entered the hallway.

"I'm thinking about something small," Leon said. "You know, maybe a private ceremony in the living room, or something that'll work for you guys."

"If you guys are going to get married," Dad said. "Then we all might as well go big. It's tradition on my side of the family to have massive weddings."

"Yeah," May added. "One of Dad's cousins had an elephant in their wedding. It was pretty wild."

"Well, I guess so," Leon said and looked at Mira. "What do you think?"

"You know what," Mira said. "Let's do it. Let's have the biggest, best apocalypse wedding that anyone could wish for."

"Does anyone know how weddings work?" I asked.

"There are, like, bridesmaids and best men and stuff like that," May said. "I don't know. We'll figure it out. It's the same thing with Indian weddings. There is some ceremony and then some other stuff happens. I'm honestly not sure. Any thoughts, Dad?"

"There's not enough time or resources to have a proper Indian wedding," Dad said. "We can just do what we did in your Mom and I's wedding."

"Which was?"

"We just dressed up and took some photos," Mom said. "Then, we had an American wedding."

"I'm sure we can figure out a way to have a nice, multicultural wedding," Mira said.

'So let's start planning," May said. "I finally actually have something to do other than just dying from boredom. Let's have the best apocalypse wedding that anyone could hope for."

So pretty much everyone went to start planning. Mom and Mira went to go and try on Mom's old wedding dress, with Grandma helping them with the fitting and in case the dress is ripped in places and needs to be repaired. Dad and Leon went to the closet to pick out a nice tuxedo. May wrote stuff down and ordered me around. Right now, I'm cutting up construction paper for paper flowers in between writing in this journal, and I think May is looking for the polaroid camera or something. I've got a lot of work to do, so I'm going to end this entry here.

But all I know is this: Tomorrow is going to be a long day.