Robert bounced on the balls of his feet, his pocket heavy as the nerves built up.

He had practised his speech countless times over the past few days but even that couldn't stop the nerves building in the pit of his stomach. No amount of practice or preparation would help him, or at least that was what his father had said. The more his nerves grew, the more he trusted his father's judgement. Robert had never felt nerves like it before and wondered just how he would get through the next few hours without vomiting. Even his examinations felt like a breeze compared to what he had planned.

"How are you feeling?" his father asked, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder

"Like I might vomit the moment I open my mouth."

"You'll be fine, my boy. This is a good thing and I am more than certain that this will be a memory that stays with you forever."

"Yes, because I vomited all over the floor and ruined James' rug."

His father laughed. "At least it would be a fun story to tell at parties."

"I don't think I'd be able to show my face anywhere ever again. I would be too embarrassed."

"Deep breath. Nothing will go wrong." He squeezed Robert's shoulder before heading off in search of Charlotte and Zachariah who had disappeared the moment there was work to be done.

Robert took a deep breath and reached into his pocket, wrapping his fingers around the small box that held so much importance. It may have only been small, a family heirloom that had been passed on, but on that day it was the most important thing Robert had ever held. That box would either make or break that evening's festivities and would be the pinnacle moment in his relationship. Everything was riding on that small box; it held all the power.

To try and distract himself from the ticking of the clock, Robert went off in search of something to do elsewhere in the house. The Greyson Christmas parties had become a staple in the event calendar for many since they had reappeared several years before. There was always an awful lot to do the morning before to ensure it all went smoothly and Robert wasn't going to allow his nerves to get in the way of helping.

He ventured down to the kitchen where Mrs Baker and Miss Jenkins were putting the finishing touches to the array of biscuits and sweets they had been making. The table in the centre of the room groaned under the weight of gingerbread, shortbread, marmalade ice, Christmas cake, and mince pies along with various other sweet treats. Robert didn't think he would be able to eat anything given the nerves chewing away in his stomach, but he did appreciate the smell.

"Are these ready to go upstairs?" he asked, eyeing up the gingerbread.

"Yes." Mrs Baker gave him a pointed look. "Be sure they all make it upstairs. Don't you go pilfering one or two on your way up."

"Me? Eat any of these delicious treats before the guests arrive? I feel insulted."

Miss Jenkins looked at Robert with a raised eyebrow. "I watched you grow up. You and your brother both have sticky fingers when it comes to sweets, as you well know."

"That was when I was a boy, things are different now."

"A leopard never changes its spots, Master Robert."

"I'm not a leopard."

Robert grabbed two plates from the table and balanced them cautiously on the palms of his hand. The smell of ginger and cinnamon filled his nose and it took every ounce of restraint he possessed to bite the entire plate the moment he emerged in the hallway. Ginger was supposed to be good for nausea and he couldn't see the problem with having a small nibble of the gingerbread before the party really started. If it helped to settle his stomach, Robert decided it was worth the wrath of the two cooks.

He carried the two plates upstairs and placed them on a long table covered in a tablecloth. After checking the coast was clear, he grabbed one of the round gingerbread biscuits and shovelled it into his mouth before anyone could see him doing it. As he chewed away at the biscuit, trying to eradicate any evidence that he had taken one, Robert glanced around James Greyson's drawing-room.

It was just the same as it had been several years before when he had first stepped foot in the Greyson home. The walls had stayed light blue, the same patterned rug lay on the hardwood flooring and the piano remained in the far corner. Perhaps the biggest change in the room was the family portrait that hung over the mantle. When Robert had first visited, the portrait showed the three Greyson brother's and their families, but their family had grown.

The new portrait showed the brothers with their only sister. A girl lost to them for seven years, the family portraits were now complete and Robert couldn't help but smile up at the portrait. At the memories, both good and bad, that came with it.

"What are you doing?" a voice said behind him. Robert turned to see Esther, a maid from his childhood home, standing before him with a plate of biscuits.

"Nothing."

"You took a gingerbread biscuit, didn't you?"

"Not at all."

"You have gingerbread crumbs all over your shirt." Esther pointed at him.

Robert glanced down at his shirt, spotting the very small gingerbread crumbs that had dropped down his front. "Ah. In my defence, ginger is an excellent home remedy for nausea."

Esther stepped into the room and placed the plate of biscuits on the table. "Are you nervous about this evening?"

"Would you believe me if I said no?"

"Not really." She smiled. "I'm sure it's all going to be fine. How could it not be? You were smitten with her from the first moment you laid eyes on her and I know that she felt the same way, even if it took her months to admit it. Everything will be fine."

"And you're certain of that?"

"Of course I am. Us maids know everything. Now, stop eating the biscuits and help me bring the rest of them up from the kitchen. You may as well be of some help and it will stop you from eating them all."

Robert smiled and nodded, once again welcoming the distraction from the butterflies hatching in his stomach. It felt like more and more butterflies joined the swirling tornado in his stomach as more time went by. He knew his time was approaching as he watched the sun start to dip behind the houses, turning the smoke that filled the sky a light shade of pink. With every minute that passed, his pocket grew heavier.

Before the guests started to arrive, Robert disappeared to a bedroom upstairs to change. He removed the small box from his pocket and changed into a crisp, white shirt, a dinner jacket and a black tie before placing the box into the pocket of his trousers. After lacing his shoes, he glanced at himself in the mirror, silently cursing his hair for never lying as flat as it should; no amount of brill cream could keep it flat.

Once changed, Robert slipped from the room and headed downstairs with the box knocking against his pocket with every step he took. Candles had been lit throughout the house to try and combat the darkness, but none shone brighter than the candle on the mantle that had become a staple of the Christmas parties for the past eight years. A tribute to someone who should have been there.

The guests started to arrive, bringing with them the cold air from outside that was quickly squashed by the blazing fires lit throughout the house. Robert recognised most of them as family friends, people who had attended parties in previous years, as well as those few he had never met before.

"Robert!" Mathias called, making his way through the growing crowd. He wasn't hard to miss due to his red hair, but even if he were, his voice could often be mistaken for a foghorn. "I thought you would have your head over the privy right about now."

"Not yet, but I'm approaching that point."

"I was terrified. Then again, it was just me and Lucy. You have to ask in front of an entire crowd, including her brothers."

"You're not helping, Mathias," Lucy said. "Where is Rosie, anyway?"

"I'm not sure. James has been keeping her busy all day."

"Won't she find that a little odd?"

"I'm hoping not. It gave me some additional practice time anyway."

"Well, we'll be cheering you on from the sidelines."

"And if you need a hand, I have one to offer." Mathias raised his prosthetic arm and grinned.

Lucy groaned. "That joke wasn't funny the first time you told it."

With a laugh, Robert shuffled over to the sweet table where he grabbed another ginger biscuit to fight the rising nausea. He had never felt so nervous before and it only grew the more time passed. Robert stood near the sweet table so he could grab a second ginger biscuit if required, but most of the time he just watched the guests arrive and begin to mingle against the crowd.

In just a few hours, Robert would be commanding the room completely, holding their full attention as he tried his hardest to keep his voice steady and his nausea at bay. With so many familiar faces in the crowd, Robert felt his anxiety grow rather than soothe. They were people who knew him, people he would have to see regularly and none of them would forget were he to make a cataclysmic mistake.

Across the room, Robert spotted James Greyson as he appeared in the doorway and made his way through the crowd almost unseen. He moved over to the piano where he took a seat at the stool and fumbled through the sheet music for a few seconds before finally landing on the right one. Robert watched him press the keys and fill the room with the light sound of Christmas carols. With James having arrived, it was only a matter of time.

Robert remained by the sweet table, occasionally picking at the array of biscuits but he spent most of his time watching the door. He didn't even notice when Matthew Greyson crept upon him.

"I thought hiding at the sweet table was something you did as a child," he said.

"Old habits, I suppose." Robert turned his head a little to face him.

"Rosie will be here soon, I had her greeting guests with Christopher, but that only works for so long." Mathew laughed. "We'll wait a little while, though, if that's alright with you."

"That's fine."

"I thought as much. Don't be nervous, when it comes to it, you'll say the right thing. Just don't do what I did."

"What did you do?"

"Choked on a piece of pastry before I could say anything. Lily saw the funny side in it, but it was rather embarrassing."

"I'll avoid the jam tarts and mince pies, then."

"Probably for the best." Matthew grinned and looked around the room. "I'll leave you to it. Not long now."

Matthew squeezed Robert on the shoulder before manoeuvring his way back through the crowd, no doubt in search of his wife and children. Robert remained by the sweet table, briefly joined by his younger siblings who loaded up small plates with food before disappearing again

The room was alive with the hum of conversations and the soft sound of James on the piano. The candles and roaring fire covered the room in a slight orange glow that fought off the darkness that had fallen outside. Through the window, Robert could make out the lamplighters getting to work, lighting up the city one lamp at a time. The lit lamps cast shadows and orange light over the fallen snow.

Turning away from the window, Robert stared back into the room, immediately spotting Mathias and Lucy who were engaged in an enthusiastic conversation with Suzanna and Robert's cousin, Arthur. It was whilst watching this conversation unfold that he saw her.

She entered the room with a smile on her face and a slightly mischievous glint in her eye. Her dark hair had been pinned up with small flower pins, but small tendrils had already escaped and framed her face. Around her throat sat her mother's locket, a small pendant charm that she always wore. Her dress was a simple pale pink colour with a small butterfly brooch pinned to the front and lace adorning the cuffs of her sleeves.

To Robert, she was the most beautiful person in the room.

He couldn't help but smile as he remembered the day they both met just a few years before. She had been knocked over by a group of young boys intent on causing havoc in the city. Her long, curly hair had escaped its knot, dirt was etched into every line of her skin. There was a cut on her forehead and a bright red burn on her left arm. Despite her appearance, Robert had been curious and eight years later, he was glad of his curiosity.

"There you are! I feel as though I have hardly seen you today," Rosie said, joining Robert.

"I was helping Father with some last-minute errands at the office. He misplaced some paperwork.".

"What was the point in me organising it if he loses things anyway?"

"Father could have everything clearly labelled and he'd still put things in the wrong place. He's his own worst enemy when it comes to organisation."

"That's true." Rosie smiled and Robert felt butterflies erupt in his stomach. He had always felt nervous around her, although he tried not to show it.

"Have you spoken to Lucy and Suzanna yet?"

"Briefly. I wanted to find you first. Why are you hiding by the sweet table?"

"I'm not hiding."

"Yes, you are. Come with me. Samuel's here and I'm sure he would want to see you."

With no excuses coming to mind, Robert followed Rosie through the crowd and greeted those he knew as he went. The box knocked against his pocket and he tried his best to engage in conversation wherever possible, but his mind wandered back to the box. As the evening wore on, Robert knew his time was approaching and he felt his nerves rise.

The butterflies in his stomach became a swirling tornado, growing faster and faster as more time passed. He spoke less for fear he might vomit and checked his pockets multiple times to ensure the box was still there. Rosie gave him a quizzical look, but said nothing; she had grown used to Robert's strange behaviour over the years. Robert wishes he had one more day, one more day to prepare, but his time was up.

From across the room, Robert watched Matthew take a glass of lemonade and move through the crowd. He greeted those he met but it was clear to everyone that he had a task to complete; Robert wished he would hold off for another half an hour or so. Matthew walked to the front of the room and stood in front of the roaring fire, glass in hand. The orange glow encased him as he lightly tapped the rim of his glass with a spoon to get everyone's attention.

"Good evening everyone!" he said. "First of all, I wish to thank you all for coming tonight. It means a lot to us to have all our friends around this festive season and it is lovely to see so many familiar faces. Now, speeches at these parties are a rather rare occasion since my siblings and I all agree that none of us are very eloquent speakers."

"Speak for yourself!" Christopher Greyson yelled from across the room, grinning broadly. His reaction caused a ripple of laughter to spread through the room.

"Yes, well, the rest of us aren't. However, tonight we have someone else who wishes to captivate your attention with a few choice words. Please join me in welcoming Doctor Robert Ealing to the floor!"

A scattered applause filled the room and Rosie furrowed her eyebrows at Robert. He said nothing and instead swallowed the fear in his throat, pushed back the butterflies, and tried not to vomit as he crossed the rug to join Matthew in front of the fire. The flames warmed his back and he clenched his fists at his side to stop anyone from noticing the slight shake in his fingers.

"Thank you, Matthew," Robert said, trying to stop his voice from revealing his fear. "Good evening everyone. I know this is a tad unorthodox, but I feel it is appropriate for the situation given how very little has been orthodox over the last few years. I'll also admit that I have never been one for speech-making and this is all rather uncomfortable, so please bear with me if I ramble or appear confused. I probably am."

A second ripple of laughter spread through the room and Robert felt his anxiety dissipate a little. He took a breath and glanced across the room, his eyes landing on Rosie as she stood with her friends. She smiled warmly at him and that was all he needed to keep going and see it through to the end. Rosie was all he ever needed.

"The first Greyson party I attended was eight years ago and it was interesting, to say the least. My mother and older sister, being of very little tact, attempted to crash the party and we ended up in a heated discussion just outside. That evening, one person did the thing we had all been terrified to do for years. She stood up to my mother.

"It was then that I realised just how much I loved that girl. From the first moment I saw her, I had been fascinated by this girl that had faced so much and yet looked at the world with humour and was willing to put up with me. To this day, I don't know how she did it or how she still continues to look at the world with awe despite everything. Her joy in the smallest of things, her unwillingness to let her past define her drew me in, but it was her that captured my heart.

"I cannot imagine my life without her in it. It just doesn't feel possible and that is why, with the blessing of her brothers, that I stand here before you all, although I do believe there is only one person I should be standing in front of."

Robert reached into his pocket and wrapped his fingers around the box. He moved slowly through the crowd until he stood before Rosie. Her cheeks were tinged red and there was a look of embarrassment about her face. Behind her, her friends smiled and Robert could just make out James and Christopher Greyson hovering to his left.

He pulled the box from his pocket.

"Miss Rosalie Greyson, I have loved you these past eight years, and I cannot see my life without you. You have been my rock and my biggest supporter. There is no one else I would want to spend the rest of my life with and I stand before you, hoping that you feel the same."

Robert opened the small box to reveal a small ring, simple in style but extravagant in meaning.

"Rosie, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

Rosie smiled. "Yes. A thousand times yes."

Robert felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and the butterflies that had sat in his stomach all day finally took flight. He pulled her into a hug, resting his chin on the top of his head, unable to fight the smile. Applause broke out throughout the room but no one else mattered other than her, no one else would ever matter to him.

Eight years ago, he had found the love of his life and he couldn't be more excited to spend the rest of his life with her.

~~~

First Published - December 24th, 2021