Some of you might be wondering, "Rebekah, why do you hate picture so much? They're just pictures aren't they? What's so bad about them?"

Well I'll tell you!

(WARNING: You might get triggered or upset at what I'm saying. Please don't yell at me because offended you because I warned you beforehand.)

If you know me in real life you know I joke about being a "twig". I'm so skinny compared to other people it just makes me feel so vulnerable and weak. If you're "large" (not trying to be offensive) you more than likely are quite heavy. So if someone tries to attack you, you can use your weight to your advantage. If you're me you get destroyed. I just barely made it to 90 pounds and I can barely do a pushup.

I'm constantly away of my thinness and am terrified that people can see my ribs. I was always on the verge of crying whenever my uncle's "started counting my ribs". You know how they tickle the space between your ribs. I hated it. I remember one time I ate so much, because I hated being so skinny, that I began to throw up. After that I hated myself. I remember telling myself that I was even skinnier now.

(WARNING: POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING AHEAD)

I thought that if I starved myself and then ate a bunch I would get bigger. So I began starving myself. Once I got to a painful point I stuffed myself and then went through the painful process again. I don't do it anymore because I know it doesn't work that way but I was dumb enough to believe it did.

When I was bullied I was terrified and was convinced they could snap me into two. I began inflating my stomach, refusing to use the bathroom, and other painful processes to just make me look bigger. I remember wearing winter clothing under my normal clothing in 180 degree weather just to look bigger.

I always hated people who said they were "fat" because most of the time they weren't. They were the size of a normal human being. And let me tell you something. It's easier to lose weight than to gain weight. You just have to have the discipline to sit down, exercise, and eat healthier. To gain weight it depends on your build and growth.

At one point in time I refused to eat anything but junk just to hope I would get bigger. So many people are jealous at me because Of haven't gained a single pound because of it. It annoys me so much that I could eat possibly anything and be fine afterward. Not a difference in weight. In the end I don't see why weight really matters.

Just know that if you are jealous of skinny people jus know that there are people like me out there wishing to have some sort of meat on their bones. My body hardly fits any pants unless they're in the children's isle. It pains me to walk around and look at how many kids are taller and bigger than me. I always just feel so freaking vulnerable. And I hate it.

I know I should probably be happy but you can't seem to satisfy the human brain so there's nothing I can do. I know there are people skinnier than me and less fortunate then me but I can't help but feel this way.

I'm self conscious and nervous. I have every anxiety in the book and I'm terrified of tall or buff people. I have a constant fear of being kidnapped. And the constant fear that I'm being judged for the acne on my face. My hair is a madhouse and it just can't seem to look pretty. People say I'm pretty but I can't help but not believe them. Sometimes I just wish I could blur my face from reality. Like an unknown person in a video.

Rant over.