Thranduil: *fans himself with a book* Legolas!

Legolas: What is it, Ada? 

Thranduil: It's quite hot in here. 

Legolas: And....

Thranduil: No. 

Legolas: No what? 

Thranduil: It's not you, it's me. 

Legolas: *confused* Wha-

Thranduil: *shakes head* I know. It is truly tragic. But, I happen to be naturally hot. .

Legolas: What are you ta- I don't even know. 

Thranduil: Know what? Won't you stay for today's interrogation? 

Legolas: Maybe. I just baked some cookies I could eat meanwhile. 

Thranduil: YOU BAKE?

Legolas: Um. Yes. Chocolate chip. 

Thraduil: YOU BAKE?

Legolas: ....yes....

Thranduil: Hold on....YOU BAKE????????

Legolas: Didn't we have this discussion? YES ADAR I BAKE. 

Thranduil: Awhhhh, ion nin, I am SO PROUD OF YOU. Now you can grow up to be a wonderful baker and all the beautiful women will-

Legolas: I AM GROWN UP *hmph*

Thranduil: Oh, sorry I forgot. 

Legolas: *rolls eyes* Can we proceed, please? I have a very busy sched-

Thranduil: *dramatic sigh* Yes, yes, I know, the Little Prince has a whole mountain of responsibilites. 

Legolas: *hurt tone* I actually do, okay? Don't make fun. 

Thranduil: I'm not making-Oh, for Eru's sake. Guards!

*two step forward* 

Guard: Yes, my Liege, how can we be of assistance?

Thranduil: Another Dwarf for interrogation is due in a few minutes. 

Guards: Yes, sir, right away. *leave*

*meanwhile, in the dungeons*

Fili: NO WHERE ARE YOU TAKING MY BROTHER

Kili: NO FILI I WON'T LEAVE YOU 

Fili: *grabs Kili's boot* NO DONT TAKE HIM AWAY FROM MEEEEEE

Guard: Calm down!

Other guard: Maybe we should tell the Elvenking that their brains have been addled by our prisons. 

Guard: Seriously. None of the others acted in this manner....

Kili: *breaks out of their grasp* NO YOU TAKE US BOTH OR NONE AT ALL

Fili: *crossing arms* Yeah. I go with my brother. 

Guards: *murmuring* I don't know about that...he may be angry...he did say one dwarf....Should we ask him? All right. Let's go. *grab Fili and Kili*

Fili: NO KILI I WONT LEAVE YOU- *notices Kili is with him* Oh. Hello, brother. 

Kili: Hello. Where do you think they're taking us? 

Fili: I dunno. Maybe they-*guard smacks him upside the head* Hey! Ow that hurt!

Guard: It's best to keep quiet, Dwarf. 

Kili: WHY DID YOU SMACK MY *smack* OW STOP ISN'T THAT ILLEGAL EHEEY THAT HURT

Guard: *rolls eyes* .....honestly...

*back in the throne room* 

Thranduil: There you are. Honestly, what took so long. I almost died of boredom. 

Legolas: Melodramatic, as usual, I see. 

Thranduil: How do I even deal with you, Legolas? 

Legolas: I'm not sure, actually. It's not many people who can handle my legendary fabulousness *flips hair*

Thranduil: *sighs* All right, all right. Guards, bring him in. 

*doors swing open*

Thranduil: Did you not hear my eloquent speech about ONE DWARF? Is my voice raspy? Were your ears mauled by hunting hounds? *suddenly* Legolas, is it? 

Legolas: Is what what? 

Thranduil: Is my voice raspy?!?

Legolas: No, of course not. 

Thranduil: All the same, I better have a tea. With honey. Lots of honey. 

Legolas: Fine. I'll be back. 

Fili + Kili: *snicker* 

Thranduil: Silence, you insolent pestilence!

Kili: *to Fili* Is he talking to us? 

Fili: I dunno. Rather rude chap, isn't he? 

Guard: Do not speak of the Elvenking in that manner! 

Kili: *rolls eyes* Oh Durin what are we doing here...

Thranduil: Take care with your words, Dwarf. Even a deaf elf could hear you quite well. 

Kili: Which, I'm assuming, is why you can, right?

Thranduil: ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT I'M DEAF BECAUSE I'M NOT YOU INSOLENT SACK OF WINE

Kili: Possibly. Anyway, why are we here?

Legolas: *reappearing with lemon-chamomille tea* For interrogation, obviously. Where did you think you were going, to a party? 

Thranduil: Interestingly enough, apparently so. Didn't they try to...crash...a certain someone's party? 

Fili: *indignantly* That wasn't us! Uncle said he was trying to go and find some foo-

Thranduil: AHA! No wonder you both resemble overgrown tree stumps. You are related to Thorin. 

Kili: *proudly* Yes, we are. 

Fili: No we don't!

Thranduil: Yes, actually, I must say, the resemblence is uncanny. Were you cut from the same tree?

Legolas: Ada!

Thranduil: Well, sorry. 

Legolas: You aren't

Thranduil: No, you're quite correct, I'm not. 

Kili: Well, our Uncle wil be a great king one day!

Thranduil: That's a nice thought. It might even be possible, except for the fact that TREE STUMPS CAN'T RULE KINGDOMS! Nor can greedy short guys who lack personal hygiene. 

Legolas: Ouch. 

Fili + Kili:........

Thranduil: Now that we're done with examining everyone's...true nature...(if you'll pardon the pun), I think it high time for the questions. 

Kili: Which ones?

Thranduil: Maybe you could find out if you kept your great flap of a mouth padlocked tightly. 

Fili: Ha told you you talked too much!

Kili: *elbows him in the side*

Fili: OW 

Legolas: Ha this is funny. 

Thranduil: Will everyone please stop acting like inebriated livestock so I may continue? Thank you. 

*silence*

*more silence*

Kili: Um, are we supposed to be accomplishing something here? Because if we are, I'm really not feeling it. At all. 

Legolas: Ada is right, shut up. 

Thranduil: Well, at least I put it more eloquently. 

Legolas: *scowl*

Thranduil: Anyway. Why were you and your people in my fantastic and marvelous forest without my consent or leave?

Kili: *to Fili* Should we tell him what Thorin told us to say?

Fili: Go for it. 

Legolas: Stop using library voices. 

Kili: *yells* WE WANTED TO LOOK FOR FOOD WE WERE SO HUNGRY OKAY HUNGRY LIKE WARGS

Fili: WARGS WHERE

Legolas: ....please stop. 

Thranduil: Well, that was most illuminating. Although, there is a minor drawback that WE'VE HEARD THE SAME THING FROM EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU. 

Kili: Oh, really? We had no idea. Whoops. 

Thranduil: Why did you come into the forest to begin with. 

Fili: It was on the way

Thranduil: On the way where?

Kili: MORDOR

Thranduil: *hissing* NO you CANNOT say that here it ruins the beautifully serene atmosphere!!! And for Eru's sake, do stop acting like mental patients. 

Legolas: I don't think that's possible, actually. 

Thranduil: Probably not. Why even ask. Clearly it runs in the family. 

Kili: NO IT DOESNT IT RUNS IN YOUR FAMILY!!!!

Thranduil: It really doesn't. Do you have anything else to share about your lovely little escapade into the forest?

Kili: No, we don't. Take it or leave it. *crosses arms*

Fili: Bet you don't know we are going to....*looks conspiratorially at Kili*

Thranduil: Even the owl in Lothlorien knows you're going to reclaim Erebor, so don't try and pull that card on me. Acually, I can vaguely recall something Thorin said about it. 

Kili: ......oh.....

Thranduil: I think we're done here. 

Legolas: It's probably cold now, but here's your tea.

Thranduil: Well, maybe it will soothe me all the same. Speaking to dwarves is extraordinarily strenuous. 

Legolas: Two at once, too. I better go shoot stuff to relieve my tension. 

Thranduil: Don't hurt yourself!

Legolas: Seriously, Ada, I've been doing archery since I was four. Calm down. *leaves*

Thranduil: I think I need to lie down....