Alone.
Requested by SmilySrusty
--------------
The maknae line. Or at least that's what Taehyung used to feel like he was part of. Lately he wasn't feeling like part of anything, really. At least not like before. He was extremely close to all of his members, he had a bond with every single one of them that could not be broken.
So he doesn't know what happened.
Taehyung found himself being by himself a lot these days. He'd ask someone to hang out or play a game with him, but everyone was always too busy. He tried to not take it personally, he knew the job they had was exhausting and required everyone's full focus a lot of the time. He himself was immersed in his work more often than not, but even when all of them had time off, he still found himself to be by himself.
As soon as he had joined BTS he had an exceptionally strong bond with Jimin and Jungkook. Jimin being his "Soul Mate" as they would call themselves, and Jungkook being his only little brother. Things were weird between the three of them lately. They were distant, except Jungkook and Jimin weren't distant from eachother, but only from Taehyung. He often found the two of them together not really wanting anything to do with him. Taehyung brushed it off at first, but he was getting depressed about it lately. To say the least, he missed them. He started to wonder if he'd done something wrong to make them mad at him, but he couldn't think of anything. And they never seemed mad at him, they just seemed busy. Taehyung almost wished they were mad instead, at least them yelling at him would prove they still knew he existed.
Things hadn't been much better with his hyungs either. One day at dance practice , he had left to go to the bathroom. When he came back, the members were in dance units beginning new choreographies.
"Hobi-hyung" Taehyung tapped Hobi on the shoulder, "Whose dance unit am I in?"
Hobi froze, "Oh shit, I forgot to put you in one. Um..just join Yoongi and Namjoon."
Taehyung pouted, not only was he forgotten, but he wanted to be in the unit with Jungkook and Jimin. Those two somehow ended up together. He was supposed to be there too.
"Can I switch to theirs?" He pointed to his fellow maknae liners.
"No Taehyungie, we already planned our choreography and it only needs two people," Jimin told him. Taehyung looked at the floor and made his way to the unit he was in. He halfheartedly practiced the dancing. He didn't even want to be there anymore. Every time he made a mistake Hobi would yell at him, and every time he tried to make a suggestion Namjoon would tell him to be quiet and listen to Hobi. He felt like there was a brick wall forming between him and all his members and he didn't know why, or how to break it.
After practice everyone was back at the dorm, Jin had asked what everyone wanted to order for dinner. They were going to get delivery. Everyone shouted their orders and Jin wrote them down.
"Can I have panda express?" Taehyung asked Jin. He knew Jin couldn't hear him over everyone else being loud and shouting.
"Hyung, panda express please?" He tried to speak up louder. Jin still didn't hear him. He let out a sigh and walked over to his hyung instead and tapped him on the shoulder, "Hyung."
"Wait a second, Tae. I have to write these down," Jin told him. After everyone's orders were written down, Taehyung tapped Jin on the shoulder again. "Hold on, let me call these in," Jin gestured.
"Hyung you didn't write my order down," Taehyung pointed to the paper.
"Oh, I didn't? Well why didn't you tell me what you wanted?" Jin asked. Taehyung knew it shouldn't have been a big deal, but he wanted to break down and cry. He felt invisible. Jin was his oldest hyung and always took care of him. He counted on Jin for a lot of things. He didn't know what to do if Jin didn't care about him anymore.
"I...panda express please?" Taehyung's bottom lip quivered as Jin gestured for Taehyung to take the paper and pen and write it down, he was too busy talking on the phone. Taehyung wrote down his order and retreated to his room. He shared the room with Jungkook and Jimin and the two of them also retreated to the room.
Jimin and Jungkook were talking about some festival that they used to both attend as kids back in Busan, and how much they missed going. Taehyung found this as an opportunity to join in on the conversation.
"Daegu had really cool festivals too," Taehyung started.
"That's nice Taehyung. Anyways Jungkook do you remember the big blue dragon they would have every year, and the fire on the road?" Jimin sat on the bedroom floor with Jungkook and the two were getting ready to play a video game together. Taehyung pouted, "Can I play that with you guys too?"
"No hyung it's two player and me and Jimin-ssi are in the middle of a tournament," Jungkook said without even giving his hyung a glance in his direction.
"Oh, okay." Taehyung didn't quite want to speak up on his recent feelings. He had always been one to feel like it was better to keep them to himself. He didn't want to burden anyone with his problems. He watched the two play their game, and remembered just two weeks ago when the three of them were sitting in a circle on the floor talking and eating snacks and passing the controllers around to take turns. How does two weeks feel like a lifetime ago? He got bored of hearing Jungkook and Jimin talk about Busan, and decided if hometowns were really something to bond about, maybe he could go talk to Yoongi for a little. He got up and made his way to Yoongi's room. He knocked on the door and made his way in. His hyung was sitting on his computer making beats with a piano.
"What do you need?" Yoongi asked without looking up. Taehyung made his way over to sit on Yoongi's bed, " Hyung, do you remember that restaurant in Daegu famous for their corn dogs? That was a good place to eat, right? "
"Yeah, sure." Yoongi kept playing on his piano. Taehyung sat there silently.
"What do you want Taehyung? I'm really busy."
" I just wanted to see if you maybe wanted to talk or hang out..or something."
"Maybe another time, okay?"
"Yeah, okay." Taehyung hung his head low and left his hyungs room. Everyone else seemed to also be busy. Although it seemed like Hobi had some downtime. Taehyung went and asked Hobi if he wanted to play Jenga in the living room.
"I'd love to but I need a nap, so maybe another day," Hobi disappeared down the hall. Taehyung sighed, he gave up. Clearly nobody gives a shit. He made his way back to the bedroom, his roommates not even acknowledging he had come in. He threw himself onto his bed and closed his eyes.
Jin called everyone out to the kitchen letting everyone know the food was here. They gathered around the table, Taehyung forced himself inbetween Jimin and Jungkook. They couldn't ignore him if he was right in the middle of them. However, they still kept talking about their childhoods in Busan. Taehyung turned to Jungkook, " Oh yeah me and Yoongi hyung were just talking about Daegu earlier too, weren't we hyung?"
"Sure," Yoongi replied with a mouth full of food. Jungkook turned to Yoongi and asked him questions about Daegu. Taehyung sat there in silence. I'm sitting right here, why didn't you just ask ME?
He watched all the members laugh and talk to eachother. He didn't realize he hadn't really touched his food.
"Aren't you hungry?" Namjoon pointed to Taehyungs food that he'd barely touched. Taehyung silently shrugged his shoulders.
"Are you feeling okay?" Hobi asked. Taehyung shrugged his shoulders again and looked at Jungkook and Jimin. They were busy eating. He watched Jimin start tickling Jungkook, and Taehyung went to join in the fun but Jungkook yelled at him to stop. However Jimin also listened and stopped. So maybe he was yelling at both of us?
Taehyung stayed silent the rest of dinner. He figured there was no point in trying to talk, it's not like anyone cared to have a conversation with him anyway. Everyone cleaned up and turned in for the night. Back in the room, Taehyung, Jungkook, and Jimin were in their beds.
"Jimin-ssi, did you ever go to that park by the river with those pink bushes?" Jungkook asked.
"Oh yeah, yeah. I had dance photos taken there!"
"Will you two shut up already? I'm trying to sleep," Taehyung yelled at the two.
"What's up your butt, hyung?" Jungkook yelled back. Jimin covered his mouth with his hand and started laughing. Jungkook started laughing too. Taehyung sat up in bed and angrily chucked one of his pillows at Jungkook, smacking him pretty hard in the face with it. Jungkook grabbed his face and whimpered. Jimin took his own pillow and angrily threw it at Taehyung, "Don't be a dick, Taehyung! Apologize to him!"
Taehyung actually did feel bad, he didn't mean to throw the pillow so hard.
"I'm sorry. But can you two please be quiet?" Taehyung laid back down and covered his head with his blanket. He began to cry. The pillow Jimin threw at him hurt his face too, but what would they have cared?
The following days hadn't gotten any better. If anything, Taehyung felt like they'd gotten worse. He felt completely shut out from everyone, and he created a plan to remain silent and see how long it'd take any of them to notice. Surprisingly, Jimin and Jungkook were the first to notice. Probably because they did share a room together, and it hadn't taken them long to realize that when they were all together in their room, Taehyung wouldn't speak a word. Taehyung claimed he had nothing to ever talk about. Which wasn't that far from the truth, he really didn't have anything to talk about anymore, especially with those two. All they ever talked about was Busan, and Taehyung wasn't from Busan, so he didn't see a reason to get involved in conversation. His hyungs had noticed he was quieter, but Taehyung told them he was fine. In a way he wanted them to pry and keep asking if he was okay, he wanted proof that they cared, but it hurt him as the days went on and nobody further questioned his silence. They took it for what it was, and never bothered to follow up on his feelings.
Taehyung felt extremely isolated and depressed. At work he'd do his dance practice, take whatever direction was given to him, and then go to his studio and work alone for hours. His members would talk in the group chat but he didn't bother joining. The members would fool around and play during dance practice, and he had tried to join once, but he was ignored, so he never bothered trying again after that. When he was feeling really lonely he would go to WeVerse and talk to his fans, or call his parents. He knew he at least still had his parents and ARMY that very clearly cared about him. He'd already reached the point of convincing himself that the members, for some unknown reason, collectively decided to not care about him anymore. He wondered if they'd kick him out of the band soon and the mere thought of that broke his heart. One day in his studio he had fallen into a panic attack thinking about what he'd do if he was kicked out of the band. He already felt like he had nobody, but if they kicked him out, that would definitely confirm that he had nobody.
There was a picture he had in his phone that he would often stare at and cry over.
A pictured they'd taken together just a few weeks ago. Now that he thought about it, it was the last picture him and his fellow maknae liners even took together. He remembered that day like it was yesterday, he had almost all the attention that day. The pose for the picture had been his idea and the two agreed to it because they knew it'd make Taehyung happy. He often found himself scrolling through his phone lately tearing up over photos and videos of them together. He wondered if there would ever even be more. Or if this was the last one he'd ever take with Jimin and Jungkook. He couldn't imagine living life without them, but part of him worried that some day soon he might be forced to.
He didn't want news spreading that he got kicked out of the band, not that any of them ever even mentioned it happening, but the fear was there. He decided they would never have a chance to get rid of him if he got rid of himself first. Suicide crossed his mind for a split second, but he quickly shook that thought away. He still had parents and fans who needed him. But that didn't mean he couldn't still disappear, at least for a while. If he packed his stuff and left, how long would it even take his members to notice? They'd probably not care anyways!
So he had a plan. Tonight, I'll just pack my shit and leave. Maybe I'll take a train to Busan and visit one of those festivals Jimin and Jungkookie keep talking about.
That night at the dorm, Taehyung went relatively unnoticed by everyone. He was in his room silently folding clothes. Jimin and Jungkook were in there, playing their tournament game, and talking about Busan once again.
"What are you doing? "Jungkook finally asked him.
"Don't worry about it," Taehyung replied, continuing to fold his clothes. Jungkook and Jimin both looked at him in silence. Taehyung hadn't noticed it, but they did have slight concern in their eyes. Taehyung never folded his clothes.
"Taehyung?" Jimin asked.
"Don't worry about it," Taehyung repeated. You haven't given a shit about me for weeks, so don't start now.
Jimin and Jungkook looked at eachother and shrugged, returning to their game. They knew Taehyung to do weird things sometimes, so they didn't let it phase them.
Taehyung made his way around the house collecting things. Water bottles, his toiletries, shoes, more clothes. Not a single one of his hyungs questioned what he was doing. He packed everything into one of his backpacks and put it on. He turned to Jungkook and Jimin.
"Bye," He said. They were so engulfed in talking and playing their game, they both mindlessly said goodbye back to him. Not realizing the situation. Taehyung teared up. He slowly turned and walked to his bedroom door and opened it, stopping. He turned to them one more time, " I love you guys," he said out loud.
They weren't paying attention, and didn't say it back. Taehyung let tears fall from his eyes but wiped them before sneaking into the living room. He wanted to make it out the front door unbothered, then he could leave in peace and not have to feel like a burden to any of them ever again. He creaked open the front door and as soon as he went to take a step outside, he felt someone grab the strap of his backpack and pull it backwards.
He turned to see who had grabbed him. It was both Jungkook and Jimin. Jungkook had a firm grip of his backpack strap.
"Where the hell are you going?" Jimin asked.
"I'm leaving, let go of my backpack maknae," Taehyung grabbed Jungkook's fingers and started prying them off the strap.
"Why are you leaving? Leaving to go where hyungie?" Jungkook asked, he seemed a little panicky. The rest of the members had heard the loud voices and made their way into the living room.
"What's going on?" Yoongi asked.
"Taehyungie said he's leaving." Jungkook had a death grip on Taehyung's backpack. He refused to let go.
"Leaving? Why?" the rest of the members asked, showing the most concern they'd shown in weeks.
"Oh don't act like you care if I leave!" Taehyung yelled at them.
"What? Taehyung where are you going?" Namjoon asked, he grabbed Taehyung's backpack and unzipped it to see all the stuff he had packed, " What the hell are you doing? Running away?"
"No," Taehyung backed up, " I'm walking away."
"What? Why?" Jimin grabbed Taehyung's wrist and started crying.
"Because I don't want to live somewhere where nobody wants me," Taehyung pouted. He felt tears creeping back up again.
Jin stepped forward and tried to hug Taehyung, but he pushed him away, " Don't, hyung."
"Taehyung why on earth do you think we don't want you? You're literally part of us," Jin reassured.
"Could've fooled me! I'm leaving!" Taehyung went to step out the door again and Jungkook wrapped his arms around Taehyung and squeezed him, the maknae was now also in tears.
"Hyungie stop! What are you talking about?! You can't leave us, why do you think you're not wanted?! You know we love you!" Jungkook cried.
"No you dont!" Taehyung pushed Jungkook back and he fell against Jimin, " You've done nothing but ignore me for weeks. I've been silent for days and nobody cared. You've all made it pretty obvious I'm not wanted here!"
Taehyung went to leave again, but Hobi blocked the door, closing and locking it.
"What's going on? Taehyung we love you, why would you think otherwise?" Hobi asked.
"Because! Nobody wants to talk to me. Nobody wants to play games with me, nobody has asked how I've been. Everyone is too busy for me, but not eachother. I'm always left out," Taehyung completely broke down crying, " And..I just... I feel like you don't want me here anymore but I miss you and I didn't know what else to do.." Taehyung wiped his nose. Namjoon walked over and pulled the backpack off Taehyung, throwing it on the ground. He wrapped Taehyung in a hug and Taehyung bawled his eyes out into his leaders chest.
"You're right," Jimin spoke up, "Thinking about it, we have been distant lately. I'm sorry, Taehyungie. Hyung didn't mean to make you feel that way. You should have spoken up about how you felt before you let it get this bad," Jimin rubbed his back.
"There was no point. Nobody cared to listen to me talk," Taehyung whimpered. Soon all the members had him wrapped in a hug. Jimin and Jungkook felt extra guilty, they definitely both felt like they were the most at fault here. They hadn't realized it while it was happening, but thinking about it, they could see why Taehyung would feel so left out.
"We do care, TaeTae," Yoongi said, "I mean you know me, I'm bad at expressing my feelings, and just because I get busy or can't hang out doesn't mean I love you any less."
Jungkook grabbed Taehyungs wrist, " Hyungie, I need you. You can't go." Jungkook cried. Taehyung cried even harder. He had no idea they all cared this much, and it made him feel guilty for trying to leave to begin with.
Everyone continued to hold him while he cried. He apologized to Namjoon for soaking his shirt with his snot and tears. Namjoon smiled and told him not to worry about. The members began begging him not to go and telling him how much they did love and care about him and how he couldn't leave them.
"I'm not, I'm not," Taehyung reassured them. For the first time in weeks he felt loved again. Jin was running his fingers through his hair, "What can we do to make this better?" he asked.
" I just want things to be normal again, hyung. I just want you guys to care," Taehyung pouted as he looked up at Jin.
"Well you don't have to worry about that anymore," Hobi answered.
"'Cause we do all care about you, and we're going to show it. Right, everybody?" Hobi asked. Everyone nodded in agreement.
"And first thing is first, you haven't eaten dinner yet, and hyung is lazy, so what take out do you want?" Jin asked. Jimin went to speak up but Jin shushed him, " Taehyung first, Jimin." Jimin and Taehyung both smiled at eachother and at the same time replied, " Panda Express!" Everyone started laughing.
"But first can we do one thing?" Taehyung asked.
"Anything you want," Jungkook told him. Taehyung pulled a hat out of his backpack and put it on.
"Can we take a picture together?"
The members thought it was an odd request, but they didn't care.
They just needed Taehyung to know they loved him.
~Fin
Bạn đang đọc truyện trên: Truyen247.Pro