"What, you really think we should do this...?" I asked Tre nervously as he laughed at me and nodded, Mike and Billie both agreed with him.

"Unless you're scared?" Billie teased.

"I'm not scared! I just think this is stupid to be called a game."

"What you've never played it?" Mike asked me surprised as I nodded.

"What it's a classic!" Tre shouts. "Good old Ding dong ditch! Or knock down ginger, or knock a door run-"

"-Or chappy," Mike jumped in.

"Yeah, or chappy, and cherry knocking, ring and run-"

"-Don't forget Nicky Nicky nine doors!" Billie interrupted.

"Okay okay, I get the point, knock on the door. And we run. That's it?" I asked.

"Yeah, so we knock on that door, you see that one right there?" Billie explained getting closer to me as he put his head next to mine and pointed at a door.

"You mean the house with the green door?"

"Yeah, that one. So we knock on that door. Then we run and hide around the corner." He finished, looking at me to see if I understood. I nodded.

"Okay then, let's go."

We all argued for a while on who should actually be the one to knock on the door, while the rest of us waited for them to run. And they argued it should be me since I'm new, but my defence was the fact that I'm new. Meaning I needed to see an example before getting up there and knocking on any doors. So, in the end, it was agreed Mike would knock, then on the next door, I would.

So I, Billie and Tre waited as we watched Mike slowly creep to the odd coloured door, he looked back at us for a second before taking a deep breath in and knocking loudly on the door, we then watched him as he quickly ran back off the garden nearly stumbling. Billie grabbed my hand as we all ran. We sprinted fast, but as Billie was a faster runner than me I was more or less dragged around the corner as we all collapsed. And Billie let go of my hand.

I miss his touch already.

You and me both.

"Dude look around the corner and see if anyone's out there," Tre whispered to Mike giggling slightly.

"Are you crazy?"

"Just go!"

Mike rolled his eyes as he pushed himself off of the ground and looked around the corner. "There's an old man outside looking around." Mike sniggered. "He's just looking around confused."

"What does he look like?"

"Just old, and bald," Mike summed as he looked back to us, then back around the corner. "Okay he's going in, he's going in. Okay, he's in." Mike said turning back around to all of us.

"Which means," Billie smiled over at me. "Your turn Payt."

"Aww come on guys."

"Nope, your turn payday." Tre grinned. More at the nickname he had just given me than at me myself.

"Payday? That's the best thing you can come up wi-" Mike cuts me off quickly.

"-No time to have a conversation about it painton."

"Did you just call me painton?"

"Payt, stop dodging it," Billie laughs slinging an arm casually around my shoulder. "You see that door. That's your door, knock on it. And we run. Think you can do that?" He smiled looking at me. Our faces were surprisingly close together.

I got more nervous at his arm being around me and his face only a bit away from mine as he smiled and moved away, taking his arm off me. I nodded slowly, my breath felt hitched in my throat again as the sudden feeling of being tongue-tied came back and felt all too familiar.

Here we go again, I miss his touch again. Tell him to put his arm back around.

No, don't be stupid.

"Okay then, go on." He cared his throat as they all looked at me waiting for me to go knock on the door. I slowly began to walk away from them as I made my way up the garden and nervously in front of the door.

I held my fist clenched in front of the door hesitating to knock, but I was nervous about how quickly they could possibly open the door and how quick could I actually run down this front yard. I looked over at the three boys who kept whispering to hurry up. I sighed.

Knock knock knock.

I quickly ran off the garden as I ran with Mike, Billie and Tre as we made it back around the corner and finally collapsed down since we were out of sight from the door. I looked around cautiously at the house around the corner, a woman stood at the doorway looking around confused to see who had knocked on the door. And I couldn't help but feel guilty, but I still sniggered.

"She's just looking around." I laughed as I moved back to them.

"Did she see you?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Okay good, my Turn."

So then Billie had his go, and so did Tre. And we all were surprisingly having fun as we moved from street to street knocking on doors and running away. And finally, after we decided that we had had enough of ding dong ditch, or Nicky Nicky nine doors, or chappy or whatever, we went and sat on a field Billie, Mike and Tre showed me. Said it was their spot.

And I enjoyed it a lot, I had never had anyone to act mischievous with. Because every single person who was willing to do this shit I was banned from seeing. But I couldn't deny that there was a feeling in my chest that wouldn't let me relax with them in peace. A light faint feeling at the top of my chest. It made me feel nervous, about getting caught. Not caught for knocking on all those doors, but with these guys.

And then I realised if I get caught now. I'll get moved obviously. And I'll never see Billie again, or Tre. Or mike. I'll never see any of them.

"You alright?" Billie asked me, sat next to me.

And I realised how much this wasn't fair. I always knew it wasn't fair how my mom treated me. But at this moment I realised how stupid it was. She shouts at me, she wants me to do this and that, she doesn't want me with him and her, she tells me to make sure I do this and whatever, she hits me when I don't do what she wants. I don't even have control over my own life.

"I'm fine." I smiled. I lied.

And once I realised. I just wanted to cry. And Billie didn't realise, neither did mike nor Tre. But I wasn't fine. But that's okay, cause I'm fine sounds the same... even when it's not true.

"I think I'm gonna head home," I said awkwardly interrupting the three boys conversation as I pushed myself off the grass from my place next to Billie and stood up. They all looked up at me and pouted sadly.

"So soon?" Mike asked pouting. I nodded.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Billie said to me also getting up off of the grass.

"Yeah, I've just got a curfew to be home by, so I probably should make sure I don't pass it." I lied again. Billie nodded.

"Call me later?" He said, looking concerned. "Give me your phone." I pulled it out of my pocket and passed him my phone as he typed his number into my contacts and saved it. I smiled at him weakly.

as I said goodbye to all of them and walked home silently drowning in my thoughts.

Life fucking sucks.

I've got a mom that's always shouting at me. I've got boring friends. I've got friends who aren't supposed to be my friends. I've got sad thoughts at the back of my head. I've got no control over my future. I've got bruises under my sweatshirt from when I try to control my own future.

I walked inside, got questioned by my mom as I walked up the stairs. I felt quiet. Quieter than I've ever realised I've been. It was sort of late. So after a while of browsing on my phone, I climbed into my bed feeling useless and helpless in my own life.

And I felt like shit, but there was only one voice I wanted to hear right now. And it was billies.

"Hey," he said happily as he answered the call. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay."

"Are you sure? You didn't seem okay earlier. I didn't wanna say anything in case you didn't want me to but I saw you weren't alright."

And he was the first person to of ever realised and double-checked with me. And I wasn't even supposed to be fucking talking to him.

"I was just getting too deep into thoughts I guess," I said honestly to him. "Just thinking about this whole getting put into care thing."

"So how you feeling right now?"

"I don't know," I sighed, "I guess right now I'm just in the mood to just dissolve into the stars."

"The stars? Why the stars."

"Because when you think of the stars, our personal affairs don't seem to matter much, do they? Because In our eyes. Our life is all we've known. Our own problems, our own thoughts, our own situations. But to the stars, every single problem that seems big in our life is barely minuscule to the stars. I just want to have that feeling where I haven't got to worry about my problems because they wouldn't be my problems. They wouldn't even be anything to me. But they are, and my whole life sucks."

"Has anyone told you that you have a beautiful way with words?" He said down the line.

"No, no one ever has." I blushed slightly.

"Well, I think you do. And I agree fully with you that life sucks, and that it would be great to just have no problems. But everyone feels that way from time to time, some obviously more than others. But I guess dissolving into the stars isn't an option, because if it was we would have hardly any sky left, it would all just be riddled with stars. And I'm glad it's not an option because I like you better in human form than star form."

And that's when I realised as much as Billie seemed like a trouble maker to my mom or anyone, he was a sweet kid. And he even cared for people like me.

"You mean that?" I asked happily and bashfully. Completely over the moon never mind the stars that someone really did care for me out there.

"Every word of it."

There was something about Billie that made me feel a little more alive.

"I'm glad I've got you," I whispered.

And far less lost.

"Even though I'm not supposed to, I'll always have your back." He whispered back in a gentle tone. A tone that made my heart feel at ease and my worries melt.

"Thanks, Beej,"